|News round up of last week!|
Freaking Dogs and Blue pass holders!
Friday at Falmouth went almost perfect apart from some old fart moaning about one of our lads (Paul) who parks up some of the cars for us. Paul is a seller and we give him a FREE stall which means he can go in early to set his stall up and in return he kindly helps us park cars. He is a good old boy who can be almost as arrogant as me especially when some old fart lectures him with “I have been coming here for years so you aint gonna tell me where to effing park and I will tell Geoff about you” and on and on and on he goes telling our Rachel “When Geoff comes I want to see him” Rachel warns me ‘It’s him in the red car he’s always moaning and a real PITFA” (pain in the frigging arse) so I walk across to him waiting in the Q of sellers making sure I have got an audience and shout “Now then you old fart what’s your problem this week” and he didn’t say one word! No balls, no contest!
Saturday at Truro was our penultimate (the last but one) Car Boot Sale on Saturdays, we have been at Truro for almost 20 years so it is time for a change and we will now have MONDAY Car Boot Sales at 1.30 pm which I believe will be popular as there are NO daytime MONDAY Car Boot Sales on Mondays apart from Bank Holidays. We will still be at TRURO on Sundays in the winter so all year round Car Boot Sales are assured at Truro and remember TRURO is an all weather location.
At Mitchell on Saturday everything went smoothly apart from the up-country old farts with their pigging posh voices that drive fearfully expensive cars brandishing BLUE PASSES with the drivers demanding to be in the front row because “I am disabled” which makes me want to throw up as is like a bloody red rag to a raging bull listening to then bleating on. To be fair, if there is a wheelchair in the car I and my team will do all we can to accommodate realistically close parking to the actual Car Boot sale but if not then my simple answer is “Get out of your Car and WALK, if you are disabled the exercise is just what your doctor would want for you, and if your doctor was to be here right now he/she would agree with me so still tongue-wise head baby, so *STFU and start WALKING”
But it’s always the MEN who act like old gadgies who are the walking wounded and the poor long suffering darling wives & women just take it all in their stride and suffer in silence. Man up you old buggers! *STFU (shut the f*** up)
But the man who really took the biscuit arrived late and asked “where is the disabled parking” I replied “The first 500 car are already in those spaces you should have come earlier, your gonna have to park over there” The old sod took no notice and drove his car to the top of the field and was just about to leave it parked in our “RESERVED AREA for EMERGENCY SERVICES” as I arrived just in time to say ‘move your car immediately this is an emergency services area. And then, as he was driving off he had the pigging nerve to call me arrogant, what a freaking nerve that daft old twat!! Me arrogant? He has certainly got the wrong one there, I am a cantankerous old fart but never arrogant (you ask Lou) and I did not swear at him once.
Anyway the story is not over yet, before he left he asked for one of our cards with all the days and dates of our Car Boot Sales also our business phone number 078 078 078 88 which he dialled at about 8.30 pm to complain to Lou (my wife) about the bald bloke (me)! She allowed him to ramble on a bit before declaring “Oh, I know how you feel I complain to him all time but there is nothing I can do about it” Why not!! Because he is the BOSS and he thinks he is always right. There you are you see straight from the horse’s mouth, the wife “I am always right” in a cantankerous sort of way.
I must confess I seriously don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings but I do find it easy and enjoyable to be rude but not too offensive. However most of the time “I don’t give a toss my lovers” and the bottom line on this is that the stupid selfish old twat did not spend one penny at the Car Boot just the 50p admission price!! And, by the way I get told non-stop about how good “Geoff Says” is and the compliments even stretch to people saying “We agree with everything you say Geoff” but what they don’t realise is that I am writing about THEM most of the time.
