Sorry for delay dears.
x
A great day at Truro yesterday with biting winds but 70 sellers braved the dry weather with 1000 plus buyer’s men women and their kids enjoying the bargains. There were problems and complaints from some customers for the delay to our Car Boot traffic with tailbacks on main roads. We will finish the winter season at Truro on Sundays at the end of April but will still do all of the BANK HOLIDAY MONDAYS and in the event rain on Sundays we will always consider using the Cattle Market under cover facilities. The new set of traffic lights immediately outside the Cattle Market entrance which were installed to control the Waitrose Park and Ride make delays in our traffic inevitable but be patient please or better still come earlier!

Many regulars will remember the previous MITCHELL Car Boot Sales over the road from our existing Car Boots at Trethvas Farm. The owner David Leggo telephoned to advise as a matter of courtesy that different people have asked him if they could run Car Boot sales on his land. He has steadfastly refused however he is considering their offers but would much prefer Car Boots Cornwall to return to his Nancemere Farm location because of our reputation. The last thing I want is for someone to come along and ruin the business of Trethvas Farm by opening a Car Boot Sale on a sodding Saturday morning at 8.00 in the bloody morning when Trethvas starts at 12.00 noon.

So with a ‘MASSIVE’ pinch of ‘let bygones be bygones’ and after very careful negotiations with both Landlords I can advise that agreement has been reached for Car Boots Cornwall to operate TWO Car Boot Sales at Mitchell and that on SATURDAYS we will be at our usual location Trethvas Farm at 12.00 noon (strictly NO DOGS allowed) and we will return to ‘the old Mitchell’ Nancemeer Farm on SUNDAY AFTERNOONS at 1.30 pm (DOGS allowed but NOT in selling areas)
I am undecided about Tuesdays 12.00 noon at Newquay and need to check what land is available and when? I will advise. However just up the road a bit on the right hand side of the road there is a field of promise my lovers?

Thursday we will be at our new location Mole Valley, St Columb Major at 12.00 noon. The location has a main road entrance and over 20 acres are available for Car Boot Sales and right on the doorstep is the Mole Valley shopping Centre. More details to follow.

GOOD Friday at FALMOUTH will be our first Car Boot Sale of the year the second one will be Bank Holiday Monday at TEN o’clock in the morning see! I get conned into people telling me (one person in particular) “loads of people say if you open earlier in the season it will be busy” and I say WALOOBs cos when we get there only 3 people turned up!

Royal Cornwall Car Boot Sales; Negotiating
Penryn Car Boot Sales; they asked for early Sunday mornings? More to follow.

Perranporth; we tried, we failed, move on!

PAR MARKET; we will not be at Par Market St Austell any more on Thursdays which will disappoint many regular sellers who traded well over the years. From our side and the Landlords side of the business neither of us made much money out of the sales at Par Market with many of the locals not being able to come to terms with the 50 p per adult admission and to park your car for free. TFOBs!

Par Market are spending loads of money to try to reinvent themselves but to succeed they will need a lot more luck than I would want to wish them. A market is a market is a market and they will definitely not last forever mainly because you can buy everything (well almost) cheaper on eBay but the good news is that Car Boot Sales will outlive all markets! And no, Car Boot Sales did not ‘ruin the markets’ the Markets did that for themselves-it wasn’t the Car Boots me ansums!

Geoff

xx

Sadly we say good luck and there is the door so goodbye to Par Market and to our weekly Car Boot Sales on Thursday’s which many thousands of people have enjoyed over the years. The company who own Par Market are seriously investing big money into the Market to reinvent themselves and us common Car Booters do not feature in their forward plans. Amen. Shit like that happens in the real world but not to be outdone I have some astounding NEWS and gossip about this year’s Car Boot Sales to be displayed here on SUNDAY at 5.00pm that will fill your boots FFS!!
John Snowball is the General Manager of Par Market, we wish Par Market well. Geoff

On 10 Mar 2017, at 16:28, “” wrote:
Hi Geoff
Unfortunately I am the bearer of bad news, we have made the decision as of today 10/3/2017 not to carry on with any more Car Boot sales on our site.

We do wish you and your company all the very best for the future.

Kind Regards

John

On Friday, 10 March 2017, 16:44, Geoff Camden-Wiles wrote:

May I ask for a reason please John we have been with you for seven years? Regards. Geoff

From:
Sent: 10 March 2017 17:09
To: Geoff Camden-Wiles
Subject: Re: Car Boot Sales

Geoff the company WMC Retail plc is spending in excess of £2 million the whole site there is plans in place for kidz world to extend into the east car park plus we have planning in place to develop the east field this year, there is so much going on at the moment.

I am sorry to give you the bad news but the decision has been made.

Kind Regards

John
John,
I appreciate that honest reply and I thank you on behalf of all of our customers who have been to the Par Car Boot Sales. I wish your company success for the future.
Many thanks,
Geoff
www.carbootscornwall.co.uk

Cheshire;
We are now downsizing like fury to get rid of even more clothes and collectables to be prepared for our catering van and its third fully loaded trip back to storage in Truro and it hasn’t been easy at time with me threatening to ‘just go home FFS’ but dear mother in law has made it all most difficult but at times but funny to hell. This morning I walk into the kitchen for breakfast there is Julia who my darling wife has put in charge of toasting 3 tea cakes. That is all we require of you Julia toast the T cakes! Lou had left three plates for Julia to place the toasted T cakes on to the plates Julia there’s a love. She walked to the table with the T cakes on the baking tray Lou says “the plates are over there” She looks at Lou with fury in her eyes “I do know what I am doing” Anyway she takes the T cakes on walk-bout’s around this large kitchen looking for plates that she has walked past twice, this is just like a breakfast cabaret act’ I end up with two tea cakes on one plate a Plate and teacake for dear Julia and my poor Lou doesn’t even get a plate and it’s only eight in the morning FFS. How can I not enjoy the stupidity of that! She eventually sat down to start her serial then gets up once again and searches the cupboards for the marmalade which was on the table already right in front of her FFS. I am out of control with real tears in my eyes Lou on the other hand is sitting there with a face like a fart, I think for my own safety I should just grab a T cake and piss off somewhere for a lifesaving spliff FFS! One thing at the breakfast table that seriously pisses men off and that is what this mother in law woman Julia takes to the extremes with stirring her tea endlessly round and round in a loud fashion and at the end of the stirring she bashes the spoon on the side of the cup several times allegedly shake the drips off FFS I mean the other day her stirred her cup of tea for ages I joke “Julia, there is no sugar in it” She stops stirring then adds another spoon of sugar and stirs for the next 5 minutes then her has the nerve to say ‘My tea has gone cold’ surprise-surprise!

