WARNING; some of the pictures may hopefully cause offence but they are all in ‘the best possible taste’ my lovers!

Most of our customers who have been coming to our Car Boot Sales since 1989 years know that I am keen to see fairness all round especially with allowing the sellers to set up their stalls in peace where no-buying no-selling rule applies. I am chuffed that other Car Boot Sales are now adopting the same system so it is reasonable to assume that all buyers have the equal chance to get a few bargains.

Two grumpy old farts made my weekend with complaints, the first one telling me about ‘some of the dealers’ and that they should be ‘barred because they get all the bargains’ Not so Mr Nosesodall, when the horn goes off ALL of the buyers have equal chances in whichever direction they walk or run to grab the BARGAINS! And for the record every person who comes to our sales is a potential “dealer” so what!

Nowadays there are thousands of wheeler dealers who come rushing in to the car boots to buy, buy, and buy some more! However most of the bargains bought today will be listed on eBay for sale before midnight. So no, we cannot contemplate ‘barring dealers’ I watch the conduct of some of the regular ‘dealers’ they are a decent bunch trying to earn a living, I never have had complaints from the sellers and the main dealers are probably our best spenders, we all need them!

Similarly, there are several gypsy communities who visit our Car Boots in 1989 when we started there were great confrontations with them, however I know most of the families and like my dealers they are a really decent bunch, ok I accept they are a bit gobby and brash but I seriously welcome them to my sales because they are such good spenders and I am certain that as most of them are now Born again Christians they do not steal at our Car Boot Sale.

Last Saturday at Mitchell one of our buyers asked how much a watch was, the price was ten pounds, the buyer said he would think about it and handed the watch back to the seller who put it back on display, the buyer goes back to the stall and says “I think I will give you the tenner for the watch” “Too late, says the seller someone has just stolen it” and I am reliably informed there were no gypsies?

If you are putting valuables on your stall FFS put them at the back of your table and pay attention FFS and be security conscious FFS!! You are not playing at shops this is for real you are selling (what is hoped) is your own property don’t let someone steal it, you are in charge of possibly 2/3 tables a space not a big as your kitchen, pay attention FFS!

My next complainant is a regular pain in the arse because over many years (he has a face like a freaking bilious attack) he is always moaning about something or other, he thinks he can come and complain to me on a weekly basis and that I will just listen and say nothing in return!
On Sunday at MABE he bit the bullet by being rude to a member of our team demanding to be parked nearer because of his BLUE BISABLED pass. He was late for the sale and was amongst 2/300 other cars with buyers all keen to get to the BARGAINS so he holds the queue up with complaining thus holding up other buyers from parking. My man stood his ground over this disgruntled old fart telling him “You either park here or you go out”
He then storms down the field aided by a ‘surplus walking stick’ to bitch to me about his plight and says “I have a BLUE disabled badge and there are spaces a lot nearer than your man has parked me, I showed him my blue pass, but he took no notice” “Sir, the BLUE disabled badges are not recognised with any authority at our Car Boot Sales, you are here in the country to get a walk and some exercise, if you were in a wheelchair that would be a different matter” He rants on about my attitude ending up with “I won’t be coming back here anymore” Brilliant decision Sir, Brilliant!

He then goes into the field walks all around the 12 lanes of sellers he buys absolutely sod all then goes home hopefully to reflect on what a miserable old fart he is becoming! But I did have the last laugh by taking a large photo of him and giving it to the children’s home to hang over the fireside, it aint pretty but it sure keeps the kids away from the fire!! Frightening!! You old misery, and people say I am rude! WALOBs!!

Do you swear at the TV? I most certainly do, I cannot stand TV it drives me to sleep, I am much happier with my PC and my music and ZELDA my golden girl, not forgetting Nana Moon (bitch of a dog) and of course my weights and the odd smoke, then the nurse arrives at 5.00am to massage my ego, then I wake up and it’s all been a wet dream!!