FRIDAY at FALMOUTH at 12.30 pm/SATURDAY at MITCHELL at 12.00 noon/SUNDAY at TRURO at 1.30 pm/ Forecasts-good!

Sellers should arrive at least one hour before start times. At Falmouth ‘only’ all students will be allowed half price admission (two for the price of one)half an hour after the start time from 1.00 pm on production of your student passes please. The students are good spenders at our sales so bring plenty of trendy clothing retro or otherwise to sell and items to adorn their bedsits!
To compensate Car Boots Cornwall for the loss of revenue from the students of Falmouth we will charge all pensioners double with immediate effect FFS!

SATURDAY at MITCHELL could be the end of season due to ground conditions so if you wanna sell it could be a busy day with an anticipated crowd of up to 1500 buyers sellers and all their kids. Great Car Boot to buy Christmas presents like TOYS, toys and more toys for the kids!

SUNDAY at TRURO starts at 1.30pm and could be the busiest of the season with only TRURO as ‘the main event of the day’ but of course! BRING loadsa BARGAINS to sell and you WILL take loads dosh! Did you know that 4 sellers left TRURO last week with EMPTY CARS having ‘SOLD OUT’ try it you don’t really want to take it all home with you do you? Sell up completely it’s a fantastic feeling and everyone gets BARGAINS I hope. TRUST only yourself for each and every day and watch your property please.

Geoff
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TODAY at TRURO at 1.30 pm Please note; HAYLE & PENRYN Rugby Clubs Car Boots are END of SEASON!!
DONT FORGET “The clocks went forward (sorry back) back by one hour during the night” Could be a great day selling TODAY on the FRONT FIELD!! Sellers should arrive at least one hour before start times & sellers bring some BARGAINS!! Buyers bring loads of money for the bargains. Watch out,keep everything secure including your stocks and your dosh and do your zips up tight, but if you men are over 40 do not worry “dead birds do not fall out of nests me ansum, know wot I mean? Geoff X

If you keep the coloured tickets each time you attend our Car Boot Sales and if you collect the FIVE different colours we will give you a discount of £5.00 on your next trip to sell, however if you have collected 5 of any colours we will give you three pounds off when you wish to redeem them.

Geoff

Tip of the WEEK! PAR MARKET on THURSDAY at 12.00 noon great for buyers and sellers!! Go 4 it!!

Sellers should arrive at least one hour before start times however if you wish to set-up early you will be charged an extra £5.00 Strictly NO Buying No Selling No reserving just set up your stall also sorry but NO WALKING around to look at the other stalls cos that really winds-up the people who have paid and are our buyers ‘your customers’ queuing to spend their money on your stall. Play the game! Get your stall ready!!
A man complained that we started a very busy TRURO 10 minutes early! Wrong, we started 6 minutes early today, read the rules “We reserve the rights to start the Car Boot Sales early or late by 10 minutes depending on the circumstances’ Today there was a queue of our traffic holding up the flow of other traffic on the main roads in and out of Truro therefore we have to have all staff hands on dealing with our queue see! My tip, come earlier dear!

Weather looks ‘iffy’ on Friday and Saturday so try PAR MARKET at 12.00 noon on THURSDAYS, dogs have their own POOLAND!!

Daffodils;
83 year old Grannie Smith was a dearly loved granny from Camborne in Cornwall. Bedsides loving her grand-kids to bits the real pride in her life was her garden where she grew the most fabulous daffodils in the front garden of her house where neighbours could admire her efforts to grow such beautiful flowers. Just along the road was a pub The Camborne Pirates well supported by locals some of whom walked past Grannie Smith’s house either to the pub or going back home late at night-time? Looking out of her kitchen window late one evening at pub ‘turning out time’ she notices a young man standing in front of her garden. He opens the zip of his flies and takes out his todger and has a full-on piss all over Grannie’s golden daffodils. She was absolutely furious and came out of her house to reprimand the young man but her was too late cos he had-had his pee and buggered off FFS! Low and bloody behold the following night at about the same time the same man who was obviously pissed out of his mind had the audacity to arrive at Grannie Smith’s daffodil garden the he unzips his flies then he takes out his todger and once again he pisses all over Grannie Smith’s prize winning daffs! She was really distraught this time as she again tries to catch the young man but he had-had his slash and gone FFS! Grannie Smith decided to hide and lay in wait behind a bush the following night in the hope of catching the young man in the act of pissing on her prize winning daffodils.

