Tuesday 18th August.
Sellers had obviously seen the weather forecast over the next few days so decided let’s go to Newquay Car Boot Sale cos the rest of the week looks crap but you cannot rely on the BBC they get forecasts wrong all the time wrong-footing the public into making wrong decisions. They are more concerned at promotion that Carol woman going to be on ‘Come Dancing’ which I thought was against the law?
Yesterday was a privilege to run such a busy crowded Car Boot but there is always one person who wants to spoil your day and today was no exception, however once we had reached 250 sellers I decided that with the huge amount of buyers cars that there would be ‘NO MORE SELLERS’ which I know is disappointing but I have to consider public safety first before over-filling the selling area. We had told several sellers ‘sorry we are full’ who accepted there was no space available. A young lady arrived and would not accept what Bob was telling her ‘no more space to sell’ she demanded entry and once in the field drove like an idiot to the top creating an absolute dust bath all over the arriving buyers. Truthfully it looked hilarious seeing all these tourists being covered in a sandstorm (the beach has come to you) but understandably ‘they were not amused’ however the driver lady (her passenger said nowt) started ranting at me and I told her ‘I am BARRING you for reckless and careless driving’ “I did nothing wrong” she shouted asking the crowd of buyers “Was I driving recklessly”? About 20 of them who were dusting themselves down FFS shouted at her “YES you were” Result! BARRED!

Now then, whilst ranting at me I could see the rage in her face and noticed she was extremely good looking as she screamed her annoyance at not being able to sell, I love to see a woman lose control of themselves and be unreasonable (I am so used to it) they become more attractive than their usual looks as their temperature rises and whilst she is gobbing it off but I cannot condone her next move which was to rev her car up and raise even more dust over the assembled crowd and race round the grassed car park blasting her horn and screaming some crap or other, I am forced to see the funny side of this wonderful incident created by one woman FFS as she sped to the main gate where her car was photographed by one of our security team.

Pretty woman, stupid woman could have caused an accident that could have ruined people’s lives by being ‘out of control of her actions’ Pretty woman, stupid woman could have wrecked her own life forever so I can only assume she was high on drugs but I hasten to add not Cannabis, people who smoke ‘the weed’ don’t behave like that. They very seldom ‘lose it’ they are normally cool calm and collected happy and content and good looking, bit like me really! Every dog deserves its day, so I will show her car in the picture but not her picture because all of my life I have been chased by women who just want to be in my company for a short time and this beautiful young lady was no exception. Let’s face it if I hadn’t of been there with all of my other thousands of followers she would have absolutely no reason to be there and this bullshit should really piss the blokes off FFS!! I am writing this in my office (the shed) its Friday and its 4.00am and it’s absolutely pissing down outside, I’ve had a self-medicating spliff or two and a diluted rum and coke, my pains are disappearing, my dog is stoned and snoring and I am listening to some beautiful Enigma music, I am content with my life I have a lovely wife and I am as happy as a pig in shit (life for us two is going to get a whole lot better for us two very, soon but that is another story) I get great fun in writing these blogs which my lovely readers enjoy with the exception of her indoors.

Back to reality;
The queues to sell started with the Market traders one man in a white van who had wanted to go in early but said ‘I am not paying the extra £5.00 to go in early because I am a personal friend of Geoff’s’ he argued his point with Bob who asked him to move to the other queue. Bob won the day by the ‘the white van’ man driving off, good riddance. I don’t have personal friends and if I did have I would not expect them to try to blag a cheaper way in to the car boot sale than everybody else. Stupid sod whoever he was.

This season is different to previous seasons there are more moaners and groaners about and quite often my teams are the target of spurious and unjustified complaints, if you are going to complain then please be sure of your facts however let me assure you that I protect and stand by my teams 100% Even if they get things wrong I will stand by them (and kick their bum later) They get an exceptionally good hourly rates of pay in appreciation of their good work and services as team members, this year’s teams are without doubt the best and most loyal ever. They are brilliant fun to work with and some of they are enjoying their first ever work experience with the somewhat fickle public, they are a young team and I love em all, pick on them and you pick on me my lover, don’t go there!!

