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The Cooking Fat is back!

In my previous blog I mentioned that a Ferrell Cat has adopted me for feeding it twice a day, it is charming until you want to stroke it then it thinks you are playing with it then it shows it’s claws and with one swipe it had drawn blood from me on three occasions but it is a beautiful black and white moggie so I will have to see if I can tame it up a bit. Anyway while we were away friends stayed at our house with plenty of food for Cooking Fat they fed it and pissed off two days before we came back from holidays! Today it was back totally hungry and thirsty it came into my mancave instead of walking on the carpet it lay down on it and clawed it’s way on all fours to say hello to me, another reason I do not want to encourage it is because it has fleas which I treated with some rubbish pills that did not work so I tried treating it with the ALPACA spray and the Blidi cat buggered off, I love the Cooking Fat, my wife doesn’t liker it and the cats feelings are mutual. We have two dogs who would love a confrontation with the car because they could get their eyes damaged. So we got up at 3.00 am to leave the hotel for the flight from Portugal which take off at 4.00 am but as you all know you have got to be in the Airport for at least two hours. Now then we arrive at the Airport and there were hundreds and hundreds of people catching flights to wherever ffs and we are all looking like a bunch of bleary eyed josser’s who have been to drinking  and shagging for up to 10 days without sleep ffs! So did we have a good holiday, yes we did almost everything was perfect, wonderful food helpful staff apart from the reception miserable faeces faces ffs, but a great hotel apartment 2 swimming pools and 9 days of perfect weather, we had no complaints at all, but some of the sights of my fellow holiday makers with the ladies proving that bigger bums do not fit in bikinis I mean come on ladies you are lovely but sometimes you show more that you should which was certainly glad to my eyes, I was looking for wifey number 5 so Lou would say look at that one over there who was hideous but I reminded my Lou that someone would love the lady when the most dragonous  blokie came and claimed her. It was great to be back at Truro for such a busy day… TO BE CONTINUED !

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Mrs Sewer-mouth

Peace perfect peace, had lovely breakfast, Lou believes it or not has gone to the hottest beach on record to do what ffs pigging YOGA wtf! Her is gonna come back ooking burnt to a bleeding cinder, mad dogs and Geordie Woman go out in the midday sun so they say but her is great fun has a brilliant brain cannot spell nor add up for toffee ffs! Anyway, this is about me and my observation, the lady who was going ooking berserk with offensive ooking language yesterday was at the outside lounge as they call it, I call a bar is a bar, anyway she shouted an invitation to some other blokey “Do you want me to come on over” at which my darling out spoke audibly said loudly enough for the dragon to hear “No don’t ffs!” I cringe sometimes, she is so outspoken but after 30 odd years together it is what it is.
 Portugal is hot to trot today but trying to get a couple of benches at the pool is a nightmare with some people expecting the same beds for the whole pigging week anyways Lou got up  at 6.00 her was determined to get two large mugs of coffee and was able to nab 2 benches in the shade to start with where the rest of the 70 plus benches all had hotel towels draped over the meaning right at this minute there are 7 people using the pigging benches, doesn’t that piss you orf darlings the selfishness of some foolkers dears! The people are quite nice really but being avid watchers of the pool activities, we watched two old biddies’ ladies taking a quiet slash in the pool, no worries, mate, swimming away with a trail of yellow piss as they move away pretending nowt had happened! I mean I’ve done it as a kid but as an adult, that’ll be a no then! We complained at one hotel where there was a bar in the pool and the abuse, the uncaring management were totally aware but almost disowned and would have liked to bar ME as they were totally aware that there blokie customers were topping up with pints of larger and releasing by the pint golden lines of the yellow stuff emitting from their fat guts into their swim cossies and out into the blue waters of the pool through their ugly winkles ffs! So how is that fare for everybody’s health ffs!! swallowing some strange fookers urine the dirty old shag nasty turds, so they are!! Right now, then the gossip, last night the fooking women who fooking swore at her fooking blokie telling him that he was a fooking count. So, guess what, we go into the restaurant the lady in charge of reception says follow me, she had an adorable bum, so why not, and fcuk me gently please out of 160 seats she sits us on the next pigging table to us ffs, I being stoned and   pretty ignorant as to who the fc is there or not but I get back from selecting my crib right, I goes to sit down right, the wife my Lou’s face is full of thunder right, which forced me into politely saying to her “Now, what the fook have I done wrong ffs” She says nothing but directs her shifty eyes at me to the couple at the next table and they are going at it large already! She seems to have eaten but he the poor sod has not eaten his chosen meal. He is sitting side saddle of his chair with his head in his hands, and she is telling him as quietly as her gob would allow “You’s can fook off to the fooking bar, fook off louder but get out of my sight and the man crumpled and forlorn gets up from his chair and fooked off to the fooking bar as directed by his fooking lady friend. We try to get on with our meal wanting to laugh ourselves stupid but the ‘nasty woman ‘goes into her next act by squalling her fooking eyes out with sound affects ffs, don’t look to us for sympathy, her gets on her mobile furiously texting then her gets up and noisily departs the scene followed by the eyes of some of the parents who were seriously offended by language nights before! Today at lunch lovely food Detective Lou told me that the woman walking right behind me, and she is gonna take a picture of her so smile and shut tfu now!! She focuses the picture on the bleach blonde bad built butch bitch as was walks past me so now I am going to produce them so we can at least thank her for all the fooking new words I have learned. Now then, the Manager did wrong by ignoring the offensive shall we call her a lady-woman but in my Pontins days as General Manager I had similar situations arise, I would have the culprits into my office and politely go through the details and decide that they would be ejected from the Pontins complex without refund if they re-offend again and that they would be escorted to the station by security! You are warned “Say Geoff” and he fooking means it.
Lou said yesterday that this is the best ever holiday and I absolutely agree Portugal is a lovely country, Albefeuro is a credit to the entire country we are close to the main roads which traffic is plentiful and full of courteous motorists with shiny posh cars, there are these new scooters allowed on the main roads that bomb along up to 25 mile an hour and again motorists slow up in respect to the drivers of these battery operated scooters which are apparently banned in the UK, maybe I am wrong about that, I don’t GAF cos I most certainly will not be buying one soon although my Lou would like to ‘give it a try’ but I never argue with crazy the dear of her!     Geoff X