Sure enough the young man arrives late at night and Grannie Smith is freezing cold waiting as he proceeds to unzip his flies when ghost-like Grannie Smith reveals herself from behind the bush startling the young man. “Don’t be started young man” said Grannie “this is the first time I have seen such a lovely big real penis for over 30 years, may I hold it please?” the young man agrees when Grannie notices his bulging testicles. “Wow” says Grannie Smith, “this is the first time in 30 years since I have seen such a lovely pair of testicles and yours look so lovely, please may I hold one in each hand to remind me of my younger days” ‘Go ahead’ says the young man so Grannie Smith with freezing cold hands carefully holds one bollock in each hand caressing each of them for a few seconds then suddenly she grips both of the young man’s testicles in her vice-like hands and smashes and twists her knuckles together with one of his bollocks in each hand repeatedly smashing his nuts together as she warned “And don’t you ever piss on my daffodils again do you furking understand young man?” ‘Yes, yes, yes’ cried the young man asking her to release his goolies from her tight grip as he is in total agony as Grannie Smith releases his crunched nuts as her stops his nut-bashing and he limps away slowly and bow-legged to nurse his painful testicles!!

Yer Balls;
Did you know that on the same subject there was a programme on Channel 4 all about cancer where the strong advice regarding testicles is that you have a good old feel around your goolies or better still get the missus to do this for you? Squeeze your balls and everything else in that area (you might even find things you didn’t know you had FFS) Now then, gently but firmly SQUEEZE yer balls like fcuk and if there is any pain at all then make an appointment to see your doctor to prevent any possibility of you having testicular cancer!! Don’t just keep the pain all to yourself do something about it otherwise you could end up like bollock faced Jeremy Kyle (one testicle removed-cancer) “the absolute know-all with one ball” remember you’re a WOMBLE! He tried to get a transplant but it rejected him! Get a check-up FFS!! Oh, and by the way if you are passing blood in your pee or you have bum-trouble when your bum is bleeding then Channel 4s programme “Standing up to cancer” advice is “Go see your doctor today or tomorrow-no later” Urgently FFS!! You know it makes sense!!

Been there, done that!

Geoff
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3 MUST-SEE pictures;

My in-laws have recently gone back to Cheshire from a sodding ‘life time’ short stay (2 weeks) in our semi-detached tent in the garden here in wonderful Cornwall. At night times they that is my in-laws relax after doing almost sod-all all day knackered and I do mean sod-all and I do mean all day and I do mean knackered FFS! I mean, they take over the sitting room to relax after a 3 course meal, they either watch some boring old crap on the telly or they go through the ‘all of our yesterdays’ of their family history where the same old story is repeated time and again night after night FFS. And he the father in law always roars with laughter at the same point of the story every time and I and listening to all of this and I just wanna be somewhere else dear of them. What family fun to chatter and natter about the good old days (last Thursday week) and how absolutely lovely it all is but it’s like sitting in god’s waiting room with me as the oldest victim FFS!
Nothing is more likely to drive me to sleep than to sit in front of a television and listening to the same old stories time and again and it get even worse when they start arguing about the ‘No Julia it were on a Thursday’ “No it weren’t I remember all times and dates and locations long gone but I don’t remember what I did yesterday FFS” says Julia the Professor’s wife dear of em both! Truth to tell who GsAF anyway, not eye! I love them dearly but I decide to make a dash for the exit and move quickly so that the others can see that I haven’t ‘passed on’ so to speak! By the time my wife’s cooking has been digested they will all start a fartingly good old trumpet voluntary into the armchairs and settee (it’s the wife’s cooking FFS) I make my excuse to go to my shed-office with urgent work to do with the rolling up of a ‘spliff or two’ to bring me back to normal and the consciousness and the realities of my real life of being a completely happy loner with my Secretary Zelda my music my pc my bitch dog my rum & my coke and my occasional smoke so start writing, now what’s wrong with that FFS? Happiness is;

