Blog 17.
Now then, the next king thing to happen is one of their diggers (the producers decide for the drama of it all) that their age-old mechanicle digger has broken down irritreavably, so the men have a joint cry! I mean WTF is going on here, grown men, but they are Aussies I mean ffs ? Then, more drama ffs one of their bleeden tyres has burst in the 40 plus plus degrees in heat then the generator is fcked, I mean omg wtf is going on this time ffs. These alleged men are big Aussie woosies, they all think they are actors for certain, they are not for certain! Now then, if they don’t find any gold for an episode then the lying production team panics like fcuk thinking of their lost viewers ffs so they introduce a small chunk of gold that they stole from some short-sighted poor diggers weigh in ffs, they bury it secretly then suddenly a digger finds it that all of a sudden appears to liven up the programme, well bugger me ffs (isn’t that illegal?)

Blog 18.
Suddenly they have all got to think of heading home before the dark cos wolves start by eating your legs off then there’s they ferking great big snakes that would cuddle you to death ffs then there’s your choice of hairy and deadly poisonous spiders that could crawl up the inside of your jeans mate, one bite and yer balls are paralised histry mate, sex life ruined, gone forever thank tf for that ffs, and, and then there are these geet figging 7 foot tall well hung randy boy-boy Kangeroos roaming around in the total darkness looking to score my old matey, yer know wot I mean Sport! These Giant Roos with at least 14 inch dicks my lovelies they have at times invaded the privacy of man who is bent over with his kegs at his feet whilst taking a quiet crap behind bushes ffs! Hilarious fun! Imagine that, telling your mates “I was shagged by this fking geet 7 foot Kangeroo whilst taking a crap imagine the mess WTF, But he says “it were the best day of my life but don’t tell my missus ffs!”

Blog 19.
Now then, now then, have you all been watching the Johnnie Depp Amber Heard trial? I have never ever ever been on the side of man, I have been married 4 times (I just like wedding cake) (loadsa in-out in-out shake it all about over nothing really) allthough we had issues ending in divorces between ourselves at the dreadful partings of my former 3 wives through my own adultery (result ffs) (4th one pending) but I would never discredit them. Bottom line is I love all women as difficult as they are to live with but here is something you didn’t know I have lived with 12 different women to find ‘the right one’ (still looking fs) no wonder I have bags under my eyes! That is another subject that I will have to get stoned to address at a later date ffs. Back to reality, but that was reality fs!
After weeks of watching the case I can see what went wrong from the start. Amber Heard is very attractive so is Johnnie Depp (so am I, wtf has that got to do with it) but he is many years her senior, (beware my son fs I have been there, done that, got the broken heart, several times over) but believe me the alleged everlasting love bit does not and will not normally last forever in the real world, it’s always the bldn kids that poke their ever growing snot-boxes into messing things up for most marriages, but then, kids formerly and presently known as monsters of the deep from out there somewhere known as king-nerds, nowt to do with me fs, kids are great (I could only eat them one at a time) )(especially when they have left home for good ffs) Love you boys and girls, honestly, be nice to yer mums and dads or whoever take precautions or you could end up with a version of yourselves! Now then, where were we? oh yes, >

Blog 20.
Johnnie condom espies Amber Heard saying to himself ‘yup I could do with some of that’ (so could I, then I’d do a fking fast runner ffs) Good looking woman, part time lesbian ( now that’s got a lot of possibilities ffs) does’nt cry cannot cry, cannot shed real tears at any pigging time (sounds ideal) nice figure probably good in bed, talks nice her-she would look nice on his arm for the premiers of his films so he falls dramatically in love and he king proposes to the soon to be the ‘beaten husband’ whilst she becomes the ferking ‘husband beater’ ffs the dear of her Miss Amber Heard no less!!!
Now then, Now then, just because you liked it, you shouldna put a figging ring on it Johnnie, sing, oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, I am completely round the bulberry bush (you should have given me a ring in the first place dear Johnnie ffs) but he doesnt and he won’t listen ffs! Once he proposes it’s the killer blow to his future because the untalented Amber Heard and her sister can now start plotting to get fortunes out of Johnne Depp by building up a case against the man for Domestic Violence for he who has never been violent in his whole life (so far) towards women as not witnessed by former partners who all came out to defend Johnnie condom’s reputation including his former wife of 14 years and including one of Johnnie’s left-overs (what a nutter) the lovely Kate Moss fs. I Mean, What better references could one ask for, no-one witnessed this mans violence ever, period, never not even once, so he is to become the victim of her the she-devil of Domestic Violence the dear Amber and he does’nt hit her back ffs! Good man! Good man!

