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Welcome to CUBA part 2Posted: 28/04/2019
Thomas Cook Airlines & Holidays;
Part TWO!
We are now on the plane to CUBA and THOMAS COOK ought to be bloody ashamed of themselves developing such a ‘really hard-sell’ from the moment you step onto their plane, you are their captive audience for the next ten hours and they want to bleed you dry of yer dosh from their selling drinks then more drinks and don’t forget your ‘duty free goods’ (my bum, they are cheaper on eBay ffs) and yer wines & spirits which were cheaper at the ‘duty free’ shops at the Airport in Cuba than at Gatwick! Other airlines offer a ‘complimentary welcome drink’ for their loyal and devoted passengers. THOMAS COOK gave our flight passengers on their own Thomas Cook’s own aircraft an ‘unacceptable excuse complimentary drink’ because there were no in-flight entertainment facilities nor TV monitors working as anticipated by all in-flight passengers and their kids as they travel over 4000 pigging miles looking at a lifeless screen in front of you FFS? The TV system was not working amen, nothing THOMAS COOK Airlines could do or wanted to do about it FFS!! My belief is that all airlines build into the price of your flights for them ‘to provide’ the facility of in-flight entertainment’ if for some reason it is not available each and every flight passenger should get an on the spot minimum cash payment of £20.00 per adult person (double for kids) as compensation and as a refund for the ‘lack of anticipated services’ that would soon get Thomas Cook off their asses to ensure that their planes are fully operating for the loyal customers who have paid up-front assuming they would get 100% service without unacceptable disappointments contributing to a very boring start to every buggers holiday ffs!’
The really nice flight stewards worked tirelessly selling their wares and providing not very good tatty food allegedly FREE (no, it’s not free you have paid for it) as you fidget forever trying to get the stupid plastic wrapping off everything on the minuscule tray especially fighting to get the cheese wrapping off fs and when the coffee comes round and you’re juggling away where to put the frigging cup of near boiling hot coffee and you spill (like I did) the pigging hot contents onto yer nuts ffs right onto your very owned privates and it ferking hurts with her sitting there is ashamed of my conduct especially when I cannot wait for a pee and to see if any lifelong damage has been done to my crunchies (checking one-two-one-two) so it’s off to the loo in my pale blue coffee stained Chino’s with other passengers watching me coping with a bit or turbulence and a touch of the farts as they look at me and must have thought that I had either pissed or crapped myself because of the colour of the stain FFS! With no screens to watch I became the gossip of the plane FFS! Her sitting beside me was most certainly not amused (result or what fs) at my antics as her had covered her face with her scarf which was a great improvement ffs for me for the entire flight, there were some passengers kept walking by thinking she has either been done in by me or that her passed on FFS! Hilarious fun! Please note, I love and adore Lou so she does with me but we do have our occasional differences most of the time fs.
Nevertheless, the staff were lovely they were nice to passengers of all ages. There were several kids on the plane whose behaviour was impeccable and I thought ‘wouldn’t it be nice if the senior steward instead of some of the usual crap they have to talk say Let’s have nice a round of applause for our younger passengers who have been so good today on this long flight, thank you boys and girls and babies, and the parents haven’t done that bad neither! But that is typical me, I reckon they could play games of touch-screen Bingo (when it’s pigging working) with great prize money and Thomas Cook could take their share and make even bigger profits then perhaps they could make sure that their internal TV ‘entertainment’ passengers screens and films worked for at least some of this epic journey with nothing to watch, apologies are meaningless that’s why I thought ‘today’s kid’s = tomorrows customers’ were so well behaved. In-flight on-screen entertainment is taken for granted on all major airlines, no excuses! We heard the next flight passengers had no on-screen entertainment shame on you Thomas Cook, so if your pigging plane can fly hundreds of passengers thousands of miles to distant locations throughout this pigging world then surely an in-flight sound and touch-screen films and games with spares to keep the bloody system serviced and working without pathetic excuses which should apply to all flights! Childs play FFS! Don’t I bitch on a bit but right is right FFS!
I wanted to know what the score was with De Herb in Cuba the last thing I wanted to do is light up then get locked up so I had rolled up enough of my Farmers Blend and De Herb smokes rationing myself to just over five a day = 10. No poisons in your system with nicotine’s nor tobacco, you don’t need it man-woman, do yer though? Live longer should be your motto cigarettes though nice are deathly you should see the list of people who have been our customers for years who have died with lung cancer due to fags FFS!

As described germs and snots galore, I wonder how many farts have been farted by old and young farts on this bed FFS!
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Welcome to CUBA Part 3Posted: 28/04/2019
Welcome to CUBA!