Mitchell is a great Car Boot to run. The Landlord David Leggo presents his land in exceptionally good conditions which is obviously a favourite with all the regular local buyers and sellers. They are really nice people and they are all prepared for the volumes of tourists and holiday makers to arrive when they clog up our bloody roads and Car Parks and Lidl actually double the price of Coca Cola just cos ‘the tourists are in town' thank you tourists and on behalf of all of my customers “welcome to Cornwall" but here is a word of WARNING;
In Cornwall we do it different at our Car Boot Sales so for the benefit of the tourists we have a tradition that goes back many years. You will have to stand back and let all of the locals get the bargains first please because as they buy the bargains we can guarantee for them to be listed on eBay on the same day. And gentlemen please adopt Cornish traditions by paying for all your wife's purchases and take them back to your car (that's the only reason they bring you) (good time to ring your girlfriends) and finally we in Cornwall believe it is better to agree that our women are ALLWAYS RIGHT! WALOBs!! Proper job my maids and lovers!
The Police were on site for the second week and this is how the story goes; in a domestic row he leaves her and tells her “I am going to sell all the house things at MITCHELL Car Boot Sale on Saturday and she says no you are not, most of it is mine! Entering in the Middle of our Car Boot Sale 4 (four) (FOUR) burley police who disembark from their vehicle and allegedly search for the husband who by now has probably sold out, that’s if he had the balls to carry out his threat.
However nothing was found the bloke was not there, who knows they probably kissed and made up proving once again that Police time wasting is out of control, not that the cops minded but our sellers were very vocal about the presence of the Police for what is considered by all as a private COMMUNITY event dears!
The worst case I remember was a beautiful young lady had found out that her partner had been cheating on her so she loaded all his clothes into her car and set out for her local Car Boot Sale at Truro Cattle Market. She didn’t say a word to any of her neighbours but they did say she looked highly stressed. Putting the finishing touches to the displayed quality clothing she put the final clue to her fury by displaying 4 signs HELP YOURSELF and when the horn went off she buggered off never to be seen again, what sweet revenge, what strength of character what a way to get even to a two timing bastard. What a BITCH my lovers!
Lost property, someone brought a large MAD dog to us that had slipped its lead and handed the animal to Rachel (she who knows best and all about dog handling) the bloody thing started almost dragging her around the car boot and it took 3 of us to control it. The found foul dog now starts snarling at other dogs and I am holding it well away from me so it doesn’t bite my frigging bare legs. Eventually the owner comes up to claim the out of control agitated excitable nasty bitch dog with some serious advice from me “keep it under control or it will never be allowed in here again and by the way it needs worming” and he asks “How do you know”? Because it is a SHIT of a dog now take it away FFS! “Rachel, you can come out of the car now dear” Warra wimp!
Sunday at Mabe;
In the mornings over the weekend we get up to 150 calls all about times and days of the Car Boot Sales and amongst the calls were three answer phone complaints about ‘cow poo’ in the fields at Mabe. I get to the field and I am met by a most irate dog owner who’s Jack Russell had seen a freshly plopped pile of cow poo and thinks to himself “I wanna smell just like this shit” and with no further ado and with a hey nonnie nay he jumps into the pile of warm crap and rolls from side to side then guess what? He jumps back into the family car and throws fits and shits all over the brand new BMW seating and his owner’s trousers and the wife’s Car Boot dress bought for 70p last week. Sellers in the queue were handing tissues and baby wipes to the poor owners to clean up the mess. Shit for luck they say, well you have got a BMW that’s lucky aint it? Anyway when they get home they will bathe the dog and themselves to get rid of the smells but your BMW my lover will stink forever.
Newquay Tuesday 17th in the month of June-Freaking dogs, god gives me strength to suffer the insufferable sots but when it comes to owners and their dogs I sometimes want to give it all up and take up Politics which by the way is what could happen. A gentleman has proposed to UKIP that I should be considered as a candidate for the election. Yup, that suits me fine, I admire Nigel Farage he is a bit of a nutter like me but a likeable gentleman and I approve of his stance on drugs. He has never used drugs (well I have had the odd spliff or two to be honest) and says that drugs should be legalised. I don’t totally agree especially on hard drugs but I certainly believe that Cannabis should be legalised and that people should be able to grow their own without fear of prosecution.
