Was this the best story of the week?

Many of our customers were sick to death of the story about some royal boy born to some commoner, this kid will eventually take over the throne of what is left of our country and by the time that happens the majority of us will be long dead and buried my lovers. Most of the people I spoke to analyse their thoughts on the subject said the BBC and other television stations with the entire press had gone completely over the top with their crawl arse coverage by cancelling favourite programme to over kill the story. The bottom line of this boring story was our customers thought it was all a whole load of CRAP and far from the reality of most people’s lives.

Now then, let’s take a trip to Manchester and Mc Donald’s where on the same day as the royal birth a woman Shirley Knott (S.Knotty) and daughter arrived with horse whip fully saddled up and garbed in her tight riding breeches and high visibility clothing on horseback stopping at the drive thru kiosk amongst the fumes from cars queuing to be served and asking the cashier “Please may I have two Mc Donald’s burger and two cokes” the staff member said “Neigh I am sorry, I cannot serve you” no reason was given so the woman accompanied by daughter with her pony were reluctant to accept the refusal and decided ‘let’s dismount and try the front entrance restaurant’
In they go ‘clipperty clopping’ through the front doors much to the alarm of customers sitting eating their salty chips and tasteless burgers the woman asks at the counter “Please may I have two burgers and two cokes” and again they were refused to be served. The horse Dumper we will call for the sake of this story decides if they do not serve us “I will just do a crap on the floor” and with no further ado and lo and behold Dumper lifts his tail emitting an eggy fart then he empties his bowels onto Mc Donald’s shiny floor as it splattered into a large pile causing chaos and a comparable smell to the pre-cooked pile of burgers being sold over the counter to horseless people!

Two old biddies were so overcome by the sight of the horse taking a dump in Mc Donald’s of all places one of them Vera Mc Gossip collapses into a heap whilst her biddy mate searches her handbag for smelling salts but the whole event was causing ‘alarm and distress’ to other customers and so the Police were called by assistant manager Peter Dung while the rest of the staff stopped working refusing to serve other customers. The old biddy that had collapsed was brought round by the smell of the horse crap whilst her mate said the pile on the floor looked more appetising than the burgers they had just eaten and considers taking some home in a carrier bag for her old man’s Roses?
PCs Plop and B. Jobbie arrives and to investigate and to their surprise they witness the horse & pony standing at the counter still demanding to be served and they both decide ‘this is causing alarm and distress to the customers but we cannot arrest the horse and pony for Christ’s sake where would we put the handcuffs’?

Anyway Shirley Knott was issued with a fixed penalty notice and departed the restaurant still hungry and forty quid the worse off. They were later seen in Burger King where the manager allowed them to be served their take-away burgers and cokes and everyone was crappy happy!
Now then, a few weeks ago I bitched on about the horses that belong mainly to spoilt brat schoolgirls! These garden furniture horse & ponies stand in fields forgotten and unloved, I have watched and studied these animals who have absolutely nothing to do all day with the exception of deciding ‘which blade of grass will I eat to today’?