Today’s email from Paul the hat!
Hi Geoff
I told your good wife about the pushers in at the queue today
It wasn’t Polish but Rumanians, they were asked politely to go back, but refused and started swearing at the Welsh lady
Fooking in Rumanian sounds very similar to fook off in English
I know there’s a cultural difference but they need to understand the local’s patience will only stretch so far before a backlash will occur.
Also they were pushing and shoving everybody out of the way, and that was just women FFS
Yours faithfully
Paul
The man with the hat
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Today was/is Mothering Sunday and our Car Boot Sales on Mothering Sunday’s are normally quieter because the richer element of our Car Boot customers can take their Mums for a nice meal to Mum’s favourite café. The Committee of the ‘worried that it might rain’ lot were relieved when I decided that the Car Boot should be in and out due to the fact that the BBC had forecast rain for 3.00 pm. They got it wrong because the rain came just before 2.00 pm!

You will have read my blog criticising the Polish people for ‘pushing in’ well I received an email from a lady who tells me there were only 7 Polish people at the Boot Sale last week;
From; Violeta; I wanted to explain something;
This Sunday I was in Truro 1:30 Car Boots. And I have to stand in defence of us Poles.
We have been called offensively lately because most cannot distinguish us from our neighbours from the Far East.
I was personally at the car boot and I can say that there was maximum 7 polish people and the rest are those who you confuse us with. We don’t tolerate their behaviour ourselves and they behave like that everywhere that they appear, they’re loud and they don’t understand cultural rules and respect for others. Because of this their behaviour also irritates us, so please don’t confuse us with them because Polish people living in Cornwall including in this Newquay care about your customs.
Thanks. Violeta. Nice name Violeta, so I sent my reply as follows;
Violeta,
Thank you for your email.
I accept what you say, however my item is not an attack on Polish people but the complaints that I received were against the Polish generally over the two weeks since I have returned to work. I personally have had no problems with the Polish however you should understand that Geoff Says is not to be taken too seriously, it is a light hearted look at the problems of running Boot Sales and the influx of all nationalities to Cornwall people think everyone is from Poland.

The behaviour of some of the new residents is totally unacceptable and bullying our customers and urinating in hedges must be dealt with due to the offence it causes to the Cornish people generally.
Perhaps you would introduce yourself then if there are any problems in future it would be useful for us to have a contact from the Polish Community.
Regards, Geoff
Suffice it to say that Violeta did not take up my offer but the complaints this week were from up to 20% of our regulars and now Paul the hat has said that this week it was the Rumanians so let’s all agree wherever they are from they are all foreigners in our Country therefore they must respect our British but totally CORNISH customs.
The ‘pushing in’ was far worse this week and when the sale started people were ‘barged away’ from some of the stalls by these over eager Europeans. We received complaints again about urinating in the hedges and I was staggered when a van arrived and paid for the 3 people in the front of the van and when they parked up another 7 got out of the back of the van which is seriously ‘taking the piss’ out of our genuine customers who pay their admission which is only 50 p per person with FREE parking FFS! Our Landlords require and deserve a realistic rent for the use of their lands and it is only fair that all should pay the admission cost.

Back to the ‘pushing in’ if there are any readers who are part of the influx of ‘different nationalities’ and they read this I would very much appreciate a talk with you particularly if you can speak and understand English. I am concerned when some of our customers could get ‘riled and wild’ that if we do not put a stop to such ignorance there could be ‘a kicking-off’ which could jeopardise the season for ALL Car Boot Sales in the South West and someone might just ‘kick off’ and thump someone else which is definitely not the way to resolve this problem.
On the ‘POLE-us’ (plus) side they all do spend very well at the stalls but I warn all sellers not to be bullied by these people. Regulars will remember that I do have references going back two years to a particular Madame Poland in Geoff Says archives and she was so bad I ‘POLE-litely’ barred her and she complained that I had POL-ayed (played) the ‘race card’ against her! I asked my regulars and we conducted a’ POLL’ and they all agreed with me! She still BARRED!! Pole-axed!!