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Arriving @ ALBEFEURO (Portugal)

So, we are off to Portugal for ten days starting off by arriving at Newquay Airport arriving in enough time  to join a queue that is allegedly called “Priority” which is a load of old bollocks, it means nothing more than being herded into a space for twenty passengers that eventually holds 55 and some 40 minutes later you are allowed to get to the steps to board this Ryan Air flight to Albefeuro> My seat number was 1C which put me on the front row wedged into a seat small enough for a kid next door to ‘fat bloke’ who spread over 3 seats and he with his fat bloke wife opened packets of crisps three bottles of rum and coke where if I wanted to I would not have enough space to lift my pigging arm and glass ffs! Was I annoyed, no not really, I was being time out from the wife who was several rows behind chuntering on and on and a bit more so I have a complete break from my ‘official care’ although I do a fair bit of caring because I do love her and I am allegedly missing her! The plane arrives we are here on holiday which starts right now but oh no, as soon as the Meccano plane stops the pilot bales out urgently needing a piss but he don’t want to go where hundreds of us normal folks peeps have emptied our bowels and bladders to our hearts content many of the man-blokes missing hitting the target ‘in one’ from the childlike sized bog to piss in more like pissing outside onto the floor and willfully splashing his new holiday sandals that his wifey bought for ‘is oliday so to speak like’ and dribbling on his pigging trousers ffs.
We are in an apartment in Albefeuro Portugal in a smart all apartments hotel which is 4 Star rating and from what we have seen so far it is certainly well worthy of the rating. The apartment comprises of sitting room, bathroom, fully fitted kitchen, large bedroom for the all-in-all-out business or the balcony on a busy main road and you do not hear the traffic as we are surrounded by high vine trees, a decent sized balcony gives full on sunshine over 4 hours a day, its nice here but not all of the guests are nice!
We are totally people watchers and we see multi thousands of them during our working life so go to quiet areas where we can watch instead of having to communicate in full with the outside world, its not that we are anti-social we have lived through some horrific incidents so we keep aloof. Today was such a day which we have never seen not heard before, we are in the restaurant seated ready for our evening meal, it’s Lou to go fetch the starter and I will ogle the crumpets on offer, as she is about to go we hear this word for word, woman to man with deep northern accent “You are a fooking coont and a lying fooking bastard so you fooking are so youse can fook right off this fooking minute yer fooking twat” and this is going on the table behind and I think any minute now I am going to get fooking twatted one while my Lou is debating ‘now what can I eat’ a small crowd gathers eaves dropping the gossip, I look behind me and this woman is still going berserk at this blokie who can only say “why don’t you shut yer fooking gob yer showing yerself up” It seems she was trying to do a favor for somebody and he kept on “pooting her down, yer keep fooking putting me down, fook off” He goes away, they start texting  each other, he comes back, more fooking bad language, and so it goes on and on so I decided this is not the right time for all this fooking language particularly as there are a lot of kids around so I go to the person in charge of the restaurant who has also overheard the commotion who tell me ‘Yes I am going to call the manager and tell him’ I get back to my table they are now back together, her is still giving it large, he gets up and fooks off, followed immediately by her bleeden crying her fooking eyes oot fer fooks sake man!! All true to detail, with moderations fer too many fooks!
Take care,
Geoff
XX

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It is 4.00 am, I have been in my Mancave since 2 Ish so I am part stoned and out of pain with my boring legs. I was offered a CT scan right in the middle of this holiday which starts today so I reluctantly had to decline ffs however another person will benefit from my absence all is fair!

