Welcome to CUBA; Part seven
I make an appointment to see the Thomas Cook rep a very nice gentleman. I asked that my wife and I would like to transfer away from this hotel to upgrade to another as the standards of cleanliness are very poor, adults are urinating in the pool, I have the security floodlighting on all night lighting up our rooms, the food is not very nice and I object to being overseen by a security person day and night.” In fairness they offered us another room at the same hotel which we rejected. The Thomas Cook rep arranged for us to see two other hotels, we decide on the Five Star Playa Pasquero. We are assured that the bungalow we will be staying is the very best. Our suit cases are whisked away and put outside the bungalow. We get into a ten-seater silent electric buggy which ‘all drive too fast’ around the accommodation and the most impressive gardens, waiting outside the bungalow in his 4-seater electric silent buggy is some flunky who welcomes us outside the property as he has to give us a guided tour of two rooms ffs! We are knackered from the last few days I am and can be a miserable rude outspoken old git at times so this is all I need what a load of bollocks after our previous experience I would like Lou and I to be alone with our own key so respectfully you can FORN-FFS! (I thought) I have never needed a pigging guide to show me around a figging bedroom before! “Hello, my name is Pepe” he shakes hands “I am your personal butler (WALOBs) for your entire stay here so if there is anything absolutely anything (he looks me up and down) (was that an offer?) anything just anything you want me to just call me on 5555 and I will personally reply, so what FFS. Also, at no extra cost he will open your suitcases and put all your personal clothes yer shoes and yer sweaty sandals and yer skiddy grundies and yer vibrators and yer gel and a coupla weeks gutkers (large knickers) in the right drawers if you wish. That’ll be a ‘no thank-you’ then! He shows us how the taps work (wow) (do we look stupid or summit) on the double jacuzzi, he wanted to chat, I didn’t so Butler brought in our cases then he fuct off so to speak! I believe he was hoping for a tip but I usually tip just before I leave so he’s got a long wait fs. What a plonker “I am your Butler” No you are definitely not my butler that bloody reminds me of that bloody-bleeding blokie from Tunisia ‘I am, hat your service sir’ for two frigging weeks FFS!! Next morning, we leave the bungalow at 8.30 for breakfast, Butler is waiting in his silent buggy to take us to the restaurant saying he had waited from 8.00 am, now how tf were we to know? Sorry, No tip again, no Cuban currency yet Butler Pepe! Rarely saw him since? Apart from on the day we left.
The bungalow had a very comfortable super-duper 7ft king size bed (we never met up for the entire holiday ffs) with an outdoor balcony overlooking trees and a river beyond, a built-in leather three quarter clad bed with pillow leather rolls both ends top to bottom great for tanning and looking at each other from all the sexy angles possible contort at your pleasure that’s if you are that way inclined (I am but…) The really large jacuzzi that my dear wife turned the bathroom into a shower room on our first night by turning everything on without enough water for the jacuzzi jets to operate properly, hilarious fun Lou and I’m not clearing up the mess neither pet or shall I call my Butler FFS! The very best part of the bungalow was through a door from the bathroom were a large open-air outdoor shower 20 feet x 12 feet complete with garden and plants no roof so you can lie Pollock naked to the outside world completely open to the skies and a brilliant ‘I am alone’ sun-trap during the day with belting hot sun and water from the shower cascading over your perfect figure including your fat and leanly bits and yer gangly bits and ‘your arse that if only you could really see WTF yours looks like Ffs? And any other parts you may have so to speak! There is no mirror to remind yourself of your real figure so let it all hang out sod it, the brilliant large rain-water shower from cold to all heats complimented this luxury shower so you can shower and play with yourselves to your hearts content my lovers and nobody could GAF cos nobody else in the world knows ffs and I mean it’s either alone for all sexes for males and females and those who are not sure, I found it great fun for one most of the time (wait till her goes to sleep, I can take this one alone TQ) ‘I had to be alone’ nobody would want to share a shower with me at 4.00 am in the pigging morning TTFFT-FFS!!! My big turn on was after a couple of Cuban rum & cokes then a couple more and of course a couple of smokes and then a couple more then showering hot then cold then bollocks to the cold ffs turn up the heat cos ‘the heat is on as of the now with the pleasantly warm rainfall showers completes the comfort zones refreshing all parts of your body totally unseen by the whole outside world apart from the stars and the moon which are right up there somewhere and the only witnesses to your fancies and feelies. Up above my head I hear voices and soft music in the air so fcuk it lets enjoy with the total full moon up above my head I mean, stoned or what crazy man crazy (trouble is I cannot keep my smoke alight in the shower ffs) the moon stayed with me for almost ten days in its various shapes, best shower in the world either jointly or solo gay or straight, yer know what I’m saying sport! Climatic fun for one so to speak! I was once told that if I kept playing with myself, I would die, I don’t care if I do die do die do die!