Part Three;
Now then, for some reason I thought that at the entrance into Cuba that they would want to see into our cases with police and uniformed security staff as I had my rolled-up smokes in a tin inside my case. I remember once going through St Kitts customs and was asked by a lovely Kittitian Security lady why I had been to St Kitts so many times ‘to see a friend’ she told me to open my case which was half full of kid’s clothes, that we had bought from the car boots plus a few small toys for my mate Chalawa’s grand-kids! Her opened the case ffs she found my tin with my smoke stuff her asked ‘What’s in this tin’ I said ‘it’s my smoke’ her opened the tin and replied ‘you shouldn't do it’ I said “I shouldn't drink Caribbean Rum but that is another of the reasons I come here to St Kitts” She took my passport noting I had been to St Kitts several times went away to speak to her boss then asked “Who are the presents for” I replied ‘for a friend and his family’ Who is the man? Chalawa! She immediately closed the case and said ‘You can go now’ Wow! Now then, Lee Miles off LTC Catering (a complete and total nervous wreck and wimpish during flying FFS) was with me he had gone through customs because of his good looks (he says) with no problems at all but he had to wait outside of the airport and sweat it out in the afternoon Caribbean sun waiting for me for about 20 minutes “fcuk me man where TF have you been FFS” he was beside himself when I told him “I got caught with my weed” ‘FFS’ said Lee ‘FFS man, now what are you going to do?’ Sweet nothing my bird sweet I just mentioned the name CHALAWA amen! Brilliant escape, I thought but truth is I think I detected the smell of Cannabis on the lovely security lady and she knew or her boss knew of Chalawa my mate ‘King of the Weed in St Kitts’ but that’s another story, and anyway 90% of Caribbean people have at some time in their lives done the weed Legalise it in t Kitts and the shy is the limit to ‘high success’ fs. Lee Miles who never was my mate from his own choosing “I don’t get into stuff like that not friendships, I don’t have friends, that’s not for me” says Miles. Hey Lee I wasn't making a pass at you, what an amazing statement to make, I don’t have friends FFS? Anyway, he soon calmed down when he saw how beautiful the Kittitian women were and how two beauties who took an absolute fancy to him (he was good-looking in them there days-from a distance) any-ways up without telling tittle-tattle he scored with them big time? I was offered but not interested in any foursome being totally loyal to my Lou (well I was interested but castration was a distinct possibility if I went off the rails FFS) and, And I wasn't entirely convinced that they there two beauties were not ‘lady-boys’ yer know wot I mean sport? whatever turns you on Lee my lover ‘got-cha’!! Anyway’s up, I didn’t see Mr Miles for a couple of days but that’s another story! Go Lee!! Mate?
Now then, (don’t keep saying ‘now then) On arrival at Cuba Airport I was stunned nay amazed as it was the best and easiest Airport in the World the best I have ever known you simply hand in your completed entry form at the departure lounge after customs control then straight out of the Airport into the blazing sun with hardly any waiting for your cases and there to meet and greet you are Thomas Cook staff who tell you your coach number and off you go to witness the most boring unexplored countryside ever. The roads have hardly any other traffic apart from tourism vehicles and hundreds of underfed pony & traps or pony and carriages. People stand around in groups nothing much to do but watch the coachloads of holiday makers, they are not resentful they are ‘the nice people’ I do wish that all of the uneaten foods at these all-Inclusive hotels should be quickly shared amongst local communities instead of continuously re-offering it to holiday makers when the meats in particular look like it’s ‘passed on’ and its sell by date and has curled up and frigging died FFS. (Thomas Cook please note)
Cuba is in a time warp from the days when Fidel Castro had his crap argument with America which has been since the late 1950-60s therefore Cuba is unfortunately a backward country with no real investments even though President Obama made efforts to heal the rifts and help to bring CUBA into the 21st century, nice try! That didn’t happen because that ignorant liar and criminal with verbal diarrhoea Donald Trump who has completely divided America shut the door on Cuba and its lovely people, and I do mean lovely people. Cuba has a very good Education and Health system but what the majority of the 15 million people miss out on in their lives is to live in our 21st century. The entire country needs massive investment to provide jobs housing and realistic wages for the many unemployed people. The hard-working waitresses and hotel staff who have children told us that sometimes their kids do not have bread for days and weeks they never ever get crisps or popcorn certainly no Wotsits nor Coca-Cola which are all deemed as luxuries mums and dads simply cannot afford. Really good highly trained staff at the hotels are paid ridiculously low wages of less than £100.00 per month so they do rely on tips which are totally shared. The Cuban kids look much healthier fitter and leaner than some of our beloved fatso kids of the same age, I fear they are not as happy deep down as some of our ungrateful overfed kids who have just about everything in life yet they still want and get more and a lot of them show little respects to mums and dads, the spoilt brats & buggers so they are, dear of them so to speak, but you do have to love them don’t you, or do you? That’ll be a nope then! Love you kids, tomorrows ‘mums and dads’ have fun but no babies until you are up and married dears which has nowt to do with me but you know the loneliness of single parentage is a distinct possibility my lovelies so ‘put something on it’ ffs, valve rubbers are available from the cycle shop for those who are not very well blessed ffs?
