Gatwick Airport has right on its doorstep a Premier Inn so with the special offer of only twenty nine quid (instead of £78.00) we took advantage to stay overnight for the 7.30am flight the following day. We had travelled by train from Truro to Gatwick and prepared ourselves for the 13 plus hours flight time but first we had to deal with customs.
I hate and loathe customs procedures and I object to the almost strip search that millions of us go through each year just to go on a well earned holiday. You show your passports to at least 4 unknowns before you actually get within sight of the departure lounge, then you go through this over the top exhibition of security and I get so frigging irritable especially when you have to go through this system in this our 21st Century. Your personal privacy is lost from here on in!

You are given a plastic box to empty all of your personal items then you have to put all of your stuff into this box where other peoples dead and sweaty skin and bugs lurk, you take everything out of your pockets including your snot rags and all coins and your wallets, you take your watches and bracelets off you then have to take your bleeding jackets off and your belts making it likely your pants will fall down so wear clean grundies lads, then you have to take your pigging shoes off and stand in some sweaty foot area that any Tom Dick or Stinky Feet has stood before you whilst this security man demands “Put your arms out straight and open your legs” and without asking he gives you a personal inch by inch frisk all because the bloody security camera buzzed as I tried to go through the green for GO section and Lou is standing there grinning from ear to ear. ‘I mean man WTF did you expect to find there anyway’ as he drives his hands close to my private parts to establish and examine my prostrate and realize that I really was much better blessed than him! During this ‘feeling’ process he is wearing plastic gloves I don’t know whether that’s to protect him from me or me from all of those previous bodies these gloved have groped. I asked the man “why did the machine buzz” and his reply! ‘No reason it was just a random selection’ I was sodding livid, livid, livid!!! But as I looked across at Lou she had spoofed me and won a five quid bet, she had wound me up by saying “I bet you get stopped and frisked” and she was looking some frigging smug that pissed me off further. I make a mental note to get even with her before the holiday has ended ‘my darling wife you smug biatch!! Then this happened;

We get on the plane opting for the back seats where hopefully you can get three seats for the two, we notice a stewardess talking to a young Mauritian girl sitting on the outside of our row. We were introduced ‘this is Marie she is unaccompanied and she is 6 years old going home to her family and would we mind looking after her’ Marie could not speak English so Lou was in her element speaking her broken French to this truly adorable and very pretty child who was so confident in herself treating travelling alone at that age as a huge adventure. She was obviously from a well off family they had provided numerous games and books to amuse herself on her long flight. She made such a fuss of Lou and in no time was sitting on her lap reading books and crayoning. Later she fell asleep cuddled into Lou, a nice moment and a very nice kid who was so well behaved. At the end of the journey the Stewardess came to collect Marie and thanked Lou for looking after her and then escorted her off the plane to her carer, what a lovely way to start a holiday. That’s what type of nice kids we like, the one’s you can hand back to someone else!

Mauritius has a fantastic Airport everyone is so friendly it operates far better and more civilised than Gatwick. You will all know that when you enter some countries you have to fill in and complete a form declaring all sorts of information including where you are staying. For the life of me I could not remember the name of the alleged Villa nor the address. When it came to my turn at Customs I was asked why I did not fill in ‘Where are you staying’. “Oh” says Geoff confidently (It’s in the bag Darling with all the other information) “Not it’s not and do not try to blame me” retorts Lou.

Now then, this customs bloke is also a copper as the police do all customs duties and whilst he was pleasant he said “I cannot let you into the Country if you do not have the address of where you are staying” I saw Lou’s face which said “Get out of this one smart arse” and then I had a brilliant idea “Ah” said I “there is a man meeting me outside to take us to the Villa” so with that I have to leave my very terse double chins a-jutting wife Lou standing outside customs (refused entry) whilst I get escorted to a crowd of local taxi drivers where I eventually see the driver with a sign CAMDEN WILES who gave the customs bloke the information he needed, thank god! The copper was an ok bloke but he was dead serious that he would not let us in without an address which red tape is a load of tosh because the last time I came to Mauritius I gave the address of where we were staying but when we arrived the alleged Villa was so bad I *immediately said “We are definitely not staying here” so I went searching in the baking hot sun and an hour later I luckily found a better apartment for the holiday and told absolutely no one at Customs! It is fair for me to criticise the apparent lack of supervision by Mauritius Tourism Authorities on all aspects of the holiday accommodation ‘which is not all that it is claimed to be by some CON Landlords working from the UK selling holiday apartments flats and villa’s that do not match up to the descriptions advertised on the Internet and the personal assurances given by them are worthless’

We have twice been to Mauritius and can only warn beware of the accommodation, once you have got over that hurdle the world is Mauritius!! So,we arrive at the accommodation which is a huge disappointment from the adverts on the website run by a firm called SACHA RESORTS and certainly in no way was it the “Luxury” (they claimed) dirty heavily stained pillows is a major turn off to start with, and “privacy” what privacy? (I note that most of their website has been dismantled since my complaints) I decided we would only stay a week and find another quieter and a more private location for the second week. We could not believe our luck when Lou found an apartment for 6 persons, 3 bathrooms, private swimming pool and that the other apartments were empty so we could have the whole place just the two of us to ourselves for only thirty quid a night so without seeing it we took a chance and booked for week two.

