geoff says - car boots cornwall
Posted on HOME PAGE 20/05/2019Posted: 22/05/2019
WE HAVE MOVED TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS at NEWQUAY Chapel Farm Car Boot Sales at 12.0 noon
WE HAVE MOVED Tuesday & Thursday Car Boot Sales at 12.00 noon to Chapel Farm almost opposite HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK first opinions are very favorable we have a nice clean location, enjoy!! SUNDAYS at TRURO & St Columb Major at 1.30 pm// Please Note; TRURO Cattle Market will change the start time from SUNDAY 2nd of JUNE to 12.00 noon for the rest of the year however on the 2nd of June you can present any FIVE tickets to gain £5.00 off selling for the one day only at 12.00 noon!! We are no longer involved with the running of PENRYN Rugby Club due to lack of support at this venue. Please be secure with your stalls and ensure no-one steals from you especially young children. Be well and enjoy your life. Geoff X
It's my daddy.........
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Major Gossip, you must read this;Posted: 22/05/2019

The Weasel!
A regular seller who sells mainly tools often arrives at our locations in particular Truro Cattle Market normally he is in a know-all grumpy sod of a rude mood, wherever I park him with his white knacked out clapped out old van he complains that I could have parked him in a better place (“it does not matter where tf you are parked if you have the bargains the buyers will find you believe me”) He’s never happy unless he’s miserable the cantankerous sod that he is so he is FFS. Anyway’s today I learned some major gossip about this man who is apparently known to other sellers and regular auction buyers as ‘the weasel’ ffs, I was reliably informed by my ‘in the know informant who should remain anonymous’ (Jim Slyps) that this is what happened;

The ‘Weasel’ was at the famous Martin Rowe Auctions one fine day in May where he was trying to make bids on various boxes of mixed stuffs including loads of tools and the like. The auctioneers totally ignored the Weasel’s efforts to bid preferring to take bids from the floor ignoring ‘the Weasel’ completely and totally blanking him out so to speak ffs! ‘Weasel’ was more than furious seething stamping his feet almost spitting blood ffs so he waited right to the bitter end of the auction complaining to all and sundry or those who could be bothered to listen bitterly that ‘he had bought nothing, nowt, frig all, pissing fcuk all, zilcho caput zero FFS!! So determined was ‘Weasel’ that he went to complain to the highest level of the Auction House land the Auctioneers Office no less! He was invited into the office and was asked to ‘look at the TV screen’ where they had been filming him since he arrived at the auction. They showed him parts of the film as he watched himself taking various items out of some of the boxes of lots and putting the ‘now stolen’ items into the boxes that he was intending to bid on the cheeky sod not just one box but more than several boxes ffs! That is a premeditated criminal act by intending to steal items from several boxes probably depriving items owned by someone entirely unrelated to the boxes that he wanted to bid on, tut-tut fs. I am also reliably informed that other buyers knew ‘the Weasel’ was doing this dishonest act for some time hopefully it was one of they who shopped him, brainless he was because;
“Now then, if I had been doing what he were a doing then suddenly the Auctioneer is totally blanking me I would have said to myself it must be my aftershave something’s wrong ere mate they’ve ignoring me fcuk me I reckon they must of frigging twigged me ffs (panic-stricken) help, ffs they king know what I am up to, games up mate, where is the quickest exit ffs let’s walk away quickly with tightly squezzed butt cheeks and in jerky movements so let’s FRO the now FFS! Then I would have gone home and changed my underwear made a cup of coffee, good god that was a close one, phew!! I jest!

It is quite obvious to those of us who have common-sense that all Auction Houses would have very good close-circuit systems recording their popular weekly sales. ‘The weasel’ was barred from Martin Rowe Auction house, he was very lucky they didn’t involve the Police! Result or what, r-soles like the weasel should be publicly shamed for their stupidity and dishonest activities with a smart kick in the balls as a quiet bit of justice, metaphorically speaking so to speak! We salute Martin Rowe Auctioneers who have always had a great reputation over the thirty odd years we have known them.