For our last three holidays we stayed at the alleged ***** 5 Star Marriott Hotel is St Kitts in the Caribbean, on each return home Louise suffered ear infections, she went to the doctor told him ‘just back from holidays etc etc’ he asked “Have you been swimming where there is a pool bar?” sure enough that is where her infections started. So, we were unaware that people sitting in the pool at the pool bar were getting pissed out of their minds with heavy drinking and were not leaving the pool bar for up to 5/6 hours so instead of leaving the pool to have a piss whilst they slurp they piss their pee and any other bodily infections they might have through their swim-shorts or their bikini bottoms G-strings or their swimsuits out into the pools whilst non-stop drinking the dirty Bastards so they are. The urinal waste from these mindless idiots (pee-brains ffs) circulates through the entire pool hence doctors in the UK have to deal with all types of these ear nose and throat infections for all ages because the piss they piss mixes down through to all parts of the pool to unsuspecting mothers and fathers who are enjoying themselves with their young children who are swimming away happily totally unaware of the risks as some swim under water some playfully gobbing it off with getting mouthfuls of this toxic substance then spitting it into dad’s face ffs, that is what the Management call a swimming pool FFS!! Seems like a toilet to me? The dirty bastards so they are, not the management the piss artists!!! The docile irresponsible management of the hotel and of THOMAS COOK definitely know it’s happening but have decided do sod all about it!

Costa Verde Hotel in Cuba, this is their bar and the childrens pool conbined where the piss flows into the pool once the bar is open. Nice!
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Welcome to CUBA Part 4Posted: 28/04/2019
Back to CUBA!
Part FOUR:
We arrive at Playa Costa Verde fully inclusive hotel, we have two rooms with 2nd floor balconies which were pleasantly furnished and very dated, it looks lovely and peaceful ideal for us as we need peace and quiet and privacy to forget all about home and Julia who is in safe hands. Lou loves TV I don’t so I can have my quiet smoke on the balconies take in the heat the atmosphere and rest up my painful legs ffs! I noticed to the right of the balcony there was a security guard who seemed to be watching people going to the beach but I took no notice for the time being. We unpacked our cases and prepared to go eat from the vast display of ‘fully inclusive’ foods set-up in a very large open-air restaurant. There was a huge display of what I would describe as ‘predictably boring whatisit junk food’ some people were wandering around dazed missing food at home fs aimlessly with empty dinner plates trying to get inspired and enthused with what’s on offer. The best food was to wait for half an hour whilst one lady person gets through her queue cooking steaks or various other dishes, well worth the wait while your partner has to sit alone ‘where tf have you been, ave yer bin chatting up I'm starving FFS’ is the welcome you get for waiting and waiting some more just to feed her or him, what absolute gratitude dearest! I am not referring to my Lou but I did overhear some bloke sounding off at his missus about keeping him waiting for his food to which the dear lady picked up her meal her knife and forked off to another table, quite right, get yer own food in future bum-face! Happy holiday to you two as well my lovelies, hilarious fun until Lou says “Let that be a lesson dear” WTF! Now what have I done wrong FFS? Any-ways up half way during the meal the most dreadful local and very untalented band of about 8 blokes featuring maracas horrific loud unmelodious singing with their own bongos ffs that struck up and played so loud that families could not relax from their day to eat their meals in peace nor could they relate nor talk to each other as any family conversations were drowned out by this dreadful crap poo unmusical music! Go away FFS the people are families having their meal, muted sympathy applause from the disturbed diners the only person who clapped with enthusiasm was the catering manager to try to enthuse his staff to clap instead of him facing the public or get behind the counters and help the cooking staff ffs or asking hotel residents “what do you really think of the food?” Whoever made the decision to invade people’s private meal times with their families who are supposed to be enjoying themselves accompanied with this painfully boring excuse called music night after night FFS! What a brilliant way to empty a restaurant, I cannot imagine if when I was the General Manager of Pontins at Brean Sands in Somerset (the boss don’t you know) say in the middle of family mealtimes I decide to put such an utter crap alleged local band music on there would be nearly a riot after the first song FFS but ‘they their buggers in Cuba’ sang for up to 14 of their pigging songs lasting 8 minutes each ffs. Enough is enough, what a bloody racket, I can cope no longer let’s leave the meal and go back to our room where there are two full bottles of rum white and dark and the fridge is stocked with lagers and soft drinks ‘all-inclusive’ don’t you know! We can sit on the balcony have a quiet drink and a chat and watch the world and the little white fluffy clouds go by and relax my pigging painful legs, then I can have a quiet peaceful smoke FFS.