During the first week we travelled all around the villages, the shops, the markets and the superstores and as we both like ‘people watching’ we wanted to study the Mauritians and their country. Mauritius must rate as one of the happiest countries in the World we have ever been, they are so polite and civilised towards everyone and they are very proud of their tourist industry which is a vital part of their economy. Their country is beautiful in every possible way, they have the best beaches in the world, beautiful blue skies and oceans, amazing heavy downpours of rain that are dried up in no time, the countryside is just like home back here in our summer with beautiful lush green colours and vegetations and amazing varieties of colourful plants and flowers, no wonder they are a happy people.
They gained Independence from the British is 1968 and are one of the most successful countries in India. They have a great President Kailish Purryag who is very well respected leader of Mauritius. In particularly, he was one of the main voices in opposing us the Brits and the Yanks going to war in Syria. His stance against any involvement convinced us to change our holiday destination instead of going to St Kitts one of the most corrupt countries in the Caribbean so let’s go MAURITIUS.

Another huge turn off with St Kitts is the crime, two of our car booters went on a cruise to the Caribbean Islands calling in at St Kitts and they decided to go by Mini Coach to the South Peninsula, on the way there the coach was stopped by a tree lying in the road. Four thugs with guns and machetes held all the passengers to ransom demanding the men hand over their watches and wallets and the woman their purses and all jewellery. After the thugs had got what they wanted they disappeared into the bush and gone. Lou and I were leaving St Kitts in 2009 and we went for a drive around the beaches for a last look. After a five minute walk on Gong Beach we returned to the car to find Lou’s door and window had been smashed open with a machete her purse and personal belongings were stolen so we had to go to the Police to report the incident and typical for St Kitts they wrote the details down on a piece of paper, the piece of paper was put in a drawer, end of enquiries. I believe the Police think the tourists ‘are fair game’ but the whole Country is led by the most corrupt of Prime Ministers Denzel Douglas and an even more corrupt government Barrister in Law Dr Henry Browne! The cost of living is expensive but it is a beautiful country.
My advice for St Kitts future! Get rid of Douglas (prison) legalise and export Cannabis it’s the best in the World and let the Rasta Man live in peace without a two class system = Peace & Love. X

If I ever won the lottery I would definitely take you all to MAURITIUS. Stunning country, lovely people, incredible views, fantastic foods, brilliant clothing and food markets (loadsa lotsa toot) and the cost of living is cheaper than the UK and they claim a low crime rate! The traders are all so polite which is a bonus. The best fact is that TRADERS are NOT allowed to tout or bother the tourists which rules are supervised by the Police at the Markets and the beaches. Teams of Police walk the beaches from early morning shakings hands and meeting the public and offering security from those traders who may try to bother you constantly like you see around markets and beaches throughout the World. Early mornings say from seven-ish is a great time to swim, the sea is so warm and clean, you can look down and see your feet with hundreds of tiny silver fish following and by the time you get up to your waist larger fish freely swim with you. The very very clean tree laden beaches are brushed and swept by a team of welly wearing and long HV coat style jackets (imagine the heat) ladies from early morning, each of the busy beaches provides large safe areas for people to swim and during the day hundreds and hundreds of people flock there creating a fantastic happy atmosphere for some wonderful people. There is a brilliant bus service which is well used by tourists and locals who will happily chat with you. And everybody is happy and so they should be!!
We saw no aggression; all of the children are such a credit to the Schools which are superbly disciplined. I was really amazed and chuffed when several kids/students spoke with us. Politeness personified! Here we have a country at peace with itself; it was a great privilege for Lou and I to spend our holiday and being part of their huge community. I believe a lot of the people I met for the first time confused me with someone else because they kept calling me Bonjour?
The only downside is that there are a lot of homeless but harmless and starving dog’s cats and kittens on the roads and around the shopping streets and they are a serious danger to traffic. It is ridiculous to see so many skeletonised unwanted unloved animals roaming around in such a respected country so this problem must be addressed urgently.
By the way the driving in Mauritius is not as good as at home, you have to be so careful especially in towns to look out for cyclists and two stroke motor cycles by the hundreds that ride like crazy and are oblivious to other traffic. They all seem to have bloody mobiles and they are not adverse to texting whist riding their bikes. They all act as they are stoned, they are not, but it’s the heat that makes their minds fuddled. Lou did a fantastic job driving in a foreign country I think, but then I could have been wrong, she wanted us to see the country slowly so all the bicycles were allowed to overtake us to my amazement. The main roads and dual carriageways are in good condition and believe me they get busy.
I am not in any way going to knock Mauritius, what a country!! Oh and I almost forgot to mention the most stunning and beautiful looking women ever, ever! Of all ages! I scored with three over 70s Mauritian darlings who arrived at the beach in their saris sharing the beach spot with us. Lou says “Don’t look now cos these ladies are changing” Within minutes they had changed from their long saris into like pyjamas ready for their swim. One of them offering grapes and flowers to their gods of the seas then the three got down on all fours into the seas and paddled the waves. Harmless but fascinating. Typically, but beautifully Indian. And with their modesty and religious beliefs intact for 3 my ladies.
Read on Part Two;