Mitchell Saturday…………. 8th July
What a super day with seller’s queuing from 9.00 am for our 12.00 noon start at Mitchell yesterday, the ground had been prepared and presented to perfection by landlord David Leggo the weather was ideal for Car Boot Sales. Landlord Leggo does an exceptional job in preparing Mitchell for us and our customers and he is so proud when he sees the joint communities enjoying his land at our Car Boot Sales. He had numerous offers from a few of my enemas offering to run Car Boot Sales but David demanded the very best and here I am!! If I sound big-headed you are right, I am the best thing that EVER happened to Car Boot Sales in the South West and did you know that I get offers to run Car Boot Sales in all parts of the country as long as it is not Cornwall FFS’!! What sort of attitude is that, we live by the river, do drop in some time!!
This has got to have been the best ever Mitchell sale as I have witnessed so many bargains being taken back to their cars by eager buyers then back to get more special offers. All stalls were laden up with every possible item you would ever need in your lifetime including furniture plus a stunning amount of good quality and brand named some brand new with tags and second hand clothes at BARGAIN prices especially in kids and young babies clothing. There were quality antiques plenty of jewelery and to keep all the kids happy there was a huge selection of BRILLIANT toys for both boys and girls at ridiculously cheap prices. If you are selling at any of our Car Boots and you have your car for sale it is a great idea to advertise it with a large sign saying “Car FOR SALE” with details mileage etc. Two vehicles were bought and sold last week one at Mitchell the other at St Columb, if you do sell your own car at any of our Car Boots and you are a seller then we do not want a penny extra, good luck!

I chatted to several happy buyers and sellers (one stall-holder claiming over £400.00 takings or so I am told) the atmosphere was of total contentment, my mate Michelle was leaving with her lovely children and her equally lovely mum Sue they were laden up to the hilt with loadsa carrier bags some hanging off the sides of their pushchair both happy and content with all their purchases and bargains. They were rushing off home to get all their bargains put away before ‘he comes home from work’ dear of them all. The times I hear people mainly the ladies say ‘he will go mad if he knows I have bought this crap FFS’ truthfully it is not CRAP but one stall-holder many years ago another mate of mine and Lou’s is Kim who was somewhat offended by Lee Miles the catering guru of Roseworthy Farms when he took a look at her stall that she had spent an hour setting it up and he said ‘it was like an effing landfill site’ I mean how rude is that FFS or was that another one of his cheap chat up lines! Every time I see Kim now her I think ‘Oh here comes Mrs Landfill’ Kim is the greatest asset to our Car Boot Sales and over many years has given incredible value to ours and her customers. Loved by all, dear of her. X
Many readers and probably locals will have heard of Withiel a small local village out there somewhere with some houses celebrating indoor loos in some of the posher houses, no more press button B on their public telephones neither me ansum, nicer people you couldn’t wish to meet or so it is said? Only 114 streets to go and they will all have Electricity and ITV FFS. Anyway at Withiel they have a car boot sale on Sunday’s and the owners will cancel like we does at short notice a Car Boot Sale if there is a possibility of damaging the ground conditions due to the Cornish peeing down weather. The owners get well criticized but they are nice people and I am on their side see! When the sales do go ahead I am told by loyal friends that I am the subject of loads of gossip also loadsa ill-informed information about me and Car Boots Cornwall.

Let me totally assure all-comers that Car Boots Cornwall have not lost TRURO Cattle Market Car Boot Sales cos we will be there on August Bank Holiday Monday and from September we are back at Truro as we have been over the last 20 odd years, it is our main winter location see!!
Let me also assure some of the Withiel gossipers of doom car boot sellers (not locals) who seem to open their two faced mouths and let the wind blow their tongues around that we WILL be at The Royal Cornwall Showground when the dates are finalized with the manager who is on sick leave at the moment, so wait for the dates to be confirmed which will hopefully be on FRIDAYS probably the 18th at 12.00 noon soon see! Watch the HOME page for further details. Now then, could someone please read this next paragraph to my mate Jim?