Father in law is a Professorial Lecturer ok decent old Geordie blokie really he was a Lecturer at Newcastle University for many years man playing a major role in the discovery of today’s babies incubators including the first ever monitor/ recorders of the babies progress. Clever man! Truth to tell I was a guest at one of his lectures and had the best sleep for weeks and so did 23 of his students FFS what a BOF he is FFS!! I wouldn’t say he is tight fisted but he has an impediment in his reach with long arms and short stitched up pockets, stitched up by his missus in more ways than one FFS. Dear of her but I think she could have done so much better for herself!
Three words come to mind when I think of my wife and her dad and what they have in common is ‘tight duck’s and bums’ (Tight as ducks arses) My dear father in law is too studious most of the time so he does not share much of a sense of humour (especially a warped one like mine) so I am always planning a wind up just to liven the party up so to speak. Anyways up, during one of their after dinner evening séances he sits there nursing my dog Nana Moon whilst playing and cheating on his sodding Sudoku FFS! She (the bitch dog) is not allowed on the furniture so father in law bends all the effing house rules which is something I never do. She is a dog and not a cuddly Chi Wawa even though she is totally-totally devoted to me of which on Thursday my dear father in law was to find out to his cost.
As I was about to leave the room my dear multi-tasker father in law was once again nursing the bitch Nana Moon whilst pontificating on today’s news whilst monopolising the remote for the TV whilst playing bloody Sudoku on his laptop and he had the nerve to make some crude sarcastic comment about ‘Nana Moon not wanting to go with me to my office’ much preferring to stay with him cuddled up on his lap under his lap-top so he can’t see her anyway FFS the cheeky sod that he is!
Now then, I know father in law has had a few of the old prostrate problems over the years and I also know he is a bit tender in that special place right between father in laws legs ‘his goolies’ so to speak and here is my dog bitch Nana Moon laying smugly concealed under father in laws laptop content to the high heavens with her feet pointing at father in laws balls so to speak and a direct target for my rotten sense of humour!! Let’s go for it Geffers!

Now then, being the sort of temperamental person that I am and a b’stard to boot (10% temper and 90% mental 100% B’stard) I took extreme exception and offence to his cheap jibe that “Nana Moon would prefer to stay with him and not with me” so as I leaving the room I walked past him and my bitch dog asleep I gave her one of my very special ‘shrill whistle commands’ for her immediate attention. True to form and her training she leapt off father in laws lap gouging him in his balls with a direct hit with all four feet and hardened toe nails digging into his vitals whilst he struggles to save his pigging Sudoku game FFS as her sprung off his lap like a rocket in one big band and a FLASH!!! Bingo!! Gotcha! Result! Dog-gone FFS!
There were screams and shouts of ‘oh-oh-oh FFS Jesus Christ ouch, ouch, ouch FFS’ did my father in law go whilst clutching and checking his crutchling’s (testing-testing one two) (testicles-testicles one two) whilst I stood outside the door with the very obedient Nana Moon with tears in my eyes absolutely pissing myself laughing. I noticed mother in law was rocking the settee with laughter her definitely thought it were funny but 5 minutes later she had just forgotten what TF she had been laughing at and her has never touched Cannabis in her life FFS! (I want whatever she is on!) Good girl Nana Moon ‘ooh me goolies’ I received the usual Paddington stare from the missus (my god she’s ageing) and I believe I heard myself being called a ‘stupid looking sod’ by her daddy! I can cope with that, I deserved it but ‘stupid’ well maybe, but a good looking stupid sod into the bargain! Result!!

Seriously, father in law is a decent clean living nice man, I have so tried to lead him astray but he is so well under the thumb just like his daughters husband, that’s me FFS. He doesn’t drink he doesn’t smoke and he don’t do no dope (nor do I) and certainly no loose women that I know about? Now I do have a bit of a reputation and I have been around the block a few times then some been there and done the lot so to speak, so we that’s him and me are not all that good company for each other so I resort to a toke and a smoke and a rum and a coke mix in my office-shed and he sits for hours and hours doing his bloody Sudoku or playing clock patience on his laptop (earth to Gordon) whilst mother in law is sprawled out on any settee relaxing and reading The Times from cover to cover whilst listening to The Archers FFS followed with the odd 20 minutes kip, when they arrive here I have to get my name down for a seat on the settee FFS!. What a lovely boring exciting life and they are so in love with each other (allegedly) The beauty of it all is that they don’t speak to each other not a word nor a grunt nor a fart for hours and hours and hours and they are totally content with life now wouldn’t that be a life of total bliss in anyone’s retirement years, happiness is; but it would bore the pigging pants off me FFS.
I must try the leather ejector chair that I bought at the Car Boot recently on my dear in-laws when they next visit. Get father in law to sit on mother in laws lap (watch me goolies) then fire the buggers across the room and shout ‘fetch’ to Nana Moon! That’ll shake em up a bit, I will try to film it FFS hilarious dears.
Truthfully, they are great company and I have exaggerated a little but not a lot especially the ‘ooh me goolies’ bit!!
Peace and love, Bless Up man!
Geoff
KKK
(Kiss-Kiss-Kiss)

Bottom line, my in-laws are good fun ish, every Sunday Lou speaks to them through her laptop so they can see each other but I never get involved in their yackity-yack weekly sessions that go on for hours and hours FFS!! WTF they talk about I do not know but yesterday the bubble burst when I wanted my wife to join me over a meal I had just slaved over (one of Lidl’s curries) so shut TFU and let’s figging eat FFS! I walked into the room and could see my in-laws on screen and asked them for permission to eat now FFS! I said ‘can you both see me’ they said ‘Yes’ so I lifted up my shirt and did a full on frontal and shouted ‘I want to eat FFS’ and her mother said “Oh Gordon (father in law) his is bigger than yours dear” tis true my lovers, tis true!

