Think about this; does this picture remind you of one of our ex-sellers ‘Despicable Me’ famous in his own world but a tosser in the real world.
Think about this; does this picture remind you of one of our ex-sellers ‘Despicable Me’ famous in his own world but a tosser in the real world.
Warning; This blog uses mildly offensive language for which I do not apologise ffs! My spies have been telling me that someone in Pendeen which is only Just on the map nice place to come from but not to go to, for the record all homes now have electricity but running water and the Internet yet to come for most homes, however Pendeen car boots have had a sly dig on their website at our Car Boot Sales. Now then, our car boots are like sex they both last around 2 to three hours then ‘it’s off’ to rise to another occasion the next Car Booty my bird and why not fs? They, are claiming that their boot sales just off the coast of Pendeen have to last all day, a whole day from early morning, surely that’s what they call a ‘lock in’ Well bully for them because as I understand from my spies that most nay nearly all of their sellers want to get out after 2-4 hours and go to their homes cos the b kids are bored with an attitude ‘I just wanna go home’ syndrome and are playing up mummy up and daddy and mummy and daddy are pig sick of them fer father’s sake ffs!
Besides that, with Car Boots Cornwall we dictate the actual start time and we certainly do not allow dealers to pay up to £10.00 to go into the sale before the rest of the buyers to cherry-pick the bargains I mean WTF is going on allowing the bleedn rich dealers to grab all the bargains ffs? it is our customers at CBC the buyers and the sellers who decide when it’s time to pack up and if they want to go to another Car Boot Sale after then bully for them as well. Wot we ask all of our customers is to stay at the car boot for two hours it is then entirely their decision when to go home because the kids are being a pain in the bum so to speak. And, with respect most if not all of our Car Boot Sales are at least half an hour away from each other and with further respect Pendeen is a registered charity so all their staff are (free) volunteers so staffing costs are NIL, they don’t pay rent and this year they kindly gave only £12,000 to their charity. We have seen the Drone pictures of how busy Pendeen is and the huge income from such a load of sellers, they also claim that thousands of buyers attends all their sales, so what happened to the rest of the dosh darlings I have been asked? None of my business you understand. Charities are very difficult people to deal some of them are ‘so up their own bums’ and some are complete and total R soles as Landlords, I could name several but that’s another story.
Dear Customer; ALDI
When it’s time to go shopping we all like to make sure we are ready for the onslaught and stresses of driving to your favourite shopping Supermarket to get the weeks groceries and of meeting and mixing with other members of the public who are also doing their shopping as well as you fs so there is bound to be someone or something that will really piss you off or get on your tits in some way or other cos they are standing in your pigging way or they are the driving their trolley recklessly as though their trolley has only got three figging wheels going one way and the other wheel couldn’t GAF ffs, or, or, there’re on their pigging mobiles or their b kids are out of control with some squalling (darling) little brats especially at the figging check-out when you are trying to concentrate on loading your bleedn shopping bags ffs (I feel so sorry for the parents, no I don’t) take your little darlings out of the store by the ear until you have them under your control (try a nappy change in the open boot for instance or burp them then we can all can think straight fs) or better still Supermarkets should have free creches for father and child so that mum can shop alone on father’s Barclaycard, what a stunningly good idea, bravo? I mean, some of you do not know how to push the pigging trolleys properly leaving them in the middle of the aisle so no bugger can pass ffs and the ones that really piss me off is the mouthy family member shouting to another family member who is in a different aisle ‘do we need Ketchup Beryl’ I mean you do not get that sort of behaviour in Waitrose or Marks & Spencer do yer though? It seems to me that most of the real gabbiest of Gobi gob-shites shop at either Lidl or my favourite Aldi in Wadebridge store ‘bless them all-great characters in their own world but figging idiots in the real world ffs’ I mean you know the sort I mean don’t cher mate? Aldi is next door to the superb replacement of rotten old Woolworth’s so now we have the very with it and famous B & M Stores. I love B & M they sell really cheap dog treats and ‘cheap’ feeds for the bird tables and the staff seem a happy bunch, up their wage to be ten quid an hour cos that’s what I pay my team.
My darling missus (4th and current wife so far) my previous 3 wives died the 4th one won’t ffs! Her does not like shopping at the best of times (apart from pigging six hundred and fifty quid handbags fs) but especially when its school holiday time coupled with the huge influx of tourists and their caravans and their bleedn cars causing traffic jams and pollution at peak season the ‘Emmits have arrived’ (Cornwall needs their dosh) so everyone is in everyone’s way and my dear Lou treats it like ‘We must be quick its rush around time it’s a matter of life or death so let’s load up the trolley quickly and forget what TF we came in here for in the first frigging place and let’s get the hell out of here ffs’ says her. Her and her mum do not know what ffs means ffs. It’s Friendly Farmers Society ffs for short innit? Whereas with me, I just like to just saunter around to annoy her slowly reading labels and getting in every bugger’s way ffs great fun! I look at sell by dates and I look for trolleys where the owners have parked their trolley up and gone walkabouts so I load their trolleys up so that when they come back they don’t recognise where the fcuk their trolley is ffs! I love watching people and listening to their chit-chat especially to the men who are totally under control of her indoors old bossy boots herself, get me this and get me that ffs and we don’t need this and we don’t need that and put that back on the shelf ffs, he is seriously getting on her tits so to get rid of him her demands him to go and find me a packet of sultanas over there somewhere knowing full well it will take him forever, but me I am taking my time which really pisses my missus off amazingly. Great fun now then, it’s ‘she hot flushes day today’ accompanied by another headache as well today (every day) so I could be wrong in every frigging thing I do for the entire day ffs.