Not only am I the centre of ‘Ye old gossipy folkers of Withiel FFS’ I am also the punch-bag of dear old Jim frequenter of Hayle Rugby Club Car Boot Sales also of “I don’t park cars any more” fame who believe it or not (don’t) cos he puts a whole host of lies about me as he ‘queues up’ with all the other buyers.
(Hayle Rugby Club Committee moved with the times recently and copied the way that we (that is me) Car Boots Cornwall operate all of our Car Boot Sales which is the only way to run Car Boot Sales in total fairness that all customers get an equal chance to ‘get to the bargains’ instead of all the bleeding dealers all of the time, much as I love the dealers ish. (Wake up Rosudgeon) This infuriates the royal Jim ‘wot ever next me aving to queue FFS’ there are also a few of my other enemas who have to Q as well ffs which is why I am so loved at Hayle! Jim Says “You know ee as ad Truro taken off im, oh yes” whilst other people in the queue who know the truth overhear his total put down lines against me and they all know full well that he still has not recovered from his lifetime illness of verbal diarrhea or a case of the permanent shids FFS!
Jim also knows full well that when we first met I (I that is me) was asked by the Committee of the Falmouth Rugby Club if I (that is me) because of my great background would I (that is me) run their Car Boot Sales at their famous club. I said yes!! The date was 1989 and todays date in 2017 we now celebrate 28 years later of running up to 9 Car Boot Sales weekly during peak season! Now then, Jim my bird could have done exactly the same as me but oh no ‘ee’ prefers to be an armchair critic of CBC sooner than get off his fat backside and run a few boot sales then ‘ee’ could have become the real expert like me see!! Another thing about Jim and other critics (jealous munchers) is that they say they ‘never ever read Geoff Says cos it’s full of shite man” (true) yet they quote from Geoff Says line by line all of the time FFS!! I wish all of my crony type critiques the happiness in their lives that they deserve cos somebody somewhere must love those FFS, God loves them (allegedly) dear of em!! Hope their kid’s play them up something rotten see! Go for it kids scream and scream and scream until you vomit! Hah!

WINTER LOCATION!
Anyway just to steal the thunder you will know that we are at our new summer location at St Columb Major which is highly successful on Sundays at 1.30pm and the new Wednesday’s at 1.30 pm will start to get popular as the peak season starts. The Landlord has offered us WINTER Car Boot Sales at the same grounds that are used for the very popular St Columb Major Point to Point racing. He has also agreed that we may use the large outbuilding which will park up to 50 seller’s cars inside and in the dry in bad weather with further selling spaces on the hard standing, there is also grass parking for up to 500 buyers cars. I believe we will run this WINTER LOCATION at St Columb Major twice weekly not sure about which weekday but certainly SATURDAY will be popular. Times and start dates to be agreed, more to follow, oh and by the way we WILL be at TRURO during the winter as well!! Now put that into your pipe Jim my lover and smoke it and I bet he says “Onest it will not work mate, I mean a Winta regular car boot wot a stupid MF idea, it will not werk!! Watch this space mate!! For the record Jim is a really decent likable man and he has a great sense of humour and I enjoy winding him up because according to Jim I (that’s me) he thinks that I am an r-sole, yes I agree but I don’t talk through mine dear Jim!!