I am someone who likes to keep myself to myself once I have leisure time it is ‘me and Lou time’ Lou shares the same sentiments because we love each other despite us child-minding her 73 year old mother for twenty four hours a day! I had met Lou’s mother my now demented mother in law Julia over 30 years ago whilst I was the boss of Pontins. Her character frightened me that much in those days I didn’t particularly want to meet the rest of her family FFS! Anyway 30 years later with nerves of trepidation I agree to meet with all the members of her family in their homes with the aunt’s uncle’s cousin’s brothers the whole Roden family team and more and they are all superb nice friendly happy successful honest clean living proud Cheshire people. The only slight odds ball in the family were Julia and Gordon my lovers. Everybody was there to help you both but you shunned them all and distanced yourselves from your own family despite their genuine efforts to help you two, truth to tell my lovely. I have tried to discuss this with Julia and she says she doesn’t know what I am talking about, oh yes she does!
But, how is this for a master stroke for not ‘giving-a-fcuk’ for other people’s feelings! Whilst I quite like her Julia is not all that easy to get along with never was nor was her man Gordon although he did allowed Julia to walk all over him in all the years I knew them both, poor sod! But if you men act like a wimps to a women you give them every opportunity for them to treat you as a sexual slave and after they have had their wicked way with you they treat you like shite man so they do FFS! If the cap fits, know what I mean?
Anyway Julia and Gordon decided to sell up their successful guest house with him acting as Basil Faulty and her as Julia in the Lake District. After several years the decided to retire and move to Cheshire where her family lives. Without communicating with anybody in the family they bought a house twice the size of her brother’s house who lived just TWO doors away FFS!!

I mean, the first brother knew about it was when one of his neighbours said to him “Hey, did you know your sister Julia and your brother in law have just bought the house TWO doors away from you, ha-ha he-he” I mean FFS that is such bad manners and it is really saying to members of your family we don’t GAF about people’s feelings? I met brother Ian who is a really decent bloke and a gentleman but I couldn’t wait to wind him up and ask “What did you actually think when you heard about Sister Julia and her man Gordon moving next door to you?” which was a private conversation so I am not repeating it but knowing Julia as I do I would probably have been splitting blood but now he should be delirious that Lou and I ‘have come to take her away ha-ha’ to Cornwall to start her new life and probably ruin mine FFS? I have sold the house to the ideal family with young kids so everything that is good in life comes to those who wait my son! He is a really nice man, very nice man and Auntie Ann is the dream mother and grandmother and he is a very lucky nice man!

We have now got the house looking immaculate preparing it FOR SALE Julia is walking through all the rooms doing a ‘down memory lane’ trip with a little Biddie tear for this room’ and a little Biddie tear for this room which is quite cute really but it is going on and on like a procession of one walking and snivelling in my presence all day long (no real tears) it’s very depressing you know and is getting right on my tits! Stop snivelling woman we are trying to sell your house FFS! One of the neighbours called to ask if her son and his family could look at the house. They arrived, lovely couple 2 nice boys deal done, I sold them the house for £560,000.00 no estate agents fees involved and the sons were deliriously happy with their new home! And, did I get a thank you from Julia, that’ll be a nope FFS!! Next day I do a deal with The Lodge Caravan by selling it to the park owners, after heavy bartering they upped their original offer by £5,000.00 and did I get a thank you from Julia, that’ll be a nope again! Thank-you Thornley Leisure. Whilst the caravan was luxury in every way the holiday location almost on the beach in North Wales was depressing and not the sort of place I would like to own such an expensive caravan however Thornley leisure can earn at least a grand a week for it and I made five grand more than they originally offered so everyone was happy apart from dear Julia and did I get a thank you from Julia that’ll be a nope again! Dear of her!
Today is brain scan day for Julia now we will find out the title of her illness and hopefully get the right medication for her (and for me) I mean she puts me under such stress at times FFS! I reminded her ‘Don’t forget you have got to have a brain scan tomorrow’ “No” she says “I had that yesterday for my tea didn’t I?”

Now then, last Sunday I planned and schemed to listen to football on 5 live Sunday’s commentary match in peace and quiet sitting in my car in the drive, Lou was out for a walk with Nana Moon and Julia had been told we were leaving tomorrow so she should pack only one case because we are coming back next week. We locked the front door for her own safety.

I had fully loaded the car for our journey back to Truro. Peace perfect peace I am sitting in my car in the drive of the house nobody knows or GsAF that I am here I turn on the football peace at last, about twenty minutes into the match to my amazement the front door of the house opens and out steps my Dementia mother in law hat and coat on and with three large bags full to the brim clothes and other stuff that she is definitely NOT putting into my car FFS! I am gobsmacked as she disturbs my footy opening the door of my car saying “Where shall I put these bags I have still got to bring my case then we can go” I tell her repeatedly ‘we are not going until tomorrow’ then she tells me “Lou has gone ahead already with Nana Moon they should be in Cornwall by now” ‘No, that’s not right she is taking the dog for a walk you refused to go dear, now take those bags back into the house and wait until Lou comes back then she can help you decide what crap you can take and what stays here dear which could be that you do not take them otherwise they will all be on your lap for the whole 6 hour journey, is that what you want cos that’s what’ll happen dear? I am the epitome of patience and good manners but it’s all wearing a bit thin FFS. I ring Lou she doesn’t answer but dear mother in law comes out of the house with Lou’s phone in her hand and she tells me “Ring her again, she might answer this time” ‘How can she answer you are holding her phone FFS’ I reply! I mean isn’t that blatant stupidity but fupping hilarious FFS? I was past caring about living cos I was so pissed off that Manchester United who whilst all this crap drama was going on had scored twice and I didn’t get to hear either of the goals FFS and all I wanted from life was/is for a couple of hours was to sit locked in the privacy of my own car and to listen to the radio FFS dear of her!! She take her bags back to the house come backs to the car opens the door starts getting into the passenger seat beside me and says “Right, I have locked up the house Gordon lets go now shall we?” She now thinks that I am the reincarnation of her deceased husband Gordon FFS!
Brain scan is over, well at least she’s got one? Next step is ‘we get a visit’ to discuss the results and find out the way forward. I hope the best for Julia she has become a nicer person having climbed down from her high horse and ivory tower a considerable distance. I cannot wait for the horseshit to hit the fan when she really starts rocking and a rolling the boat should be great fun and something not to look forward to?
Ps; I read most of my writing to Julia and she agrees with the blogs and approves of everything I say, well almost everything you understand?

It’s Dementia time my lovers!

