geoff says - car boots cornwall
Posted on 23rd June HOME PAGE 23/06/2019Posted: 23/06/2019
UPDATED SUNDAY 30th June 2019
Once again the BBBC cocked up it's weather forecast why do we all watch such an inaccurate load of utter crap?
So the BBBC got it wrong again by portraying bad weather with a yellow warning from early morning and heavy rain more or less all day but that did not happen. In the interest of looking after their ground conditions and taking into consideration the forecast HAYLE RUGBY CLUB cancelled their SUNDAY Car Boot Sale being wrong-footed by the BBBC who said there would be an average of 60% chance of rain more or less all day which was a total load of ollocks with a capital 'B' ffs! Just think of the money lost at Hayle from the sellers the buyers the Landlords rent the caterers the lot all because we all seem to be dominated by watching the ucking crap forecasts which are invariably wrong and wrong again. We have had to cancel the last five Sunday Car Boot Sales at St Columb Major due to weather but here is an opportunity not to miss subject to weather!

The next SUNDAY the 30th of JUNE we will re-start our season at St Columb Major and if you 'want to sell' you then drop me a line to my email address geffers999@hotmail.co.uk and in return I will give you a FIVER off to sell at St COLUMB MAJOR only this coming SUNDAY at 1.30 pm so if you want to 'go in early' then you wont have to pay the fiver extra! Text should read; Hello Geoff, Please take my email address as evidence to ask you for a FIVER off to sell at St Columb this SUNDAY the 30th June, your christian name is fine! Go for it tell you mates!! One of the good thing about St Columb is that the buyers don't haggle so much with the sellers like they do at other places so they tell me and they say "it's always the bleedn foreigners! We're all bleedn foreigners ffs! Love yourself-love your life and live long my bird! Geoff X Sorry, I made a mistake on the dates the mistake was deliberate I just wanted to see if you were paying attention? I have been so unlucky lately I reckon if I fell into a barrel of bosoms I would come out sucking my thumb ffs! Don't let any uncouth person come nick-nicking from you whether it's at the shops or the car boots there is always a skunk wanting to spoil your day. Don't let it happen to you. Happy Mothers Day Off Day! Give her a break and love her to bits and cuddle her lots, that's if you can get your arms around her the dear of her so she is. Kisses for Mumsy! Geoff.

PLEASE NOTE; Car Park Charges waived during the Car Boot Sales is will be FREE PARKING and £1.00 per adult person admission charge.
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
How to sell your car at our Car Boot SalesPosted: 21/06/2019
This item has been re-written including house rules dear!

A Mitchell seller arrives to sell items his car full of bargains plus his ageing Jaguar which he also wanted to sell. Now then, he stuck a couple of notices on the car and waited for the horn to start the sale. Not only did he sell all of his displayed items he also sold his car and he paid the grandly sum of £8.00 to sell the lot taking home well over a couple of grand. For him it was a well-planned and a good day’s work which lasted for less than two hours. Well done young man. We encourage all sellers who are wanting to sell vehicles to come to our boot sales with the vehicle you are hoping to sell loaded up with your selling items but make sure your car doesn’t stink of fag ash or stale farts (its Grandma again ffs) in other words clean the inside and outside right! Now then, you should have at least two large presentable signs with the year of the vehicle showing how much you are wanting for the car. Don’t ffs say ‘make me an offer’ because you could get seriously pissed off saying ‘make me an offer’ at a Car Boot Sale because they are all well experienced to offer you a pound! For a car! Yup, cos that’s what’ll appen fs! Now stick the signs to your windscreens with cellotaph onto the windows of the car you are now ready to sell, go for it, your stall is set up let’s wait for the horn! You will have to pay £8.00 for the stall and I hope you sell all your unwants and the car and we wish you luck! Bit of dosh back of the car, know what I mean sport, but be careful we often get the fuzz and Trading Standards on site, and they don’t come to sell nor buy mate! Oh, and by the way, we know someone who has been caught by the Inland Revenue for selling on eBay under various bogus and family names (now that’s stupid fs) but not declaring the incomes tut-tut, who dropped then in it? It was the Inland Revenue fraud squad mate weren't it. Now then, the chances are that you won’t go to prison but you will be fined very heavily and they the IR are very determined to get their money their bleedn dosh mate so that is seriously when the pressure in on my lover and you think you cannot sleep at nights through the worry but bollocks to that attitude stand-up be a man and say ‘fcuk me gently, I am in the shit and it’s my fault for being a greedy sod so let’s STF up and do a deal to pay. You then start to realize that they are probably very nice people just doing their jobs the barsts that they are so they are ffs, go the Inland Revenue!