Regular readers will know that Louise’s mother has moved in with us since her husband died in December, Julia has Dementia and is unable to look after herself so big mouth me says ‘let her live with us’ Truth to tell she is no bother really it is Lou who gets completely impatient with her mums stupidity whereas with me after a couple of spliffs I think she is hilarious she is my daily entertainment but my Lou gets so teasy and guess who gets it in the neck all of the time? Me of course FFS! I had bought a new unopened 1000 piece jigsaw for a pound at Mitchell car boot to amuse Julia but to amuse our 7 month old Chiwawa pup she gave him several of the pieces ‘to do his own jigsaw which of course he chewed up! When we checked the puzzle at the end there were 12 pieces missing, gone and obviously shat on my garden FFS hilarious fun, silly moo!! I have now given her the extra job with a small bucket and spade and I send her in the garden “it’s hunt the missing jigsaw pieces and pick up the dog-shite time Julia” seriously she has a good sense of humour she has Dementia but she is enjoying her life, Yo!!
Mealtimes though can be quite an ordeal, Lou and I have always been chatty together but Julia does not converse much apart from talking non-stop jibber-jabbers to the dogs which rather kills the atmosphere! We can be eating our meal when suddenly Julia will break down crying but she does not realize why she is crying FFS she is also unaware we are sitting there which certainly adds to a geet let’s fork-off atmosphere to the meal whilst I get up to grab her a tissue before she snots all over the frigging place FFS!! I have had for several years great problems with cramps and immense pains in my legs especially during the night so about 3 of 4 in the morning I get up make myself a hot drink go to my office get on my PC put on some decent music couple of smokes rum & coke toke to toke and an hour or so later my pains are decreasing and I am feeling a bit more civilized, bliss! (by the way my doctors and the hospital know that I use Cannabis to self-medicate for my pains so that idiot Troll Neville who has written several abusive emails to me stating ‘I am going to tell the Police about you smoking weed’ shut TFU-FFS! So does half of the Camborne population FFS!
Anyway back to Julia, yesterday I get up bleary-eyed and my legs are considerable pain it’s 4.00am I am in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil when suddenly Julia bursts into the room fully clothed hat coat scarf made up to the hilt carrying carrier bags full of clothing and god knows what else? I say ‘Julia, it’s four in the morning, where are you going?’ “I have just had a phone call from my brother in Cheshire and he is coming right now to pick me up then I am going to meet Gordon (deceased husband) and my mum and dad (both also sadly deceased”) ‘Julia, you have not had a phone call my lovely’ I suggest you go back to bed and I will bring you a nice cup of tea and biscuits’ she disappears back to her bed I take her tea and biscuits she is fast asleep in the morning I take her breakfast, she is in bed still fully clothed from her night time of imaginations and with all of her bags still packed surrounding her on the bed, she is fast asleep still with her hat with smudged makeup spilling onto her fizz looking as though she had been out on the piss all night FFS!
When she surfaces about ten I ask her ‘Julia, Where were you off to at 4.00 in the morning?’ She does not remember a thing about her alleged brother’s phone call nor of wanting to leave the house without transport. However she gets a strong bollicking from Lou and a mild bollicking from me resulting in the house being like Fort Knox with keys hidden everywhere to prevent her from running away with all of her carrier bags trailing behind her, at least that is what Lou thought. I do not think Julia has the balls for that she knows when she’s onto good care and attention she is just like her daughter who likes to be a bit of a drama queen now and again and to get into the limelight and draw attention to themselves FFS.

I do feel sorry for people with Dementia but it is up to the supporting family to be really positive for the patient and with the patient who most of the time is unaware of the pace they are losing their ability to work and think and look after themselves, Julia cannot even make herself a full cup of tea which she over sugars forgetting she has just put sugar in, yuck! She will read an item then completely forget she has read it or what the item was about she will then read it again and again. But if you ask her about pound shillings and pence or boring history she knows all the answers, she is absolutely no problem to me in fact I quite like her pottering around talking endlessly to Nana Moon and my Chiwawa ‘Mahwhilly’ about sod-all but she is a much nicer person than the biatch she used to be when her was a teacher. I am of course totally aware that things will change in her personality and that one day soon she is going to be a total pain in the arse and an awkward cussed farting aggravating snarling snot dribbling old bitch bugger to deal with, bit like me really. Bring it on FFS!!
On the plus side we are moving to a larger house very soon where she will have her own space and so can we. There are about two acres of grass to cut. The previous owners are leaving their noiseless ride on mower, I have this wicked plan to teach Julia how to drive it and mow the two acres night and day-day and night going up or down or straight or round in circles that way she make up her own jigsaw pattern FFS or whatever, just do wot yer wanna do, go for it girl!!