Result or what! I mean, how tf can any-one personage earn the nick-name of ‘the Weasel’ ffs! Oh, and by the way this man’s actions harms our good name and reputation at CBC cos all the auction people know that ‘the Weasel’ sells a most of the Car Boot Sales including Rosudgeon and Hayle!
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How much pay for a handbag made me ill fs.Posted: 10/05/2019
Updated 01/06/2019;
A few weeks Lou asked me to take her to the MULBERRY shop in Somerset cos her wanted to look at the hand-made handbags. We walked into the store which was full mainly of handbags and other MULBERRY stuff. I am pretty impatient, I have seen the handbags, now what, shall we go? but no, she the woman I have loved for over 30 years insists on drawing my attention to a brown leather handmade which she models with a huge smile on her face, decision made! I am lead to the cashier which was the first time I learned the price, I looked at Lou 'how dare you I was only wanting to pay up to a couple of hundred quids.I didn't dare wipe the smile of her face so kept my trap shut. I ask for a chair whilst I get over the cashiers demand for payment of £650 pounds FFS.

Delighted she was pissed off I was, the journey home with the new handbag made me think behave yourself Geoff and then I remembered this; Many years ago I bought Lou a gift that I paid £50 for, her was pleased, I was pleased. The next weekend at the Car Boot at Truro there on one sellers stall is the identical gift that I had bought for Lou and it was only £8.00 and brand new ffs! We made a vow from that day that we would not buy any presents for each other, no cards no birthdays no anniversaries no Christmas presents nowt!

I looked at her new handbag as she sits there admiring her very own Mulberry and thought it must be fifteen years since I have bought her a present and I have just treated her to a bag costing £650.00 ffs the first present like forever and then I worked out the cost over the fifteen year and fcuk me it works out at an average of £43.00 a year which is about 12 pence a day! What a 'bargain' and the smile of happiness beamed across her face or was it a touch of the the belches the dear of her. Isn't it a tad snobby to ave a bag that cost so much but I am thinking of changing my watch soon and it is not going to be cheap my darling Lou.

Our love has blossomed (until today) since the arrival of the bag which was shown to my lovely Dementia mother in law who took one look at the bag after Lou displayed it and walked out of the room without a word, but she did turn left instead of going right opening the cupboard door thinking it was her bedroom ffs! I live on the funny farm, by the way did you know we have got three Alpacas two goats 6 chickens two Chiwawas and the swallows have returned so life is beautiful all of the time, allegedly. I asked mother in law "What have you been doing all day" she says "Oh I have been milking the Alpacas and the goats" which is a blatant lie cos they are all castrated boys ffs the dear of her. I wouldn't mind but its all in her mind which is slowing up, such a shame Dementia nice people losing their dignity and their minds, be nice to the carers please. Geoff

Quick story;

My mate Kym dearly loves his wife and as a gift to her he quietly went about buying a car for she paying the stunning price of £1500.00 (wow big spender) anyway he arrived home with the car and her reaction was "Thank-you but I don't like the car, Kym was mostly pissed off ending up with saying 'well if you don't like it then sell ffs!' He didn't actually say ffs but it adds to the story! now then wifey back home sets about selling the car and son in law was asked 'how much should I sell the car for?' Cockney son in law says "you should get one and a half to sell it quickly" Hooray, wifey is delighted as her sells the car to the first person who paid in cash no less!

My mate Kym gets home after a hard days work as soon as he opens the door her says to him 'I have sold the car the money is on the mantle-piece' Kym goes to the mantle-piece checks the money his cheeks are getting inflamed his butt cheeks are tightening as he shouts "Who tf told you to sell it for that price ffs" her replies it was the son in law! Kym phones son in law "WTF price did you tell her indoors to sell that king car ffs" he says 'I told her one and a half' "There your are says wifey he told me to sell it for one and a half and that's what I sold it for one and a half £150.00 OMG FFS WTF!