Message to the Rev; I don’t suppose you could help with the disclosure of Donald-liar- Trump’s tax forms could you I would love to see him sent to prison for tax evasion for the whole of his life and more FFS! Their tax system in America is totally cocked up but I bet we have a copy of them somewhere, Trump is such a fking liar he is probably the World’s leading verbal diarrhoea President in telling lies to the American people having told over 11,000 lies to those ‘gullible’ yanks in the first two years of his verbal diarrhoeal Presidency so says the figures provided from the New York Times no less. The British Inland Revenue could become World famous if they could come up with his tax details proving he is a worthless berk, result or what? Search those cyber files my lovelies get the Russians and China to help, Go Inland revenue FFS!! If there are 10 Americans that I detest then Donald Duck the truth TRUMP is all of them, may he be blessed with permanent lockjaw and uncontrollable bouts of the shit’s cos that’s all he talks man, crap! Yer know what I'm saying man total crap ffs! Sorry, back to your car then;

Please note the rules of the game;
Now then, if you sell a vehicle at any of our Car Boot Sales, we will accept no responsibility for any vehicles sold at our locations; howsoever advertised whether the vehicle is either owned by you or stolen for you or by you or whatever if it’s the wreck of the week or whatever-whatever I don’t care, but it must be taxed and roadworthy further than that I don’t really GAF cos the onus for the car is entirely upon yourselves so don’t over exaggerate its condition and don’t ffs say “it’s got almost new tyres” when the whole world can see they are as bald as an old man’s wrinkly arse ffs! One ruling you may start the car for up to 10 seconds only to prove it’s got an engine, (smog-think of your neighbours) but it must not be driven out of the selling area by the hopefully new owner. Cost is £8.00 for the selling car or a van is from £10.00 amen end of rules!
One of the main advantages is that you don’t get potential tyre-kickers who have seen your advert in the paper then they come around to your place to see the car with all the bleedn kids wasting time expecting to be invited in for a tea or a coffee, wot no biscuits mate and then they don’t buy the car ffs, another benefit is that the pigging neighbours don’t get to know all yer business do they though? FFS!

Alternatively, you could go up-market and sell your car at the Lodge & Thomas Car Auctions held at the Truro Cattle Market on Thursdays at 6.00pm (check their website for further details) Lodge and Thomas have been our Landlords for the 30 years that we have held Car Boot Sales at Truro Cattle Market. They are without doubt the best Landlords ever over the 30 plus years, we have never had cross words cos they have allowed us to run our Car Boot Sales without interference and they have trusted us with the care of the Cattle Market during their absence, go Lodge & Thomas!
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
Posted from HOME PAGE 20/06/19Posted: 20/06/2019
(Sunday poor forecast) SATURDAY at MITCHELL at 12.00 noon, SUNDAY TRURO at 12 / SUNDAY at St Columb at 1.30 pm
According to the BBC weather forecast Sunday is supposed to be raining but the bloody BBC have got it wrong so many times they ruin outdoor events so if they are they are right you can rely on TRURO Car Boot being held at 12.00 noon going ahead as we use the Cattle Pens which is very well supported by Joe and Johanna Public and if you make the effort and give your public BARGAINS then you will take money! To sell is 'well worth a punt' you should target taking at least £75.00 last Sunday 7 sellers I spoke with had exceeded the over one hundred pounds mate but don't expect to take that sort of dosh if you bring toot items! Go for it my lovers!