Hello,
I have got to say a great big thank-you to Amelia, Alice, Jo-Jo and Bob for looking after the Car Boots at Truro whilst Lou and I have been away. They have done a superb job and I thank our regulars who have complimented the team’s efforts. Thank you.

It was great to see such a good turnout at Truro on Sunday at 1.30 pm when we held the Car Boot Sale for the first time on the front field with over 60 sellers and up to 1200 people in all making Truro a most popular location for every SUNDAY at the same time 1.30 pm
I did get complaints from a couple of the old codger society complaining that the grass was too wet and ‘We should be inside cos it might rain’ which was a load of balls because the sun came out exactly at 1.30 and blessed our Car Boot for at least 15 minutes then it buggered off. But, there were so many absolute bargains for a load of lucky buyers so who cared about the weather? I heard of one stall with takings over £800.00 One stall had some absolutely brand new with tags ladies pullovers and cardigans mostly cashmere in fantastic colour ranges (bankruptcy stocks) going from £2.00 a time and many of our regulars will have bought well at this stall and there is no doubt lots of them will be listed on eBay and probably sold by this weekend!

Quite a few comments about ‘Loads of foreigners’ but I have to say they are very good spenders and their behaviour was impeccable-ish on Sunday. We have to accept they are lucky to be here in Cornwall after leaving dreadful lives in their own countries. All we ask of them is to respect Cornwall and its citizens and we will reciprocate my lovers. Peace & love and a Spliff or two to work out WTF ‘reciprocate’ means.

Oh, and by the way just one thing my lovely Polish friends! I notice that ‘pushing in’ seems to be the norm and part of your culture where you come from and you do not seem to mind whom you please or offend. Well, not so here in Cornwall we are POLE-ite, our buyers like to plan their visit to our Car Boot Sale and a lot of them arrive early to be nearer the start of the sale! It is bloody rude and ‘in POLE-ite’ my Polish friends to assume that you can ride roughshod over my regulars some of whom have been supporting our Car Boots for over 25 years so please do not ‘PUSH IN’ otherwise I could BAR you or have you POLE-axed, or call the POL-ice or have a separate entrance for the PUSH in-in POLES pet! Then we could be POLES apart FFS! Ps; By the way are you paying you POLL taxes?

Oh, and just one other item! I had a customer tell me that Dem Poles men folk were going behind that huge Water Storage Container near the sheep pens and taking an im-POLE-ite pee whilst in the queue for the start of the sale with which you must create your own POLE-ution at our Cattle Market where we do have modern facilities like flushing toilets and urinals you Polish nerds. Pissoffski if you please FFS!!

We have had a meeting with the Landlords of Newquay Circus Fields which as most of you are aware has been taken over for a huge housing development (for the Polish) (with toilets) We are assured that we will be using the old Circus Fields entrance for our 2016 season although I have serious concerns that our start date could well be delayed.

We are in conversation with Perranporth Rugby Club and the signs are good for Car Boot Sales this year. Perranporth gets absolutely crammed with tourists in the peak season supporting all its Holiday and leisure Parks facilities and twice weekly sales could be a real possibility. I understand that the holiday-makers and tourist who come annually to Perranporth are very good spenders and ‘they love their Car Boots’ more to follow.

Whilst we were away on our hols I wrote a very-very rude analysis of lone people coming to our Car Boot Sales looking for love, lust and sex and lots of it, and it goes on for pages and pages.
Remember this, I am sitting in just my shorts in the shade in very hot weather in Mauritius in the Indian Ocean, my laptop my glass of rum & coke the odd Spliff (home grown) my missus is laid out sunbathing, wonderful views all around, peace and quiet prevails my imagination is kicking in, get writing;

But, I have got to edit so I will post this on MONDAY at 10.00 am onto Geoff Says this time my promise is binding. It is so worth waiting for and you will have a good laugh, it is very rude, and if it offends you then tough-tutties I have succeeded. But, would you do me a favour and send it on to friends. It’s a good coffee time read and I highly recommend it ‘cos it’s wot I wrote see’ Geoff. XX

