We love to keep in touch with the news from back home whilst we are away and trust us to miss all the juicy gossip, so I will start with Ken Roach off the Street with the charges against him for all sorts of sexual activities.
During my Bingo days with the Star Group of Companies to promote our bingo halls we used to employ celebrities from TV shows who would come to the Bingo as a personal appearance, in this respect most of the famous people from Corry including Ena Sharple, Elsie Tanner, Dennis Tanner, Len Fairclough and Ken Barlow. Elsie was without doubt Coronation Streets most favourite personal appearance with Dennis Tenners as runner up. (6th February update; Ken Barlow cleared of charges so the 6 women were apparently imagining any involvement of knowing the man?)

I hear that Mr Ego Trip himself was most upset that he did not receive a Knighthood and be able to call himself Sir David Beckham when the Queen did her New Years Honours list. Why the hell should he get a bloody Knighthood what exactly has he done for the sport Football for England that has made him a millionaire several times over? Even Sir Alex Ferguson said Beckham ‘could have been Man Uniteds best player’ but he wasn’t because he could not make that extra effort for his club and we all remember of course when England were doing well in the world Cup when Beckham kicked out at one of the opposing players, Beckham was sent off and so England came home early but they could have could have progressed further if it had not been for his stupidity and unsportsmanlike behaviour,the twat! Him an actor,the best he can act is insincerity!! And what about Mrs B ‘is she up herself or wot’?

When I was General Manager of Pontins at Brean Sands in Somerset the Car Group Swan National booked the entire Holiday Centre in a show of appreciation for all of their staff for record business levels during the previous years. About 1000 were in attendance and Dave Lee Travis was booked by Swan as the DJ He complained about the accommodation and to put it mildy he became very arrogant with me because he had been given the best accommodation there was and in any event he was getting a massive fee plus the accommodation was FREE so like it or lump it! Swan had given me hundreds of discount vouchers which were specifically for distribution to their staff to spend in the Pontins shops anf Kiosks. when Travers heard about the discount vouchers he came into the Supermarket demanding that I gave him some of the vouchers ‘or better still give me a few packets of cigarettes and no-one will know’ Now then, I am extemely loyal to whoever is ‘footing the bill’ and I admired the gesture of SWAN to give their staff these discount vouchers so when I refused him he became very arrogant enough to demand from Louise and other members of staff some packets of fags to which they refused. Back he came to me, we had a row and I told him he would not under any circumstances have any of the discount vouchers! Amen! During his DJ stint he made several asides about Pontins and myself, I thought he was acting like a total ‘dick-head’ and told him so! However I believe from comment made to me that he was over familiar with some of the girls who went to the stage to ask for certain records to be played so it has come as no surprise to see he is in Court on similar charges to Ken Barlow and Rolf Harris and believe it of not I also worked with Jimmy Saville at Butlins in 1966 and I though he was a total Pratt but it is fair to say that in the 60s & 70s and early 80s girls did throw themselves at the Radio DJs. I had a great time in the 60s but that’s another X rated story!! I dont suffer fools gladly but we will await to see what exactly the British legal system will have in store for the above mentioned alleged celebrities.
Update; DLT. Not Guilty say the jury so that must mean another 12 ladies must have imagined assault, no smoke without fire?

And finally, we arrive on our first days holiday and I am always aware to “be careful of the Mosquitoes” because the little bastards love to drink British blood and they have certainly had their share from me! Lou and I had been for a walk and when we got back she asked “What have you done to your eye” I had remembered brushing something off the side off my face but one of these mossies had bitten me just below my right eye and it was starting to effing hurt and swell up something daft! I know I have got bags under my eyes from nearly 30 years of her indoors but the swelling was beginning to shape up like a pelican bill wobbling around on my face. I was hideous to look at (no change there) but the little bastard had missed my eye by about two millimetres. In the morning after almost no sleep I took a look in the mirror and was flabberghasted at the amazing swelling, I was beginning to look like Elephant Man so I asked Lou to burst the swelling but she refused ‘too scared’

Ok then I will do it myself and with a close up to the mirror I took a hot needle and gently but painfully prodded the swelling when suddenly it burst all over the mirror and this horrible yellowie gunge stuff bit like carton custard (nealy a bath full) rolled down my cheeks almost spilling into my gob, YUK figging YUK!!
Within two days the swelling had subsided but it was impossible to be seen in public because of peoples reactions so she hid me out of sight under this garden umbrella, out of sight out of mind until I didn’t look so hideous, her words not mine! Frigging Mosquitoes!! Little shite’s!!
Anyway I had been taking anti histamines before we left the UK but Lou said she wouldn’t bother and how she paid the price, I woke up one morning took one look at her without my glasses on and I thought “bloody hell have I been drinking or has she grown 7 new nipples”?