Newquay is our NEW location we are now at Chapel Farm which is opposite HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK. Sellers should arrive at least one hour at all locations before the start times at all locations. And now, it's 'thought for the day time' Go for it Geoff! Sellers please do not smoke when you are selling, it's bad manners and it will put your customers off and your breath and the things you are hoping to sell will probably stink! Been there done that and I have no idea where the money went that I don't spend on fags, gave it up 15 years ago. You could do the same if you want to add years to your life yer know. Take care, give it up man I mean have the odd spliff or two but you do not need those 2 deadly poisons of tobacco and nicotine in your systems do yer though. I have lost many customers over the years who have had an early demise cos of fags and they were lovely-lovely people (sniff-sniff) and I really miss them but truth to tell is that I really do miss their money ffs! Bless up man! Live de life. Give it up my men and my women friends we want to talk to you-not about you? Nearly forgot to say do not let anyone nick-nick off you my bird because if you are not alert you could lose out, know wot I mean! Geoff xx
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
HEARTLANDS on WEDNESDAYS from 3rd of July 12.00 noon to 3.00 pmPosted: 15/06/2019
We are commencing Car Boot Sales at Heartlands Pool Redruth on WEDNESDAY the 3rd of JULY from 12.00 till 3.00 pm /// PLEASE note the following charges to sell; Cars £6.00 Estates and 4 x 4s £8.00 Vans from 12.00 Market Trader prices may be charged at £1.00 per foot depending on the size of the stall /// I have this idea that SATURDAYS at HEARTLANDS during the winter months 'using the hard-standing grounds for the Boot Sale for the Car Boot Sales and using the indoor Hall for Flea Markets both at the same time' could do well however I need your opinions please. However the Heartlands management are wanting a justified rent which I support so the question is will you support SATURDAYS at HEARTLANDS because there is nowt going on after all of the boots close down and there's sod-all to do in the winter month apart from eat and get chubby sitting in your armchairs not getting fresh air
and hibernation and vegetating and becoming boring old farts and fartesses! Come to Heartlands 'great kids fun park' //////////// Please Note; The CAR PARK CHARGES ARE TURNED OFF DURING THE CAR BOOT SALES; Admission Cost is £1.00 per adult person, Kids free up to 12 years old then 20 per child all proceeds to my annual holidays if you don't mind fs! I jest of course! Opinions please to; geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
PLEASE NOTE; Car Park Charges waived during the Car Boot Sales is will be FREE PARKING and £1.00 per adult person admission charge.
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
Strange goings on at Mitchell today, were you there?Posted: 14/06/2019
Here is a lovely email from Chris who is probably not aware of my bent sense of humour but I would love any of you sellers who may have had a similar experience at Mitchell to tell me 'wot append' then I can let you know but I think this is a big wind-up my bird!

Act One;

The incoming email;
From: chris@anywhere.com>
Sent: 15 June 2019 17:35
To: enquiries@carbootscornwall.co.uk

Subject: Strange goings on with the car at Mitchell parking field

Hi, this is an odd request, but I would be grateful if you have any information regarding this phenomenon...

A while ago I was parked by your team right over on the far left of the parking field, about three quarters of the way back parallel to the A3076. I had trouble locking
and then opening my car after the boot fair with my remote key.

I thought the battery was going but had no problem anywhere else since so forgot all about it.

Today, I was parked in the same area again, and it happened again. Are you aware of any other motorists who experience difficulties in that particular area please? I'm sure there must be a mast or other strong signal in that vicinity which blocks my key signal?

Would love to be able to be able to solve this mystery.

Many thanks,


PS: It's a BMW if that helps?

Act 2;

Geoff Says reply;

Hello Chris,

Thank you so much for your email with strange goings on at Mitchell.

I must admit that I have not received any similar comment or requests for information neither am I aware of any 'mast with a strong signal' however I will put your email onto 'Geoff Says' to ascertain if any other sellers have had any similar 'out of body experiences'

Respectfully, I am taking your email in a very light-hearted way because this could be a wind-up? Did you leave your car radio on during the sale because that seriously runs down car batteries and car the keys just give up, sod it like! By the way I have known a few people who have had trouble with BMW's but that’s another story!

Let's see if I can get any feedback from my 'stranger than fiction' sellers who may have experienced similar to Chris at Mitchell Car Boot Sale on SATURDAY 15th of June 2019 please rest assured that I will not disclose your email address otherwise you could have a few nutters expressing worthless ideas that amount to nothing the dear of them.