This is true, it is night-time we open the door, both rooms are fully lit without turning the lights on fs we had left the curtains opened but we were stunned to see that there was a large floodlight outside illuminating both rooms FFS, I go on to the balcony and there is the security man, he waves, I don’t, what tf am I going to do when I want my quiet smoke on either of these balconies all illuminated for this pigging security man and I am livid and he is there all night long and all day long and the pigging spot light stays on all night till 6.30 am in the pigging morning FFS. I close the curtains the stuffing light still comes through the top of the poxy curtains we move around the room casting massive shadows across the ceiling FFS. No chance of a quick shag with this lot going on TTFFT-FFS! I go onto the balcony see the security man who I have nicknamed ‘slaps’ cos he keeps slapping his legs to keep himself awake ‘what TF am I doing here FFS?’ I light a smoke and immediately I am conscious that the warm breezes might waft my smoke in front of ‘slaps’ nose then he might swing into action and arrest me, great fun! I am thinking how can I put that effing light out, oh for a catapult or a cannon FFS! So here I am sitting against this pigging wall so no bugger can see me on this king illuminated balcony and Lou seeing my predicament knows me enough and her can see that I am getting seriously picking wound up so suggests that we hang towels over the balcony rails ‘then nobody will definitely not see you now see’ which is a mixture of Cornish and Geordie speak “Are you mad or summit I am not frigging hiding behind towels FFS” Her fetches the towels looks over the balcony she looks, he looks, he waves and to wind me up she waves FFS and I am getting so totally pissed off ‘go to king bed woman FFS I love you’



Thunder+thighs+dayum_ba856b_3486396
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WELCOME to CUBA part 5Posted: 28/04/2019
Part FIVE;
Peace at last, still in hiding, I smoke more than my ration but hey a rum and coke and then another one and with the soft Cuban breezes and fresh air and the warmth with waving trees and balcony towels and ferking all night floodlights, how romantic it that FFS, but my mind wanders the reaction to my body as the influence on a coupla spliffs then a couple more and of course rums and cokes takes over my system the relaxation is immense and I am pain free now I can now try to start taking in the wonderful Caribbean atmosphere. I am drifting back on to the plane or I am up there somewhere gliding amongst the little white fluffy clouds ffs the sounds and the drone of the engines is mixed up in my mind after the effects of de-weed man and the rum and coke is in my system soft music is playing in my mind good vibes abound FFS. I am at peace with the world, I don’t care personally but I think Fidel Castro could and should have left his country to move with the times into the 21st Century. What TF it’s got to do with me anyway who cares, now then, some frocking great moth has just tried to invade my space and share my behind the towels experience with me FFS, I blow smoke at it one two three, four that did it (animal cruelty) in the next 20 minutes the poor bugger cavorts all over the king place and seriously can’t take off ffs, it keeps forgetting to how to flap it’s wings ffs hilarious to watch as it crash-lands off the balcony onto a grasshopper, they shag all night long disappearing off into the long undergrowth FFS. It’s getting light the moth is back shagged out but both are still alive, grasshopper covered in moth sperm hops away wondering WTF has just hoppened to me? Mad or what FFS?
Suddenly the ferking floodlight is turned off it’s getting lighter coming into view are hundreds of trees and a pathway to the hotel private beach showing up against the brightening skies as day breaks in the woods the lake which is now alive with full-on bird-life as they start to awaken with a huge variety of songs and shrills accompanied by the croaking of frogs. The white fluffy clouds and blue sky indicate that it is going to be hot sunshine and I want it to waft into our bodies cos we both need our batteries re-charging so who GsAF about the sodding floodlight and ‘slaps’ I get up he waves, I couldn't, GAFY you twit! I mean it’s not his fault really, it’s his job, the pigging floodlight is a major problem?
Now then, I saw something that nobody ever else saw see! Early one morning just as the sun were rising the security man had gone off to be replaced by 4 bulky bouncer type men who were standing at the entrance to the beach. They were waiting for a small boat which had arrived, there were two large heavy black valise bags which were taken off the boat escorted and carried and hidden behind the fencing supporting the walkway to the beach, could it be drugs Le Herb-weed Cannabis or the dreaded Cocaine I ask myself, thank god for the towels dear I don’t want they there buggers to see me as the only witness, they may even have to silence me FFS. Now there are five bulky fit looking men well overdressed for the holiday mood, a conversation takes place the two valises reminded me of the ones used in St Kitts to carry several kilos of the best quality weed in the world man? The valises are dragged out of hiding and handed to one of the men who carries the two bags walking rapidly with a wiggle in his walk some 250 yards never looking back but the weight of the valises and his clenched cheeks slowed him down but shagged out he finally reached a man who were waiting for him with a donkey and cart ffs, the now puffed out totally knackered man climbed aboard with the two valises (one at a time-hurry up ffs) and then they revved up and fucked off at great speed to the far end of our hotel up into the hills and beyond far-far away FFS! ‘Gee up Neddy’ and gone over more hills and even further away completely out of sight FFS. The 4 large men disappeared and the security man returned to slap his thighs. Now then, you might say that I have imagined it because you were stoned, no nope that is not right, and I reckon it was probably a drugs-run where the penalty in Cuba is life imprisonment or being hung by the boll-ox ffs (paedophile style) but then it could have been someone’s grandma’s body or her ashes, who knows, who effing cares FFS! I don’t, but any ways up it happened twice the second time I told Lou to witness what was happening I didn’t listen to her babbling on too much but I got the jist of her message ‘You are off your trolley ffs’ so very rude so she is, I know mummy is off her trolley darling but in the next few minutes my Lou examines the evidence and now wants to write a pigging book about it!