Now then, as you all know I live in a small farm with my lovely (ish) wife who is going through all sorts of pains (so am I ffs) with headaches galore and somehow or other I am the reason wtf=ffs!! I depart quietly to my Mancave amen hopefully. About three months ago I am sitting in there stoned out of my mind when I looked out of my front door window and there sitting right outside the glass door is a large black and white cat who could not see me through the mirrored glass. I love cats (not being allowed one by my current wife ffs) I observed it thinking it belongs to a neighbour opened the door and it ran away to the gate then slowly came back crying, so I get it some milk and some dog treats if it’s hungry it’ll eat them. It starts lapping away so I tried to stroke it and its claws prevented that so here we have a Ferrell Cat and wild ffs! After a few days I realised that this cat had totally relied on me feeding it but it would not in any way come inside my Mancave sometimes coming to the front door drenched to the skin fmg so I adopted this large beautiful black and white cat who I called Cooking Fat ffs! I opened up a redundant duck house, so the cat had somewhere under cover to live. In the early mornings I would come out of the house and there is Cooking Fat waiting and crying and rolling over its complete body on the cold concrete so pleased to see me and starving, as I walk past it struck with a front paw at me through my pyjamas and I could instantly see the flow of blood the Cooking Fat had ‘paused’ ffs which I thought hilarious in my stoned state, I could not understand how one claw could get through a pair of my flannelette of pyjamas! Now then, Weeks go by the cat is getting more confident and comes into the Mancave snooping around eventually I was able to shut the door on it so I could study it more, it went fcking wild trying to get out the door and going to the curtain and with its claws and starts climbing up the fcking things to the ceiling ffs then clawing its way down, I mean wild or what, am I safe ffs!! I have a wicked idea! I am going to get it STONED to calm it down so I can de-flea it and maybe I might have the balls to cut its fearsome claws ffs!

Cooking Fat is quietly investigating the duck and alpaca foods then settles down beside me (don’t touch me) I think!! I light my Toke blowing furiously smoke at the Cooking Fat which it happily accepted then ‘fcuk me gently with a man called Chip’ wtf ffs the cat quietly saunters to settle down under my desk too close to my naked feet, I continue with the blow-jobbing of my smoke which causes the cat to slumber for its first ever good sleep indoors! Now then, on farmland you get loads of mice and rats but since Cooking Cat has arrived, they seem to have all fluked off which pleases my Lou immensely whoever immensely is ffs, but she genuinely does not like cats! Deal with it my darling deal with it ffs or you are not coming to Portugal see!!

Take Care and love each other and please give up smoking killer fags vote to LEGALIZE Cannabis! I need followers ffs !

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Sunday at TRURO Cattle Market! 02.06.2024

We had a really good summer type Car Boot Sale where it were a lovely day, we had more than 1000 adults mums and dads and their snotty nose brats of whom we all love at times gone by, however from what I have seen of the parenting here in Cornwall is an absolute credit to all mums and dads on the great relationships you all have had as witnessed by yours truly over 35 years of running our Car Boot Sales, power to you all and kids you are all a credit to your parents and your families. We get some stroppy kids that want this and want that who should learn some decent manners sir! go without, most parents stand their ground and will not be bossed around by some snot-gobbler of a son (well it’s normally the boys aren’t it though!) Truthfully, I have the greatest respect to the kids at school, I know there are some real brats, but the majority of all ages I have got to know over 35 years at our Car Boot Sales are an absolute credit to themselves their parents and their schools and the lovely Cornwall. The dear of them all, well some of them, well perhaps just a few of them ffs!! Auntie Mildred hates the bloody lot of those layabout kids so why tf does her need to join the conversation! I am seriously going off the rails here! Break time to feed the ducks and Alpacas and we have 12 sheep belonging to farmer Trevor from on yon side of road me hansom and they are a chewing the grass, my job is to humanise them when he collects them they are fat and healthy, listen to this, he then takes them to market to get sold at auction makes a nice little earner and what does he give me as a miserable thank you ?? A pound of chops yup a pound of chops! The miserable sod but a thoroughly nicer man you could not wish to meet ffs, he loves who loves my MANCAVE, a pound of upping chops ffs! Still in the freezer ffs! I mean all of the hours that I put into his fat and healthy sheep where they kept nicking the Alpacas and the ducks feed and they were a eating of oceans of hay all provided for free by yours truly, I mean, a pound of chops the dear of him, he is so tight he won’t even take his charming wife on a cruise but I am just gonna stir the shit and hand him an envelope to give to his wife with booking forms for a cruise for him and his lovely lady. He is due to come to see me this week and I shall read this to him so, he says he hasn’t got anyone to run the place whilst he be away my bird, simple, I think I have a plan and it is not me ffs! More to follow………….