Kind regards,


Now this guy made a real prick of himelf ffs!
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
Must read Gossip on 'The Weasel' updated 10/06/2019Posted: 12/06/2019
Major Gossip, you must read this;
Updated 10/0/2019

“The Weasel”
A regular seller who sells mainly tools often arrives at our locations in particular Truro Cattle Market normally he is in a know-all grumpy old sod of a rude mood, wherever I park him with his white knacked out clapped out old van he complains that I could have parked him in a better place (“it does not matter where tf you are parked maid if you have the bargains the buyers will find you believe me”) He’s never happy unless he’s sucking miserable the cantankerous sod that he is so he is FFS. Anyway’s today I learned some major gossip about this man who is apparently known to other sellers and regular auction buyers as ‘the Weasel’ ffs, I was reliably informed by my ‘in the know informant who should remain anonymous’ (Jim Slyps) that this is what happened;

The ‘Weasel’ was at the famous Martin Rowe Auctions one fine day in May where he was trying to make bids on various boxes of mixed stuffs mainly those including loads of tools and the like. The Auction started and soon Weasel was raising his hand to bid but the Auctioneer totally ignored the Weasel’s efforts to bid even though his arms were reaching high up into the sky but the dear Auctioneer from his Pulpit of the bids seemed to be
deliberately sending the Weasel to Coventry preferring to take other bids from the floor ignoring ‘the Weasel’ completely and totally blanking him out so to speak ffs! ‘Weasel’ was more than furious seething stamping his feet almost spitting blood ffs “Why the fcuk am I being ignored” so he waited right to the bitter end of the auction complaining to all and sundry or those folks who could be bothered to listen to his uttering and mutterings that ‘he had bought nothing, nowt, frig all, pissing folk all, zilcho Caputo zero and other offensive languages like FFS “cos the Auctioneer was ignoring me” (more tears) ffs!

So determined was ‘Weasel’ to find out why TF he was being ignored FFS! He went to complain to the highest level of the Auction House the Auctioneers Office and the Auctioneer himself, God no less! He was invited into the office and was politely asked to ‘look at the TV screen’ where they had been filming him since he had arrived at the auction. They showed him parts of the film as he watched himself taking various items mainly tools out of some of the boxes of lots and putting the ‘now stolen’ items into the boxes that he was intending to bid on the cheeky sod not just one box but more than several boxes ffs! Bingo! Got yer-yer B’stard!! That is a premeditated criminal act by intending to steal items from several boxes depriving items owned by someone entirely unrelated to the boxes that he wanted to bid on, tut-tut, I mean that’s king selfish and more than a tad devious the B’stard so he is fs.
I am also reliably informed that other buyers knew ‘the Weasel’ (how he got the nick-name I do not know but he does have the look of distant relative of a weasel really when you squint a bit ffs so you will have to use your imagination stare at the picture and imagine it has a man face, it certainly does when I'm stoned man ffs, back to the story) Anyway, he were doing this dishonest act for some time and loads of people knew all about his scam so hopefully it was one of they who shopped him, but I mean ‘brainless or what?’ because just imagine you are the Weasel;

“Now then you ‘first you engage brain” cos if I had been doing what he were a doing and suddenly the Auctioneer is totally blanking me I would have said to myself hello-hello, summits up ere mate, it must be my aftershave ffs, pause, think, there’s something’s definitely wrong I mean look they’re pigging ignoring me every time I try to bid, why TF? I reckon they must of frigging twigged me mate ffs (panic-stricken) help! They king know what I am up to, games up mate fs, which is the quickest exit ffs, let’s skid-addle and walk away having not spent a penny quickly with tightly-squezzed-butt-cheeks and in jerky movements like all Weasel’s do ffs so let’s FRO the pigging now FFS! Then I would have gone home jet washed my butt cheeks change my underwear make a cup of coffee, good god that was a fluking close one, phew!! Someone knocking at the door OMG FFS!!!

I jest! But it is quite obvious to those of us who have really common-sense that all Auction Houses would have very good close-circuit systems recording their popular weekly sales. I am told by sauces in the know that‘The weasel’ was barred from Martin Rowe Auction house, he was very lucky they didn't involve the Police! Result or what, r-soles like the Weasel should be publicly shamed for their stupidity and dishonest activities with a smart kick in the balls as a quiet bit of justice, metaphorically speaking so to speak, but some people would even get a kick out of that ffs!

We salute Martin Rowe Auctioneers who have always had a great reputation over the thirty odd years we have known them. Result or what! I mean, how tf can any-one personage in life earn the nick-name of ‘the Weasel’ ffs! Oh, and by the way this man’s action harms our good name and our reputation at CBC cos all the auction people know that ‘the Weasel’ sells his ill-gotten gains at Truro Falmouth also including Rosudgeon and Hayle!

