Daffodils;
83 year old Grannie Smith was a dearly loved granny from Camborne in Cornwall. Bedsides loving her grand-kids to bits the real pride in her life was her garden where she grew the most fabulous daffodils in the front garden of her house where neighbours could admire her efforts to grow such beautiful flowers. Just along the road was a pub The Camborne Pirates well supported by locals some of whom walked past Grannie Smith’s house either to the pub or going back home late at night-time? Looking out of her kitchen window late one evening at pub ‘turning out time’ she notices a young man standing in front of her garden. He opens the zip of his flies and takes out his todger and has a full-on piss all over Grannie’s golden daffodils. She was absolutely furious and came out of her house to reprimand the young man but her was too late cos he had-had his pee and buggered off FFS! Low and bloody behold the following night at about the same time the same man who was obviously pissed out of his mind had the audacity to arrive at Grannie Smith’s daffodil garden the he unzips his flies then he takes out his todger and once again he pisses all over Grannie Smith’s prize winning daffs! She was really distraught this time as she again tries to catch the young man but he had-had his slash and gone FFS! Grannie Smith decided to hide and lay in wait behind a bush the following night in the hope of catching the young man in the act of pissing on her prize winning daffodils.

Sure enough the young man arrives late at night and Grannie Smith is freezing cold waiting as he proceeds to unzip his flies when ghost-like Grannie Smith reveals herself from behind the bush startling the young man. “Don’t be started young man” said Grannie “this is the first time I have seen such a lovely big real penis for over 30 years, may I hold it please?” the young man agrees when Grannie notices his bulging testicles. “Wow” says Grannie Smith, “this is the first time in 30 years since I have seen such a lovely pair of testicles and yours look so lovely, please may I hold one in each hand to remind me of my younger days” ‘Go ahead’ says the young man so Grannie Smith with freezing cold hands carefully holds one bollock in each hand caressing each of them for a few seconds then suddenly she grips both of the young man’s testicles in her vice-like hands and smashes and twists her knuckles together with one of his bollocks in each hand repeatedly smashing his nuts together as she warned “And don’t you ever piss on my daffodils again do you furking understand young man?” ‘Yes, yes, yes’ cried the young man asking her to release his goolies from her tight grip as he is in total agony as Grannie Smith releases his crunched nuts as her stops his nut-bashing and he limps away slowly and bow-legged to nurse his painful testicles!!

Yer Balls;
Did you know that on the same subject there was a programme on Channel 4 all about cancer where the strong advice regarding testicles is that you have a good old feel around your goolies or better still get the missus to do this for you? Squeeze your balls and everything else in that area (you might even find things you didn’t know you had FFS) Now then, gently but firmly SQUEEZE yer balls like fcuk and if there is any pain at all then make an appointment to see your doctor to prevent any possibility of you having testicular cancer!! Don’t just keep the pain all to yourself do something about it otherwise you could end up like bollock faced Jeremy Kyle (one testicle removed-cancer) “the absolute know-all with one ball” remember you’re a WOMBLE! He tried to get a transplant but it rejected him! Get a check-up FFS!! Oh, and by the way if you are passing blood in your pee or you have bum-trouble when your bum is bleeding then Channel 4s programme “Standing up to cancer” advice is “Go see your doctor today or tomorrow-no later” Urgently FFS!! You know it makes sense!!

Been there, done that!

Geoff
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3 MUST-SEE pictures;