If you decide to sell paint at our Car Boot Sales please ensure the lids are secure before you leave home!
Thoughts from Mauritius………. Geoff XX

Happy New Year!! It’s that time of year when we are off for a bit of sunshine and this year we return to Mauritius for an unbelievable bargain in accommodation at only £20 quid a night! I will send pictures and a backlog of Geoff Says stories over the next few days. Thank god 2015 is over!! Many dragons slain. Roll on 2016

Amelia is in charge of Truro Car Boots and the same rules apply! No buying-No selling before the start on the sale at 1.30 pm

Thank you for your support drop me a line to

I am hoping to meet up with these three ladies to give them a copy of this picture!!

Geoff

XxX

Picture only! Which one is the man? None, they are all women!! Named; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday X X X X X X X

Dave Leek ()

24/12/2015

To:

Hi Geoff and Louise, season’s greetings.

You might know already but we’ve just found out that Bridget Hoskin, from Bodmin, a stalwart of the car boot sales, that packed her van so tightly with stock and used every hour of the day to sell it, has recently passed away.

The only photo we have is the lone van picture on the front page of our website.

Sad to find out, she will be missed.

Stay lucky, kind regards,

Tony pp Dave Leek

Thank you Dave of Rosudgeon Cricket Club Car Boot Sales to let us know that Bridget Hoskins has passed away recently.

Bridget and CBC go back a very long way to when we first started our Car Boot Sales in particular she became very well known at Newquay when we started the sales over 18 years ago. She got me into trouble several times with other traders because she used to ‘bend the rules’ and get away with it according to them. Anything for a peaceful life with Bridget but her did have a great sense of humour. She had a young son who she would bring to the Car Boots come rain or come shine but as he got older he wanted to run around like any other normal child so Bridget came up with the novel idea ‘let’s put a bungee round his waist and attach it to our trailer once the Car Boot starts’
It was absolutely hilarious seeing the poor little bugger being catapulted all around Bridget’s selling area but I had to tell her I could not allow her son to be bungeed all around my Car Boot Sale, however typical of Bridget she wouldn’t listen and the boy remained tethered up until social services arrived following a complaint. Whilst it was a ‘funny incident’ it did not do the reputation of Car Boots Cornwall many favours.

Bridget loved Rosudgeon and all of her friends and regular customers will miss her from the Wednesday Sales.
I only have good vibes about Bridget with some memories that I could not print but she lived her life loving being with all the car boot people where she felt completely at home making her living supporting her family.

Sadly, I have no pictures of Bridget however if any readers can supply I will most certainly include it into this item.

Bless Up,

Geoff & Lou

X

A Christmas poem;

Warning; this item is rude and could cause offence to at least one person in particular, hopefully.

Mr Fooking-Fook FFS!
Regulars who come to Geoff Says for a read and a look,
Will remember a man of whom I called Mr Fooking Fook,
He travels from Camborne to do all his car boot deals,
Not any more now, cos he aint got no chauffer and he aint got no wheels.

Cos he can’t drive so he relies on others to share,
His journeys like a taxi taking him car booting here there and pigging every-where,
Take me to Newquay I’ll load all my stock into yer car,
And here is a quid towards the petrol mate, we are not going that far?

His son in law did it for many years but alas no more,
Cos Mr Fook was and is becoming such a bore,
Moaning and a-groaning like a cow chewing grass,
Son in law tells him ‘you’re a pain in the effing arse’ (FFS)

I’m doing it no more, cos I work almost all day,
In Tesco’s, for my hard earned weekly and miserably low pay,
So don’t be so selfish you know I have done my very best,
And take some driving lessons you old bugger and pass your own test.

Then you can drive your bloody self to all the boot sales,
That’s once you’ve taken 4 tests with only three fails,
The grumpy old sod that you have become,
It’s well known that you’re a massive pain in the rec-tum. (Bum)

We all know Old Fooky will not find this so funny,
All CBC will miss is his pigging money,
Unless he drives himself each day from the start,
And not arrive late blaming others, like a boring old fart.