Sunday at TRURO Cattle Market! 02.06.2024

We had a really good summer type Car Boot Sale where it were a lovely day, we had more than 1000 adults mums and dads and their snotty nose brats of whom we all love at times gone by, however from what I have seen of the parenting here in Cornwall is an absolute credit to all mums and dads on the great relationships you all have had as witnessed by yours truly over 35 years of running our Car Boot Sales, power to you all and kids you are all a credit to your parents and your families. We get some stroppy kids that want this and want that who should learn some decent manners sir! go without, most parents stand their ground and will not be bossed around by some snot-gobbler of a son (well it’s normally the boys aren’t it though!) Truthfully, I have the greatest respect to the kids at school, I know there are some real brats, but the majority of all ages I have got to know over 35 years at our Car Boot Sales are an absolute credit to themselves their parents and their schools and the lovely Cornwall. The dear of them all, well some of them, well perhaps just a few of them ffs!! Auntie Mildred hates the bloody lot of those layabout kids so why tf does her need to join the conversation! I am seriously going off the rails here! Break time to feed the ducks and Alpacas and we have 12 sheep belonging to farmer Trevor from on yon side of road me hansom and they are a chewing the grass, my job is to humanise them when he collects them they are fat and healthy, listen to this, he then takes them to market to get sold at auction makes a nice little earner and what does he give me as a miserable thank you ?? A pound of chops yup a pound of chops! The miserable sod but a thoroughly nicer man you could not wish to meet ffs, he loves who loves my MANCAVE, a pound of upping chops ffs! Still in the freezer ffs! I mean all of the hours that I put into his fat and healthy sheep where they kept nicking the Alpacas and the ducks feed and they were a eating of oceans of hay all provided for free by yours truly, I mean, a pound of chops the dear of him, he is so tight he won’t even take his charming wife on a cruise but I am just gonna stir the shit and hand him an envelope to give to his wife with booking forms for a cruise for him and his lovely lady. He is due to come to see me this week and I shall read this to him so, he says he hasn’t got anyone to run the place whilst he be away my bird, simple, I think I have a plan and it is not me ffs! More to follow………….

 

Reply to

“I am thinking of trying to become mayor of Cornwall petitioning to Legalise Cannabis and Ban Fags forever in the name of St Piran forever on the weed stuff even to this with me. I would like for anyone over the age 18 to be free to grow up to 5 Cannabis plants seeds a year for their own personal consumption period! Remember Cannabis is not a killer compared to smoking cigarettes, see Google

Any one who wants to stand me is welcome, there will be no aggro, all fun mate! We would need to borrow a field for joint discussions and get a licence to smoke just for our committee ffs!!

GIVE UP THE FAGS they are killing thousands over years my lovers, we have lost hundreds of loyal car boot public customer and we seriously miss their money and them of course them which goes without saying “but it’s the loss of the dosh my man” ain’t it though.

 

Over the past few weeks, I have had absolute shit pains in my legs having to get up out of bed and come into my detached man-cave to sit and relax from 3.00 am but to roll up a couple of smokes then a couple more, with a rum and coke then another tis great fun then in no time your stoned out of yer bucking  mind ffs, put the music on man YouTube supplies all the films and news so I turn the sound off the screen then start watching to start with the boring porn channels ffs having watched it over many years it’s good for a loving relationship to watch something which is totally and sexually mind-blowingly lovely to watch when you’re out of your mind ffs and anyway what you are watching is totally good for your mind my son and it enhances the opportunity of a trice round CUM of a fcking lifetime man ffs!

Now then, I seriously have run out of the weed stuff, know wot I mean mate and I seriously need some because of the effects of the cannabis on my pains until the last few days so I have been an irritable bastard and don’t give a fcuk who knows it! Any way’s up through the underworld of the Cannabis available in the region of the de-weed man, spooky or what ffs! So, I found a man who said ‘gis us a couple of quid mate and I will find out’ Sniff-sniff say no more said the copper than texts backwards and forwards and a meeting at a strip club, deal done, I got de-weed smoke my man and I am some gonna get stoned, so I am ffs!