Blog 21.
Anyway, they are now married, and, and of course they do not live happily ever after as predicted by me because he has found out that his dearest latest aquisition has been acting in some seedy films and that Amber’s naked body pictures are all on the Internet which could ruin poor Johnnies world wide reputation, he asks her to stop and he wants to supervise whatever work she is looking to do in future ffs but then Johnnie realises that if there are any disputes arguements or differences of opinion the dear Amber will punch 7 shades of shite out of him ffs he tries hiding in 17 different bathrooms in his mansion (maybe, slightly exagerated there geffers) which really hurt time and again but he didn’t go about painting bruises on himself like Amber Heard did just to convince her lies, the naughty sod so she is ffs!
I mean, What I have in common with Mr Depp is this, he smokes the finest weed in the land so do I, but unlike him I have never snorted coccaine, I have done mushrooms which could have you climbing up the king wall without a pigging ladder with only one leg ffs looking for more mushrooms on the figging roof ffs, oh yea and how about this when my son was going out ‘with the lads’ he bought exctasy for himself and his mates! As a father full of responsibility (allegedly) I demanded before he went out that I wanted to try one! he reluctantly gave me one after I had paid in excess of the going rate. Later I swallowed it, in no time the b’stard pill took over with a rum and coke and a spliff or two or more that completely blew my head off, I tried shutting my eyes which were bulging so my lids went into semi-retirement, I could feel and see fking great worms crawling out of my bum climbing up my figging legs ffs rats were running accross the ceiling followed by monsters crabs trying to take nibbles out of my now naked body that must be the third time I have had the crabs, in bygone days if you had crabs you could claim for the nippers ffs (I am such a king liar) it was not a pleasant experience but wtf I am still here aint I ffs!

Blog 22.
Let me get into the mind of Johnnie Depp because he seriously does seem a decent bloke, he is a brilliant actor who has made serious fortunes for the the film industry and for himself and to fire himself up he has the absolute best Cannabis to smoke taking say 4 smokes to get off his head he then likes to spice himself up even further than the effects four spliffs by taking coccaine and other uppers and downers, yo man, I wish I had the balls to do that ffs, he now feels on top of the world, he is KING of all he sees and does ffs!! My type of man! He is filthy rich ffs! let’s live de life man! Now then, he goes home to the nagging Amber (her indoors) (wev’e all been there) her drinks the best wine at 500$ dollars a bottle ffs, her has dranked two bottles already ffs thats about £900 quids worth ffs and guess what man she starts one on her futile arguements, picking on a man in his “I am a happily stoned and out of it man” mood ffs! His attitude is winding up Amber so much she wallops him, he is so stunned he wants to return the wallop shuddering away but oh no ffs, the gentleman that he is he pours himself a MEGGA glass of wine slurps it but Amber is still going at it like women do ffs and to wind him up even more she decides to film him but still he does not resort to violence instead he dances and prances around smashing up a couple of kitchen cupboards ffs!! So what, he kept his hands to himself off Amber didn’t he, oh yes indeedy! But wtf does it matter the price to replace the damage? pocket change to the very rich Johnnie, but still she is going at it gobbing it off and rabbiting orf fs on and on and on like world wide and like you lovely women do on soo many occasions (daily ffs) on and on and on and CAN her-she do some king nagging that goes on and on and on, the very dear of them all individually and collectively, don’t you just king love them ffs! (that’ll be a resounding no then) fffs!

Blog 23.
I am sorry it has taken so long to add to my Geoff Says blogs illness and becoming totally reclusive with my birds my ducks sheep and my 2 male Alpackas named Yo and Yo because they are frigging ignorant shits neither answer to their name maybe it’s because they both spat at me in the beginning so I slapped them across the face just like Amber slapped Johnnie and they have never spat at me since all of this and all of this in full view from my mancave, what more could I want apart from the fact that it is now nearing eight o’clock, for the 30 plus years my Lou and I have been together I have always like every day ffs of my life done the breakfasts for us two not forgetting the dogs Wilber and fat bitch Betty Boo, I meander into the house stoned but content, my serious leg pains have suddenly disappeared for a while. Be happy with your lives be loving to each other be nice to the kids in your lives and their lives and tell someone “I love you” and mean it ffs! Loves! Bless Up! Geoff. X
Blogging out!

It is NOT true I have a small penis  it’s about this size!!