Do you know there are times in your private lives as husband & wife or similar depending on which side you dress in the morning that you will fall in and out of love with the love of your life over the slightest of little things that will totally piss you both off and it’s like a world war has broken out between two people who were in passionate sexual clinches in love (tissue time) before getting up today but now, I hate the guts of him or her and let’s be very flocking rude and thoroughly ignorant shits to each other all frigging day and let it last until he-her says ‘I’m sorry it was my fault, no it flicking aint and I am not giving in ffs so today it is my turn and I have not done anything wrong ffs do I care, do I fcuk, on this particular day we weren’t really talking resulting in grunts to each other, how pigging rude is that ffs I think from now on I will call her ‘the grunt’ fs! (perhaps it’s the stress of mother in law who has Dementia) but I do not get stressed about Julia she don’t bother me none.
Neither of us are in a good mood so the smallest incident will really piss me off and this is what happens each time we go into Lidl so welcome to the real world my man! As soon as we had walked through the doors at Lidl Store we get this loud message over the public address system in a snot-gobbling posh voice “Dear Customer, we are opening till 4 will customers please use till number 4” so queuing customers eagerly rush to pile their goods onto the escalator counter thing anticipating immediate service, the next pigging announcement “Staff required for till 4 please” wtf? So they wait, so they wait, eventually a cashier arrives then a few minutes later “Dear customer, we are now closing till four will customers please use the other tills” ffs, I mean, wtf is going on? we are all being brain-washed with these noisy interruptions to your shopping which disturbs your concentration time and again and today without any exaggeration I counted 23 freaking “Dear customer” and “Manager required” and “Staff required” announcements and I was only in the store for about 40 ucking minutes ffs but the stupidity of it is that all of the staff have headphones and mikes and they are constantly jabbering-on to each other non-stop so why TF don’t they communicate without loud and ferking constant “Dear customer” interruptions into what is supposed to be a pleasant experience ffs.
I mean just imagine being a member of staff at the end of the day ‘the dear of them’ as they have listened to thousands and figging thousands of beep-beep and more pigging beeps at the pigging beep tills and on top of that they have to freaking listen to at least hundreds of their ‘Dear Customer’ crap. At the end of my ordeal at the checkout but not for my missus oh no, she got even with me for what reason I know not nor care not, her flashes her bloody £650.00 bag for all and sundry to see that I had (been conned) purchased out of my in-debt pension that I could hardly afford fs then her has the pigging nerve to say “Oh dear, I haven’t got my card will you pay Wiles” thereby making me pay ffs! Ouch, nice one Lou, it’s only lent as they say.
Now then, Dear Aldi, I think that their ‘Dear customer’ voice sounds a bit too bossy and snooty and commanding and is talking down to people especially if you say it in olde English my lovers, so with a toffee-nosed voice and stick a plum in your gob and say ‘Dear Customer’ 23 times and it would seriously get on yer tits wouldn’t it my bird ffs but when you hear it so many times you wake up during the pigging night to go for a piss and the first thing you think of is ‘Dear customer’ and you can’t think straight let alone pee straight ffs, so with respect I know all about staff cut-backs but those cut-backs should never be at the expense of the delaying of you’re paying customers, and the somewhat I’m busy attitude of the under pressure staff well worthy of at least £10.00 an hour! However, and whatever Aldi is a superb store and so is Lidl both with polite-ish fellow customers all of their stores have great products great prices great value and all of the staff deserve a rise so all is great at Aldi apart from “Dear Customer” How about “Hello Playmates” Good god am I really that old? If I had the freedom of a Supermarket mike, I would have customer dashing all over the place after I have announced absolute bargains that do not exist and during school holidays; I would announce all CDs and computer games are now reduced to only one pound £1.00 each for the kids only, I would offer free giant gob-stoppers for all babies entering the store to minimise their squalling I would organise a wheelchair dash for the disabled and a mum’s pushchair dash (with squalling child) only on the diaper aisles though and I would have a doggy dash to the meat counter, I would charge £1.00 admission grannies (I love grannies) lesbians (I love lesbians, greatest birth control in the world) young mums) (I love young mum’s for the future of the world, granddads two quid’s) to enter the store with all proceeds going to me, I would grab all the dosh then fcuk off on holiday only to come back and find out I was sacked what tf for I have no idea ffs! Geoff Says!
