Body languages at our Car Boot Sales?

You will all appreciate that over the years Lou and I have watched multi thousands of people at our sales which most of the time is very amusing especially when they do not know they are being watched by us or our security cameras. Let’s start with the arrival of our valued buyers, some of the men really show their age as they get out of their cars, they struggle to stand up properly then have a bloody good stretch followed by certain adjustments to their ‘down below marital tackle’ area with most of the men by shuffling it all around from side to side, Ah, that’s better! Make sure you have done up your zips but don’t worry in that respect lads ‘dead birds don’t fall out of nests’
Their arrival is accompanied with a good scratch of the bum followed by the release the built up farts from their journey then let’s have a look see at what the missus is up to then it’s let’s look at the talent time and let’s find a bargain. Welcome to Car Boots Cornwall.
The real tight fisted men push the missus forward to pay his fifty pee he goes to the right she goes to the left into the crowd of sellers and buyers seeking out the bargains.

The ladies on the other hand clamour out of their cars looking every bit of their age, ‘shagged out and knackered’ was one lady’s observation when I asked her how she was. But ladies dear ladies do it all so different to the blokes by discreetly (for everyone to see) pulling their drawers about sorting out their wedgies for even better comfort dears. I hasten to add these observations have been made only on the tourists those from up-country and holiday-makers not the bum scratching Cornish my lovelies.

The dog owners who allow their dogs to crap at someone’s stall and do not make any effort to clean up the poo show bad body language as they pretend to be unaware their dog has just dumped, shat, defecated next to someone’s stall and they try to drag the dogs away and as the dragged animal tries to finish it’s pooey phooey gooey runny unfunny stinking frigging droppings. That is the height of BAD MANNERS and it happens every week. We place a bollard over the offending pile of crap till the end of the sale and the stench of the built up gases from the poo as we remove the bollard is unbelievable and our body language goes into ‘vomit mode’

Now then, the seller’s, well that’s a different story so we will start with the men who if they are accompanied by ‘the wife’ he will become the big boss who will take full control and delegate the setting up of the stall by his one member of staff ‘the wife’ whilst he opens the flask for his cuppa while ‘the wife’ slaves away. It’s true!! The reason I approve of this system is because ‘the wife’ always does a better job than ‘old bossy boots himself’ Blokes on their own setting up their stalls are dedicated to the cause and some of their stalls look good and well presented, obviously trained by a woman or ‘the wife’ meet ‘the wife’ from the kitchen?

Large Lovelies…

I love our Miss Che-Che chubby cheerful cheeky and charming mumsies sizes well over 18 to 28 plus and then some more who work tirelessly with a happy smile on their faces and with a ‘be nice to people attitude’ at they set up their stalls with plenty of amazing cleavaged boobies and ever so plump ladies builder’s bums on full view for all to see, let it all hang out pet! No wonder I enjoy my job.

Then we get our young mum’s who have got the kids off to school so it is now officially “ME TIME” ‘let’s see if I can make a few quid time’ Most of these young mums are drop dead gorgeous and well they know it! We always reckon you can see the most stunning and most beautiful women of all ages at our sales in Cornwall particularly at Newquay but that’s not every day dears because we do get the odd battle-axe on the rare occasion (almost daily) but I love em all and I am also a liar!
There were two lovely young ladies selling at Newquay 3 years ago, they set up their stall and in the hot sunshine stripped down to wearing bikinis! What a good gimmick, they nearly sold out in an hour then went to the beach. Great idea, feel free to do that at any of our Car Boot Sales. I dare you!!

It’s all down to confidence and belief in yourself and your stalls because if you are trying to sell a load of toot-crap then our customers will not buy it. Time and again I go round the boot sales at the end of the sale and I ask sellers ‘how have you done today’? If they reply ‘not very good’ then it is time to re-examine the items they are trying to sell and take full responsibility yourself for the lack of customers and not as some people claim “Oh, this car boot is no good” simply because they have not taken any money. I could take that person to loads of other stalls the same day who have taken really GOOD money.
Another nervous trend is for sellers to set up their stalls and sit in their car with the windows closed and wait for customers to arrive, it aint gonna happen, most potential buyers would and do ‘walk on’

A nervous breakdown trend is to set up your stall like some of the sellers do and they stand there holding a carrier bag with a ‘right, I’m ready, start the Q please’ attitude and waiting for the first purchaser or the big rush which again aint gonna happen. Calm your nerves ditch the carrier bag idea, the best way to do it is to stand behind your table with a well presented stall with most of your items PRICED be nice to your potential customers and if you have done it right with BARGAINS on your stall then you will take money but don’t overprice or over value what you are trying to sell that is why you take it home again and again. If the cap fits wear it!

The body languages once the sale has started with the initial rush over lots of sellers is to decide ‘let’s play a game on the mobile or call someone’ which is stupid because if you are on the phone yacking away to someone (or if you are pretending there is someone on the other end of the line) your customers will ‘walk on’ to the next stall. Other nervous sellers talk the most absolute bullshit to potential customers “it’s only been worn once” or “it’s only been used once” are the favourites. Others decide to way-lay some customers with telling them their whole life story.
The very worst habit of the lot is to smoke whilst you are selling, nothing is a bigger turn-off than you having a sly drag on a fag you slag smokers, it gets even worse if you is smoking like puffing Billy whilst selling your used bedding or the kids clothing, that’s not just nerves it’s bloody bad manners so don’t do it, please.
Buyers are great fun especially our tourists and holiday-makers but here is a word of warning Don’t ever ask anyone from Cornwall “How are you” because they will bloody well tell you and it could take bleeding ages to get away from their stall!

Not that I am calling our fellow Cornish Folk kith and kin but we can all be a trifle boring and a pain in the arse at times, can’t we dears? Generally we the Cornish people are friendly and polite and cuddly and we love and welcome all of the tourists hoping they have plenty of dosh to spend on our stalls during the season which ends more or less at the end of September but could stretch well into October subject to weather. And holidaymakers we hope you have had a wonderful time in beautiful Cornwall, don’t be late for work on Monday dears!