Friday at Falmouth 10/07/15

Several people who decided to be involved with selling at Falmouth had most definitely got out of the wrong side of the bed today and brought their grumpiness with them and it seems Louise and myself were the target of their moans and groans basically about sod-all! Kirsty one of our new team members was asked by a lady ‘if I can go in early because I can help with the Catering’ which was not the truth so Kirstie unwittingly let the woman in early! Several of the old farts who were queuing to sell witnessed the lady drive in to set-up her stall and created merry hell by bollicking Kirstie in her panic suggested ‘Go and see Geoff’ which sparked off a line of these old farts coming up to me to complain.
I listened to their complaints but they still wanted to ramble on and on and on until I reached for my pocket and hand them a £3.00 off voucher saying ‘I am sorry you have been upset here is a £3.00 off voucher for your next visit’ it was like giving dummies to babies as they quietly accepted my generous ‘peace’ settlement and they trouped back to their cars smug and happy. Only trouble was the loud mouthed buggers told other sellers in the queue of cars which cost me another 8 vouchers, such is my generosity and my personal charm but what worries me is that these old farts were getting so agitated and wound up by the situation and all of my complainants were men!

Now look, you have but one life and one heart and you have to look after both, don’t let things agitate you so much that you get carried away and you start ranting and frothing at yer gob and talking a whole load of old shite FFS because you could easily spend the last minutes of your life ranting and pissing off other folkers if you do not take control. Calm down FFS, don’t get up-tight over sod-all my lovers because you could have a stroke or a heart attack and whilst we wish you ‘good health and happiness’ we would miss you and your dosh as well so ‘calm down’ yer bugger!

And, and if you do all the aforementioned and get some bloody exercise and fresh air into your smoke filled lungs and yer stop frigging smoking (weed is permitted) as well then you might become more attractive to the opposite sex, like the wife for instance or the girlfriend or in the rare instance because women are so perfect, the hen pecked husband, that’s you!

Cherry Wars! A new Madam Polish?

You have noticed we have over the past three to four weeks had stalls selling ‘cherries’ and they are some lovely especially the Kent ones which are coloured like miniature Pink Lady apples. There have been 3 independent ‘cherries’ sellers (who all know each other) in different vehicles two men and a Polish lady and they have all three worked at our locations at some time or other. The only way I can remember the lady was that she has two studs one either side of her face below her cheek bones (shit that would bloody hurt)
There are two other sellers who cover the Penzance area who had both set up their stalls to sell cherries on either side of the main road in the laybys. Further up the road some 6 miles away the Polish lady had set up her stall and was told about the other two stalls that had set up on the main road.

So annoyed was the Polish lady that she got into her camper van and drove to the man selling cherries in the first lay-by and crashed her vehicle into his stall demolishing it and upsetting the cherries everywhere. Now that is the height of fricking bad manners missus and that is no way to treat cherries yer nasty piece of work!
And then the insane Polish lady (she aint no lady) not content with crashing into the first stall low and behold and fuck me gently with a twenty foot bargepole she then drives across to the other side of the road to the second man who was minding his own business selling his cherries, and, and she is determined to doeth his stall some harm so she drives into the stall with cherries scattering bloody everywhere FFS! When I was told the story I absolutely peed myself (not quite at that stage yet) laughing!! What a biatch Lady Polish, that is no way to treat cherries!

And the lady was according to my information helping the Police with their enquiries. I will report further. By the way, anyone want to buy a few boxes of bruised cherries going cheap, know what I mean, nudge, nudge!!

As I walk around the stalls I can tell the sellers who are going to take ‘GOOD money (over £200.00) I can tell the sellers who will take ok money (£75.00 to a ton) and I can tell the sellers who will take average money (thirty to fifty quid) and I can tell the stalls that will take ‘sod-all money’ (the no-quidders) Such was the case today at Falmouth when one couple Mr & Mrs Gripe-Water (both looked as though they needed a good belch-burping) were trying to sell unbelievable crap on their stall and they were full of moans and bloody groans because they were not taking any money, anyway they were bitching about Lou and me to their neighbour who is one of Car Boots Cornwall most ardent fans “We took loads of money at Rosudgeon on Wednesday but we haven’t even covered our stall fee today so we are certainly NOT coming to any more of Geoff and Louise’s car boots anymore”

What an absolutely brilliant decision you couple of old moaners have made, but they don’t seem to have very active brain cells because ‘you confused old pair of codgers you sold all the good stuff at Rosudgeon (a rarity for Rosudgeon) on Wednesday and took good money’ (not many do you know, not at Rosudgeon anyway) and you piled all the unsold items of ‘Le Crap’ and brought it all to Falmouth and Lo and Behold the citizens of Falmouth said ‘No thanks stick it’ to your stall and the junk displayed like a mini landfill site dears so if ‘Le Crap’ fits, wear it and take your junk to sell somewhere else and by the way I wouldn’t take it to Hayle because they are parkie folkers over there who shop by their purses (that’s just the men) and they won’t buy the sort of crap and junk like what I saw on your stall today my lovelies, perhaps my best idea is to figging bin it. They left snivelling “We didn’t even cover our stall fee” shit like that happens in the real world my bird! What goes around sometimes does not always cometh around. Amen.

Anyway the original Car Booter who was tagged as ‘a land fill site’ several years ago was none other than Kim who does the occasional house clearances in Padstow and around the Wadebridge areas. That lot are not hard up at all in the rich part of Cornwall (second to Camborne) so Kim does get bargains galore and the reason we love her is that she passes on those bargains with affordable prices to our buyers who flock around her stall and it all adds to giving our Car Boot Sales a great reputation.
There are countless others who set up good stalls at great value prices. With our population of Cornwall on the rapid rise ‘we are moving into Cornwall from Europe’s brigade’ FFS (please not in Falmouth or Penryn they are both full anyway) however many more people are setting up home and come to our boot sales for all of their household requirements before going to the local stores to pay fall-whack prices. Back to Kim, she loves her Car Boots and she is extremely popular with other sellers and certainly her bargain hunting public and she is a credit to our events and so nice to her adoring customers dear of her and she is drop dead gorgeous into the bargain! (But then I am a bit short sighted)
Kim sells at Newquay on most Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12.00 noon.
Love yer Kim.
X
Update on Madam Polish (the aggressive buyer) is that she asked if she could come back to the Car Boots and I refused simply because a Manageress of Charity shop advised me she had caught Madam Polish changing prices on ladies clothing in her Charity shop. That is so naughty it’s disgusting.

Remember this extract from Dear Father save me;
I am certain that my complainant is a nice person and probably pretty who just wants to show her dog off to the world and let everybody have a stroke of the mutt faced pup. The only reason I want to have a Chihuahua calling it ‘Willie’ (whatever sex it is) is so that I could stand in the gates at all on my Car Boot Sales holding the cuddly little monster and have all ‘ladies only’ come up and fondle my little ‘Willie’ in full view of the rest of our adoring Car Boot crowd! Send in the solicitors, the man is demented FFS!! Result or what!! (And my wife is standing there and doesn’t GAF)

On Saturday at Mitchell a lovely lady regular who had read the blog suggested “If I bring my ‘pussy’ and you bring your ‘little Willie’ can we both stand in the gates and play with each other! Brilliant idea my lover and a great sense of humour, I will ask the wife if that’s ok?