I must beg all of you Grandma’s and Granddad’s and other old farts to de-clutter your homes before you pop-off this wonderful world, my serious advice is to look all round you at some of your collections of junky items most of them are complete dust collectors and probably you have oceans of them in every room in your home, on a good day you would may be lucky to raised 30 bob per room for this pile of crap at our boot sales!! By junk I mean most things that you own or were given to you and you too are frightened to get rid of because you may offend someone who is close to you FFS! Or you bought it all from a jumble sale or the local car boot sales, truth to tell is that you would be lucky enough to sell some of this toot for as much as a quid an item.
My father in law popped his clogs on December the first and it fell to me to be convinced by Lou my missus to ‘do the house clearance’ of the family home now owned solely here in Cheshire by Lou’s ‘still crying’ mum alias Julia alias my Dementia mother in law! She cannot be left alone and she can she be such a real pain in the arse at times but good honest clean fun if you have a warped sense of humour like mine. Julia and Gordon, dear of him and her collected so much utter crap (all clean and paid for) (loads from our Car Boot Sales) and they have been stashing it all over this 5 bed roomed house for over 50 years of marriage FFS! Then, you pop your clogs and some other poor buggers ‘mainly the family’ come to your house following the poor excuse that one of you has unfortunately without permission you has suddenly died and the partner you leave behind has Dementia FFS!

I am constantly aware of Julia and her old man who were/are in their seventies therefore there is a certain amount of what I call “Granny dust” or ‘flaking old gits skinitis’ which is accompanied by an odour labelled ‘old age people’ and it can be quite offensive to sensitive nostrils like mine at times, this is perfectly normal for all old fogies so let’s proceed with smog masks on FFS! Today and all week we are doing mummy’s and daddy’s bedroom and I certainly have not looked forward to the task!
We have been here for two weeks in all and I have been ‘putting off’ this job but let’s go for it FFS!! We clear all piles of piled up and bundled up crap off the floor taking day one up but we are filling sacks for the charities or the skip with huge amounts of items worthy of selling at the boot sales. Day two, we have got to do the 3 double fitted wardrobes absolutely crammed (no exaggeration) with dresses skirts blouses trousers and piles of shoes and sandals hanging from coat rails. Louise counted 237 T shirts and then gave up after finding a similar amount in one of the drawers under the bed in all the colours imaginable mostly unworn, you cannot see the bloody floor for shoes and boxes of ladies tight and gutkers (XXXL= fat arse) some dating back to the 70s and 80s and it is my job to decide what to send to the skip and what to send to Truro and believe me “haven’t the Charity shops done well since we arrived here” Then there are 3 wide 5 drawer chest of drawers crammed full with all the stuff that you women buy and you don’t or won’t ever wear (So WTF did you buy it for FFS) and surprise- surprise yet another drawer full of unopened tights and I will not elaborate on some of the dated sexy underwear in shot silk shiny material (the mind boggles) in all colours and styles catering to increase your sexual desires (all in XXXL) for the dear of her and the dear of him FFS! And, I might as well be honest with you about vibrators, there weren’t any, however rumour has it that the last 7 incher Gordon bought for Julia he presented it to her to demonstrate she turned it full on and broke all of her bottom teeth FFS!!!

Now we look into her husband’s one single bulging wardrobe and guess what? The poor bugger had got sweet fcuk all to wear cos his bloody wardrobe is three quarters full of her fecking stuff FFS!
We take her out to do some shopping to ‘keep her mind occupied’ so to speak, actually it’s safer to take her with us cos (A) she is a bloody good laugh and (B) she could go street wandering on her own amongst the heavy traffic and (C) you can play ‘go fetch me’ games! Go for it girl, bring it on!
I love putting her in charge of the trolley especially when Lou an armful of shopping and mother has ‘fcuk-ed off’ with the trolley FFS. Other shoppers stare at me as though I am losing control of myself cos I am standing there pissing myself with laugher watching my Lou with an armful of shopping chasing her dear demented mother for the trolley and she couldn’t GAF cos she is certainly off her own trolley FFS!! Hilarious fun!! Anyways up, when I am finished unpacking the shopping and trying to find some space in the kitchen’s crammed full of seriously out-of-date canned and other foods stashed in every kitchen cupboard. At the bottom of the last bag I find two more fecking packets of black pigging tights put into the shopping by Julia my very dear Dementia mother in law and paid for by my Lou who goes ape-shit to me cos I keep reminding her that Julia is nuts and Julia think she’s nuts herself but she still has a large part of her brain that works perfectly and is so far not affected by serious advance of Dementia of which I will have total patience with I hope however one of these days I can see such a ding-dong of a battle going on and the bubble will seriously ‘burst all over the fecking place one of the days very soon you mark my word’ there has been tears from Julia at breakfast time which creates a lovely warm atmosphere and tears from my Lou in another room and tears of laughter from me but I just wanna go home FFS’ all great fun. But in total fairness to Julia and Gordon everything in the house is clean apart from the usual thin layer of Granny dust but if ever a pair of collector-mania utter-nutters existed then these two win the Oscars.

Cheshire is a very attractive and friendly place to be, the neighbours here are all very pleasant helpful and friendly but not in your face so to speak but the ideal ‘cuppa sugar’ people just like the good old days when you could knock on a neighbours doors or get one of the kid brats to go and say in an all innocent fashion ‘May we borrow a cup of sugar as we have run out please’ My attitude, sod off you don’t need sugar!! Families are very close here with very happy kids and parents seem to adore their children which makes for a really happy local Community. A lot of the housing in Cheshire is built in red brick which looks far more attractive than some of our boring old fart looking buildings and fronts of houses in Cornwall.

Gordon and Julia were very proud that they owned a luxury caravan in North Wales on the sea front where they spent holidays and weekends. It is the best caravan I have ever been inside with two double bedrooms with one on-suite and a twin bedded room and a family bathroom and certainly the portable building has all mod-cons. Called ‘The Lodge’ by the manufacturers it is 40 foot long and 20 feet wide and has to be delivered by two heavy vehicles with a crane involved at both ends of the journey part escorted to Cornwall. It cost them brand-new £135,000.00 and I am selling on behalf of the family. I met the owner of the caravan site whose company has offered £42,000.00 he told us that if we sold it we should ask for £80,000!! Now then, if we did want to keep it the estimate could cost up to £10,000.00 to bring it to Cornwall. I will copy the advert with pictures when we start to advertise.
The weather here is far worse than Cornwall and much-much colder than at home and it is has just started snowing on Saturday at 5.00 am, the bloody BBC have forecast that the whole of the country will be covered with snow within 30 hours but once again the bloody BBC got it wrong. I am expecting our large transit van to arrive for the second time to load up all the household items with lots of real bargain for Lou to sell either on eBay of some of our Car Boot Sales for many months to come. I cannot work this couple out Julia & Gordon I have just cleared 180 bottles of decent named wines ports liquors and spirits (no beers) to pack into the van but truth to tell neither of them drinks nor are they sociable enough so they do not and did not invite friends and family neighbours or others in for a drink FFS!