Back to mother in law who as most readers know Julia is Louise’s mum who has Dementia, it is really sad seeing her senses gradually closing down but to her credit she has still got a very good sense of humour and she adores me, she has now referred to her daughter her carer my Lou and my wife as ‘the other person’ who lives in our house which I thought hilarious my Lou was not impressed, she gets quietly pissed off with her mum who shows absolutely no appreciation for her daughters efforts at all. Julia has an ex-nurse who comes to look after her called Sian her is lovely and her looks after personal matters making sure Julia has a bath or a shower and gets her hair done, she makes sure Julia doesn’t fall over and lose the banana shaped bar of soap which Julia keeps looking at to find out where to put the batteries ffs, buzzing and hilarious fun one would think! Sian is the mother of Rhiannon who has just returned from her charity work in Kenya. The very pretty Sian (from a distance) (I jest) has been coming to the house for over a year, she can be standing next to Julia and I ask her ‘Julia, are you pleased to see Sian’ her says “I haven’t seen Sian for ages” ffs! I mean that is pretty rude but she’s got Dementia fs so take it on the chin Sian and Lou, she is not purposely being offensive but I do understand how Julia offends, truthfully she can be just as rude to me as she likes I don’t GAF but I don’t take it personal cos after I have had a couple of spliffs the dear of her I don’t know WTF her is on about and nor does her so I does agree with almost everything her says so let’s all be loony together at the same time ffs, I reply with total gibberish crap so everyone is off their trolley rockers at the same time which Julia really enjoys, no wonder the wifey likes to get tf out of the house and do a lot of gardening ffs! Sian is Welsh (I won’t hold that against her) she has a brilliant sense of humour and she is a real love and so important in Julia’s life and her well-being so it is a combined effort to make her happy. People say, her son in particular said ‘put her in a home’ but why? She would lose her dignity and she would cry forever but here at her home she amuses herself she likes to be alone with our two Chiwawas, she is really quite fit for someone who does not exercise, she eats up all she foods slowly so slowly driving my Lou near to bursting point (because she want her pudding now ffs) Julia sits opposite to me so if you can imagine someone staring at you for ages with her face-full of double chins she looks as though she is staring at me over a pile of crumpets that are continuously on the wobble ffs! But me, I am really happy at the entertainment as I watch the days go by where our private life is on hold caring for Julia who aint no trouble really just let her do what her wants to do even if it is creating piles of toilet paper that she has taken apart every piece by piece of toilet paper off the bog roll and then another bog roll as her puts it all in piles on her desk as she is anticipating using only one piece of toilet paper each time her goes to the netty ffs, one piece aint gonna be much frigging help is it my lovely because your way it means shitty sticky and stinky fingers, now go and wash your filthy hands yer dirty biatch and use a nail brush then throw it away ffs pet!
Leave her alone she is happy, amen.
One last quick story, we are having our meal Lou me and Julia who opens her handbag to get out a toilet roll ffs she rips off about 10 pieces folds them up and shoves them under her leaking and snuffly snot-box with the appropriate sound affects fs her is eating with one hand holding her fork the other hand is gripping her snot-box for almost the entire meal which Lou and I have to endure this whilst trying to enjoy our meal, worse was to come we cleared the table off apart from Julia’s. I went back to get her plate and was horrified to find her using the same damp and snottiest snot-rag tissues that she had been shoving up her snot-box all during the meal, she is now wiping and cleaning and polishing off the glass topped table ffs! Snot smears pigging everywhere ffs! I mean yuck king and king yuck again woman ffs, but leave her alone she’s got Dementia fs don’t you know. I apologise for using ffs’ but I mean fer fcuks sake! Hilarious fun, I can’t sit down to any meal without thinking about it and I want to barf up FFS, next time I shall take the bleeding tissues away from her and let her nose drip into her meal or put a pelican bib on her to catch the dribbles of snot and empty them in her drink ffs. I mean slimy or what WTF!
It is horrible for my lovely Lou (who I love to bits ish) to see her mum out of control of herself, Julia who had been a very proud and successful teacher for many years in Newcastle she knows time is closing in on her but she will fight in her own way to survive with our help and with the help of all the people who have been so nice to her at the Memory Clubs that she attends with the beautiful Sian. Please be nice to all the genuine carers of Dementia patients and give high praise to all of those wonderful nurses who work tirelessly dedicated to the care of Dementia people. Go NHS! Thank you. Thank you, Sian. XX
And finally, I often get comments about these blogs fortunately they are all very complimentary and it seems the only reason that they read the blogs is because of the confrontational rude and upfront crudeness and the swearing by letters most paragraphs. I recently met the most beautiful young Chinese lady and her father who both love our Car Boots at Truro and St Columb Major, they were so complimentary about ‘Geoff Says’ that I was glowing with pride anyway after talking with this lovely beauty queen with a stunning personality I learn that she is 23 and has just passed her degrees to Graduate to Keale University where within a year she will become a Plastic Surgeon with an ambition to help burns and tragedy victims rebuild their images and their lives. At the end of our conversation she asked me ‘Can I have a hug please? I was totally privileged and gob-smacked and yes, she got the hug and last Sunday she came for another hug and to say she was off to Keale. I didn’t get either her name or that of her fathers but I hope that they will keep in touch in some way. They read my blogs. Sometimes in life you meet wonderful people and for this young and beautiful lady to have the ambition to spend the rest of her life dedicated to caring for accident and trauma victims who will need her Plastic Surgeon skills to rebuild their damaged bodies is worthy of the highest praise. The last thing she said to me was ‘You will live to 200 years’ Good god my face is like a bag of prunes already, I would need a Plastic Surgeon to rebuild my face completely, but no I wouldn’t want to live that long just imagine having to work at least up to the age of 150 years old or trying to get an erection (if you’re a bloke) at that age Dem bones Dem bones Dem dry bones ffs! No thanks I will settle for the first hundred then reconsider, I should be so lucky!! Get in touch please? Geoff XX
Finally, finally yesterday at Newquay another compliment “You must be Geoff” from a pretty young mum followed by her husband “We just love your blogs they are so good I read them to my husband at bedtime” and he agreed! I mean what is going on in people’s lives in the bedroom nowadays ffs I feel as though I have been in a threesome and knew sod-all about it. But what a compliment, I can see him all tucked up in bed “Come on darling give it to me it’s sleepy bye-byes time with Geoff Says just read it to me or I’ll scream and scream until I puke” Whatever turns you on my lovers whatever turns you on! Love you, for a few quid I could consider calling round to read the blog myself to him, I could do with the dosh as I am behind with my payments for a bloody expensive handbag fs. Thank you all so much for your support, will you buy my book please? XX
Monday at 8.00 am;
HAYLE is OFF TODAY//SUNDAY at TRURO at 12.00 noon & St Columb Major at 1.30 pm enjoy both! Hayle Rugby Club Car Boot today is CANCELLED! SUNDAY looks good for TRURO at 12.00 noon and St Columb Major at 1.30 pm! It was absolutely pissing down on most of West Cornwall so I cancelled the Friday Car Boot yet I received 39 calls ‘Is Falmouth on’ 12 of those were from Falmouth itself where I can confirm it was pissing down for most of the daytime. Sorry folks we don’t operate Boot Sales when it is raining, common sense really I suppose. Weather has been a poor advert with our holiday-makers, sorry folks but the next few days are looking good so if you are going away today and the sun then shines here that is so tough but shit like that happens in the real world , don’t it though? Safe journey my luvvers. Now then, back to business please be secure with the items on your stalls we don’t want no nicking neither. Be good to each other and if you have difficult neighbours ask then in for a cup of tea biscuits and a chat to iron out your differences but ‘Oh no you wouldn’t do that would you though’ that’s my thought for the day my birds! Dated picture but it still has the same meaning! Geoff x
Okay, now let me tell you the truth firstly about NEWQUAY where we moved to our brand-new location at Chapel Farm in May. On our first week there were only 12 sellers of whom we charged £5.00 to sell and of course all buyers came in for free of entry charges. The prophets of doom (some of the dumbest pre-dick-tors known to man) declared Newquay is finished, gone, caput FRO forever, that Geoff is such a wanker (true, but at 80 who TF cares ffs). The following week there were 17 sellers so again we let them sell for a fiver and again free to buyers.