Goodbye Mr Fook unless you pass your 4th test,
And drive yourself everywhere just like the rest,
No more excuses and no more free trips,
Cos frankly Mr Fook you’re getting on our tits.

By moaning and groaning from here to St Blazey,
That you’re good looking son in law is effing bone lazy,
Tis you Mr Fook, get off your fat agnostic arse,
And keep taking the test from now till you pass.

And please lose some weight and don’t be so grumpy,
Then you’ll be fitter and slimmer for much more rumpy-pumpy,
Your bellies too large your trousers don’t fit,
And you’ve been acting like a sodding miserable old shit.

Your mates could all desert you-you grumpy old man,
Just ask your some of your friends like Jimmy, me and Posh Ann,
We all think Mr Fook you could look and do much better,
So get up off your butt, do all the above and become a go-getter.

With your own car you can come to any car boot,
And be independent so you then don’t give a fook,
Get your finger out ‘Fooky’ or you could be too late,
Cos your stock will become like you, boring and out of date.

So join the rest of us learn to become a car or van driver,
And not lay in bed all day plonking off and playing the skiver,
Get your own wheels mate and stop acting the twat,
By staying at home like a lazy old PRATT. FFS!

Geoff Says;
Would someone kindly read this to Mr Fooking FOOK?
Love you fooky!
Geoff
Revenge is so sweet after all these years of abuse ‘you old B’stard’ when at Truro you once verbally attacked me with typical Camborne language “When’s the fooking fook toilets fooking gonna fooking- fook open mate fer fook’s sake”?? “Cos I need a fooking crap FFS” That’s disgusting language to a pensioner FFS you foul mouthed sod!
X
Truth to tell about Mr Fook is that he is a really decent and very likeable old blokie really, but I don’t think he has the confidence to drive anything other than people sodding mad and in particular his fine looking son in law round the bend so to speak. However he lives in Camborne (so what more could we expect) but he would really like to meet another trader so he can share a van, all for a quid a week FFS! Not effing likely, but he is good company, NOPE! All right then how about a quid fifty? Do you think he’s made of money? Nope!
Pps; the bit about the ‘fine of good looking son in law’ bit is most definitely and most definitely again not entirely true FFS”

Geoff
X
I dedicate this to Marge whom I believe is related to Mr Fooking-Fook through drink!
X

Below is an extract from the Wisconsin Voice which is a bit like the Newquay Voice full of shite and unconfirmed stories;

Rodriguez, for her part, was arrested and charged with ‘assault with a deadly weapon’ and her now ex-boyfriend Mills is being charged with the lesser charge of ‘sexual gratification with an animal.’ But, in an impressive piece of legal footwork, his lawyer is arguing the case that he’s innocent of that charge because a carcass doesn’t technically qualify as an ‘animal’

Wisconsin Public defender Fred Resnick filed a motion last week which claimed: “the statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass.” He said that if you try to include corpses in the category of animals, then “you are going to have several cases in front of you this next year, we are in Wisconsin — that’s what people do here.”

If Maldoon Mills is convicted, he could be sentenced up to two years jail time. The severity of the punishment is thought to be because of a previous conviction in ten years ago for shooting a dead pig named Mitzy for the purposes of carnal relations.

Read Geoff Says; next item

Warning;
This is very very rude and may well offend some readers; hopefully!

Girlfriend Rodrigues could not believe her eyes what she had caught her live-in boyfriend Mills doing as her walked into her kitchen. To her utter amazement the boyfriend Mills was trousers down round his ankles and he was actually having sex with her defrosted turkey on the kitchen table FFS! So spotty girlfriend Rodrigues from Wisconsin in the US of A (only in America folks) goes into a rage shouting “that was for tonight tea FFS” her grabs a kitchen knife and stabs the equally spotty boyfriend Mills five times as he defends himself as well as possible also desperately trying to put his ‘rapidly deflating’ wedding tackle back inside his pants FFS!