Lou and I spent all day yesterday clearing out the 5th bedroom which was fitted out with floor to ceiling cupboards and shelving and used as a ‘sewing room’ by Julia. I was getting pretty pissed off packing what was like small shop of all types of haberdashery with huge collections of absolute crap with boxes of cotton reels and boxes of ribbons all cut in various lengths and in hundreds of colours, Julia walks in and asks but doesn’t really mean it “Can I help?” so I grab a huge bundle of these bloody ribbon and say to my Dementia mother in law who owns and collected this pile of crap ‘Yes my lovely, now then if can you go into another room and sort all of these ribbons out into their various colours and lengths for me please’ which kept my dear demented mother-in-law amused for over 3 hours, I walk in and ask her ‘What have you been doing?’ “I don’t know” her says, dear of her.
Just imagine that, she has been working for three hours and she does not know WTF she has been doing which is a lot like having the odd spliff or two and you seriously don’t GAF about anybody or anything which is the best part of the day FFS! Warning; whenever I compliment people by adding ‘dear of her or him’ it actually means that he or she is a total pain in the arse at times!! So the bottom line to keep a Dementia patient person in a ‘get up and go and be happy mood’ is to keep their mind occupied with new ideas and to treat them with respect (difficult) and to be patient with them (doubly difficult) which will keep them alive for much longer but it kill you in the effort. Sometimes I think my dear wife Lou would like ‘it all to go a bit fast-track’ at times including me FFS dear of her!
So, am I missing the Car Boots? No not really but I do know there is trouble brewing for the season which will start soon price increases on the horizon? I still love Cornwall but it’s bloody good fun here apart from yesterday surrounded by all the floor to ceiling crap in the sewing room Lou nearly reduced to yet again more tears says to me “Do you know today should have been the first day of our holiday in the sun in Cuba in the Caribbean today for 3 weeks?” FFS! FFS!!
19th February, we will travel back to Cornwall tomorrow then return here for one more week then it’s back to work and still more house hunting. Miss you ‘all. XX
Geoff

Sorry about no Geoff Says for a while here is my excuse!

Please do not take offense at any my comments about my mother-in-law who loves reading and approves of my blogs.

Yesterday mother-in- law had a memory test at our house when it was almost confirmed that she is suffering from Dementia subject to a scan at Treliske Hospital. The story so far;
Julia and Gordon Flanagan are Louise’s parents over recent years they have been coming to Cornwall staying at our home and looking after our bitch dog Nana Moon. Julia & Gordon are a clean living god fearing couple, Gordon was a Senior University Lecturer at Newcastle University and Julia Flanagan as a tyrant but very fair (allegedly) Newcastle school teacher. Over many years I have tried to lead Gordon astray, no chance cos up to now Julia has worn the trousers in a totally loving relationship, well almost. Like my wife (her daughter) they can be an utter and totally unreasonable pair of beaches at times particularly when the man in their lives is always right about everything they utter FFS! Lou and I had noticed over the last two to three years Julia’s lack of interest in what’s going on around her and her concentration is only for a short while then she wanders off into a conversation that only she knows WTF she is on about. She was in the habit of wanting to talk most of the time (so does my missus) and repeating herself and repeating herself time and time again and repeating herself time and again which is mind-blowingly annoying if you allow it to be but it used to really piss Louise off. I found it hilarious so every time she the mother in law Julia repeats herself I would say “Pardon, say that again” and she is gobsmacked because she has completely forgotten WTF she was on about in the first place FFS!!
Lou and I discussed our concerns about Julia and I agreed to have a man-to- man talk with my father in law Gordon to find out what Julia’s problem was. He suspected she was suffering from Dementia but he asked us not to discuss it with her at all in fact he was upset and surprised that we had noticed any change in her behaviour. We did not agree with his request that Julia’s health should be a ‘no discussion’ matter with family members however we agreed to respect his decision for the time being. Gordon has had a pretty rough time of his own surviving a long bout of cancer but he did not exercise himself properly despite all of my naggings so he was much neglecting his health and with him having to look after his lifetime soul mate of over 50 years for 24 hours every day forever and then with him not being prepared to share his burden and worries about Julia with his own family made his life extremely distant and difficult.

Gordon had been strongly advised by specialists at the Cheshire Hospital that he needed to take certain tablets which were critical for his future health but he was reluctant to take the new course of medicine after reading about the side-effects which in his opinion would disturb his concentration of looking after Julia. With great stupidly Gordon thought he was right so he refused the treatment. Towards the end of November he was admitted to hospital in Cheshire for treatment, Louise who loved her Daddy received an urgent call that she should travel from Cornwall to Cheshire urgently to attend hospital on the first day of December 2016 where Gordon her daddy sadly died.

We cancelled our 5 week holiday to Cape Verde to deal with the family bereavement booking another holiday for a later date for three weeks in Cuba in February.
The major problem we faced now is ‘what is going to happen to Mother?’ She is in total denial about her health status and is very distraught about her man’s death. It is abundantly clear that she cannot look after herself for her own safety but she still believes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. The family discuss the situation, Lou’s brother father of three young children suggested putting her into a care home would be the best solution he would be able to visit to keep in touch with mother’s well-being. Now then, if Julia stayed living in a Cheshire Care Home it would mean Lou travelling once or twice a week to visit which is almost a 700 mile round-trip. I quite like Lou’s mum, she the mother of my lovely wife Louise who has given me over 30 years of total love and loyalty with the occasional nagging so I suppose it must be pay-back time FFS!!
I certainly did not like the idea of Julia going into a Care Home and I know her loves Cornwall. So with all of the sincerity that I could muster and being the charming fellow that I am and an idiot to boot I glumly (excitedly-nope) offered with gritted teeth hoping that no-one would hear me say these chosen words “Why not let Mother stay with us (WTF have I done FFS) she can sell her house we can sell ours then we will buy a larger and more spacious house where we three can all live our independent lives happily ever after FFS in a larger place and at the same time we can look after Mother” The idea was accepted (nay snatched) however ‘silently I prayed’ “Please God do not let me regret this magnanimous and oh so generous offer, what TF have I done with my life which will probably never ever be the same again FFS!” Bring it on!!

I have never been to Mother Julia’s Cheshire home they always come to Cornwall mainly because I am an anti-social old sod of a person in my social time preferring Lou’s and my own company so I don’t do visits, amen! Anyway, she asked invited bribed nay demanded that I go to help sort out the closing down of Mother’s house in readiness for selling the very nice five bedroom 3 bathrooms detached property in Nantwich. I arrive and immediately fall in love with the house suggesting “Let’s all just move in here instead then we could start some Car Boot Sales here on your uncles vast farmland calling ourselves Car Boots Cheshire so we wouldn’t have to change our CBC publicity and logo and from what I have seen of the people here they are lovely and I think they would give us much more appreciation than some of they there dealers from Truro” I rant. “And it’s a bloody pound £1.00 entrance fee here in Cheshire and a starting price of £12.00 to sell, think of the money boy, think of the money FFS” I get told politely by Lou to STFU and do some work!