Last week there were over 50 sellers, today the 23rd July there were 75 sellers and loads of buyers particularly from HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK who were happy to pay the entrance-parking fee to be able to buy some stunning BARGAINS so the ‘prophets of doom’ were wrong again because I absolutely assure you that we will achieve well over 100 sellers before mid-August at NEWQUAY and if I am wrong come and tell me, likewise if you are one of the ‘sad prediction freaks or freakesses’ and you have got it wrong then do have the balls to come and tell me and I will give you a FREE STALL for last Tuesday & Thursday at Newquay and a kick in the nuts if that is the way you dress?
It is 3.00 am in the early morning I am having a couple quieter smokes a drink some Enigma music and life is beautiful all of the time. My misses and her mum with Dementia snore so loudly I can hear them in my man-cave and de man-cave is outside de bleedn house man ffs! Because I have severe cramp night-time’s I don’t sleep well but I certainly enjoy myself the pain has stopped, I will read this in the morning and not remember WTF I have written ffs!
Now then, at HEARTLANDS telling you the absolute truth there were 13 sellers for the first ever Car Boot Sales and we charged them a fiver to sell, we also GAVE them a FREE stall for this Wednesday 10th July 12.00 noon at HEARTLANDS in appreciation of their support. The doom and gloom merchants were at it again predicting that Heartlands was a flop, no it was not! Quite a lot of buyers supported the few sellers and all 13 of them sold and covered their expenses handsomely. Now then, the ‘doomers’ gave it their all predicting total failure and lack of support for the new boot sale! What an absolute load of boll ox some people do talk at times so here is my advice!
Firstly, engage brain! We are not in opposition to Rosudgeon. We are ‘in-it to win-it’ we do not mind how long it takes to establish a really good Car Boot Sale at Heartlands, in Pool-Redruth and do not forget Heartlands is going to be an all year- round Car Boot Sale. So, and I address this question to my spies Ann the posh and Anne the not so posh and the fellow gloomers bloomers and gloaters;
“When Hayle, Rosudgeon, Bude and Lanhydropped, and Withiel and all of the other field Car Boots including the potential flood *wet field locations then they are totally closed down and as dead as a bandy do-do’s ding-donger for at least 6 months of the year so then where the hell will some of the die-hard Car Boot sellers and buyers want to go? They won’t want to stay at home and vegetate like old farts do especially the ones who ‘want to live forever and do sod all about it’ get some forking exercise get off yer fat arse get the car keys have a slash and take her or him indoors outdoors in the fresh air of the autumn and winter seasons and come to HEARTLANDS of course you utter nutters, because TRURO and Heartlands are the only Car Boot Sales worthwhile enjoying during the ‘winter months’ I have a favourite motto ‘Softly, softly catchee monkey’ success will follow my bird! To the knockers of our Car Boots Cornwall we have 6 locations we are bigger we are the professionals and better than the rest and we have more sellers than all of the other lot put together! And, and we have had over One Million four hundred and sixty- six thousand hits on our website more than any visits to any BOOT SALE in the entire UK so to the knockers piss up your kilts ffs! I don’t care I quite like knockers really?
There is one bloke I have nick-named toss-pot who almost breaks his neck to try to wind me up about Rosudgeon this or Hayle that he goes on and on and on and it pisses him off that his bickering against my Car Boots Cornwall does not get through to be so my picture is dedicated to him who will remain anonymous, here is a clue he has got rattling false teeth he knows who he is the bandy looking nerd!!
*Wet field locations* Be very careful if you are parked up at Lanhydropped especially when it has been raining because you could get ‘mud-bogged-down’ and spend ages before you get home! I believe it is part of a flood-plain which will hopefully sink out to oblivion and beyond. The complaints about Lanhydropped we hear are the stalls are full of crap with too many white van man traders and last week my spies tell me there was a fight between several sellers and buyers and there was a fight at Withiel where someone apparently took out a cleaver (according to gossip) of sorts and was prepared to use it against someone who had aggravated him and the police men and ladies were involved.