I get home and secretly hide my little stash, that’s two little stashes I’ve got mate! (one is wearing out a bit but still wakes up when shaken (not stirred) with renewed interests fs) (a teenth was all I could afford, whatever) Now the truth, I live in the loveliest part of Cornwall the best place to live in the world is my biased opinion. The house belongs to my lovely wife which was given to Lou by her mother when we moved to accommodate Julia who has dementia and the very latest is that JULIA, she is still with us but staying in a lovely care home where she is happy having spent 6 years at huge costs covered by careful investments by husband and wife. I had some great times with Julia, she always fancied me which pissed Lou off quite a bit but nope the delightfully Julia she had a great sense of humour when her shouted that my Lou was the third person in mine and Lou’s life, that went down really well ffs! When I was stoned, I used to really wind her up. I told her that she would have to sleep in the fridge one night, so she got ready in her nighty came down the stairs opened the door of the fridge turned around and said “Goodnight darling” aimed at me all overseen by her darling daughter who was unamused fs and I am rolling cos I think it’s hilarious as Julia starts unpacking the fluking fridge so she can get in it and Lou is totally not amused so I went to bed to get out of the fluking way ffs and guess what I got up with my usual leg pains at 3.00 am, I goes into the kitchen and the entire stuff that in the shelves and the pigging freezer was in every spare place in the kitchen so I had to repack the bloody lot cos I was part stoned and it was my idea but a sodding good laugh! Guess what, she did not remember anything about the fridge the dear of her. She knows me when I go to see her, I make her laugh, so she still has her sense of humour. But my lovers it upsets me to go as there are quite a lot of other people in that there  Gods Waiting Room some are totally with it but the majority are unfortunately are totally without it, however they are in a safe home the staff love their patients but it’s that the inmates random screaming and shouting sweet fcuk-all over nowt ffs is more that I can cope with so I want to get out before I decided to join them all ffs! God, I would some wind them up fs! We had a phone call from the care home I may have told you before (do I care, do I fcuk) that Julia my mother-in-law was caught in bed with a male inmate at the Care Home and she were a-wobbling with his dodger-willy and her were a liking it. It’s when her took her false teeth out for the sloppy inevitable that I could not have coped with! But we all do it, don’t we though?

 

Reply to

WARNING ABOUT SM NORD Products London & NORTON ANTIVIRUS & SECURITIES.

If you have a CREDIT or DEBIT CARD with whoever then check you statements thoroughly to make sure that no companies have  taken ‘unlawfully’ monies from your account!

I have had a credit card for years; I pay money up front into the account for business and private payments. I check my account religiously as a long time ago an amount was taken out of my account without permission which was refunded by BARCLAYCARD.

On my March statement I noticed a payment was taken out of my account by NORTON Antivirus for £29.99 which was not authorised by me, I do not deal with Norton, I would have no reason to deal with them so, I got in touch with Barclaycard to ask that the amount is refunded into my account immediately please. With a lot of toing and froing with security questions galore it was decided that Norton had fraudulently taken the cash without my permission. I was credited by the time my next statement arrived for the £29.99 shown at the top of the Transactions Column when bugger me if halfway down the column I notice a payment was taken out of my account to a firm I have never heard of                    SM Nord*Products London for a total of £96.34 ffs! I am furious and immediately get in touch after an unacceptable wait on the mobile to speak to Barclaycard with someone about this unauthorised fraudulent payment.

Again, more serious questions and answers, meanwhile I go onto GOOGLE to look up SM Nord* and at the beginning of their details there is a warning by GOOGLE that this firm have repeatedly been involved of taking money out of people’s accounts without authority yet still they are being advertised by GOOGLE who are aware of the history of SM NORD* with their fraudulent activities over many years! BARCLAYCARD phoned me on several occasions taking statements as they were going to take legal action against SM NORD* for their continued fraudulent actions.

The reason I am telling you this story is to hope that you look on your accounts and statements to check that some bastard company is filching your dosh mate! Suffice it to say Barclaycard have refunded the £96.34 and I have agreed to cooperate with their actions against a FRAUD thieving snot-rag of a company! Look them up on GOOGLE and see their rotten history ripping off innocent people mate!

Stay safe,

Trust only yourselves,

 

Geoff

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Geoff Says! Cruise Time

Hamburg (Crap) Rotterdam (Great) Zeebrugge (Dreadful) Le Havre (Why)

So, we get to Southampton for this getaway from bldn Christmas for seven days visiting the above countries which were bloody cold to freezing at all times. We board the ship can’t remember its name don’t want to remember its name and find our way to the balcony suite they call it, more like a decent hotel room with a loo and a shower and a very comfortable bed, the widgy balcony was certainly not the place to be especially on the ’at sea’ days when the ship with some 5000 people plus 1000 staff are certainly experiencing the waves rocking from one side to the other, quite nice for a gentle shag with some pretty little maid plus stormy weather, but it’s puke up your guts time for many sea-sick travellers. There is nothing worse than seeing a pretty little maiden (the wife) barfing up and spilling out lunch dinner and breakfast all in one powerful vomit, ready steady go!! W R E T C H ffs!! Take a look at her face as the mouth opens up nostrils  filling up with snot ffs and then her pukes and flicking pukes showering everyone and everything it’s path, Now then, next let’s all have a fight as to who gets the big lumps dears?

