We seriously get a lot of phone calls enquiring which Car Boot Sales are on and we answer sometimes in person but mostly by answer phone. Today a man phoned and said “At the risk of being abused on ‘Geoff Says’ could I ask what time Falmouth is on please” What a bloody nerve, so I am an abuser am I?
Anyway his comment made my day that in some way people think I am a rude old bastard and most of the time I agree wholeheartedly with them. Thank you!

Now then, the gossip machine CAPITAL of Cornwall (Hayle Rugby Club Sunday 3am Car Boot Sales) have been speculating that Lee Miles of LTC Catering & Roseworthy Farms and me are at WAR with each other which is a load of old balls, Lee was at my house today and we are planning to go on another holiday together so all the ‘know-alls’ can BUTT OUT but here is some good gossip “We ARE NOT TAKING OUR WIVES” OMG! WTF! I can hear the questions now, are they taking their girl-friends or are they GAY?? I can speak for both Lee and myself we are NOT Gay, we just help them out when they are busy, and are we are NOT taking our girlfriends? No need, with our personality good looks and personal charm we will score as soon as we arrive, we did last time we went ‘alone’ to St Kitts. Only problem is we have to speak with our wives first to get permission first, that should kill conversations for a while?

Lee often tells me the ‘gossipers from HAYLE are ‘aving a go at me’ saying I write such CRAP in Geoff Says and apparently it really pisses them off, I personally don’t GAF but here is some good advice, if you don’t like it then DONT effing read it, idiots!!

Lee was telling me about one of his workers who got some Viagra tablets for the first time and wanted to make absolutely sure they worked so swallowed 3 before making love with his missus. It took him 4 days to lose an erection and his missus left him on day two so he had to take himself in hand! Hilarious!

We used to have a market trader at HENDRA HOLIDAYS Markets called Charlie Socks and I caught him selling copy/fake Indian Viagra tablets and I had to warn him against selling prescription drugs. He was a decent bloke and gave a packet to some young lad on the next stall to him! Now Marge I don’t think you should read the rest of this cos it ‘gets a bit horny’

Part Two
Charlie Socks (my name for him) had a daughter of about 16/18 an attractive lass of more than ample proportions who was attracted to the young lad on the next stall so they went for a walk around the Market stalls. Buying himself a drink and fancying the attractive lass of more than ample proportions he swallowed one of his Viagra’s.
Meanwhile I was walking through the market stalls I noticed there were several people standing on the embankment where Hendra holiday caravans were parked. The people were looking at something at the bottom of the embankment so nosey old me I decide let’s go look to see what is going on and ‘what are they looking at’?

Charlie Socks always erected a Market stall so I walked behind the stall to see his daughter and the young lad laying in the grass have a good old fashioned shag unaware of the fact that a growing crowd were witnessing their efforts from up above.
It’s true, sadly Charlie Socks is no more, for the three years that I knew Charlie he had the same old knitted sweater that was caked with bits of food from over the years, one day he picked up our Jack Russell Binks, she started by trying to eat his sweater! Yuck, put her down! You dirty BITCH.

Anyway back to Falmouth on Friday it was a total non-event with 20 odd sellers and FREE admission. The BBC forecast was wrong yet again but lots stayed away because the Fairground is at the Rugby Club which is probably the wrong attitude, the Fair must go somewhere for the customers who enjoy the thrills and spills of the rides mixed with the occasional child like punch ups. Give it up lads Falmouth is not an agro town!
On Saturday once again the BEEB got their forecasts wrong because I did not see rain all day however Truro was totally unsupported which justifies my decision to close Saturday Car Boots at Truro and open on MONDAYS. The start date will follow! Mitchell was very quiet and obviously the lack of support was due to the Royal Cornwall Show and pessimists who turn on to the weather on BBC and believe everything they forecast.
Sunday at 3.00pm Lanhydrock Car Boot Sale will most definitely be on today the turnout last week was as a result of Rugby supporters who were following their team’s loss! Result!!

Now then, I must tell you all about this man who phones and asks if we do house clearances, he assured me it was all good stuff and he had taken the trouble to totally wrap each item and provide lists on each item and another list as to what was in each box.
This man could talk the hind legs off a camels arse and suffered from ‘the verbal craps, so I handed the phone to the lovely Lou to take details with one word BEWARE!! Anyway the lovely Lou went to the house and Lo and Behold in the garage were twenty boxes all taped up with the promised lists attached.

She pointed out that she did not have the time to open each of the boxes so they agreed that Lou would sell the boxed items at Newquay Car Boot on Thursday and share 50/50 on the takings. So Lou takes the boxes and cons me into helping unwrap the contents to display them.
You know what it’s like when you get home from the Car Boot and all the unsold junk goes straight into your dustbin, well I reckon this old fart had been going round the dustbins for a long time, I have never seen such unadulterated crap in all my years at doing car boots in fact I wanted to ring Mr Chatterbox and tell him “If we left the boxes for 1000 years they would still be worthless” but the shock was on him, his share so far ‘fifteen quid’ I had a bloody good laugh as I refused to help with any more than one box, so far Lou has put two boxes out of the first seven by for ‘the local charity shop’ to put in their bins I suppose? What have they done to deserve your generosity darling?