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FRIDAY FALMOUTH at 12.30 pm//SATURDAY at MITCHELL 12.00 noon//SUNDAY at TRURO & St Columb at 1.30 pm//All subject to weatherPosted: 08/05/2019
FRIDAY FALMOUTH at 12.30 pm//SATURDAY at MITCHELL 12.00 noon//SUNDAY at TRURO & St Columb at 1.30 pm//All subject to weather
PLEASE NOTE; TRURO 'new time' at 12.00 noon from the 2nd of JUNE at 12.00 noon! If you have ANY FIVE tickets you can gain £5.00 off only at TRURO on SUNDAY June the 2nd .....The main reason we are changing the time is due to the traffic chaos around all roads surrounding the Cattle Market and Waitrose where we loose a lot of customers delayed by the heavy traffic, also this is good news for the rich dealers who can come straight from Hayle Car Boot then on to TRURO at 12 then on to St Columb Major for 1.30 where real BARGAINS EXIST!! Tell your friends! Could Car Boots Cornwall be running Car Boot Sales at "HEARTLANDS" soon?? Gossip or what? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "WE HAVE MOVED" to CHAPEL FARM NEWQUAY Tuesdays & THURSDAYS at 1200 noon! Weather WARNING for light rain Friday also there is a FAIR at Falmouth this week but weekend seems fine so far! Wherever you sell keep an eye on your selling items 'no nicking please' our cameras do not lie! Geoff Says;
Wear a condom day!
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Posted on HOME PAGE 01/05/2019Posted: 02/05/2019
FRIDAY at 12.30 at FALMOUTH/SATURDAY at MITCHELL at 12/SUNDAY and MONDAY at TRURO both at 1.30 pm
Latest GREAT NEWS 1; St Columb Major STARTS SUNDAY at 1.30 pm/GREAT NEWS 2; We have MOVED to Chapel Farm (opposite HENDRA) Tuesdays and Thursdays at 12 noon/GREAT NEWS 3; we will stay at TRURO Car Boot Sundays at 1.30 pm then change the starting time to 12.00 noon at the end of May. St Columb will also run Car Boot Sales SUNDAYS at 1.30 pm.

Beware that someone may try to steal from your stall, they do it in town centres but to stoop as low to steal from Car Boot Sales is the total pits when sellers are trying to sell their unwanted items for some money for the family! please be aware?

Strictly NO DOGS in the selling area at MITCHELL however there are 3 fields where you can exercise yourselves and your dogs, how about that my lovers, walkies!! Knackering oh yes, but you are out in the fresh air and at field number three you can let your dogs off their leads for a while. If the missus reads this she will send you so she can quietly go round the boot sale and have the freedom to buy whatever she wants to buy without interference from you ffs! x Happy Bank Holiday, I have no idea why we have this weekend but every MONDAY should be a Bank Holiday.

Buy wisely then sell on eBay what goes around comes around? Why-ever not Geoff Says; x
Nigel and father rock-on Paul ugly buggers so they are fs.
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Mitchell; Saturday 27th of April Pussy Galore!Posted: 01/05/2019
Pussy Galore!
To start with this blog, I have to show great respect to the creators of this story that actually happened last Saturday at Mitchell, we were well into the sale lots of buyers carrying stuff they had bought at BARGAIN prices. Life was going on just about perfect when suddenly I get a message that 2 of my sellers mother and daughter who were selling in their own cars that the mothers pussy had been killed on the main road and that they must both leave the boot sale to go home and commiserate with the family, nice touch but they were both packing their stall into boxes and shoving it anywhere in both their cars at an alarming pace the slamming their car doors to leave the car boot. They drove slowly past myself Rock-on (Paul) and Nigel, we hung our heads in respect for the ladies dead 'pussy’ as the two ladies crying their bloody eyes out blurring their visions for driving with tears galore ffs!