We are delighted with the success of Penryn Rugby Club Car Boot Sales on Sundays despite the fact that it has rained on most weeks however the events that went ahead have gone down well with the locals buyers and sellers enjoyed the revived atmosphere just like in the old days when the sales were at the Motor Auctions grounds which is now several very pleasant buildings housing the University Students who also attend the Rugby Club Car Boots on Sundays at 1.30 pm
The Club Committee were concerned in the initial stages that our traffic may damage the two training fields which has certainly not been the case, you can go to look at the grounds two day later and you would not see signs that we have been there. We must ask all buyers to accept that parking is limited so why not park up in Asda do a bit shopping and nip across (mind the road) to the sale about 3 minutes’ walk from Asda or park on the Kernick Industrial Estate where there is ample parking. Penryn Car Boot Sales were the first ever in Cornwall so I am reliably informed, they were good days with absolutely incredible bargains but the owners were a bit indifferent to the public and Richard who used to park cars was an absolute bastard in making you park within one inch of exactly where he wanted you in such a limited space, we often see him at the sales sadly I report he has had both legs amputated through his illnesses but he is still a cheery happy person and we like him a lot, the old sod! Do you remember Kenny or Honour the egg lady or Darky Dell or Tony & Janet & what about Julie all of them great Cornwall characters many of them enjoying retirement doing nowt, lazy buggers?

There are 3 Car Boot Sales on August Bank Holiday MONDAY with FALMOUTH Rugby Club at 10.00 am TRURO at 1.30 pm and PENRYN Rugby Club at 5.00 pm come along to all three and you will be have spent the day in the fresh air buying or selling bargains galore however one word of warning! I go around the stalls whilst the buyers who are looking for that elusive bargains, I hear potential buyers ask “How much is that please” sometimes I am stunned at the high prices being asked for some items for what I would respectfully describe ‘junk-crap’ that also stun the customer who could probably buy the same items brand new for less FFS! Please don’t overprice your selling items, nowadays if you buy something new for say £100.00 and you decide to sell it at a Car Boot you will probably be lucky to get 20% of what you paid which is twenty quid, if you get more then good for you but if you overprice your stock you will find at the end of the day you pack it all up your car and take it all home, you cannot blame the buyers for not buying, nor me nor my teams, just yourselves my lovers!

Did you see the overweight old blokie walking around with two equally over weight long haired Alsatian dogs and his equally overweight wife also with an equally overweight long haired Alsatian dog who had parked in the bottom field after arriving late for the start of the Car Boot who they were fuct with the exercise of just walking from their car up to hill. These dogs looked frightening to kids and WTF does he have to bring them to a boot sale for. Next I get a report that one of the dogs had shat in front of one of our regulars stalls but fat bloke and his fat wife and his fat dogs had gone telling Bob on his way out that ‘this car boot is crap’ my attitude is “No sir, the crap is just driving out of the gate, drive on” he probably would have stopped his car and got out his three fat bastard Alsatians to bite my frigging legs and I have got shorts on FFS!!

Anyway one of our most regular sellers Welsh Babs was the unlucky stall holder where the dog had shat put some cardboard over it and the public had trodden the box and the poo down to a pulp and every time someone walked across the cardboard the smell of warm poo emulated and wafted all around Bab’s stall and I thought that was hilarious payment for her acting ‘stuck up’ towards me at times which I probably deserves cos I am always winding her up. Seriously darling it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person. We are proud of her ‘our Babs’ she is in her early 80s and makes so much effort to get out there and enjoy her boot sales, she is one of 3 life members who get a free to sell stall any time they like. Besides Babs there is Nurse Gladys Emanuel (well at least that’s what I call her) and our Phyllis who has not been seen for a while but anyway all three of them keep in touch on their mobiles with occasional rude texts and naughty pictures to each other. Love of em! X X X

Thursday 20th crap weather and from our early morning weather reports from members of our teams also details of ground conditions I decided to cancel Par Market which if it had gone ahead sellers would have had drenched stock in no time. Newquay was different because the ground conditions on the run up to the selling field was muddied up so I cancelled in the interest of Public Health & Safety, this safety precaution cancellation pissed a lot of people off as well as ourselves. Decision made. Sorry!
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