As you are at sea for almost two days on our way to Hamburg, we get chance to view all aspects of the bars the entertainment venues and the various restaurants one which led through an open-air swimming pool to a vast self-serving food café…………………………. Now then this is where I get bored in doing this story because I found NO Cannabis Café’s nor even shops selling de weed man, so this cruise is boring. The accommodation was perfect the food was good, but I cannot tolerate management that think they know WTF they are doing cos they are raking in serious money and paying no attention to seriously uniting their paying customers with a complete a lack-lustre and disinterested approach, like, who cares!!

First night evening meal we were shown to a table which was ours for the 7 nights of our stay. Second night you would not believe it but at the next but one to our table to us was some loud-mouth Irish git who was drunk and shouting his mouth off to his mates in Ireland on his Face Time mobile ??? whilst sharing a meal with some woman who allowed him to act like the pissed piglet Irish git that he was, gobbing it off to his mates in Ireland who are delighted that he has flucked off  for a week as he grabbing handfuls of chips from her dish so, like a true gent I complained about the behaviour of a loud mothed Irish twat who let down the reputation of twats generally cos as I understand it twats are useful, a bit niffy at times but hell you cannot beat a good old niffy twat shag  on the carpet can yer though?? That is and was disgustingly rude comment Geoff, for which I owe no apologies because I am not enjoying this cruise at all, by the way the ship is called ‘Eurybia’ ffs, how memorable = not!

Imagine, there are up to 5000 people on a ship, in the restaurant or a café for say 600/400 people and the noise is deafening with the false laughing at rerun family pathetic jokes and old ladies and gents bombing around on their disability scooters racing around monopolising the lifts ffs the dear of them, all  of em exhalation from the old windpipes and smelly grannie and granddaddy farts that go unnoticed but stink up to higher than heaven fcuk ffs. Then there’s the parent who have lost interest in their kids who have to go get their own food for the huge selection available, spilling bits all over the place as they carry their nosh back to the family table ffs!

Lou, my darling missus (allegedly) for well over 30 years and I love people watching but this was ship too far. Don’t get me wrong it was quite luxurious, but everything was so freeking loud-loud man, the alleged audience participation game with some woman screeching through the mike and another blokie compere ruining a rope-pulling challenge. We try to have quiet drink in the next floor up but could still hear the aforementioned idiots competing for ‘gob of the cruise’.

Rotterdam was a nice place to visit, very clean and well presented, Lou was delighted to fine that ZARA was on the first day of their sale which was crowded with locals walking around with armfuls of items they were either buying or trying on, trust Lou her was standing in a queue behind a local lady who had 41 items of clothing to try on FFS!! The rest of the cruise was boring Zeebrugge and Le Harve really seriously pissed me off, we were walking through a shopping mall when I heard a 2 year old child screaming because she wanted out of the pushchair and her father lost his temper as he repeatedly smacked the kid on her legs in full view of the public, I was the only person who shouted to the idiot father ‘STOP you are not allowed to hit children’ their country and us have the same rulings regarding ‘no rights’ to hit kids! The second incident similar in Le Harve again a small child a man was trying to strap her into the pushchair when he slammed her body down smacking her repeatedly, again I let my mouth off “DON’T HIT KIDS” which nearly got confrontational, stupid looking father, or was he?

So, I am not going to tell you much more of the happenings because there were none, The staff were incredibly efficient in every way, I did notice a few snot-gobbling passengers show disrespect to a couple of the staff, ignorance is bliss! A special mention about ‘room service’ you have the same person for the entire holiday our man was called David, he was from the Philippines. His attention to his work was impeccable and although ‘tips’ were included he looked after us so well I gave him a decent tip, he was a credit to the recruiting team, but it is fair to say that all the staff were incredibly polite and good at their work bless em all.

The weather was so cold that we did not venture far from visiting the town centres of each location, I made a giant effort to find the cannabis cafés but they only ones I could find were membership only so as a true gentleman I only smoked two of my spliffs on the outdoor enclosed freezing cold and king windy  balcony which nearly blew my head of as I had gone without for so long days my man, I got up looked at the sea which was giving it some large, I became giddy and had to shout to Lou to open the pocking door man ffs cos she I/ had locked myself out ffs. I staggered to the bed to regain my senses, but the effect of de weed had eased my mind which allows me to forget the leg pains and my general stupidity as I fell into a deep sleep. Now a bit of a nag! We have lost so many customers through cancer caused by smoking cigarettes some of them smoking right up to the day they die. Cigarettes KILL, with over 70 known chemicals to cause cancer whereas, smoking de-weed does not cause cancer, it’s a fact ffs!

