I know how disappointed some people get when I am the giver of bad news especially if you have packed up you car or van and are ready to sell and you don’t check the website or our ansaphone service and you know that the weather is more than iffy and you arrive and the event has been cancelled because of the mizzling and drizzling rain like today at Penryn Rugby Club!

At 11.00 noon there were 5 sellers when I arrived at the club and the weather was crappy to say the least 3 of them left the queue because of the weather and at 12.00 noon I decided to cancel advising through the website and our mobiles. We had put the signs out but it would have been stupidity to attempt to let sellers set up in the heavy drizzle which ceased for about 45 minutes then started mizzling again.
I know what the weather is like cos I live in the area and whilst the bloody BBC did not forecast the bad weather it did spoil a few potential sellers day cos one or two of the ‘POSH’ brigade phones or texted to bollock me for deciding to cancel! I was at the club 20 minutes after the ‘poshies’ had admonished me and it was drizzling heavily my only wish was that we should have charged them and let them sell and get all their pigging stock drenched and they would still say it was all my fault FFS!

For the record 940 people had the sense to check on our website to glean the latest information and for the commoners amongst us our Facebook will be finalised and give up to the minute details and any last minute changes.

Oh, and by the way you missed a brilliant ‘in the sunshine day’ at Mitchell yesterday when the weather was almost GUARANTEED so if you decided to go there just to buy it is not my fault that GOD on a Sunday decides to drizzle on your plans is it FFS!
Oh, and another thing is you all woke up to this miserable pizzling drizzling weather then why didn’t you say to yourself “I will be sensible today and go to sell in TRURO which is definitely going to be on cos it’s inside under cover and today it was busy with sellers making loads of money and you my lovers did not sell nowt!!

I had the day off more of less so Lou ran Truro Cattle Market lots of happy sellers who had got up early, looked at the weather and said ‘I am going to sell at TRURO cos it’s under cover today, then there were about 10 who travelled from Penryn to sell. Another email tells me that an apparent 12 sellers were doing U-turns after being told that the Car Boot was cancelled, unfortunately 12 sellers doth not make a boot sale?

LANHYDROCK went ahead lots of happy buyers and sellers with a few of them suffering minor bites from the Annual Flying Ants that traditionally accompany the Boardmasters Festival at Watergate Bay, they apparently breed much happier in Lanhydrock away from the salty air of the Bay but they breed like fury once they hear and feel the sounds of the crap music emulating from the Festival which excites their genitalia and they shag and breed like fuck and their only desire is to bite some poor unsuspecting B’stard for a dash of your blood. After biting one of our Car Booter customers they instantly roll up and die from blood poisoning the little B’stards, but a fair result. I am not being rude to the darling lady who wrote to tell me about the ants but WTF can I do about it my lover, tell you what next time you sell your Avon at Lanhydrock tell Amelia that you is my guest.

The following message has been sent via the website:

Name: Ms Vicky
Email: Vicky.com
Subject: Flying ants at Lanhydrock
Telephone: withheld

Message: Most weeks we do Lanhydrock but today was terrible with loads of flying ants. Which bit my husband and my 10 year old. Most buyers just walked pass without looking or buying. I sell brand new Avon which was covered in flying ants !!

Tuesday Newquay Circus Fields 04/08/2015

A bigger crowd of sellers than expected turned out to sell today and with so many thousands of holiday-makers we expected the sale to be well supported by eager bargain hunters so it is fair to say that our peak season event was attended by up to 3000 men women and their kids galore, added to that figure we must include about 300 dogs who seriously should have been elsewhere preferably in another county. High winds prevented many of our sellers from assembling their clothes rails but most stalls looked interesting and from the amount of items we saw being taken back to buyer’s cars it was obvious the majority of sellers were taking good money. The sale was well under way and our main team work is the supervision of car parking and the incoming and outgoing traffic so at about 1.15 pm we were all hands on traffic and crowd control.

I received a phone call from inside the sale from a regular “Geoff, there is going to be serious trouble at the top of the field where one of the sellers is lying on the ground drinking a bottle of whisky, he is obviously well pissed and being very offensive to people with really foul language to all the adults and in front of their children, if something isn’t done someone is going to smack him one” I got directions as to where the drunk was and as Oli and I approached the area of this man’s stall we could see the concern in nearby sellers faces who were obviously most offended by this man’s language and they looked to us to resolve the problem.