Now then, my next target is the bloody BBC and their poxy ill-informed forecasting the weather, today they agreed that there will be a 30% chance of rain so loads of the boring old farts looking for an excuse to prevent the missus from enjoying her car boot they say “I’m not going out if that’s what they say by the time we get there it will be pissing down” which attitude is wrong because not one jot of rain dropped at Mitchell so ‘balls to the BBC’ thank you once again for your pessimism. To cover themselves they have got to put something on so ‘let’s hedge our bets’ and give meaningless percentages that could would and does affect businesses who work outdoors for a living and while I am on about it why do we have to have to listen to drivel from the weather forecasters that go on and on ffs, why doesn’t someone just come on and say something like “Hello, this is the Bloody BBC weather briefly, today it’s going to piss down everywhere so you can all go back to bed for the rest of the week at least ffs or brilliant sunshine in Spain but it’s still pissing down here in the UK ffs!! amen! Oh’ and by the way have you noticed how hard the BBC are pushing for their candidate to replace Theresa May who although I am not a Tory but I do think her has done a brilliant job taking into consideration the amount B’stard Boris the back-stabbings that have brought Mrs May down. The BBC’s man for the job of new Prime Minister is Boris who has the full support of the management & editorial team brown-nosing Boris so they do not lose the government support when they want to deprive the elderly of the FREE TV licencing due to expire in 2020. I personally don’t care if I have got to pay for a TV licence but there are millions of elderly people who simply cannot afford to pay the BBC fee so I believe that all genuine pensioners (also severely disabled people) who are on benefits of any kind who need ‘not be means tested’ they should qualify for life free TV licences and it should be paid for by the drastic cash savings spent at the BBC to the fortunes being paid to all these alleged celebrities’
I mean you can watch TV with celebrities taking part in some programmes and you see faces of the celebs and maybe you recognise one ‘alleged celebrity ‘out of 10 so who the folk are all the others FFS! Get rid of the rigged Celebs shows cos the best celebrities are Mr & Mrs Joe public so let’s turn the clock back in time and bring back Wilfred Pickles and Have a Go Joe and Variety Bandbox and Hughie Green (yuck) and whatever happened to Workers Playtime and Children’s Favourites’ and Housewives Choice and Mrs Dales Diary and Dick Barton and the Goon Shows and Beyond our Ken and what about Listen with Mother and Family Favourites, I mean, what happened to all that lot? Biggest load of crap going, so it was ffs!
Now then, another thing about Boris is that he is so far up Donald TRUMPS butt that these two together could create catastrophic mayhem to the peace of this world we all call home. I forecast TRUMP (Bring Back OBAMA) will win the next election then is the right time to impeach the ignorant shit that he is, put him in jail Geoff Says for his criminality including serious tax evasion, his racism and having a sly shag with Stormy Daniels and putting the cost on a petty cash voucher and making ‘head office’ (the public) pay but he got caught, then there’s his over 10,000 bleedn lies that he has told to the whole WORLD and the American people. Lock him up then throw away the effing keys.
Two weeks ago, a little boy arrived at Mitchell with his mum & dad, as he had been really well behaved, he was given a special treat of £5.00 pocket-money which he put in his purse. He walked up to a stall that had a few toys picked one up one to look at it, the more than grumpy stall-holder lady said “It’s four pounds, do you want it otherwise put it down” The intimidated boy opened his purse and took out his fiver paying for the toy when his mum and dad who were a looking at another stall arrived and asked the boy if he really wanted the toy, he said no. Dad says to more than grumpy seller the boy does not want the toy can we please have a refund? The lady seller was quite adamant, ‘No we will not refund’ so the boy and his parents came to me to ask for assistance. I accompanied mum dad and the boy to the stall and I asked the seller to refund the four pounds and take the toy back to which the seller again refused. Now then, the boy is 5 years old and the law says that a child of 5 years old cannot be a customer unless under supervision therefore the seller cannot contract with a child and that his parents should be given the refund, which I explained to the seller who again refused. I explained the law to the sellers who chatted with her partner and they eventually but grudgingly agreed to refund the four pounds but it has to be said they were most pissed off that their takings were now minus the four quid vowing never to return to any of our Car Boot Sales again. Well there you go, we learn something every day don’t we so if a kid comes to your stall wanting to spend, he must be supervised by an adult and the adult must pay you on behalf of the child dears, see!
Two good Car Boot Sales for SUNDAY at TRURO 12.00/SUNDAY at ST COLUMB MAJOR at 1.30 pm
6.00 am latest; Car Boot at MITCHELL is ON,On,On today!!!!!!! Yesterday; I have seen the ground conditions at Mitchell today Friday at 5.00 pm and can confirm that providing we don’t get storms all night long then the Car Boot ‘will go ahead’ Worried customers at Lanhydropped will travel to Mitchell as they are fully aware you can get bogged down especially after so much rain. Hayle have not yet announced if the Sunday 8.00 am Car Boot will go ahead, we will let you know! On Wednesday we are at HEARTLANDS at 12.00 noon and for everyone’s knowledge I am not competing with Rosudgeon I am looking to establishing a WINTER LOCATION for Car Boots when all the other ‘grass field locations’ are closed down see? Common sense really. Keep an eye on ‘what’s yours’ and don’t let any thief deprive you of ‘what-shores?’ I will have a pint please. Geoff
Collect all 5 of these separate colours and get £5.00 off next time you sell at Car Boots Cornwall or get a £3.00 discount for ANY five colours!
