Peace at last, still in hiding, I smoke more than my ration but hey a rum and coke and then another one and with the soft Cuban breezes and fresh air and the warmth with waving trees and balcony towels and ferking all night floodlights, how romantic it that FFS, but my mind wanders the reaction to my body as the influence on a coupla spliffs then a couple more and of course rums and cokes takes over my system the relaxation is immense and I am pain free now I can now try to start taking in the wonderful Caribbean atmosphere. I am drifting back on to the plane or I am up there somewhere gliding amongst the little white fluffy clouds ffs the sounds and the drone of the engines is mixed up in my mind after the effects of de-weed man and the rum and coke is in my system soft music is playing in my mind good vibes abound FFS. I am at peace with the world, I don’t care personally but I think Fidel Castro could and should have left his country to move with the times into the 21st Century. What TF it’s got to do with me anyway who cares, now then, some frocking great moth has just tried to invade my space and share my behind the towels experience with me FFS, I blow smoke at it one two three, four that did it (animal cruelty) in the next 20 minutes the poor bugger cavorts all over the king place and seriously can’t take off ffs, it keeps forgetting to how to flap it’s wings ffs hilarious to watch as it crash-lands off the balcony onto a grasshopper, they shag all night long disappearing off into the long undergrowth FFS. It’s getting light the moth is back shagged out but both are still alive, grasshopper covered in moth sperm hops away wondering WTF has just hoppened to me? Mad or what FFS?
Suddenly the ferking floodlight is turned off it’s getting lighter coming into view are hundreds of trees and a pathway to the hotel private beach showing up against the brightening skies as day breaks in the woods the lake which is now alive with full-on bird-life as they start to awaken with a huge variety of songs and shrills accompanied by the croaking of frogs. The white fluffy clouds and blue sky indicate that it is going to be hot sunshine and I want it to waft into our bodies cos we both need our batteries re-charging so who GsAF about the sodding floodlight and ‘slaps’ I get up he waves, I couldn’t, GAFY you twit! I mean it’s not his fault really, it’s his job, the pigging floodlight is a major problem?
Now then, I saw something that nobody ever else saw see! Early one morning just as the sun were rising the security man had gone off to be replaced by 4 bulky bouncer type men who were standing at the entrance to the beach. They were waiting for a small boat which had arrived, there were two large heavy black valise bags which were taken off the boat escorted and carried and hidden behind the fencing supporting the walkway to the beach, could it be drugs Le Herb-weed Cannabis or the dreaded Cocaine I ask myself, thank god for the towels dear I don’t want they there buggers to see me as the only witness, they may even have to silence me FFS. Now there are five bulky fit looking men well overdressed for the holiday mood, a conversation takes place the two valises reminded me of the ones used in St Kitts to carry several kilos of the best quality weed in the world man? The valises are dragged out of hiding and handed to one of the men who carries the two bags walking rapidly with a wiggle in his walk some 250 yards never looking back but the weight of the valises and his clenched cheeks slowed him down but shagged out he finally reached a man who were waiting for him with a donkey and cart ffs, the now puffed out totally knackered man climbed aboard with the two valises (one at a time-hurry up ffs) and then they revved up and fucked off at great speed to the far end of our hotel up into the hills and beyond far-far away FFS! ‘Gee up Neddy’ and gone over more hills and even further away completely out of sight FFS. The 4 large men disappeared and the security man returned to slap his thighs. Now then, you might say that I have imagined it because you were stoned, no nope that is not right, and I reckon it was probably a drugs-run where the penalty in Cuba is life imprisonment or being hung by the boll-ox ffs (paedophile style) but then it could have been someone’s grandma’s body or her ashes, who knows, who effing cares FFS! I don’t, but any ways up it happened twice the second time I told Lou to witness what was happening I didn’t listen to her babbling on too much but I got the jist of her message ‘You are off your trolley ffs’ so very rude so she is, I know mummy is off her trolley darling but in the next few minutes my Lou examines the evidence and now wants to write a pigging book about it!