Over Lou's shoulder is the bar and the pissers who will pee without leaving the pool For up to 5 hours!
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Welcome to CUBA Part 6Posted: 28/04/2019
Taking the piss with Thomas Cook!
Part SIX;
We decided to take up sun-beds behind the FREE POOL bar for easy access to drinks and I wanted to see if the Marriott ‘pool bar pissing’ habits were prevalent in the Thomas Cook hotels. The noises from the bar majority English are from loud mouthed pissed-up drinkers do our country a great disservice (they sound like southerners to me my but not as far down as here in the South-West of Cornwall my lovelies) they are a crowd of 25 adults plus some kids waiting for their parents to take them to a better place ffs! They were indeed drinking it in and pissing it out into the pool where the pool water will wash down to where the young swimmers were enjoying themselves oblivious of the risks. That is outrageous and disgusting behaviour swimming in the polluted water regretfully into the eyes and ears and mouths of young children and infections. I watched and listened to the drunken crowds, I saw clouds of dangerous toxic yellow urine discharged into the ocean blue swimming pool without a care in the world, so why TF isn't something done about it, at Butlins and Pontins we used to ‘chuck out’ offenders but THOMAS COOK and the MARRIOTT GROUP and other major Holiday Hotel Groups seem to turn a blind eye but maybe they will wake up one day when someone sues them for fortunes because they have a duty of care for their ‘customers Health & Safety’ and they should have the decency to protect all customers from such infectious risks’ Had I of been managing the situation I would most definitely speak with all of the people at the bar by public announcement if necessary (in English) telling them I had received complaints about people urinating in the bar pool, I am not pointing fingers nor accusing any person/s in particular. I would also tell them to get out of the pool while the pool water will recirculate in the interest of Public Health & Safety (security to oversee if necessary) They can take their drinks to the rear of the bar, I am closing the poolside bar but drinks would still be available at the other end of this POOL bar.
I believe all travel companies should inform all customers when they are booking holidays that ‘this hotel is predominantly for Spanish guests, 90% of public announcements from the stage were in Spanish ffs and the majority of those announcements were in ‘screeching Spanish’ so if you are wanting a quiet afternoon with your kids around you playing happy families by the pool in a urine free zone you can forget it at this THOMAS COOK recommended hotel my bird. The shrill announcements, no English (well nothing sounded like English) apart from one compere who only knew the words “Oh my goodness me” he did he know WTF they meant “Oh my goodness me”! The speakers are deafening showing absolutely no respect to the holidaymakers getting together as families the last thing they want to hear is some screeching Spanish dear lady spieling out a whole load of old ballcocks ffs and what a brilliant way to empty the pool area FFS! One of the Market traders came to me with hand written raffle tickets to sell for me to win something wonderful from her stall which I refused to buy (nice little fiddle-nobody ever wins FFS) (definitely not allowed in the UK) she then spent half an hour jabbering on about her raffle on the loud mike in Spanish of course the gobby moo! I can cope no more it is time for us to leave the pool but before we go, we look at the children’s paddling pools where there were ill fitting replacement tiles some tiles completely missing in small areas, how very bloody dangerous. Surely Thomas Cook are aware of the serious lack of maintenance at this All-Inclusive Holiday Centre as part of its ‘duty of care’ for my fellow holidaymakers fs. They should also be aware that some of the low standards of cleanliness in parts of the public arena would result in the Hotel being closed down here in the UK. We went to the private beach (which I don’t agree with, all beaches are for all of the people) the beach was littered with small plastic cups some drifting out to sea ffs!
We noticed that some of the sun-beds are covered with a heavy duty blue material were absolutely and disgustingly manky rotten filthy from ground-in dirty feet, foot scabs, toe nail clippings sun lotions or creams, dead peeled skin, foods, hot sweats, wet farts, snots or any other bodily dribbles you care to think of but man they were gross filthied up to fcuk so they were by courtesy of and ignored by THOMAS COOK holidays. They need jet washing, so do the sunbeds FFS! Enough is enough, I am not staying here right!!

Thunder Thighs oh yes!