Welcome to our 30th year of running Car Boot Sales in the West of Cornwall.
We increased our selling prices at all locations from 2016 therefore we would not review selling prices until beyond 2020
The admission charges are generally £1.00 per adult person with kids FREE however at our Rugby Club locations the admission charge will remain at 50 p per adult person KIDS FREE!!
There has been so much abuse towards ‘We are doing this for CHARITY’ by sellers who decide let’s raise some money for CHARITY!! My advice is DON’T! Firstly you need to have permission from the most reputable Registered Charities before you raise a penny on their behalf. If you come to sell at a Charity stall we would need a written permission from the charity in ‘your name’ with FULL PUBLICITY and the name of the CHARITY on FULL display for the public information.
At most locations you are able to pay an extra £5.00 to set your stall up earlier than other sellers! All this entitles you to do is to have more time to ‘set-up’ your selling items! What it does not entitle you to do is to SELL any items from your stall before the actual start times nor to have a wander around looking at other stalls and certainly not to buy! Whilst you are setting up hopefully lots of eager buyers are gathering, however if they see ‘YOU’ wandering around when you shouldn’t be? Then I could be the ‘nasty B’stard’ that maketh you close down your stall and go home without selling a bloody thing FFS!! Rules is Rules!!
DOGS! BRING POO BAGS!!
STRICTLY NO DOGS on the PITCH at Falmouth Rugby Club under any circumstances
STRICTLY NO DOGS in the Cattle Pens at TRURO
STRICTLY NO DOGS in the selling areas at MITCHELL
STRICTLY NO DOGS on the grassed areas at either FALMOUTH Rugby Club!
We do not allow any BOUNCY CASTLES at any of our locations in the Interest of Public and Child Safety. There are enough attractions at Car Boot Sales without these rip-off Bouncy Castles my bird!
Please take all of your rubbish litter home with you and dispose of it at home. When our team is tidying up at the end of each Car Boot Sale we are doing it in the Interest of our Landlords their fields and livestock’s! Please do not ask for us to take it from you! If you have broken any of your stock in particular glass then ‘YOU’ personally have a ‘DUTY of CARE’ to put the broken items into your own vehicle and take home with you!!
YOU MUST NOT SELL ANY OF THE FOLLOWING ITEMS
Wines, Spirits, Beers, Cigarettes, Tobacco, Animals, FAKE DVDs or CDs of Videos!
You must not sell GUNS, KNIVES including Kitchen and Bread Knives, Flick Knives.
You must not sell FOODS, CAKES, SANDWICHES, DRINKS, FRUIT or VEGETABLES, CRISPS nor SWEETS without the permission of Car Boots Cornwall and with the approval of Cornwall Council Health Authorities and Trading Standards!
SO YOU WANT TO DO A BOOT SALE?
You do not have anything to worry about from our side all advertised Car Boot Sales will go ahead (subject to weather conditions) You do not have to book or reserve a space, all of our locations have adequate space however it is advisable that you arrive at least one hour before start times, some sellers prefer to allow 2 hours in order that they get a space near the main entrance to the sale but seriously if you have the BARGAINS and a good stall whatever position you are setting up in the field the buyers WILL find you and enjoy spending money on your stall. All you have to do is arrive with your car sensibly loaded at the main gates where a member of our team will point you in the direction of the sellers queue. All of our sales are operated to start at the advertised times so as a seller you will be shown to your selling space half an hour before the start times. Please ensure when you park up that your engine is turned off and that your keys will not be lost also ensure your car BRAKES are on.
SETTING UP YOUR STALL!
Once you are parked safely open up your BOOT and the first items you will get out will probably be your tables. If you do not have tables don’t worry you can always put your items for sale on boxes or a blanket or a ground sheet or similar. We do not hire tables to sellers! During the setting up of your stall you are NOT allowed to either buy or sell nor look around at other stalls nor try to get another stall to reserve items on their stall for you to buy after the sale has started. Whilst you are setting up your selling area be careful that you are totally secure conscious and that you cash floats are in a very safe place (watch out there’s a thief about) When you have set your stall up which should take 15/20 minutes check that you have place your valuable items at the back of the table for security.
THE START OF THE SALE!
Whilst you are setting up hopefully many hundreds of buyers are arriving and at the correct time (5 minutes lee-way) the horn will blast to start the sale when all of the buyers will rush to your stalls and if you have got it right you should start taking money from the off! Once the initial rush is calmer look at your stall and move your displayed items around to ensure your potential customer can see everything on your tables. Be confident in your stalls, be nice to your customers but not over friendly and feel confident that once you have sold an item and you say “yes it works” make sure of your facts otherwise potential customers could be entitled to a REFUND. If a customer is sold an item that is not ‘all you claim it to be’ then Car Boots Cornwall would support that customer to gaining a full refund.
IT IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!
Take it seriously, you are a shop-keeper for a couple of hours and you should enjoy yourself and be able to sell off your unwanted items and make some money. Occasionally we get young kids and teenagers set up stall which they do with great pride and enthusiasm and they do a GREAT job! It’s your turn now. ENJOY!
Geoff & Louise Camden Wiles
NOW READ 1-20 tips below pictures!
But Not Quite Sure How To Go About It?
Well! We’re Here To Help – Take A Look At Our 20 Point Guide On How To Be A Successful Booter!
Dont make it an ordeal, do it to raise some funds for you and your family, and get rid of your unwanted items.
Pack your Car, if you use tables pack them last, they are the first things you will need on arrival.
Arrive at least 1 hour before the start time.
If you arrive early you will have set-up time to display your stock.
