So, we are off to Portugal for ten days starting off by arriving at Newquay Airport arriving in enough time  to join a queue that is allegedly called “Priority” which is a load of old bollocks, it means nothing more than being herded into a space for twenty passengers that eventually holds 55 and some 40 minutes later you are allowed to get to the steps to board this Ryan Air flight to Albefeuro> My seat number was 1C which put me on the front row wedged into a seat small enough for a kid next door to ‘fat bloke’ who spread over 3 seats and he with his fat bloke wife opened packets of crisps three bottles of rum and coke where if I wanted to I would not have enough space to lift my pigging arm and glass ffs! Was I annoyed, no not really, I was being time out from the wife who was several rows behind chuntering on and on and a bit more so I have a complete break from my ‘official care’ although I do a fair bit of caring because I do love her and I am allegedly missing her! The plane arrives we are here on holiday which starts right now but oh no, as soon as the Meccano plane stops the pilot bales out urgently needing a piss but he don’t want to go where hundreds of us normal folks peeps have emptied our bowels and bladders to our hearts content many of the man-blokes missing hitting the target ‘in one’ from the childlike sized bog to piss in more like pissing outside onto the floor and willfully splashing his new holiday sandals that his wifey bought for ‘is oliday so to speak like’ and dribbling on his pigging trousers ffs.

We are in an apartment in Albefeuro Portugal in a smart all apartments hotel which is 4 Star rating and from what we have seen so far it is certainly well worthy of the rating. The apartment comprises of sitting room, bathroom, fully fitted kitchen, large bedroom for the all-in-all-out business or the balcony on a busy main road and you do not hear the traffic as we are surrounded by high vine trees, a decent sized balcony gives full on sunshine over 4 hours a day, its nice here but not all of the guests are nice!

We are totally people watchers and we see multi thousands of them during our working life so go to quiet areas where we can watch instead of having to communicate in full with the outside world, its not that we are anti-social we have lived through some horrific incidents so we keep aloof. Today was such a day which we have never seen not heard before, we are in the restaurant seated ready for our evening meal, it’s Lou to go fetch the starter and I will ogle the crumpets on offer, as she is about to go we hear this word for word, woman to man with deep northern accent “You are a fooking coont and a lying fooking bastard so you fooking are so youse can fook right off this fooking minute yer fooking twat” and this is going on the table behind and I think any minute now I am going to get fooking twatted one while my Lou is debating ‘now what can I eat’ a small crowd gathers eaves dropping the gossip, I look behind me and this woman is still going berserk at this blokie who can only say “why don’t you shut yer fooking gob yer showing yerself up” It seems she was trying to do a favor for somebody and he kept on “pooting her down, yer keep fooking putting me down, fook off” He goes away, they start texting  each other, he comes back, more fooking bad language, and so it goes on and on so I decided this is not the right time for all this fooking language particularly as there are a lot of kids around so I go to the person in charge of the restaurant who has also overheard the commotion who tell me ‘Yes I am going to call the manager and tell him’ I get back to my table they are now back together, her is still giving it large, he gets up and fooks off, followed immediately by her bleeden crying her fooking eyes oot fer fooks sake man!! All true to detail, with moderations fer too many fooks!

Take care,

Geoff

XX