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Welcome to CUBA; Part sevenPosted: 28/04/2019
Let’s Move;
Part SEVEN;
I make an appointment to see the Thomas Cook rep a very nice gentleman. I asked that my wife and I would like to transfer away from this hotel to upgrade to another as the standards of cleanliness are very poor, adults are urinating in the pool, I have the security floodlighting on all night lighting up our rooms, the food is not very nice and I object to being overseen by a security person day and night.” In fairness they offered us another room at the same hotel which we rejected. The Thomas Cook rep arranged for us to see two other hotels, we decide on the Five Star Playa Pasquero. We are assured that the bungalow we will be staying is the very best. Our suit cases are whisked away and put outside the bungalow. We get into a ten-seater silent electric buggy which ‘all drive too fast’ around the accommodation and the most impressive gardens, waiting outside the bungalow in his 4-seater electric silent buggy is some flunky who welcomes us outside the property as he has to give us a guided tour of two rooms ffs! We are knackered from the last few days I am and can be a miserable rude outspoken old git at times so this is all I need what a load of bollocks after our previous experience I would like Lou and I to be alone with our own key so respectfully you can FORN-FFS! (I thought) I have never needed a pigging guide to show me around a figging bedroom before! “Hello, my name is Pepe” he shakes hands “I am your personal butler (WALOBs) for your entire stay here so if there is anything absolutely anything (he looks me up and down) (was that an offer?) anything just anything you want me to just call me on 5555 and I will personally reply, so what FFS. Also, at no extra cost he will open your suitcases and put all your personal clothes yer shoes and yer sweaty sandals and yer skiddy grundies and yer vibrators and yer gel and a coupla weeks gutkers (large knickers) in the right drawers if you wish. That’ll be a ‘no thank-you’ then! He shows us how the taps work (wow) (do we look stupid or summit) on the double jacuzzi, he wanted to chat, I didn’t so Butler brought in our cases then he fuct off so to speak! I believe he was hoping for a tip but I usually tip just before I leave so he’s got a long wait fs. What a plonker “I am your Butler” No you are definitely not my butler that bloody reminds me of that bloody-bleeding blokie from Tunisia ‘I am, hat your service sir’ for two frigging weeks FFS!! Next morning, we leave the bungalow at 8.30 for breakfast, Butler is waiting in his silent buggy to take us to the restaurant saying he had waited from 8.00 am, now how tf were we to know? Sorry, No tip again, no Cuban currency yet Butler Pepe! Rarely saw him since? Apart from on the day we left.
The bungalow had a very comfortable super-duper 7ft king size bed (we never met up for the entire holiday ffs) with an outdoor balcony overlooking trees and a river beyond, a built-in leather three quarter clad bed with pillow leather rolls both ends top to bottom great for tanning and looking at each other from all the sexy angles possible contort at your pleasure that’s if you are that way inclined (I am but…) The really large jacuzzi that my dear wife turned the bathroom into a shower room on our first night by turning everything on without enough water for the jacuzzi jets to operate properly, hilarious fun Lou and I'm not clearing up the mess neither pet or shall I call my Butler FFS! The very best part of the bungalow was through a door from the bathroom were a large open-air outdoor shower 20 feet x 12 feet complete with garden and plants no roof so you can lie Pollock naked to the outside world completely open to the skies and a brilliant ‘I am alone’ sun-trap during the day with belting hot sun and water from the shower cascading over your perfect figure including your fat and leanly bits and yer gangly bits and ‘your arse that if only you could really see WTF yours looks like Ffs? And any other parts you may have so to speak! There is no mirror to remind yourself of your real figure so let it all hang out sod it, the brilliant large rain-water shower from cold to all heats complimented this luxury shower so you can shower and play with yourselves to your hearts content my lovers and nobody could GAF cos nobody else in the world knows ffs and I mean it’s either alone for all sexes for males and females and those who are not sure, I found it great fun for one most of the time (wait till her goes to sleep, I can take this one alone TQ) ‘I had to be alone’ nobody would want to share a shower with me at 4.00 am in the pigging morning TTFFT-FFS!!! My big turn on was after a couple of Cuban rum & cokes then a couple more and of course a couple of smokes and then a couple more then showering hot then cold then bollocks to the cold ffs turn up the heat cos ‘the heat is on as of the now with the pleasantly warm rainfall showers completes the comfort zones refreshing all parts of your body totally unseen by the whole outside world apart from the stars and the moon which are right up there somewhere and the only witnesses to your fancies and feelies. Up above my head I hear voices and soft music in the air so fcuk it lets enjoy with the total full moon up above my head I mean, stoned or what crazy man crazy (trouble is I cannot keep my smoke alight in the shower ffs) the moon stayed with me for almost ten days in its various shapes, best shower in the world either jointly or solo gay or straight, yer know what I'm saying sport! Climatic fun for one so to speak! I was once told that if I kept playing with myself, I would die, I don’t care if I do die do die do die!

Playa Pasquero
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Welcome to CUBA; Part EightPosted: 28/04/2019
Welcome to the Thomas Cook approved Piss Pool!
Part Eight;
We had a look around the most impressive pool area which had a free bar with ten seats inside the pool for customers. The main attraction was the 4 thatched cottage style open air double beds which I called the ‘playpens’ in front were two bed-chairs so you monopolised the whole area more or less. I noticed that towels were placed to reserve the ‘playpens’ so Geoff was awake at 4.00 o'clock each morning to put out towels on the ‘playpen’ (just like the German’s used to in the old days, still do) every day from day two till our last day that was total luxury, the pool man made sure our mattresses and towels were kept ready from 8.00 am for our early morning swim with clean urine-free ridden germs, we gave him a good tip which he was well worth. We could observe all the activities in the pool and at the bar. At the other end of the pool play-pen number 2 and his missus were most definitely going for their early morning shags in public and couldn't seem to GAF who saw them, I did! Nothing big to report apart from his hairy arse going at it 90 pence to the half-crown and her screaming “give me some more-is that all you have got FFS!”