I mean, it must be a dreadful experience when a woman’s pussy dies, sympathies all round and we discussed that maybe the cat was injured but still alive then that could be the reason for their haste! I said to Rock-on “Maybe they will have to give pussy ‘kiss of life’ have you ever given a pussy kiss of life ffs” to which he and Nigel went into hysterics with their filthy minds working overtime with mine, I mean hilarious or not but this is to all the women who have pussies of their own may I say with the greatest respect could I ask you “Would you go rushing home after your pussy had died, but the big question is my lovelies would your man be more upset than you that your very own pussy had died deceased, dead, no more gone, kaput! Think about it my men if her pussy has died what are you going to play with now then? Respects to all pussies and their owners forever;
If this story sounds a bit fishy, it is not, it is the truth ffs!
Geoff Says. x
Pussy Pants
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Posted 29/04/2019Posted: 30/04/2019
TUESDAY & THURSDAYS Car Boot sales at NEWQUAY (TR7 2JQ) see panel for details of all our Car Boots on the right!
We are hoping to move into our new location Chapel Farm on TUESDAY the 14th of May for our first Car Boot Sale at Chapel. We are at an angle opposite HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK the largest in Cornwall which gets packed with holiday-makers who love their Car Boots, they will spend well if you have what they want on your stall so sellers offer BARGAINS at sensible prices and buyers particularly my friends from Asia and all parts of Europe please be sensible when making an offer for if someone is asking £10.00 for an item it is bloody rude to offer them 'vun pound please' you cheeky sods and it's the men who some of them are not used to toilet and chain business so they take a pee behind the water tank, that's disgusting if we catch you believe me you will be put into the next Farm Auction after being castrated amongst all the fat cows ffs and I am not picking on but why are you all growing beards, did you know that because of germs it is better to kiss a dog than a man with a beard, much safer dears. Confucius he say; Never grow on your face what grows up your bum for free! Please note all the above my friends from all over the world welcome to our Boot Sales and spend some king money ffs! Love you'll. Geoff Says. x
Equality on thunder thighs!
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Welcome to CUBAPosted: 27/04/2019
Part ONE;
Most of the readers of this blog will know the history of me my wife Lou and my mother in law Julia who has Dementia, she is living with us in an up-sized house owned by Lou at Winnards Perch giving all three of us our own space which works to a certain extent until Julia displays further signs of the worsening of her illness, nevertheless it is time to have a complete rest from each other as stress levels have been high and low now and again (more now than again) between my loving wife Louise myself and her mum Julia who is a total pain in the arse at times but I like her a lot she is a lovely lady who keeps me in stitches with her child-like stupidity through her illness and her loves my appreciation of her overacted errors which really pisses off my lovely Lou who cannot understand my patience. So, it’s seconds-away-time to get away!
We found a lovely farmhouse care home in Hayle that Julia approved of after visiting so it was her decision that she would stay for the duration of our holiday which gave us the freedom to get away from it all into the sun so it’s goodbye to Julia, enjoy your stay away from us as we will enjoy your stay away from us as well my dear mother in law Julia!! Peace perfect peace can reign between my Lou and myself trouble is I get into serious trouble sticking up for her mum who shows Lou absolutely no appreciation for being her Carer, no pleases, no thank-you, no kiss my butt nothing, my Lou gives five-star service to her mum (my mate Julia) who adores me FFS ‘for I can do no wrong’ which pisses Lou off immensely. And so, it should! Julia is fading away she cannot do anything for herself apart from eat but she is constantly forgetting to drink, you don’t drink-you dehydrate you die Julia, end of FFS! But give her a jigsaw and she total fcuks up, challenge her on the meaning of words or get her to stop reading Pam Ayres poetry bloody book constantly OUT LOUD ffs she is perfection itself but a total a boil on the bum pain with her school Marm voice.
This blog may seem as though I go through life picking fault in hotels which is not the case however if I am on holiday with my fellow Brits whoever they are and I see incidents where there is a complete lack and disregard to the Public Health and Safety towards me and my fellow holiday-makers then I speak out loud and clear. It is quite clear that THOMAS COOK do not inspect their holidays hotels ensuring Public Safety that the totally unsupervised swimming pools could and will do harm to your children where there is a FREE BAR with seating for loutish people hell bent on getting pissed out of their minds not leaving the pool but to piss in the pool that circulates going into your children’s swimming pool and Thomas Cook management couldn't’ give a fcuk FFS!! I reserve the rights of ‘outspoken free speech’ thank-you!
The holiday begins;