This house is vastly overstocked with so much stuff mostly of good clean quality, there’s loads of furniture that is going to be surplus to requirements, every cupboard every draw every wardrobe the loft the outside buildings the gardens then the double garage everywhere you look is crammed full of every item you could have in your own home but this house is seriously qualifying for a “Hoarders of the Year” award FFS! And it’s all in sellable condition but the house has got be almost emptied of all the clutter to be able to photograph the rooms to sell the house so the question is ‘where are we going to put it all FFS? The family don’t want it they have full houses of their own and the local auctioneers are saying they will charge for selling ‘any ONE item’ at least £8.00 plus VAT! That is outrageous especially as they want to cherry pick offering to sell all the good stuff like collectables grandfather clocks and the family silver and really good pottery from many years of collecting! Sod that, it can all be sold off at either our Car Boot Sales or eBay which should keep Lou quiet for many years to come but the big problem is where TF are we going to store everything or do we just take it all to the tip?

Mother in law and I have some good fun chats when I try to find out what she is really thinking about and what is going on in her head. It seems that everything that is in her mind and everything that is happening to her is like a dark cloud hovering above her head. Now then, that is very much like the effects of smoking Cannabis only tokers clouds are white the other difference being that with the effects of smoking the herb you are totally in control of yourself as the effects wear into your system then wear off but Julia has no real recollection of some of the details on her life. She will start a story and within two sentences she has gone completely off the trail eventually forgetting WTF she was talking about in the first place. Bit like the wife really. Today I ask her “What year is it Julia?” ‘Ooh I would say 1967’ No it is 2017 What time is it” ‘Ooh it’s about half past three in the afternoon’ “Nope it is 10.00 in the morning” “What season are we in?” ‘Ooh I would say its autumn time’ “its winter darling, what did you have for breakfast?” ‘Nothing yet’ WAALOBs! She is good fun (when she is not snivelling over Gordon) the silly moo that she is so she is and she has taught me a brand new sense of humour let’s Laugh together with Dementia cos it aint gonna to get much better my lovers and from the advice I received from some of my Car Boot friends it’s gonna get a whole lot worse FFS bring it on! I have to admit she is a much nicer person than she used to be cos she were a right MOB at times so she was but she misses her Gordon so much and she were a right Biatch to him at times so she was FFS so with her constant outbreaks of sobbing and her talking gibberish which is not a great deal of fun for Lou nor our happy home atmosphere neither my lovers, but I have total and calm of the patience with her and try to correct her with our wind-up chats but she still insists that she was always right and I was wrong, typical school teacher. Lou on the other hand has less patience than me and can fly off the handle in an instance dear of her.

The best fun is that when Julia gets involved with the dishwasher FFS. You have got to give her something to do to occupy her mind so this will take up half an hour of her time and she still gets it pigging wrong FFS. I have just come from having a quiet spliff or two in my office to help me cope with life’s strains. Lou shouts “Geoff, empty the dishwasher please” For a bit of light entertainment I ask “Julia darling, Lou says can you just empty the dishwasher please” Hilarious fun and wonderful to watch as I wonder where TF everything will end up is anybody’s guess which really pisses Lou off so to add to the amusement I go around moving stuff all over the place and shrug my shoulders when Lou shouts ‘where TF is everything FFS?’ I say “ask mummy dearest” great fun. Julia loaded it up the other day with a handful of cutlery 4 plates and three mugs she closed the door made a noise like a motor she presses the start button then the moo starts a new wash for two hours with sod-all in the washer FFS! Great fun!

It’s Dementia Test Day!
The NHS provides support for people who have been diagnosed with Dementia so today is important to find out what is wrong with Julia so I offer her a ‘dummy run’ of the test “Ok Julia, how many beans in make five my lover” ‘Ooh I think there will be about seven’ “that’s correct! You should pass your test with no worries, well done Julia” Her face scowls as the assessor arrives accompanied by a young lady trainee assessor (she never said a word) (she never said a word) according to head teacher sour faced my mother-in-law Julia (she never said a word) FFS! They begin the assessment which Julia did not take too kindly to, she had been a very well respected teacher for hundreds of years all of her working life so her attitude was like the typical ‘school marm who knows it all FFS “Who does this man think he is asking me such stupid questions” I walked out of the room, I cannot cope, I leave Lou to deal with ‘her’ mummy and ‘her’ ever so bossy attitude and replies towards the examiner. The meeting lasted over two hours and of course she failed miserably with a target to reach of 90 she scored only 66 which means she can never be left alone to look after herself but she was so wound up and indignant about having to go through the ordeal, I asked her ‘how did it go Julia?’ “The man was a complete idiot and did not know what he was talking about and the trainee assessor ‘she never said a word” said parrot Julia.

If only both Gordon and Julia had been honest with us all and out in the open about her condition then we could have reached this stage and beyond a long time gone. The next part is that she has to have a scan at Treliske however we were advised that under no circumstances should she be left to look after herself on her own. Reluctantly we cancel another holiday which we have both lost complete interest in, even if we wanted to go also we would have been unable to find a suitable Care Home who will look after Julia during our holiday without the benefit of full documented confirmation of her Dementia status.

Today at Truro;
While we are trying to do the packing Julia likes to take stuff out of boxes that which is not great fun “I might need these in a hurry one day” say’s her! She starts building a separate pile that I reduce once her back is turned but when it came to packing the vast amount of books that Lou has already carted off to the charity shops 40 banana boxes full of books hard-backs and paperback galore most in great condition. I must have packed up at least 500 expensive to buy cookery books, there is no-one in the family who wants them and I certainly don’t so I have boxed them up to be sold eventually at Car Boot Sales. Today at Truro Lou gave Julia some change in case she saw anything she wanted which I thought was a stupid idea considering our task ahead, I had a silent bet to myself the dear Julia would buy some sort of crap that I will drive all the way to Cheshire only to be put back into as box and bring to Truro FFS! I watched as dear Mother in law rushed up to a stall to buy yet another fricking cook book written by that local wittering old blokie allegedly a TV chef and I cannot abide him Rick Stein FFS! The new book in her collection will join the other same 2 identical books that I have already packed up already with the 500 other bloody cook books dear woman.

Thank you!
We were seriously impressed with everyone at Truro and their kind sympathy and respects towards Lou they are now aware of Julia’s illness. Some advice regarding dealing with the problems of Dementia patients from our customers is preparing us to be afraid, be very afraid, thanks’ for that! We have made so many friends over the years and their attitude towards us has been exceptionally supportive so thanks to you all. Thank you also to our young ladies (not that young really) who look after the shop in our absences they are Amelia Katie and Jo-Jo. Jo-Jo (of delicious home-baked Christmas cake fame) is shortly being appointed as Manager of Car Boots Cornwall. All three of these ladies have been most loyal to CBC and they are really very popular with all buyers and sellers. The decisions as to where the Car Boot will be held on Sundays at Truro is entirely the responsibility of Jo-Jo after consultation with Katie and Amelia and the early sellers who pay £5.00 extra to set up earlier! Bob, stand back let the ladies decide please. Nice man Bob, would you believe he used to be a male stripper is his former occupation but his popularity fell off, well something did??