We are very quiet people on holiday because we love resting-up and observing people, we have been accused of being snobs, we are not but we do seriously keep ourselves to ourselves and rarely talk to others, we talk and reply pleasantries only. We don’t want to know other people’s problems we have enough of our own FFS! We reckon that having as many as 400,000 customers at our Car Boots every year so we want to just keep to each other. Our people are the lovely Cornish people and their visitors we have plenty of time for them.
The break from caring for mother in law has been absolutely essential. When you have spent 30 years in a wonderful up down in out partnership then suddenly you take on the responsibility of caring for someone who has Dementia the decision takes a massive blow on a marriage. Would I do it again? ‘Yes, Julia, Lou’s mother is a nice person I have a lot of patience with her, now then would my Lou ‘do it again?’ That’ll be a NOPE then!! Back to the story, people have constantly wanted to chat to us over the years because they realise that there is an age difference between Lou and I, all they want to know is all the gossip so to speak. There aint no gossip so to speak, we have been together for over 30 years Louise is my 4th and current wife so far, love is still in the air! x but that’s another story?
The food at this hotel is excellent breakfast lunch and evening meal with lovely waitresses and waiters in fact all members of staff were brilliant and dedicated to their jobs. On day 4 there were about 20 people laying on sunbeds beside the pool, the waft of cannabis is in the air (not from me, I don’t smoke in public) (only on balconies hiding behind pigging towels with moths as company don’t you know FFS) when this loud mouthed new arrival probably 65 years old+ fat B’stard of a Londoner making his big entrance with marbles for brains shouted as he looks at the assembled holiday-makers enjoying the sun on their sunbeds “By the sights I see here most of you lot should be in the bloody gym not lying about here” ‘WAF insult take a look at your slobby self’ nobody rose to the occasion by pushing the idiot into the pool that he would contaminate for every day he stays in this hotel as he waddled towards the pool bar. Here we have a total motor-mouthed gob-shite and his gobby wife (you always get one at least on holiday who want to be the big gobs of the day, every effing day FFS) He/she are the two persons to avoid at all costs as he goes to the bar end of the pool he gets into the pool with his dreaded wife they both start drinking from 11 until after 4 with others ‘mouthing it off’ with the drinks they are are a flowing but neither of them and others who joined them leave the pool for up to five hours and they are drinking it in volumes and are pissing out volumes into the pool so it is without doubt that wherever hotels operated by THOMAS COOK where there are ‘all-inclusive free pool bars’ in Cuba that they shall and do allow people to urinate into their pools. Louise went to reception to advise the head receptionist of our ‘Public Health’ concerns, she was told “I will put a memo about this so that the manager will see it in the morning” Nothing was done. I believe the message was given to ‘I am your butler’ PEPE who wasn't on the same page as the rest of the staffing teams’ which he dismissed our complaint from then and in his own way tried to turn the staff to ignore us. I had the last laugh by giving his tip to one of the security guards right under his nose and the security man was so delighted he kept shaking hands with me in excitement you would have thought I had given him fifty quid; I did, follow that my Butler. On my original complaint to the THOMAS COOK agent I told him of my concerns and now here we have the five-star Islands Playa Pasquero where the same offensive offence happens on a permanent daily basis against their THOMAS COOK’S devoted customers and the entire Management Team are totally aware of the risks to their customers health and have decided they will do sweet FA about it FFS. I would like to but I am on holiday and in reality, it is none of my business, yes, it is I speak for me my Lou and why not my fellow holiday-makers?

Playa Pasquoro pee bar in this five star hotel....... drip!
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Welcome to CUBA; Part 9Posted: 28/04/2019
MOZZIES!

Part NINE;

Because we did not know for certain that we would be having this respite holiday we didn’t buy Antihistamines to deal with the possibilities of mosquito bites, the little bastards they certainly do like the taste of British blood FFS and their way of showing their total appreciation for taking a smidgen of your blood is to leave you with a bump the size of a small nipple that will itch like fcuk forever FFS unless you scratch the pigging heads off the bite and the incessant figging itching will last for what seems like an eternity until you get the next bite ffs! I couldn’t cope so I demanded that we get some pills. We went to the main reception and got only one packet of similar to Antihistamines for me. I wanted to buy a packet for both of us but my dear Lou said she would manage which is what her tight fistedness does for she cos her had more bites on she than pin pricks on a second-hand dartboard all over her body FFS and her complained non-stop about ‘the little bastard mossies’ to which I expressed very little sympathy, “Whatever! I told you so” only infuriated her more, I cannot win whichever way the wind blows! Ffs.
