Rant!! Yer modern day pensioners have never had it so good so when I hear about the moaners who say “what about the pensioners” it reminds me of my years in the North East Bingo Halls that I used to run back in the 1960s and in those day “what about the pensioners” really struck home because they genuinely were the poorer classes in society. The majority of them will have lived through 2 dreadful wars with never a possibility of owning their own homes, their pensions were derisory compared to the cost of living and they really were hard times for your great-great grandparents. We used to charge the equivalent of 05p entrance to the Bingo and the halls were full most nights with NO Television, No PCs, No Laptops, No mobiles and him indoors wanting sex every night, but what a great atmosphere and I used to be absolutely adored by the majority (women) and hated by the minority (men) (no change there then) but I loved the pensioners to bits and invented Bingo cards for them keeping the prices to play down to a tanner a time (sixpence) and they would all rush for their last bus home and I could guarantee they would be there the following day. Love of em! But they was some hard up yer bugger! Yer modern day pensioners missed the war completely, if the blokes were of a certain age they would go into the National Service Army and be ‘kept and fed and clothed for two years FOR FREE’ and you were paid a pittance into the bargain and at the end of the two years you came out of the army like a MAN! Well some of us did. So, no you did not fight in any wars my lover pensioners. You were lucky to be given FREE MILK in schools until Thatch and Grab took away your FREE milk WAOB!! You were given FREE education and FREE further education and you got FREE cradle to grave healthcare! And, and you bought your homes and paid the mortgage with only one wage whilst your missusus stayed at home doing the baking and making the beds (such a strenuous life) basically doing sod all-all day, and it was a council house you was buying so the people under 30 years nowadays do not have not a cat in hells chance of getting onto the housing ladder cos you pensioners own most of the housing stock, and in they their days you would have bought your house dead cheap from as cheap as £200.00 quid then you have a house of at least two up and two down with and outside bog, so don’t tell me you had it hard especially after you all had voted for politicians who ran up or UK National debt every year since Nelson lost his eye back in the 1940s, and, and you lot got your bloody pensions from aged 60 years and your FREE bus passes and you get £200.00 FREE heating allowances and yer FREE TV licences, and yer FREE renta-gob dentures and yer FREE prescriptions for yer tablets and other stuff you should really go buy from Boots the Chemists FFS and if you has over-gorged in your aging years you can even get a FREE elastic band strapped inside your gut to stop you eating, and you can get FREE entry into weight watchers and yer get a free car or a mobility wheelie truck made to measure if you have a limp or an ingrowing toe nail FFS! And, and when you look around all the stores and superstores there is dear old Grannie and Granddad looking like living ghosts with their grinning state funded choppers for FREE FFS standing behind the counters serving customers but taking up the jobs that all our youngsters and future generations should have, then they have the pigging nerve to say “What about the pensioners” You go to Marks & Sparks and you can look around your town centres and all you see the ‘grey brigade pensioners’ or ‘the blue rinse (Tories) brigade, ‘the Golden Oldies’ Derby & Joan and they are all brought in by coaches from their expensive holiday hotels with their empty shopping bags as they wander aimlessly around but they don’t buy sod all cos they have got everything but how they clog up the cafés and restaurants and feed their fat faces taking up seating that should be used by those lucky enough to have a job that Grannie and Granddaddy has nicked off you FFS! But several of the old fogies ‘Granny’ type persons who do spend and buy a nice dress for the Granddaughters engagement party decides on a dress from M&S ‘per Uno’ department especially aimed for the younger generation. Granddaughter was stunned when dear Granny took her coat off at the party for all to see Granny wearing the identical dress that Granddaughter was wearing and the granny was eighty three and a half years old FFS! Dear of her! Give it up Grandma’s go back to your vest and yer stays and yer bodices and yer corselets and yer great big knickers and yer home knitted pullovers and yer stockings and suspenders and behave like a real Granny from the old days and stop shopping in the youngsters shops just cos you is one of the ‘filthy rich’ millions of rich pensioners who “have never had it so good” and you can be as rude as you like to me my lovers cos I am one of you lot so don’t ask “what are you going to do for the pensioners” cos I do my share and get little appreciation into the bargain! Well, as a working fellow pensioner this is wot I do for you lot of dear pensioners, I provide the best of alternatives to life at our happy Community Car Boot Sales where you can stay as long as you like and bring in your posh cars for FREE and we charge a ridiculously low 50p per person (should be at least a quid fifty) that’s what I am doing for countless thousands of you fellow ‘pensioners’ And still you want more cos you flash your blue passes at my teams demanding a ‘front row to the boot sale’ cos you has a limp or summit similar’ Get out and walk and stretch those bandy legs cos you need the exercise you old bugger’ Oh and by the way here is another little bit of exercise for you my dear fellow pensioners, bend down and pick up your bloody posh dog’s poo and take it home and recycle it for their tea! Today at Mitchell I got well bollocked by some old granny who said “the farmer should be disgusted with himself by not letting dogs into the boot sales” in her car were two dogs that should not have got in through the gates in the first place. “Madam, you are breaking the rules here by exercising you dogs the rules are strictly NO DOGS to be exercised on this land” My dogs have not been out of the car she assures me!! When I explained the farmer’s reasons she was too ignorant to understand the risks to farm animals if dogs were to stray amongst the sheep or cows or horses and just for the record these animals were there long before we started our Car Boots. So let’s get to grips with madam pensioner, she came late to avoid paying the admission she drove past 6 different signs saying NO DOGS she parks up the car and her old man gets out of the car to have a quick look at the boot sale ‘whilst you exercise the dogs dear’ he returns after buying ‘sod all’ and she briefs him as to the reason she is giving me a bollicking and he says to her “No point in picking on him dear he only parks cars, this is Cornwall and they are all a bit thick here dear” ‘Listen here you pair of old wrinkly faced old twots rev up and f*** off’ I would like to have said but I didn’t’ have the balls so with the upmost politeness I took one of our 2015 Car Boots Cornwall colour cards from my pocket and said “This is my card, get your wife to read it to you! I run all of the Car Boot Sales in the South West of Cornwall shown on this card and you are here breaking our rules, there are the main gates so please leave now” Equally as polite they got into their car and drove away having not spent a bloody penny at our Boot Sale and as they drove off on the ground from the back of the car was their empty dogs bowl and a full runny squitty shitty see-thru poo bag yet she was adamant “My dogs have not been out of the car” So it was YOU who filled the poo bag, was it? Bloody pensioners and their pooey dogs FFS! With the grabber I lifted the poo to put it into the bin liner which was so gassed up it burst all over the fupping place and stank to high heaven (WTF do these old folkers from up country feed their dogs FFS) and the old git has the effing nerve to say ‘He only parks cars dear’ actually you ugly sod it seems I am your personal shit shoveller as well. Lou and I are dead proud to have been in Cornwall for nearly 30 years and we consider ourselves to be Cornish my lovers, but I get pissed off at some up country old folkers who consider the Cornish people to be ‘a bit thick’ which is an exaggeration of the truth, the thick ones are the tourists who think ‘we is thick’ and we isn’t see, well, not most of us anyway, but don’t count yourself in on that claim my bird!