Just when you think “I can cope but I have had so much on my mind today” that I became completely and totally off my rocker because I stupidly and carelessly filled my diesel car with £65 pounds worth of unleaded fuel FFS!! Just as I was about to put the pump back my lovely but bossy wife observed my mistake FFS “Do you realize that you have just put unleaded in this car YFI?” I look into the car there is mother in law grinning like a Cheshire cat”
I shout ‘Oh FFS WTF have I done to deserve all this shit, I think whatever your mother has got then I must have something pretty bloody similar because her illness is catching and it’s caught me FFS!! Fortunately, I calmed down and stopped crying over spilt fuel, I was lucky to be able to get Dave from the Crane Garage (very nice man-very nice man) to come to my rescue! But, in my defence there are loads of people who do exactly the same as I did by putting the wrong fuel in their vehicles. I told the garage owner what I had done and he instantly gave me a business card of someone who earns his living at bailing people out who have made this same frigging mistake proving beyond doubt that the same happens regularly at his garage FFS! Anyway the best advice is that if you do the same as me then DO NOT turn your engine on until you get HELP!! Some people have successfully sued garages for the lack of ‘duty of care’ towards their customers. I have been driving for over 50 years and I have to confess that I have made the same mistake 4 times so far so ‘stupid’ must be my middle name but I am under so much stress ATM and I cannot be perfect in every way and anyway at least ‘I didn’t get caught speeding twice on the same Newquay to Truro dual carriageway road TWICE in one day’ just like my wife did see and I didn’t Jack Knife the catering trailer and our van like my charming ‘I am perfect the wife’ did FFS oh no!! I will promise to keep you updated as to the latest developments and stresses my lovers.

We have seen a beautiful house that would give all three of us the space we need for our own lives where we can also look after Julia at the same time. The house is a staggering £780,000 but guess what? Mother in law has just inherited one point six million from Gordon’s will FFS! Get your cheque book out mother in law!! Love you Julia! What a creep I am!! Keep creeping boy, keep creeping boy, think of the money, think of the money!!
Geoff
XX

Seriously sorry about the delays with this blog absence makes the heart grow fonder. You all know I smoke Cannabis ‘for my own reasons FFS’ but here in Cheshire I politely do not smoke in the house and god how I miss my ‘man-cave-office’ in Penryn which is outside the house where I can listen to my music have a Rum and Coke take a couple of tokes then a couple more, watch the free porn on the pc (and why not?) do my weights dance and prance around and hey presto my pains are getting better and my bitch dog Nana Moon shares and loves this privacy, but here! I wake up this morning at 3.00 am in agony with cramps and pains in my legs, I venture downstairs for a cup of coffee and a couple of smokes at 3.30 am. I ask Nana Moon if she wants to come, she refuses, so I go out of the house into the freezing bloody cold double garage and freeze my balls off just for a couple of smokes FFS and I have only got me pyjama trousers and a couple of sweaters and a couple of extra strong mints FFS! It is so cold in Cheshire, much colder than in Truro, I am surrounded by banana boxes floor to ceiling of bloody good Car Boot and eBay stuff that I have personally packed and I am sick of the sight of them there is bloody nowhere to sit and my only company is a clapped out sawdust covered dirty old radio that only has radio 4 and it crackles like fcuk! And, I don’t even have to be here FFS! But it’s all well worth-while just for the laughs. More to follow;
Geoff
XX
Love you Marge Ann Anne and Rosie and all my other lovers. X

Yohoho! what a lovely day at Truro yesterday for the last Car Boot of the season which to my mind has been the worst season for many years so good riddance to 2016 season and roll on 2017 in the hope that sellers will do better than this year. Today we were expectedly quiet with about 30 sellers but up to 600 buyers and their kids spent well on the stalls so the majority of people went home happy. The Judge Rinder story has gathered a lot of interest from people who want to go on the coach trip to Manchester according to Marge with over 30 names even people who have never been to Par Car Boot want to go as witnesses. By the way don’t take this seriously cos it aint gonna happen it’s just a bit of fannying-on and stupidity before Christmas, isn’t it? I hope.

Everyone was happy today, I had a few mince pies given today some made with home-made pastry by our Jojo and they were absolutely lovely, she has really been into this Christmas making her own Christmas puddings mince pies and Christmas cake (hope she saves me a piece) and I got several kisses and hugs from some very forward maidens including Ann, Paula, Mary Moansalot, Whisker Chin (get a shave Mrs lady) and of course our Marge who had bought herself a guitar at the sale. Anyway she set herself up to play and sing right next door to Joey and his fruit and veg stall, as soon as she started singing in full voice she killed his bloody business and so the poor bugger went home FFS! Before Marge left I insisted that she sold it on to another buyer as a favour to her well blessed husband man Richard just to save him hours and hours of antagonism cos I know she intended to sing to him all over Christmas. My lovely wife is exactly the same as Marge she cannot sing shouldn’t sing, amen, I mean could you imagine them both doing a singalong on the coach to Judge Rinder in Manchester FFS!

Be nice to yourselves and to your husbands and wives and their lovers and don’t upstage the kids just let them run wild like you were never allowed to do and cos it’s their time and you are allegedly the ‘grown ups’ so set a high example and pay up and shut TFU cos it’s the kids Christmas time not yours FFS! Alternatively you could give them sod all presents and claim that they had all been stolen by Santa. It’s all very well me saying all this there is no Christmas place better at my age than without bleeding kids and what kid would want to be around me at Christmas cos I believe that some of they there boys should go into the oven covered in streaky bacon instead of the Turkeys if they are rotten rude or ridiculously ruddy rowdy towards their parents then shove them into the oven with an large apple in their gobs, and anyway they wouldn’t like me cos I am a committed self imposed miserable old fart and I love it! Sorry kids, been there done that, love you all but that’s the way it goes, big nose! Move on, deal with it!
Hope somebody complaints to the press about my lack of Christmas goodwill towards kids they had got sod all else to write about. Lies, lies and more damn lies. Merry Christmas!
Amen.
X

Anyway, the end of season is supposed to be a ‘happy face time’ for us cos we will hibernate in our homes for a few weeks then try to get a short winters holiday in the sun. Sadly ‘end of season’ means several weeks of unhappiness and loneliness for some of our staunchest supporters who faithfully turn up to our sales just to be in a safe Community environment ‘amongst other people’ and to enjoy their company and to get the occasional bargain. We know of so many customer’s buyers and sellers who feel that all of the Car Boot Sales here in Cornwall including Hayle and Rosudgeon play a real and very important part in their lives. They get rid of their loneliness feelings as soon as they arrive at their community car booty. We have been told by people who have been suffering from severe depressions and lack of confidence within the community but that they feel in a ‘safe place’ at their Car Boots whereas nowhere is really all that safe nowadays’ Nice compliments, depressions are for the depressive and the depressed, been there done that and beaten that but it’s bloody hard work and determination will win in the end my lovers!!