So right, this is where I am, I have written a letter of complaints to THOMAS COOK my complaint reference is TC-00554381 so that means they have had five hundred and fifty four thousand three hundred and eighty one complaints before mine ffs. I find it hard to believe that they are unaware of the poor standards of cleanliness at The Playa Costa Verde. THOMAS COOK has not replied to date which means they DO CONDONE PISSING into the bar pools at any of their chosen hotels FFS!! It is only in the public interest that I raise the questions about their customers of THOMAS COOK and their health & safety at this hotel. Poor reception welcome and an awful welcome drink. Brilliant gardens, great staff generally, poor approach by reception and management over the entire complex! Accommodation 3-star! Really? Food and service poor but waitresses and 90% of all staff are so the best in the Caribbean, yeh! Food wise, if you are staying for more than a week you just wannabe home, empty your system on yer own bog fs have a shower or a layabouts wash-down which is quick wash to all the parts you can reach then fcuk the rest of de body ffs! Or have a bath and look down at the unemployed and saying how can I get more work for this because it is such fun with two, not one ffs? Now then get a plate of decent egg ham and home-made chips with proper tomato sauce ffs or a home-made pasty or a takeaway or in Lou’s case she craved the luxury of a few packets of crisps, not available in Cuba, luxury mate, bleeding luxury! No fun, no real entertainments certainly not for the Brits. Drinks were good!
The 5 Star Playa Pasquero deserves its five-star rating the food was exceptional breakfast lunch and evening meal. The entire restaurant and bar staff were brilliant with waitresses coming around the pool with free (inclusive) drinks ice creams and other goodies and when you have got a playpen and the sun becomes too much just get onto the huge king-size bed out of the sun, lay there, shut TFU and relax man, sleep, no chance of that for the gobbing off from motor-mouths Mr & Mrs Piss-piss can be overheard from the pool bar! Best and only time to swim is first thing 8.00 am when you get into the pool alone when the clear pool water has been cleansed and urine free TTFFT FFS!!
Back to the Airport going home TTFFT-FFS!
On the coach back to the airport we stopped at another hotel where a group of about twenty women took over the rear of the coach all mates or related and of all ages. They had all been on holiday for two weeks, they claimed that they had all lost weight and the majority of them said that the food was crap but I suspect and hoped they did their fair share of drinking all paid for in advance go for it my ladies I would have loved to have spent a couple of days near to them just for the laughs ffs. They apparently got into a near punch-up when security had to be involved all because someone was rude to someone’s mother calling her an ‘ugly fat cow’ or an ‘fat ugly cow’ well you meet all sorts don’t you, let’s call out security ‘cos my mother is not an ugly fat cow’ (not from a distance anyway) (well now, that’s a matter of opinion FFS) (don’t be rude Geffers) great fun, get a life! When drink is in sometimes stupidity reigns, all good amusement but handbags dear handbags! FFS! They had invented a brilliant ‘Xmissy.com’ game played on their second week for two teams where they all had to come up with as many names as possible for a man’s Willy & the other team has to come up with as many names as possible for a lady’s Pussy, they have got to describe how the name fits the rules, rude but howls of laughter by them and us they couldn’t see our faces without doubt the best entertainment of 3 weeks with them deciding that the best and most polite name for a woman’s fairy should be ‘The Runway’ how sweet and respectful! I suppose the chat up line must be ‘Can I park my Jet inside your runway for a short while please’ You dirty sod Geffers! But I shall forever remember the thighs of thunder-thighs at Newquay Airport FFS! Anyway, these ladies were just enjoying their crudity they knew they were entertaining others in the coach and from listening to them I got the impression that half of them would go back to Cuba again, a lot of these are regular customers to CUBA who have built up friendships with the weather and the lovely time warped people who work in the hotels so several holidaymakers take presents galore that will end up as luxuries in the homes of their Cuban friends. Nice one! Lovely gesture. The Brits rule. Bless up. X
This pillar is for two way entrance to the main restaurant. Look at the filth from countless thousands of hands and the germs this barrier holds! filth just filth!
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
 
 

 
 
SUNDAYS at TRURO at 12.00 noon and St Columb Major at 1.30 pm (subject to weather and ground conditions!
DO NOT FORGET Truro is on at 12.00 noon and St Columb Major starts at 1.30 pm It will not be decided until the day of the Car Boot Sale at TR
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TUESDAYS
@ TUESDAYS at Chapel Farm opposite HENDRA
Starts - 12.00pm
WEDNESDAYS
@ 'HEARTLANDS' in POOL every WEDNESDAY
Starts - 12.00pm
THURSDAYS
@ NEWQUAY Chapel Farm TR8 4NY
Starts - 12.00pm
FRIDAYS
@ FALMOUTH EVERY FRIDAY definitely at 12.30
Starts - 12.30am
SATURDAYS
@ MITCHELL (TR8 5FD) SATURDAYS at 12.00 noon
Starts - 12.00pm
SUNDAYS
@ TRURO SUNDAYS weekly at 12.00 noon 2nd JUNE!!
Starts - 12.00pm
SUNDAYS
@ St Columb Major (TR8 4JA) Every SUNDAYS at 1.30 pm
Starts - 1.30pm
 
 
 
 
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