Newquay Airport was a pleasant experience this time as in previous years the departure lounge and its security were a total nightmare, I reckon if I had stripped off to my Crown Jewels G string grundies bought for me by a secret admirer (myself) they would have still wanted to scan me fs. Talk about totally over the top with its stupid scanning security outdated system of everything you own being scanned as you stand there with your belts off for security reasons your frigging trousers are near falling down to your poxy ankles ffs as you shuffle forward like Nerds United, next you are getting owned and scanned with skeleton pictures of your body and your feet are ferking freezing cos you've had to take your bloody shoes off and now ffs all you own including your money your wallets you’re pigging purses yer jewellery yer small change the kicking lot ffs all for security reasons. So everything you own has gone into the box to be scanned that hundreds of other people’s germs from all the boxes contaminating your property, then there was also a distinct possibility of getting frisked and scanned into the bargain cos you have a wedding ring on ffs and all because you set off their body scan system. I mean getting ferking frisked by some sweaty local bloke who is ‘loven-it my lovely’ as he frisks every part of your body that he feels like going because he wants to ffs, purvey or what? The scan business of looking for drugs is a stupid idea, the ‘stuff’ they are looking for is already on the plane in my case my man FFS! I mean this is CORNWALL trust us fs and anyway who TF is bothered if someone like me a doddery old fart for instance has got enough smokes of the weed stuff to last for his or her holiday, so what, MYOFB and blow up your pants!! Legalize it FFS!
In the real world it is becoming the norm to legalize Cannabis like Canada and the various states in the US of A not attributed to the most dangerous git on the planet motor-mouth and convicted liar Donald (duck the truth) Trump! To call him a wanker would be a great injustice and a discredit to all of us normal or rapid (one shake and it’s all over ffs) style wankers male or female or both together, I mean he must join the ranks as the complete Toss-Pot President and a serious danger to the world FFS! From the first day of his presidency the draft dodging jerk has told well over 9000 lies so far confirmed by the New York Times and the entire media including Fox News who are bigger liars than Trump the man known as the biggest motor-mouthed Pinocchio in the world FFS! To call him a twat would be most disrespectful because most ‘twats’ are loved throughout the world FFS!
Any-ways up, we finally get into the Newquay Airport departures lounge to put yer pigging shoes on readjust your clothing and get rid of yer wedges ffs, then try to find a comfortable seat and await the first part of almost 10,000 miles of our round-trip holiday. We enjoy flying and we love people watching at the way they all live their lives but we do not intrude we just observe then forget. My first real entertainment of the holiday whilst her was reading a book was looking at this some large gorgeous young lady with long black flowing hair complimented her large but pretty face sitting opposite to me waiting for the Gatwick Flight, her was reading a book with one hand and over her shoulder her had a large bag inside was the biggest packet of Wotsits I have ever seen, every few seconds her other hand would dive into the Wotsits bag and her was scoffing then into her sensuous lips and gob handfuls of them without looking and was her some large or what? Her was wearing this tight as tight is brown pair of jeans and her had the biggest pair of thighs that I have ever seen either on a bloke or a woman FFS as I absent-mindedly (liar) observed all of this whilst looking at my fellow passengers FFS.
I nudged my Lou spraying the words behind my hand “have you theen the thighs of the thunder thighs thitting over there thweetheart ffs?” She scowled at me, I mean if the lady had been 80 my Lou would have found it very funny but because her were large and very-very pretty like Lou used to be ffs I get the most ridiculous Paddington stare ffs, I mean women where’s your sense of humour going nowadays, I mean what’s going on in your minds sometimes ffs, I mean can’t some of you dearest darling wives pull such horrible snarling and frightening ghostly stares with distorted gobs at times keeping us men totally under-control we are the hen-pecked Cornish husbands that’s what we is fs we seem to have ‘no rights at all’ as she with the faces of thunder which says “shut TFU right now FFS!” and we have to obey just for the sake of peace, but we do love them and we know we are always in the rights ffs?
The new love of my life got up I suppose to go for a pee as she smiled at me, I noticed she had all her own teeth her thundered past the ground rocked and the heavens opened as her left with an air of beauty and magnificence perfumed up to the eyeballs gone and away leaving her Wotsits behind on her seat. I mean lovely her were, my mind wandered as I thought about sitting next to her on the cheap and minuscule uncomfortable Fly-be seats where you really have to squeeze yer cheeks in for the entire flight ffs hopefully it would probably be difficult, I cannot imagine anything worse than being crushed by the feminine beauty of the new love in my life ‘thunder thighs’ clad in brown denims with her perfume that were gorgeous, now then I wouldn't personally complain cos I would be loven it either being crushed into the window seat or having to push into her because someone wants to walk up the centre aisle ffs, carry on be my guests, or ‘what if’ someone doesn't have a seat because say they have overbooked the flight I could perhaps sit on her lap or better still her could sit on my lap OMG I can’t move what a ferking wonderful way to die FFS! The most I can hope for is my Lou agreeing to seat changes, that aint going to happen, I would be loven it loven it, but I seriously reckon that if someone were to stick a pin-prick into one of her thighs she would have gone off to such a ferking great BANG every bugger in the airport would be fricking showered with Wotsits FFS! Did I say it already ‘her were lovely’ my total respect for women grows by the inches (which I must keep under control ffs!!) But even more fun was to come in Cuba, oh yes indeedy!

Now this is what you call Hog Roasts x 3 hogs dealt with by 3 very happy roasters!
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