Now then, the turkey was as dead as a dodo when Mills was having sex with it in fact it had been a freshly defrosted corpse from Iceland no less and was ready for the evening meal. It is apparently not against the law in America to have sex with an animal carcass and it seems the same law applies here in the UK as you will all remember my allegedly TRUE gossip story about our very own dear beloved prime minister Davy Boy Cameron shagging a pig named ‘Mitzy’ Oink, and Oink again in his younger days.
Anyway, spotty girlfriend Rodrigues was arrested and duly charged with attempted murder whilst also trying to do a Vasectomy on Mills who was rushed to hospital to save his life and his dick from the superficial stab wounds. Police later interviewed Mills asking him “Is it right you were having sex with a dead Turkey on your girlfriend’s kitchen table”? “Yes Sir, that is right but I was only stuffing the frigging bird FFS”

Now then, Mills was charged with ‘sexual gratification with a deed animal but his lawyer argued that Mills is ‘not guilty of a crime because a carcass does not technically qualify as an animal’ however if Mills is convicted he could serve up to 2 years in jail! Why?

Because the real reason for the severity of the sentence is thought to be related to a suspended sentence for a previous conviction when spotty Maldoon Mills was found guilty of shooting dead a pig named ‘Mitzy’ for the purposes of carnal relations and his own personal sexual gratification and the possibility of renting it out to our Davy Boy Prime Minister no less when he is next in the US of A FFS.

Mills was remanded in custody at Wisconsin’s notorious County Jail after getting stitched up in hospital from his wounds poor sod, but worse was to come as all the inmates had been told why Mills was in custody. The prisoners were out of control of themselves banging their mugs and laughing and jeering and a Gob-Gob Gobble Gobbling as throughout the prison murderers life sentence hardened thugs burglars druggies and the like all night and all day acted like Turkeys waiting to get their frigging heads lopped off for Christmas chanting “who shagged a turkey? Gobble, Gobble, Gobble” and some more and then some more and so on, the deafening noise was so bad one mealtime Mills was finally told to FRO and leave the canteen, he was duly escorted out of the canteen to the a-cheering and a-gobbling from the rest of the jailbirds back to his cell by fellow prisoners and lifers Sage & Onion FFS who were as gay nine bob notes and they gave spotty Mills a right old seeing to allegedly? (stuffing) FFS! WALOBs!!

Now then, as a Christmas present to yer mum or yer grandma from me would you kindly read her this to her on Christmas Day, also give a copy to your local vicar for his Christmas sermon, go on, go on I dare you. Then see if you can get her to do a good old turkey Gobble, Gobble, and Gobble some more FFS! Most of this story is true and most of it isn’t, but I don’t GAF it made me laugh and I cannot wait for my mother-in-law to arrive for her annual inspection and to test her out with this Gobbling bit, I bet I get sent out of the room for the duration of her stay especially as I have increased her special bed and breakfast rates! FFS!! Result!!!

Enjoy your Christmas Turkey, defrost it over 2 days and thoroughly wash it out before cooking it cos you never know who has nobbled or gobbled it overnight, do you my lovers? OMG Daddy, how could you??

Now my bird, it is now your turn to stuff your very own turkey whilst you are all alone so go for it to your hearts content whilst you shove up handfuls of as much stuffing and crappy gooey mess right up your turkeys arse as you can (are you turned on yet?) then carefully close up your flaps and shove the stuffed turkey and it’s bleeding giblets into the oven with all sorts of root veg then FFS go and wash your furking hands Yuk! Sod that, I am having fish instead of gobbling turkey this year FFS! Merry Christmas my lovers. Hope you stub your toe Oliver, love to Graham?

Geffers final thought;
When you think of the size of a family Christmas Turkey’s rear end cavity (basically it’s arsehole) you can actually get your whole fist inside to stuff it with plenty of room to spare (So I am told) so what TF was Mills doing to get any excitement of sexual satisfaction and gratification out of the turkey’s carcass arse in the first place unless he has got a Willy the size of one of grandma’s large home grown marrow’s FFS!! But then take another look at girlfriend Rodrigues and then take another look at spotty Maldoon Mills, truth to tell is they don’t have a lot going for them do they (bless eh both) but the turkey don’t look all that bad, does it? FFS!!

