Welcome to CUBA; Part 9


Part NINE;

Because we did not know for certain that we would be having this respite holiday we didn’t buy Antihistamines to deal with the possibilities of mosquito bites, the little bastards they certainly do like the taste of British blood FFS and their way of showing their total appreciation for taking a smidgen of your blood is to leave you with a bump the size of a small nipple that will itch like fcuk forever FFS unless you scratch the pigging heads off the bite and the incessant figging itching will last for what seems like an eternity until you get the next bite ffs! I couldn’t cope so I demanded that we get some pills. We went to the main reception and got only one packet of similar to Antihistamines for me. I wanted to buy a packet for both of us but my dear Lou said she would manage which is what her tight fistedness does for she cos her had more bites on she than pin pricks on a second-hand dartboard all over her body FFS and her complained non-stop about ‘the little bastard mossies’ to which I expressed very little sympathy, “Whatever! I told you so” only infuriated her more, I cannot win whichever way the wind blows! Ffs.
So right, this is where I am, I have written a letter of complaints to THOMAS COOK my complaint reference is TC-00554381 so that means they have had five hundred and fifty four thousand three hundred and eighty one complaints before mine ffs. I find it hard to believe that they are unaware of the poor standards of cleanliness at The Playa Costa Verde. THOMAS COOK has not replied to date which means they DO CONDONE PISSING into the bar pools at any of their chosen hotels FFS!! It is only in the public interest that I raise the questions about their customers of THOMAS COOK and their health & safety at this hotel. Poor reception welcome and an awful welcome drink. Brilliant gardens, great staff generally, poor approach by reception and management over the entire complex! Accommodation 3-star! Really? Food and service poor but waitresses and 90% of all staff are so the best in the Caribbean, yeh! Food wise, if you are staying for more than a week you just wannabe home, empty your system on yer own bog fs have a shower or a layabouts wash-down which is quick wash to all the parts you can reach then fcuk the rest of de body ffs! Or have a bath and look down at the unemployed and saying how can I get more work for this because it is such fun with two, not one ffs? Now then get a plate of decent egg ham and home-made chips with proper tomato sauce ffs or a home-made pasty or a takeaway or in Lou’s case she craved the luxury of a few packets of crisps, not available in Cuba, luxury mate, bleeding luxury! No fun, no real entertainments certainly not for the Brits. Drinks were good!
The 5 Star Playa Pasquero deserves its five-star rating the food was exceptional breakfast lunch and evening meal. The entire restaurant and bar staff were brilliant with waitresses coming around the pool with free (inclusive) drinks ice creams and other goodies and when you have got a playpen and the sun becomes too much just get onto the huge king-size bed out of the sun, lay there, shut TFU and relax man, sleep, no chance of that for the gobbing off from motor-mouths Mr & Mrs Piss-piss can be overheard from the pool bar! Best and only time to swim is first thing 8.00 am when you get into the pool alone when the clear pool water has been cleansed and urine free TTFFT FFS!!
Back to the Airport going home TTFFT-FFS!
On the coach back to the airport we stopped at another hotel where a group of about twenty women took over the rear of the coach all mates or related and of all ages. They had all been on holiday for two weeks, they claimed that they had all lost weight and the majority of them said that the food was crap but I suspect and hoped they did their fair share of drinking all paid for in advance go for it my ladies I would have loved to have spent a couple of days near to them just for the laughs ffs. They apparently got into a near punch-up when security had to be involved all because someone was rude to someone’s mother calling her an ‘ugly fat cow’ or an ‘fat ugly cow’ well you meet all sorts don’t you, let’s call out security ‘cos my mother is not an ugly fat cow’ (not from a distance anyway) (well now, that’s a matter of opinion FFS) (don’t be rude Geffers) great fun, get a life! When drink is in sometimes stupidity reigns, all good amusement but handbags dear handbags! FFS! They had invented a brilliant ‘Xmissy.com’ game played on their second week for two teams where they all had to come up with as many names as possible for a man’s Willy & the other team has to come up with as many names as possible for a lady’s Pussy, they have got to describe how the name fits the rules, rude but howls of laughter by them and us they couldn’t see our faces without doubt the best entertainment of 3 weeks with them deciding that the best and most polite name for a woman’s fairy should be ‘The Runway’ how sweet and respectful! I suppose the chat up line must be ‘Can I park my Jet inside your runway for a short while please’ You dirty sod Geffers! But I shall forever remember the thighs of thunder-thighs at Newquay Airport FFS! Anyway, these ladies were just enjoying their crudity they knew they were entertaining others in the coach and from listening to them I got the impression that half of them would go back to Cuba again, a lot of these are regular customers to CUBA who have built up friendships with the weather and the lovely time warped people who work in the hotels so several holidaymakers take presents galore that will end up as luxuries in the homes of their Cuban friends. Nice one! Lovely gesture. The Brits rule. Bless up. X

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