Display to the best of your ability clean stock, dirty stock DOES NOT SELL and it puts customers off your stall.
Bring some change and keep your money safe.
Price up your stock with labels where possible, have carrier bags to wrap your sold items.
Put clothes on hangers where possible, check pockets! Make sure CDs and DVDs are IN the boxes.
No buying or selling before the HORN sounds.
Do not SMOKE on the stall or when serving customers. It puts your customers off.
Do not buy off one stall and then try to sell the same item on your stall, it amounts to BAD MANNERS and causes friction between sellers!
If you are selling electrical items they MUST work and they MUST have correctly fitted safety plugs.
If you can bring along instruction manuals or assembly instructions for your goods, it’ll make them more sellable
Be polite and pleasant to ours and your customers.
Do not say to customers ‘its only been worn once or its only been used once’ – Baloney!
If in doubt about anything ask for Geoff or Louise, we can advise after 20 years experience.
Dont wear anything nice and certainly wear your old shoes.
Be prepared for a shower of rain, something to cover your stock (see through plastic sheets work)
Control your kids and dogs but bring something to amuse them…Like Grandma!
BRING SOME BARGAINS and ENJOY YOURSELVES!
Car Boot Sales are generally friendly places to be, we all want to buy a bargain and when we load up the car we all hope we can get rid of some unwanted items. As a seller you will want to have an idea of how much to charge before you leave home, if you are not sure DON’T SELL IT, either Lou or Geoff can advise, failing that there are always reliable dealers to get advice from.
What ever location you go to think about WEATHER and be prepared to cover your table and stock in the event of a shower, or worse! Do not wear good clothes and certainly put on your old shoes, grounds tend to be mucky most times of the year.
There is no need to reserve a space, at most of our Car Boot Sales we have ample room for everybody.
If you are alone selling take your time by unpacking your car slowly and if you put an item on your table and it gets interest immediately from a buyer close your boot and deal with the buyer. We do not advise reducing any prices within the first hour of a sale, if a potential buyer really wants an item, tell them to call back before you decide to reduce.
Some Do’s and Don’ts!!
DO NOT ALLOW ANY PERSONS TO GO INTO YOUR CAR OR BOOT!
DO NOT SMOKE WHILST SERVING YOUR CUSTOMERS!
DO NOT LEAVE RUBBISH OF ANY NATURE AT THE END OF THE SALES!
Do bring plenty of change
Do bring carrier bags and wrapping paper
Do bring a ‘felt tip’ pen and some card or paper for writing prices
Do bring some cellotape
Do bring a cover for your stock in case it rains
Introduce yourself to a neighbour and someone to look after your stall for the ‘loo’
Don’t sell any electrical item without safety plug
Don’t sell any electrical items and claim they work, if they do not?
If you have CLEAN stock it will sell quicker and you WILL get repeat custom
Don’t come to complain if you are not selling, look at your stock, rearrange the display, are your price too high? Is your stock disinteresting?
Be nice to your customers, chat and be helpful, it works.
BEWARE and be security conscious, someone might try to deprive you of your earnings by stealing them so put you money safe, preferably on your person but NOT on your tables.
Watch your stock and make sure NO-ONE takes any items without paying.
If you have any problems on your stall contact one of our team do not try to take the law into your own hands.
If you have anything stolen from your stall it will probably be your own fault, remember you are in charge of a sales area no bigger than 4 yards x 3 yards! Childs play!!
DO NOT LEAVE ANY RUBBISH, FLY TIPPING IS ILLEGAL AND LEAVING YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS COUNTS AS FLY TIPPING!
Once you decide to leave the sale, pack up into a separate box the items you do not want to sell any more and when you get home leave the box by your dustbins!
Enjoy yourself, make a fun day of it!!!
Car Boots Cornwall Market Trader Code of Conduct 2019
All Market Traders and professional Car Boot Sellers are required to have FULL PUBLIC LIABILITY INSURANCE with immediate effect.
We require names and addresses of all Traders the address to be in line with the one shown on your Public Liability.
Contact telephone numbers.
Vehicle Registration numbers.
All Public Liability Insurance certificates must be shown on request of myself or an appointed member of staff.
ALL sellers and Market Traders Vehicles should display a current road tax license.
Our terms for Market Trader and Professional Car Boot Sellers is £1.00 foot frontage at most locations, there is NO room for negotiation.
Market Traders should understand that carbootscornwall relies on CAR BOOT SELLERS as the main part of our business, Car Boot Sales are ‘trouble free’ events with brilliant Community spirit friendship and atmosphere.
We will not hesitate to take action against any persons who wish to disrupt the smooth running of our events.
Market Traders are having a very difficult time with the main High Street Stores and Supermarkets selling similar items cheaper than the Market. Traders should be original and imaginative in choosing what to sell to the car boot community, Car Boots Cornwall had over 340,000 recorded visits to our location last season, we get the people to our events, it is up to you to offer the right BARGAINS to our public!
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SUNDAYS at TRURO at 12.00 noon and St Columb Major at 1.30 pm (subject to weather and ground conditions!
DO NOT FORGET Truro is on at 12.00 noon and St Columb Major starts at 1.30 pm It will not be decided until the day of the Car Boot Sale at TR
@ NEWQUAY! TUESDAYS at 12.00 noon ‘WE HAVE MOVED’
Starts – 12.00pm
@ ‘HEARTLANDS’ in POOL starting July 3rd
Starts – 12.00pm
@ We have moved THURSDAYS & TUESDAYS at 12.00 noon
Starts – 12.00am
@ NEWQUAY Chapel Farm TR8 4NY
Starts – 12.00pm
@ FALMOUTH EVERY FRIDAY definitely at 12.30
Starts – 12.30am
@ MITCHELL (TR8 5FD) SATURDAYS at 12.00 noon
Starts – 12.00pm
@ TRURO SUNDAYS weekly at 12.00 noon 2nd JUNE!!
