Lou and I seldom go into the main shopping area at Truro but two weeks ago I said I wanted to get a pair of decking shoes like Alice and her brothers wear and they are apparently really comfortable. Lou say’s and I want a couple of bra’s so let’s go for it. I/we go into Marks Lou looks around at the displays of bra’s and pants/knickers/gutkers/briefs and I go straight up the escalator try on the right pair of shoes pays my twenty six quid come downstairs and Lou is nowhere around so I assume she is in the trying on department.

In the meantime I have a good old wander around the latest G-strings and undies sets all quite lovely and imaginative so I go into the food hall to cool off! I buy a few bits and head back to the bra department ‘No Lou’ She has now been and gone and disappeared for 30 minutes, my feet are getting tired and I am sick of people coming up to ask ‘when is the next car boot’ but what they really want to know is ‘why are you hanging around the ladies knickers department’ “How’s Lou” they ask ‘well I think she is ok she is trying on a bra maybe there is a queue or something’ My legs are starting to ache I am hungry so I draw attention to myself by fighting with the packaging eventually opening up some of the gear I just bought in the food hall and start scoffing away but I am getting seriously pissed off with the waiting….
and waiting and eventually Madam Lou is beside me and I ask where TF have you been almost 40 minutes “well I tried on 7 bra’s and did not like any of them so I haven’t bought one” Seven and there is none that fit you what have you got 3 boobs or something, I didn’t dare to say ‘I was so hungry I have just had me dinner’ said I but of course it was all my fault, then she moaned cos I had eaten all the grapes but I was giving her share away to some of the booter’s.

Anyway, I was watching the body language of couples looking for something sexy for her to wear and you can always tell the couples who are not married (having a bit on the side) cos they get very touchy feely with the odd grope of their bums but the long married ones just grab a pack of four quid drawers and wonder why their old man doesn’t take any feeking notice of her when she strips off ready for bed FFS! I mean some of those 5 pair for a fiver are threadbare before you pull em up and don’t they show up the bleeding cellulite my lovers and that’s just the back view FFS and you can buy them ‘bell tent size’ and believe me they look hideous! OMG

On the Monday she asks if I want to go to Truro with her to make another attempt to find the perfect bra and she was not offended by my declining her kind thoughtless offer ‘however if I am allowed to watch you try them all on then my answer is still no’ Off she goes to Marks again and tries on a further SEVEN bras and eventually makes her decision and everybody is happy ‘tits a pleasure’

In October it is Breast Cancer awareness MONTH and FREE stalls are available to those who wish to raise monies STRICTLY for this wonderful research programme and deserving charity. If any of our regulars could organise a stall I will encourage sellers to donate generously sellable items, come on let’s aim for a row of sellers and loads of buyers at Falmouth Rugby Club on October 24th at 12.30 pm and let’s raise money and ask all of our customers to support please as neighbours and as the community.

Thank you.