Major Gossip, you must read this;
A regular seller who sells mainly tools often arrives at our locations in particular Truro Cattle Market normally he is in a know-all grumpy old sod of a rude mood, wherever I park him with his white knacked out clapped out old van he complains that I could have parked him in a better place (“it does not matter where tf you are parked maid if you have the bargains the buyers will find you believe me”) He’s never happy unless he’s sucking miserable the cantankerous sod that he is so he is FFS. Anyway’s today I learned some major gossip about this man who is apparently known to other sellers and regular auction buyers as ‘the Weasel’ ffs, I was reliably informed by my ‘in the know informant who should remain anonymous’ (Jim Slyps) that this is what happened;
The ‘Weasel’ was at the famous Martin Rowe Auctions one fine day in May where he was trying to make bids on various boxes of mixed stuffs mainly those including loads of tools and the like. The Auction started and soon Weasel was raising his hand to bid but the Auctioneer totally ignored the Weasel’s efforts to bid even though his arms were reaching high up into the sky but the dear Auctioneer from his Pulpit of the bids seemed to be
deliberately sending the Weasel to Coventry preferring to take other bids from the floor ignoring ‘the Weasel’ completely and totally blanking him out so to speak ffs! ‘Weasel’ was more than furious seething stamping his feet almost spitting blood ffs “Why the fcuk am I being ignored” so he waited right to the bitter end of the auction complaining to all and sundry or those folks who could be bothered to listen to his uttering and mutterings that ‘he had bought nothing, nowt, frig all, pissing folk all, zilcho Caputo zero and other offensive languages like FFS “cos the Auctioneer was ignoring me” (more tears) ffs!
So determined was ‘Weasel’ to find out why TF he was being ignored FFS! He went to complain to the highest level of the Auction House the Auctioneers Office and the Auctioneer himself, God no less! He was invited into the office and was politely asked to ‘look at the TV screen’ where they had been filming him since he had arrived at the auction. They showed him parts of the film as he watched himself taking various items mainly tools out of some of the boxes of lots and putting the ‘now stolen’ items into the boxes that he was intending to bid on the cheeky sod not just one box but more than several boxes ffs! Bingo! Got yer-yer B’stard!! That is a premeditated criminal act by intending to steal items from several boxes depriving items owned by someone entirely unrelated to the boxes that he wanted to bid on, tut-tut, I mean that’s king selfish and more than a tad devious the B’stard so he is fs.
I am also reliably informed that other buyers knew ‘the Weasel’ (how he got the nick-name I do not know but he does have the look of distant relative of a weasel really when you squint a bit ffs so you will have to use your imagination stare at the picture and imagine it has a man face, it certainly does when I’m stoned man ffs, back to the story) Anyway, he were doing this dishonest act for some time and loads of people knew all about his scam so hopefully it was one of they who shopped him, but I mean ‘brainless or what?’ because just imagine you are the Weasel;
“Now then you ‘first you engage brain” cos if I had been doing what he were a doing and suddenly the Auctioneer is totally blanking me I would have said to myself hello-hello, summits up ere mate, it must be my aftershave ffs, pause, think, there’s something’s definitely wrong I mean look they’re pigging ignoring me every time I try to bid, why TF? I reckon they must of frigging twigged me mate ffs (panic-stricken) help! They king know what I am up to, games up mate fs, which is the quickest exit ffs, let’s skid-addle and walk away having not spent a penny quickly with tightly-squezzed-butt-cheeks and in jerky movements like all Weasel’s do ffs so let’s FRO the pigging now FFS! Then I would have gone home jet washed my butt cheeks change my underwear make a cup of coffee, good god that was a fluking close one, phew!! Someone knocking at the door OMG FFS!!!
I jest! But it is quite obvious to those of us who have really common-sense that all Auction Houses would have very good close-circuit systems recording their popular weekly sales. I am told by sauces in the know that‘The weasel’ was barred from Martin Rowe Auction house, he was very lucky they didn’t involve the Police! Result or what, r-soles like the Weasel should be publicly shamed for their stupidity and dishonest activities with a smart kick in the balls as a quiet bit of justice, metaphorically speaking so to speak, but some people would even get a kick out of that ffs!
We salute Martin Rowe Auctioneers who have always had a great reputation over the thirty odd years we have known them. Result or what! I mean, how tf can any-one personage in life earn the nick-name of ‘the Weasel’ ffs! Oh, and by the way this man’s action harms our good name and our reputation at CBC cos all the auction people know that ‘the Weasel’ sells his ill-gotten gains at Truro Falmouth also including Rosudgeon and Hayle!
I reserve the rights to ‘free speech’ and I have probably exaggerated this story a tad more than a tad, however several people have identified 3 different weasel’s whilst others say it’s a load of boll-ox, that also could be true ffs but I have enjoyed bringing the ‘gossip to the people’ So, if you have an outrageous bit of gossip then tell me in the complete confidence and knowledge that I cannot be trusted not to repeat the gossip with non-de-plume unidentifiable names like ‘weasel’ ffs.