When you consider about being part of the COMMUNITY you will find there are no similar activities that can compare with the atmosphere at ALL Car Boot Sales in Cornwall. Nothing compares! The Councils offers absolutely nothing that they can claim will unite people more than Car Boot Sales so why don’t we ask them once again to consider giving us grants to build an all-weather indoor building for twice weekly Car Boot Sales and other COMMUNITY events. Also to be taken into consideration is the massive recycling we/the people do at our sales which is of great value to the local Environment.

Lou and I do ‘not do Christmas’ we are not spoil-sports we just think it’s for the kids only! We decided 20 years ago no gifts, no cards, no pressies equals no stress nor wasting pigging money on cards that 99% of em will go straight into the bin FFS! And, most presents that are bought with such love but so little thought will either end up getting a cash refund from the shop or more than likely being sold brand new with tags for a pigging quid within a few days after Christmas at my Car Boot Sales don’t you know, such is the gift of appreciation!

Happy Christmas my lovers my birds and me ansums and my wish to you is that you all load up with enough dosh for yer Christmas foods and yer crates of whatever then you completely lose your credit cards right up to the last day in January 2017 and that my lovers is when you will really find out who are your real and closest friends my lovers. Enjoy your life and a merry Christmas if that’s what you think I should say, Bah Humbug, but at least I am consistent dallings. X

This winter we will operate as many sales as sensible and hope that the Council (we can’t ask Europe any more) may in time approve an all year round under cover COMMUNITY HALL for the people! We did once have the wonderful ‘City Hall for real people events’ with crowds of them supporting the shows and the famous twice weekly Flea Markets with over 100 stalls plus hundreds of eager buyers who would attend the crammed full stalls for these weekly COMMUNITY flea markets with super bargains. Then the Council got money from Europe to rebuild an alleged ‘HALL FOR CORNWALL’ with promises galore that the Flea Markets would be retained which in reality was a LOOBs because anyone wishing to sell at today’s Flea Market will have to stand in the freezing bloody cold in restricted selling areas outside the heat of the building in the Boscawen Street entrance. I totally admire those old soldier sellers who for over 30 years have supported Flea Markets and for standing and freezing is the stone building just to earn a few quid. Most of them are filthy rich anyway, but I admire them even more because they are taking good care with their health as they get plenty of exercise with emptying the sodding car setting up the sodding stall selling for a few hours then reloading the sodding car with all of their sodding heavy stocks that didn’t sell FFS, (a real schlep) but the real bonus is they they can freeze their balls and their butts off (all included in the price) at the same time, so to speak!! Since The City Hall became The Hall for Cornwall it has become more like for the ‘posh Theatregoers dalling’ where it costs an average of £25.00 for a ticket for a two hour show! It costs only 50p ATM to come to my Car Boot Sales and you can stay for hours if you wish, what a stunning bargain and they get me as well for FREE!!

The last two occasions I wrote something on Geoff Says that was potentially confrontational (but I only tell the truth) a couple of idiots complained to the Police wasting their time completely. CBC has great mutual respect with the Police but although I have my loyal fans in the force who enjoy Geoff Says they are not in the slightest bit interested in anything I have to say in my Geoff Says clap-trap blog column where I exercise my complete rights to “FREE SPEECH” I know enough about the law not to break it so if you are offended by wot I write then I seriously DGAF my lovers. if you don’t like what I write then here for you is a pleasant FRO and walk away in jerky movements as they say, in future man-up grow a pair and grow up and do not go wittering on to the Police wasting their valuable time, nor mine please! Thank-you. Now read on;

Anyways up, regulars will remember that on 22/09/2016 I wrote a blog entitled “Charity Collection Complaints” reporting that one of a regular ‘alleged charity sellers’ at our PAR MARKET Car Boot weekly sales. He had been given for at least 4/5 years a 50% discount on the price of his stall by CBC as he had claimed that he was collecting donations on behalf of a famous and wonderful lifesaving charity. However by his own admission it seem that most of the monies collected ‘did not go to the lifesaving charity’ why? Because the seller insisted that firstly he ‘deducts his wages from those donations “given by Joe Public strictly for the charity” He also took out of the CHARITY takings expenses like fuel lunch and buying stock’ resulting in more than several complaints from members of our Car Boot Community because they were adamant that the CHARITY cash collected did not get the proper donations. Our interpretation of any person ‘doing a stall for charity’ is that the CHARITY gets all of the proceeds from the sales, amen.
He was therefore BARRED by Louise which I supported as we both believed he brought disrepute with his dishonest dealings on behalf of a vital ‘Community Lifesaving Charity’ We do not make a habit of barring people from our Car Boot Sales it is a last resort that we would stop people coming either to sell or buy however if you deprive a charity of monies collected on their behalf on our own doorstep then sure as hell you will be BARRED, no doubt! And for those who will say ‘Geoff is always barring people WALOBs I don’t suppose there has been 20 that I have barred ‘with good reason) in our 28 years of running car boots out of literally millions upon millions of customer return visits which for me is exemplary don’t you think? Who cares!

Now then, not having the common sense to realise what a wonderful con he had been on and instead of just walking away in sudden and erratic jerky movements the idiot starts complaining to all and sundry that ‘I Geoff had exposed his misappropriations’ of monies due to Cornwall’s greatest ‘life saving charity’ So he goes on and on like a cackling constipated hen telling anybody who would listen to his crap and as part of his defences he tells listeners “did you know that Geoff smokes CANNABIS” WAAW! I mean who doesn’t know that useless piece of information and what about the rest of the 28% of people who live in Cornwall (double in Camborne) who regularly ‘take to the odd spliff or two’ (medically you understand) But then he plays he thinks his master stroke without using his brain because no other bugger will listen to his bleeding bleating as he opens his mouth and lets the hot air blow his tongue around in circles so he decides as a total and last resort to go to that TVs dancing nerdy JUDGE RINDER (not a man’s man) live TV programme to bring us (that’s Lou and me) to justice in their illegitimate ‘not legally accepted’ JUDGE RINDER Court claiming £1000.00 for ‘loss of earnings’ FFS!

Yesterday both Lou and I got the unexpected phone calls from somewhere in Manchester which I immediately deleted without answering because I do not know anyone from Manchester, it’s probably some bugger after my dosh what’s more I don’t have any dosh nor debts in Manchester so in short “I don’t like Manchester” (especially United) so they can all just sod off cos I am of the age to get into an irritable mood at short notice without reason nor excuse so just let me do my own ting man FFS! But my darling wife answers the call and ‘bingo’ this is how the conversation went FFS!