I immediately recognised the man who had sold at the previous Sunday’s Car Boot Sale at Penryn Rugby Club and I remembered him being very gobby so it was obvious he liked the sound of his own voice cos he was gobbing on about sweet FA so buyers were avoiding the area of his stall.
It seems he owed the stall holder a Cherry seller money and on the promise that it would be repaid he cadged a lift for him and his stuff to sell with the Cherry seller so he could sell items and repay the loan after selling.
I told the man I had had complaints about his language and he immediately went into a tirade of grossly offensive language in front of the assembled crowd telling me in no uncertain terms repeatedy to fuck right off, thereafter it was totally impossible to hold a sensible conversation with this idiot. I was receiving advice from all and sundry to ‘call the Police’ but remembering that all traffic was more or less in gridlock on all roads outside the Circus Fields it would be totally unreasonable to call the Police.
We do not like the idea of Police having to sort out our occasional problems but on this occasion I would have quite happily have borrowed a can of their pepper spray to empty into this man’s face whose disgraceful language in front of young kids and their mums and dads who were attending what is normally a trouble free event was unacceptable.

I tried to speak again to this man who was obviously very pissed and as he lay there on the ground with his empty whisky glass ‘mouthing it off’ to all and sundry I told him “You are BARRED from all of our Car Boot Sales so pack up your items and go” to further abuse advising that he would not go. Two or three sellers had had enough of this man’s offensive mouth and wanted to ‘sort him out’ in a physical way which in my opinion would not have helped unless with one SMACK he could have been hit hard enough to airlift him to land on Fistral Beach FFS!
The Cherry seller was obviously embarrassed that he had given this Pillock a lift and from what I saw of the items motor-mouth was trying to sell his items looked more than ready for the tip or had he in fact just got them from the tip?
I told the Cherry man ‘if you do not help him pack up his rubbish and your boxes of Cherries and are not out of this field within ten minutes then you and any other Cherry Sellers will be BARRED for the rest of the season, I will call back in ten minutes time’ more offensive language and grossly offensive gestures were directed at me but I had the support of the public so I hoped the matter would be quickly resolved within the allotted ten minutes. I think Oli was there to keep a check on me cos I was jumping and my adrenaline was up there somewhere, he has such a calming influence I nearly fell asleep the dear of him FFS!

Now then, I always know that if anyone is determined to bring our sales into disrepute our regulars who have supported Car Boots Cornwall over many years will come to the rescue. I received 3 calls within 5 minutes of walking away from the drunken sot telling me that he was fly tipping all of his unwanted selling items into the farmer’s hedge which is against the law in the UK and again I was advised ‘Call the Police’ instead of which I returned to the stall with instructions to take all the rubbish away and out of the hedge and I took this picture of what a real MORON looks like.
I don’t mind someone letting off steam once in a while but I do object that young children should have heard this drunken idiot’s foul and disgusting language.
Here is a list of the definitions of a MORON selected from GOOGLE that this dick-head fits them all;

= fool, idiot, dummy, berk, charlie, tosser, dope, jerk, ass, plank, prick, wally, prat, plonker, coot, geek, twit, bonehead, chump, dunce, imbecile, cretin, oaf, simpleton, airhead, dimwit, dipstick, dickhead, gonzo, schmuck, dork, nitwit, dolt, blockhead, divvy, pillock, halfwit, dweeb, putz, fathead, weenie, eejit, thicko, dumb-ass, gobshite, dunderhead, numpty, doofus, lamebrain, mental defective, fuckwit, thickhead, muttonhead, dickwit, nerd or nurd, numbskull or numskull, dorba or dorb, dork, besotted drunkard or wuuser!

I was going to call him a wanker but that would have been very disrespectful to all of those of us millions of men and women who quite enjoy that physical pastime FFS!

Go for it!

Geoff Says!

X

Taken at Newquay Circus Fields 04/08/2015 we have been asked to forward a report to the Police but they will no doubt read this blog;