TODAY!! Car Boot Sales at TRURO 1.30 pm & PENRYN at 3.00 pm
Sellers should arrive at least one hour before start times. Both of these Car Boot Sales WILL GO AHEAD today! Just under 1000 sellers buyers and their kids turned up at Mitchell yesterday and braved the ‘rain that didn’t happen’ and the rest of you stayed at home missing out on some bargains but the winners of the day were most definitely the SELLERS who all took good to fantastic takings. If is fair to point out that the immigrants like our gypsies are very good spenders, they barter hard but that is where your sellers skills are tested, do you really want to take it all back home or give them stunning BARGAINS. Beware who you deal with my lovers cos just one of them could ruin your day but 99.09% of us are honest as the day is long and I am a bloody liar!

Enjoy Truro today and pole-itely I ask all the immigrants DO NOT PUSH IN otherwise I will advise all stall holders “Put your prices up the immigrants have arrived” FFS! Welcome to you all from all parts of the world, welcome to Cornwall my lovers, enough is enough, no more, we are FULL!! There are traffic jams everywhere use the cycle lanes instead. after all the money spent on them it’s crazy, we play ‘spot the cyclist’ on the way to work FFS, Love you! WALOOBs! XX

For well over a year I have had repeated complaints concerning a man who has for several years collected for a famous charity. The complainants say that he has not been paying all of the money to the charity concerned.

This complaint has been investigated and I will report the details for you the reader but in particular to the people who took the trouble to tell me about this unscrupulous person who is BARRED from any of my Car Boot Sales. More to follow on Monday.
Geoff

Louise and I and our team were on duty at a very busy Thursday Car Boot when the baby daughter of one of the sellers became very unwell. The baby mother was exceptionally concerned so we agreed to call for an ambulance. Air Ambulance contacted to ask if we would clear a field area for their landing right in the middle of the Car Boot Sale.

Within minutes the helicopter had landed to collect the very sick child then taking off in no time with the very sick baby and a very upset Mumsie which for all of us watching was upsetting not knowing the fate of the baby, many of the crowd had a tear in their eyes and hope in their hearts as this life saving helicopter supported by public subscriptions lifted up to the skies heading for Treliske Hospital to save a baby’s life.

And then you get some selfish bastard who wants to cash in on people’s donations given to (they assumed) Cornwall’s Air Ambulance for their wonderful services to the public at large, that is you and me!

You personally will never know if or how or when in your own lives you may or could or will come face to face with the reality of Air Ambulance and be affected by the wonderful life saving Air Ambulance Emergency teams, do you?

The little girl was fine in the end, her and her mum called in to say thank you to you and to us and of course a very big thank you to Air Ambulance!

Yet another rotten weekend ruined by the weather but at least the BBC got this forecast right this time with a success rate of 1 in 10 or thereabouts but have you noticed with these bloody weather forecast presenters whenever they get to talking about Cornwall the always stick their bloody arms directly over the map for the Cornwall area and you cannot see what sort of weather is heading your way FFS! I do not understand why these alleged presenters (cushtie job they do FAFFS) have to be on screen all the pigging time, just show us the map, we all we know where we are, we all know where all we live FFS and we still be where we at (Caribbean speak) so do the chat just tell us the details about the weather and use a billiard cue to point to areas from off screen then we can work it all out for ourselves thank you very much. Basically I am saying we need to see the weather we are gonna have (according to your crap forecasts) and not your mugshots with some of you wearing the most dreadful wardrobe clothing ever seen on local TVFFS!! However I do have such a very soft spot for ITVs Lucy Verasamy who I think is absolutely drop dead gorgeous but then I think all women are drop dead gorgeous, well most of them. For the record we had over 1000 hits on our website with well over 100 telephone calls and texts yesterday for detailed information about our Car Boot Sales cancellations so it would seem quite a lot of they paid no attention at all to the BBC and its forecasts! Another rotten B’stard of a day for everyone, sod it, I blame Brexit!!