“Hello, I am a researcher from the TV programme Judge Rinder’s Court, do you know of a GEOFFREY PURVEY from Cornwall”? He has been in touch with our programme Producers to ask if they could bring you and your husband on to one of Judge Rinder Court televised shows so PURVEY can claim against you for barring him from your Car Boot Sales. He is claiming £1000.00 from yourselves for loss of earnings because he was barred from your Car Boot Sales. However if you were to lose the case the programme would pay the £1000.00 for you” how very bloody generous! Lou told the researcher a few hard facts about Purvey and the way he went about depriving ‘Cornwall’s lifesaving charity’ out of funds given by the public to the charity by paying himself a wage and expenses from charity funds. The researcher advised “Oh, he certainly did not say anything at all about any charity only that you had barred him from your Car Boot Sales” then asking “That should make for a most interesting case so are you prepared to come to Manchester to be on The Judge Rinder’s Court then?” Wow! What and offer NBC-FFS!

There is absolutely no way either nor neither of us two would want to waste out time to travel to sodding Manchester to defend ourselves in this ‘sham of a court’ against the spurious claim of depriving Purvey of earnings and wages from our Car Boots. Purvey did that without any help from ourselves so he can GaFH.

However if he has the balls (of which I doubt-girls blouse) then let him take this to a ‘recognised civil court’ here in Cornwall then we two will most definitely turn up with several of our witnesses headed by our original complainant and we will happily pursue a counter-claim from Snowy Geoffrey Purvey for say at least £2500.00 as a contribution of the donations given by the public in good faith which we two would guarantee every penny will be handed over to the ‘life- saving charity’ like Purvey should have done in the first place. Le Twat!!

Coach Trip?
I discussed this with a few of our regulars telling them about the bogus claim they are familiar with the details. It was no surprise when several volunteered to go to Manchester with us by coach and stay overnight at the Travelodge have a few beers then on the following day ‘bring it on’ as we will all take part as witnesses for the defence in The Judge Rinder Court to give evidence against Snowy Geoffrey Purvey so here is a challenge that will be sent via this blog to the Rinder Court researcher.
“We will take part in the Judge Rinder Court televised programme however in the event of Geoffrey Purvey losing his bogus claim (and he will) we would therefore ask the Judge Rinder programme to pay for our travel by coach and overnight hotel accommodation for ourselves and our 12 plus witnesses, further we would waive our rights for any ‘personal appearance fees’ but we will ask Judge Rinder for a donation from the programme towards our ‘Cornwall’s Life Saving Charity’ in the sum of £5000.00” which in our opinion is in the region of what is owed to the charity by the claimant Geoffrey Povey! I reckon he is suffering from high imaginations with a large amount of greed and stupidity and with hallucinations and a treble bout of Parkinson’s Dementia’s accompanied with a huge pile of verbal diarrhoea (the shits) FFS! WAFN!!
Hey, it could be a really good fun day out going from Truro by coach for the journey to Judge Rinder in Manchester with all of our witnesses. The publicity for Car Boots Cornwall would be phenomenal. Marge say she will bring some of her fairy cakes and a few jam butties and her Primus stove for a cup-a-tea when coach stops like (where has she been all these years? And WTF is a Primus stove) and my mate Ann dear of her has offered to bring a few crates of beer and some of breast of chicken sandwiches (you must see the picture) Willamena is wanting to bring Phyllis as caller for Bingo on the coach! Oh NO, she would only put the mockers on it all with all her doom and all of her gloom on the day and anyway whose gonna change her pads on the coach? Phyllis, still going strong even with her weaknesses (bladder) dear of her. X

Chicken bred by LTC Catering; x

Last Sunday at Truro was really busy with lots of buyers and sellers with tables bulging with BARGAINS. I walked around the stalls when they were setting up and it is a credit to most of the sellers because they have enough time to display their selling items and of course the women win hands down because of their organising skills. I watch as one husband who just stood around like a lost puppy while his wife schleps away displaying his crap to sell. Pay attention and give the lady a hand dear boy, learn from “she the one who knows” I like to compliment sellers if there display is good and if it is not I still say to them. Your stall looks really good, where were you actually standing when you threw it FFS? By the way men this is funny, here is a word of warning that when you pack your boxes of selling items into your cars you must ensure they are secure and safe for the driver and passengers and yourselves! On Sunday two blokie sellers opened their car boots and several boxes of unsecured stock crashed (sounds like breaking glass to me FFS) out of the car and on to the seller’s feet breaking several of the contents, hilarious fun, and stupid buggers to boot! One blokie had some really heavy stuff in one box that appeared to have crushed his toes as he goes hopping and hobbling around his car and he kept calling himself a STUPID COW FFS or at least that’s what I thought until I saw his wife sitting in the car cowered and shaking with laughter at the car boot that HE had packed himself and he was blaming her FFS. So the deal must be that dear missus wifey lady her indoors she the one who is in charge so to speak says to know-all fcuk-all fart-face of a hubby “Darling, if you pack the car I will do the rest and he replies ‘leave it to me I know what I’m doing’ and it seems he couldn’t even do that properly FFS!

Whatever, Truro had several brand new virgin car boot sellers who had ‘never done it before’ (lies) however as a tip I would advise this is probably the best place for the real bargains, but like all virgins just about to lose their car boot virginity so they sodding tell everybody FFS as they blabber ‘this is my first time ever at a Car Boot’ instead of just saying nowt FFS! This is music to dealers ears as they look over the virgins stalls are brimming with goody goods which is an immediate indication that my lovers ‘You my dear mister and missus are just about to get ripped off my novice ‘little old virgin car booters ‘FFS Human nature, see! If you need advice all you have to do is to ask for either Geoff or Lou (wots innit 4 us)
The weather was sodding miserable but at least it stayed dry for most of the afternoon so we arranged to hold the sale at the back car park protected by the cattle & sheep pens from the winds, just we Cornwall locals doing our thing in a very friendly atmosphere and once again especially at Truro everybody including many immigrants got on well together with happy families meeting up and with the wonderful sellers who braved all and now going home hopefully and blissfully with an empty car and loads of dosh to count up cos the buyers were seen carrying out loads and then coming back for loads more of crammed full boxes and carrier bags (not Primark) brimming full of bargains and clothes and Christmas pressies for the family, and why ever not!

This year has not been very kind to our Car Boot Sales firstly there were serious delays at Newquay because housing has taken over the fields that we used last year so reducing the space allotted to us. Another major problem is that busses and passing traffic and people cannot see that there is a BOOT SALE ON despite our signs. This represents a serious loss of opportunities for our sellers to make some money and for buyers to get the bargains! Our worst enemy of the lot is of course the weather that “rained off” or rain affected 10 of our Mitchell Saturday Car Boot Sales and at all of our other locations we had to rain off or rain affected up to 100 Car Boot Sales in total which is no good for our customers. Certainly we will have to review our way forward as they say which will involve price reviews for both buyers and sellers alike at some of our locations and all should be aware that price increases will be inevitable at some location with either a per person admission or parking and admission fees. We have a large 20 acre new location at St Columb Major for 2017 which I am assured will be well supported.