.

Today at TRURO Car Boot Sale, what a pleasure! Posted: 13/12/2015 Lou and me are still reeling from the grossly offensive complaint that Car Boots Cornwall refused admission to a blind person with a guide dog reported by the Newquay Voice in their alleged ‘local newspaper’ without having the courtesy to check with us to ascertain if there was any truth in the story. The story was a load of old bollocks which is what the Newquay Voice is well known for printing, however the newspapers themselves are also well known for lighting fires or cutting up in bum sized pieces and stringing up and hanging in your outside netty (toilet) as bum wipes FFS! According to some of Geoff Says followers it seems that as I have not contributed to Geoff Says they think perhaps it’s because customers thought that I was worried that I may be too rude to someone. That is most certainly not the case, I am never rude to people but I do just ‘says it like I sees it’ and if I think someone is a complete arsehole then I shall say it especially to people like Prime Ministers and those rich B’stards and WARMONGERS Tony Blair and David fricking Cameron! And yes, I still believe we should not be in this stupid war in Syria because it’s none of our business and because all the refugees want to flood into this country where we do not have enough housing for our own populations FFS! However, the genuine refugees are all human and deserve to have a home to live, I cannot imagine what dreadful lives they are living especially the poor children who do not deserve such unhappiness. So when all of these over 200 World Leaders they had this BIG meeting about CLIMATE changes which by the way won’t be fully enacted and implemented for another 85 years FFS by which time we, that’s you and me FFS is all dead and buried and memories of us will be ‘like a grain of sand’ So who really GAF anyway but why oh why TF didn’t they also agree that populations must be reduced by the millions and the millions more Worldwide at the same time because there is so much enjoyable but careless shagging going on all around the World but no-one is wearing condoms so poor little innocent babies are brought into this god dammed fecking awful world we live in with every possibility the poor little buggers will only know poverty for all of their lives so Jeremy (know all) Kyle isn’t achieving much with his ‘put something on the end it’ campaign and his protests is it? I heard him ranting the other day “Why don’t I get a lot of sex like you lot”? Simple, no-one wants to shag a Womble! Remember you’re a Womble! Remember you’re a Womble. Hilarious dears FFS! Truro Cattle Market today was an absolute pleasure to run with such a great atmosphere amongst our regular regulars. It’s now winter so all the tourists (whom we will welcome back-next year with open arms-we need your dosh dears. X) Have all gone back up country to their homes and life here in Cornwall is so much friendlier during the winter months. Today over 40 sellers with over 800 buyers and their kids who were extremely well behaved today the crafty little buggers cos they certainly had some super toys and games bought for them for Christmas pressies. A great Truro atmosphere and it seems that almost everyone knew each other so they enjoyed the rare 10 minutes of sunshine followed by heavy clouds but at least it was a dry day. There were some stunning bargains and I am trying to track down a picture of today’s absolute BARGAIN a solid gold Vesta case bought for £3.00 and worth up to £500.00 bought today at TRURO Car Boot Sale! What a BARGAIN!! Some blokie came up to me today and said “Are you Mr FFS”? (I creased up laughing) He says he had-had something stolen from his stall and as a wind-up one of our regulars said “Go and tell Mr FFS about it” He was not amused with my permanent grin but I told him it would have been his own stupid fault for not keeping his eyes on his stock, by the time he had got back to his stall, guess what? Something else had been ‘nicked’ from the same stall FFS!! Well that’s what he says the daft looking hen pecked Cornishman overly fed YFB husband that he was, so he was FFS! I did get a very strong feeling when meeting his ‘bossy boots’ wife that he might be heading for a kick in the goolies ‘for causing me so much embarrassment and sent to bed early without ‘no tea’ FFS! Who yer gonna blame? Only you mate. Thank you to so many people whom we have known for years for your loyalty to CBC and our Car Boot Sales and a special thank you to you personally, thank you my lovers! And Marge, we love you just that little bit more each year. Take care one and all. XX