The management had got everything right on the magnificent ship apart from the entertainments which was lack-lustre to say the least, there was no Entertainments Manager or a Showman (like Butlins and Pontins) in the old days who you could identify who was in charge of building the atmosphere of the ship, it was the Redcoats or the Bluecoats!!  The alleged Captain made his daily waffles however we never saw him putting himself around on the ship which surely is a Captains job? Reception was a complete and utter joke, and a waste of space therefore people made their own entertainment which was loud brash offensive coupled with the awful bldn cold weather it all did little to enhance the enjoyment of the holiday.

Having run Butlins Entertainment Management at Filey and Skegness in the 60s and 70s with up to 10,000 people weekly with live shows and competitions a week’s holiday was full of enjoyment and happiness with families and their lovely kids crying as they leave after a wonderful holiday and promise to “See you next Year”. The entire Camp was a happy place to be with families and their screaming with happiness kids fs. The entire staff with the Redcoats gave these families full Entertainment with shows, competitions, sports for all ages. Great days!!

Some people on the cruise were into and ‘well up themselves’ on this ship’ but I think it likely too that people will be leaving the ship saying, “we won’t see you next year”. It is very fair to say that Lou and I got on really well and it was a good idea for our marriage to go on this break. Lou was wonderful her looked after me like I was her treasure, and she were mine! I had sex every night, I don’t know how her did. Not a crossed word wtf ffs!! XX

The ship company by the way was called MSC Yacht Club which really meant sweet f all to the passengers and us!

Foot off moment!!

We got back to find our Alpacas were a bit starving, we looked into the 2 food boxes to find empty and in third box was full of sawdust filled by animal minder Rock-on of course hired by our very own nutter Nigel of whom I believe trained Rock-on how to look after our two Alpacas Cadbury and Bournville (for which he was paid) I hoped Nigel has smartly kicked Rock-on in the nuts and for Rock on to do the same to ‘No Nuts Nigel ffs! Proper Cornish, my lover feed yer animal sawdust for every day say Rock on, what a Schmook ffs!!!

Last SUNDAY at TRURO Was so busy with loadsa sellers and buyers but there was stealing petty items (not the Cornish my lovers) but I point out to the stall holders that they are looking after a shop the size of which is no effing bigger than yer bathroom dears so it’s eyes on the prize and not looking at the talent! Several stalls took over £300.00 but the spending was really good so if it was sellable and a bargain it was carried away by happy buyers result or what?

Mitchell today was the first of the season. Lots of buyers but we still get complaints about runners when we start the Car Boot Sale who charge around like effing nutters, last year we had 3 tables pushed over by ignorant dealers, so decisions have been made to bar offenders, send them to Rosudgeon which is on Wednesday afternoons at 3.00 pm.

It was so nice to be back at our Car Boots again with so many lovely people who have been so complimentary and supportive of Car Boots Cornwall, thank you from all of our teams we love you all, well most of you, about half, probably less! Take care. Geoff. XX

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Yo,Yo,Yo! TODAY at NEWQUAY is off OFF today, it’s been pissing down all pigging night and could ruing the fields that we use ffs! I will make a ruling concerning St Columb Major for FRIDAY at 2.00 pm but today is orf mate!

May I on behalf of Car Boots Cornwall welcome our tourists to our sales. Dogs are welcome we need to see your empty poo bags on arrival, if your dog has had a crap it is your responsibility to pick it up and put it into your poo bags then take it home with you because you brought it with you, didn’t you though? Enjoy your stay with us. Geoff. X

 May I suggest it would be a waste of time in any event travelling to LANHYDROCK at any week because we understand that nearly all of the alleged BARGAINS have been bought by the sellers before the Car Boot Sale commences so, come to our honest Car Boot sales where “nobody buys any item until the sound of the horn” now that’s FAIR PLAY aint it though? Car Boots Cornwall welcomes buyers and sellers from BODMIN my lovers, come to watch “how a real Car Boot Sale is run at TRURO, MITCHELL, St COLUMB MAJOR and NEWQUAY”   Geoff  X

 

Please Note; FRIDAYS at St Columb Major is at 12.00 noon from the 26th JULY !!

SUNDAYS AT TRURO (TR1 1RT) @ 12.00 noon

SUNDAYS at St COLUMB MAJOR at 2.00pm.

TUESDAYS AT NEWQUAY (TR8 4NY) @ 12.00 noon

This THURSDAYS at NEWQUAY (TR8 4NY) @ 12.00 noon

FRIDAYS at St COLUMB MAJOR (TR8 4JA) @ 12.00 noon START DATES JULY 19th !!