Geoff Says;
I reserve the rights to ‘free speech’ and I have probably exaggerated this story a tad more than a tad, however several people have identified 3 different weasel’s whilst others say it’s a load of boll-ox, that also could be true ffs but I have enjoyed bringing the ‘gossip to the people’ So, if you have an outrageous bit of gossip then tell me in the complete confidence and knowledge that I cannot be trusted not to repeat the gossip with non-de-plume unidentifiable names like ‘weasel’ ffs.

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FRIDAY at FALMOUTH is CANCELLED due to forecast of heavy rains, sorry. We are at MITCHELL on SATURDAY at 1.00 pmPosted: 06/06/2019
FRIDAY at FALMOUTH is CANCELLED due to forecast of heavy rains, sorry. We are at MITCHELL on SATURDAY at 1.00 pm
SUNDAY @ TRURO at 12.00 noon, also on SUNDAY @ St Columb Major starts @ 1.30 pm Early sellers can arrive and set up for an extra £5.00 per vehicle at both locations, strictly NO BUYING-NO LOOKING-NO RESERVING-NO SELLING, Right!! All other sellers will be shown to their selling space 30 minutes to set up for the start times as shown; TRURO at new time of 12.00 noon & St Columb Major at 1.30 pm! Enjoy your day, no-nicking-no pinching-no half-inching no taking stuff that belongs to someone else, got it? I am pig sick of Brexit let's go loony and show a Mooney to the world. NIGEL FARAGE for PM he's got more balls than fat-bloke Boris with his runty side-kick four-eyes (can't think of his stupid name) Mrs May tried and failed dear of her and draft dodger yellow belly Trump is a bloody liar and a racist to boot, so he is the ugly sod! I love Cornwall and it's people we are now heading into the busy season enjoy and buy or sell some bargains, Have you noticed I like to be controversial now and again? But look, there has been 1,447,484 real live hits heading towards one and a half million hits on my website and I do it to please the majority and to my critics and their poison pen threats through my junk mail you can GAFYs! Geoff X
Reply to geffers999@hotmail.co.uk
Posted 27th May;Posted: 30/05/2019
TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS Car Boot Sales at NEWQUAY Chapel Farm both at 12 noon
NEW LOCATION at Newquay at Chapel Farm opposite the famous HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK. Enjoy your life. X The rest of this week; FRIDAY at Falmouth Rugby Club at 12.30 pm/Saturday at MITCHELL at 12.00 noon/SUNDAY at TRURO at (new time) 12.00 noon also at St COLUMB MAJOR at 1.30 pm........ Now remember this; Pack your car up properly so that your selling items 'do not crash onto your feet' as you open your car boot to start unloading dears, it happens almost daily and who gets the blame? You do! It was probably his fault who will blame her but it's not a very good start for anyone is it now. Pack your car up safely and the last items that to pack are your tables dear because that's the first thing you will need when you arrive! Bring some change and buyers bring some carrier bags for your bargain purchases and plenty of dosh please! PS; If you are selling opened cans of paint please ensure the lids are on, it looks hilarious when someone arrives with a redecorated boot in various colours and they expect me to do something about it fs! Watch out, no petty stealing from the stalls, right! Happiness is being positive about your day and to be caring for those closest to you but not that bleeden close cos they could pick your pockets not just at car boots but everywhere fs. Here is a good one, love your neighbours despite the fact they can be a total pain in yer piles at times so they can, come and tell me about them but firstly remember and admit you are half of the problem so you are fs! Come and tell me all about your 'lovely neighbours' and I will pass the anonymous details in Geoff Says, make it spicy and as horny as you like but if they are the best in the world then sleep in silence with a contented smile across your faces you smug lot of lucky people, Happiness is! Love your support thank you. Geoff X
Thunder Thighs are fine someone to grab hold of and love forever. X
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Next CAR BOOT review date is 07/07/2020
Please read Geoff Says.
@ TUESDAYS at Chapel Farm opposite HENDRA
End Of Season
@ NEWQUAY Chapel Farm TR8 4NY
End Of Season
End Of Season
@ MITCHELL (TR8 5FD) SATURDAYS at 12.00 noon
End Of Season
@ St Columb Major (TR8 4JA)
End Of Season
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