Sunday 28th August
Bloody drizzle in most places lasting throughout the entire day resulting in Jojo cancelling Perranporth’s end of season Car Boot Sales. It has not been a happy season at the Rugby Club however our enthusiasm to return next year and change perhaps the days or times plus ‘get some decent weather’ as this year we had ten cancellations due to the regional weather at Perranporth. A really nice location with loads of cooperation and enthusiasm from the Chairman Steve and Perranporth Rugby Club Secretary John a total pair of gents! We will see you there next year. Another cancellation of the day was at Penryn Rugby Club due to overnight and daytime heave drizzle. I cancelled Penryn at 11.00 am but the rain stopped about 1.00pm, several sellers who had not read about the cancellation arrived only to be told ‘Sorry it’s off’ they went home disappointed of course but if we had of gone ahead the rain started again at 3.15pm for the rest of the afternoon making my decision ‘the right one at the right time’ It is not often I get a decision to cancel wrong cos believe me it is a very costly error if I get it wrong everyone from the sellers to the buyers to the team of workers to the caterers to the toilet hire people to the Landlords and to ourselves we all lose on the day. However, Truro went ahead in the cattle pens and on the hard standing for around 50 sellers who traded very well with loads of buyers spending on the hundreds of bargains, CBC was the busiest Car Boot at TRURO of the day!

Bank Holiday Monday 29th
Great weather for the whole day starting at Falmouth Rugby Club which could have been an even greater success if we had been allowed onto the pitch like we are at Perranporth and Penryn Rugby Clubs. Years ago the whole of the pitch at Falmouth Rugby Club was used for all sorts of local Community events including Bingo in the Clubhouse & School Sports Days with Circuses and Fairs plus a running track whereas now the road surrounding the pitch has suffered badly over the years (caused by Cory & Cormac originally) with holes and broken patches of tarmac and rubble. In the dry spells it is a most unpleasant experience for our customers who try to sell their items in what is at times a virtual dust bath. The space we were allowed on the grass today was only part of the dead-ball area which is pitiful taking into consideration the great weather and the not-inconsiderate rent we pay to the club! We, started our first ever CBC Car Boot Sales at Falmouth 27 years ago where we established our very successful weekly sales using the pitch when the weather and ground conditions were taken into consideration. Car Boots Cornwall now have ten locations and we have NEVER ever ruined any of our prestigious locations ground conditions including The Royal Cornwall Showground and the old and new Mitchell’s. So what is so special about Falmouth’s hallowed turf I fail to see, respectfully, is it time for the Committee to move with the times and follow the example of Perranporth and Penryn where the impact of our traffic on the pitches has done absolutely NO DAMAGE to the ground conditions whatsoever, ask Ronnie? After all said and done Rugby and Football Grounds and Clubs are supposed to be for the ‘whole of the Community’ not just privileged club players and a few of their general public supporters. Our business at Falmouth has steadily declined over the years with sellers preferring to telephone to ask “are we on the grass today” and if we reply ‘no sorry’ then we have just lost another customer. Turn the other cheek Geoff!! Hugh Merton for Chairman or me? Game on!!

BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY at 1.30 pm welcome to the main event of the day at TRURO Cattle Market, the best there is on BH Mondays but Hayle and Rosudgeon tried to take some of our business and they failed to make any impact on our 21 years at Truro Bank Holidays according to my statistics and spies. Our customers stuck to their Bank Holiday tradition over the years by supporting CBC where we had more sellers and buyers than any other Car Boot Sales and more than in previous Bank Holidays this pathetic year which has been ruined by rotten weather. Loads of BARGAINS over 100 stalls and eager buyers spending lots of money. Lovely crowds nice people. Two collapsed persons who were overcome by my personal charm and the sudden heat of the day but they were ok in the end. A brilliant off duty nurse (mum of two) helped the situation)we all learned from this lovely lady and her two daughters and husband who waited proudly for mum! Great Community atmosphere lots of happy kids getting their own way with some amazing toy bargains.

A regular dealer at Newquay enquired ‘why don’t we see people selling furniture like they used to years ago?’ and I must admit that there was little furniture on sale at Newquay but at Truro today there were bedside cabinets, cupboards, pine tables and chairs, nests of tables a couple of beds and a host of garden furniture, at Penryn this afternoon there was a very nice Welsh dresser which sold immediately. There was plenty of other household items including furniture. With the immigrants willing to spend on furnishing their accommodation it is worth considering selling furniture.
If it is sellable and you can manage to load it into the car or van that’s fine bring it to sell it but if it is not sellable you will be loading it back into your car again, no sweat! But beware, I once bought an all leather electric armchair that you plug in and you pull a lever the chair would give you four different positions ending up like a bed, the trouble was that when I pulled the lever for the chair to return to its normal position its spring was so frigging violent the chair ejected me out of the seat so fast I almost head-butted the wall as I was thrown across the room FFS which was very much to the amusement of her indoors, hilarious dear.

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