SATURDAYS at MITCHELL (TR8 5FD) at 12.00 noon

All BANK HOLIDAY MONDAYS at TRURO at 12.00 noon & at St COLUMB MAJOR at 2.00 pm!! BOTH GO AHEAD!

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Geoff Says!

Security for you! Our sellers!

It is written in the rules that NO PERSONS are allowed behind your selling stall other than you and your your partner and I will enforce the ruling by BARRING any offenders! Why? Because over 35 years we have had various incidents fs where items have been stolen by fellow sellers ffs or indeed by family members wtf from behind sellers stalls! The area you are entitled is the size you need, that is the area of your selling to the buyers and general public! In your interest abide by this ruling!

 

Now then! To people who are disabled and are the Blue Pass holders which is a total privilege by the way, I am one of those holders and I would never abuse the system nor make demands for privileged parking fs!

Now then, I am speaking to some of the old farts passholders who arrive later than the start time, they pay their ONE POUND thinking they have bought the entire parking lot ffs then they make demands of where they will park ffs! But it doesn’t work like that my lovers, we operate on a first come gets the best parking and the late arrival ffs are lucky to get in so guess what? they start getting offensive to my team of ladies who collect your miserable pound and say ‘but I’m disabled’ well so what, so am I ffs but I would never demands where to frigging park what is not available in a hugely busy private Car Boot Sale so my answer to the miserable sods who say “I can’t walk” ffs! Well my lovers, you are out in the country gods chosen country of Cornwall  getting clean fresh air and your doctors would approve of you getting some exercise so do not be rude to me team members or you can stick your pound where the sun don’t shine my birds and stay at home and have a moan at someone else, be happy fs, you are alive in the best place to live in this world of ours! Bless your darling hearts. I think I’m going to puke up dears!! And guess what, the real moaners are true red blooded CORNISH born and ill-bred ffs. Loves! Geoff. XX I love being antagonistic I am 86 so I don’t really GAF my lovers, truth to tell but I love our Car Boot Community, Lou and I have some very happy memories but then so has the communities of people who have supported us, so hear is a massive thank you and if you’ve got any spare home grown I would appreciate a couple of buds and then a couple more ffs. Be happy and love yourselves first and last and be nice to others and feed the birds but mainly feed yourselves and watch your weight ffs!

No secret eating of CRISPS ffs over the years CRISPS contribute to you having an enlarged belly mate and your belly button has suddenly disappeared so there is NO WAY BACK, deal with it ffs NOW! You now need to have your food intake every other day which works if you keep to the rules but it makes you a miserable bustard to live with ffs!

 

 

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Now then, What a Shame What a shame, our beautiful LADIES FOOTBALL TEAM lost on the last hurdle but these ladies need not feel shame, they have represented our Country with grace and skill far better than Spain but when it’s not your day so turn the other cheek keep playing but have a good rest with your families be proud you did great for our multi millions of your fans, we love you, I am choking up a bit, sniff sniff!! Love you! But, what about the idiot the Spanish football guru who snogged on with one of Spain’s not very attractive players by holding her her head with both hands man and giving her an unwanted hard kiss on the pigging lips ffs and the world of ladies/women went berserk and so they should, with permission fs! Now then, I confess I have personally been kissed also I have kissed loads of the lovely lady lips in my time but I have sought lady permission, well I haven’t actually said “please may I kiss you on your lips upstairs or downstairs” cos it just happened right! So, the question is when did you last snog yer missus mate, but I mean in time you do forget so here’s a quick peck on the cheek pet is more than enough, I mean, if you have been married over 30 odd years but it doesn’t mean you do not love her any more than your girlfriend does it my mates? and to any of you who are playing the field and not telling your partner ‘I am shagging around with someone else ‘fair play’ but don’t tell me because I will either blackmale you or tell your partner, god I am some stoned, did you know that for the last three outdoor in the field Car Boot Sales at Truro I have had people come up to say “There’s some people over there smoking weed” seriously wtf do you want me to do about it instead I politely say “If they are selling could you buy some for me please”

That BARSTARD Putin is the worst CRETIN that has ever supped up gods FREE fresh air, an ugly shite that figging no one, not even entire countries has the balls to take the turd out, like blown his balls off! He is totally to blame for the crisis of some of Cornwall’s families struggling to pay their bills because the prices have shot up since this fluking war caused by his friendship with another total garbage arse ole Trump from the USA!! It is now time for the World to stop spending our billions of dosh on supporting the war on bombs and tanks and destruction of another country ffs! Why do my fellow people have to live in this crazy world of wars, we came into the world peacefully, didn’t we? We are supposed to live our life in peace and happiness with our families! Be happy, live happy, be nice to your family and them next door if you must, you have but one life, live it my lovers in peace ffs!!
GIVE UP FAGS FFS!!
Loves,
Geoff
x

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