Starts – 12.00pm
@ St Columb Major (TR8 4JA) Every SUNDAYS at 1.30 pm
Starts – 1.30pm
6.00 am latest; Car Boot at MITCHELL is ON,On,On today!!!!!!!
I have seen the ground conditions at Mitchell today Friday at 5.00 pm and can confirm that providing we don’t get storms all night long then the Car Boot ‘will go ahead’ Worried customers at Lanhydropped will travel to Mitchell as they are fully aware you can get bogged down especially after so much rain. Hayle have not yet announced if the Sunday 8.00 am Car Boot will go ahead, we will let you know!
On Wednesday we are at HEARTLANDS at 12.00 noon and for everyone’s knowledge I am not competing with Rosudgeon I am looking to establishing a WINTER LOCATION for Car Boots when all the other ‘grass field locations’ are closed down see? Common sense really. Keep an eye on ‘what’s yours’ and don’t let any thief deprive you of ‘what-shores?’ I will have a pint please. Geoff
TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS Car Boot Sales at NEWQUAY Chapel Farm both at 12 noon
Sellers should arrive at least one hour before start times. If you have the right bargains to sell the buyers are very keen to buy at Newquay as we approach the peak season and the school holidays. Remember to keep both eyes on your stall and make sure no-one steals from you! You are in charge of a space which is probably no bigger than your bathroom fs so do not come to me like a lady did at Newquay saying “I have just had a pair of curtains stolen from my stall” then she has the nerve to complain to one of my team that I did not give her a FREE stall! Why should I reward stupidity when she was obviously not paying attention to the security of her stall, so it all ends up my fault does it? I am sick of reminding people to be secure with their stalls stop looking at the crumpet and talent and pay attention ffs and sell it do not get it nicked for which I have no sympathy, just imagine if I had given her a freebie for the following week she would probably have had a bleedn wardrobe stolen and not even noticed it was gone because her busy-body eyes were not on the prize hah! gotcha!!
Way back in 1997 in the early days at MABE every SUNDAY we would receive complaints from sellers about the brash attitudes and stealing from stalls by the local Gypsy community and we had to be very careful how we dealt with the situation.
Landlord Mr D said he would ‘throw the lot out’ but my attitude was there were approximately 40 of their community and to upset them would have an adverse effect on our Car Boot Sales.
True enough we did catch the kids stealing one day a seller came to Louise and said a kids bike had been stolen from her stall and a few minutes later sure enough a lad of 8 walked out to the car park followed by Lou as he loaded the bike into a white van.
Louise opened the door and collected the bike and took it back to the stall holder who was delighted!
Not content with that Lou stopped the father of the lad and confronted him with ‘your son stole a bike and I have taken it out of the van’!
There followed the worst nose to nose confrontation Lou has suffered where the father shouted and spat into her face whilst the kid egged him on by chanting to Louise ‘you stink lady-you smell’
I arrived on the scene where a crowd was gathering watching the showdown and I could see that neither Lou or Daddy was going to give way.
I walked between the two and sent them in different directions which Lou was reluctant to accept but the incident was over and probably saved some bloodshed-MINE!
Next we had a Bouncy Castle which insisted that any kids going on the castle had to ‘take your shoes off’
Two bright spark Gypsy lads brought bin liners and stole 11 various pairs of kids shoes while the owners ‘bounced away’
However, my crowd of Gypsies a few years ago became reborn Christians and they have changed in so many ways they are a pleasure to have at our sales. They are still brash and outspoken and assertive but don’t forget they spend a lot of money at the Car Boots.
To bond a friendship they asked me to go to a special birthday party at a HOTEL for one of the elders when ‘everyone would be there’
I agreed to go but at the last minute made an excuse not to attend and was pleased with my decision when days alter one of the sons said ‘hey mister you missed a great party and it was brilliant when the fights started but even better when the women fights began there was blood everywhere and the hotel was wrecked Mister!
Please do not be offended by the picture, I pinched it from the Internet and anyway ‘what is a tosser’ and don’t say you are ffs. x
HEARTLANDS at 12 noon every Wednesday. Enjoy!!
HEARTLANDS ALL YEAR ROUND WEDNESDAYS at 12.00!! See column on right for all location details of postcodes and times! ………………….. Please Note; No persons are allowed to collect money going around to our customers asking for a donation for whatsoever causes I therefore ask all of our customers NOT TO GIVE monies to any persons begging in particular Gypsies who have shown little respect to our instructions ‘do not to bother our customers’ Out of the population of all Gypsies that come to our Car Boot Sales we get on really well with them apart from one family hell bent on disrespecting our rules. Geoff ……………………………………….. St Columb Major on SUNDAY at 1.30 pm was a huge success especially for most of the sellers who reported good sales. The good thing about St C is that the buyers spend well and do not haggle as much as they there Truro folk so I am told. So in appreciation I am offering all sellers who intend to sell at St Columb this SUNDAY the 7th of July a £3.00 off voucher which means you are only paying a fiver to sell for car. If you would like a voucher send me an email to saying £3.00 off voucher please and when you arrive on the 7th our man Paul will know to give you the discount. Now then the sellers who saved a fiver will all be included in Paul’s list so no need to reapply! Enjoy. X