I have known Cannabis for many years and I know the effect it has on people’s lives and how they cope with dealing with serious pains as they self medicate with Cannabis saving this country millions cos they no longer need National Health expensive drugs.
Think of all the money the government could raise millions in taxes as you go into your supermarket and ask for 20 Spliff’s please. It could happen under my leadership! We could all go round to Marge’s place and get stoned, nothing new there?
What are you saying Geoff, Marge is a good woman or so everyone keeps telling me, leave her alone everyone keeps telling me but she loves it, she loves the attention and she enjoys her Car Boot world and she is a real love and she is so popular with everyone and her husband has paid me twenty quid to ‘say nice things about my Marge’ in my blogs! Love yer Marge! XX
Anyway, back to freaking dogs! As you come out of your cars at Newquay there is a short walk up the small hill to the Car Boot entrance and we can see just how knackered some of you look and you only have to look at their dogs, if the dog is overly fat you can bet your life the owner will be overly fat, and the missus is more than twice the size of pleasantly plump so you can guess that nobody in their household gets any frigging exercise and the whole family seem to slobber over you whilst they try to get their admission money out of their fat fart trouser pockets, mmmmmm lovely warm money! Yuck!!
And the poor dog’s only exercise for a whole week is my car boot sales. One such animal came through the gates the other day and almost upended me with its stupid lead trapped around me the barriers and the dog’s owner FFS, I just have enough time to get over that when I cannot believe my eyes, there are two people walking towards me with a yapping dog in its own pushchair and the bleeding dog takes an instant dislike to me and starts snarling and yapping and its name is Peppy.
How very touching, it seems Peppy has a broken knee cap and has to be confined in this special edition of a doggy pushchair bought on eBay for about thirty quid. I had no sympathy for the brat thing and to wind them up I told the owners they were not allowed to sell it “Oh no, we wouldn’t want to do that” and with the rat faced mutt still yapping I said “I will if you don’t take it away”
Off they trundled around the car boot telling the same frigging story to anyone mug enough to listen about Peppy’ broken kneecap and two hours later they leave the Car Boot and they have bought frigging NOTHING!! But all joking aside, they were a nutty but nice couple who dearly loved Peppy and he obviously plays a major part in their lives, Dogs are so much cheaper than having kids and dogs show great loyalty and they don’t answer back nor do they make irrational demands. Good luck to you all with your dogs, love them to bits and if they are of the squitty shitty, yappy crappy and fugging ugly brigade then please keep them away from my Car Boot Sales, please!!
And, and just as sellers started packing to go home a woman walks into the sale with three dogs free of charge, two on one hand and an Alsatian on the other, now what chance do we have of Madam spending any money at our Car Boot? Bleeding none!
Then I get a complaint from a young mother that the smallest of the dogs (an alleged Poodle) had bitten her 2 year old daughters hand but had not broken the skin. To be fair, I believe the child was sitting in her pushchair got bored so thought, ‘let’s grab this dog’s ear’ Ha ha, so she grabbed at the dog’s ear and wouldn’t let go so the dog tries to eat the kids hand, all is fair in love and war! Hilarious fun! Anyway, I told young mum I would have all three dogs ‘put down’ but the kid wasn’t crying so we all went home.
And for the record I do have a dog (actually it Lou’s) called Nana Moon she is very loyal but a miserable old BITCH and she hates all other dogs, so she probably takes after me. We were setting up the field at Mabe minding our own business when this large long haired cross spaniel dog (street accident breed) three legged come comes bounding up to us and I shouted to it “Go away cos you will get bitten” It totally ignores me as it rushes up to Nana Moon and tries to sniff her arse! Bingo Nana Moon growls, sinks her pearly whites into one of the dogs 3 legs and fells that three legged dog ‘IN ONE’ who gives a screech and a yelp as it rushes off (hopped actually) off back to its owner who is in the next field and who by the way should NOT have been in field with his dog as there were cows grazing, so he got a bollicking as well! Result my lovers.