Geoff

x

It is allegedly Summer time when everyone including the birds and the bees are supposed to be happy and drenched with ‘warm weather and sunshine’ but of course the weather has been very indifferent now that the pigging Tories are in power for a second term so we can blame them for the crap weather and the fact that it has rained for 6 week in a row on a Sunday which has affected Hayle & Withiel & Truro & Penryn & Lanhydrock and has caused us and our sellers and buyers a financial discomfort. That lunatic Cameron is swanning around the world “look at me I have won a second term” or “Can I give your country some of the UKs hard earned dosh mate” but it is no miracle the twat won considering the opposition of Tricky Nicky Cleggy and unsteady Eddie Rubberband of the Labour Party and the only politician to raise anyone’s heartbeat was Nigel Farage who if allowed proportional representation would have at least 20 seats in Westminster and he promises to legalize the weed, I wish the bloody intrusive newspapers would do a sting on the amount of Cannabis those elected muppets in Westminster who ‘do the weed’ but……. What about that fecking Lord Sewell blokie who was a major spokesman on public moral and standards, the stupid looking nutter that he is. (Appointed by that war crazed Tony effing Blair jerk-off blokie) So his Lordship gets caught in a sting with a couple of prossies snorting cocaine from the cleavage of their boobies, I mean if he wants to snort that is his business but there must have been stage when he said to himself ‘is this a set-up or what’? On reflection it could be fun (and it is) covering the boobies with mucky honey and crunchy peanut butter and a dash of chilli sauce it’s an absolute must for snorting and licking off her chest for an hour or so but be warned it could really piss her indoors off in no time, she would spoil the fun and probably complain in the first 5 minutes and then break out in a figging face and boobies rash the following morning FFS! Apparently the press missed the real story from the previous week when the prossies stuck their arses in the air and covered their butt cheeks with ‘the white stuff’ At the count of three they both farted into Sewer’s face and he was showered with the falling ‘white stuff’ which went everywhere and his Lordshit fell into a deep satisfying coma whilst the prossies went through his trouser pockets and 24 hours later he came round dazed skint and surrounded by the world’s press! What a gross embarrassment he is to this country he should be taken to the tower and hung by his balls with that Rolf Harris arsehole FFS. My take on all drugs including cigarettes which contains killer nicotine and killer tobacco is you pays yer money you takes your choice but what a choice because snorting and jabbing stuff into your body through dirty needles is a nutter’s way to live your life and your potential death. I have never been tempted to ‘get into drugs’ but I do admit to using Cannabis for the last 15-40 or so years. Cannabis is a HERB with a history going back many thousands of years to the days before the alleged Christ blokie who could walk on water so maybe he had a couple of spliffs to achieve such a feat, whenever I have a couple of spliffs and try to walk on water I fall flat on me face or a b’stard great wave bowls me over FFS! When we first moved to Truro a crazed Lemon Street doctor advised me after I had admitted taking Cannabis to him because his poxy medicines and tablets did not work ‘you will probably die in your early 60s if you do not stop smoking Cannabis’ well, well you stupid old quack-twat I am in my late seventies so it’s up yours that’s of course if yer still alive dear! Bloody man could not pronounce my name instead of Wiles he would call me Viles which immediately made me thinks of rats and Viles disease and he looked like a rat in my stoned condition, I used to completely forgot WTF I was doing in his surgery in the first place FFS!! Now that the USA are becoming more tolerant of Cannabis with more than several states legalizing Le Herb it is time for guidance from this crap Government and the Police with considered permission for users to be able to grow say no more than 4 plants every ¾ months for their own personal use and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should the grown Cannabis be sold. That is my personal opinion and let’s face it if the Police now say “WE may not come to your house if it is BURGLED” so why TF should they come to your house if you are having a couple of home grown spliffs FFS. I am sure that the majority of Police would prefer to be chasing the real criminals (Tories) who are far worse to society than the odd weed grower. And, why don’t we in the UK legalise it to be grown under supervision and get some of the lazy sod farmers to grow it professionally and for it to be available to buy in the Supermarkets with discounted prices for the old pot smoking pensioners. The Government could earn multi millions from the sales and in time that should surely raise a few billions in taxes instead of squeezing the benefits of people without jobs, but then they always seem to find a way of having a £10.00 packet of fags and a pigging mobile so who GAF really. I do! Talking about criminals some of our stall holders at Newquay today complained that items had been stolen from their stalls and whilst it is petty thieving it is still a crime to steal something that is clearly not yours. Two really decent chaps who are regular sellers Oliver and Graham arrived to tell me that on Tuesday they had items stolen from their stall and I must admit I mildly bollocked them for taking their eyes off the prize and I said they were probably ogling the birds at the time and I do not mean the feathered variety. I mean here we have two lads bordering on becoming seriously old farts and they set up their stall which in reality the two of them are in charge of a space the size of an average bathroom and they are ‘totally in charge’ of their stall themselves and nothing more nothing less and yet some bugger nicks an item well worth the £10.00 asking price. I mean, I am not being rude because that is not my nature but I saw what they were trying to sell and I was thinking of opening a charity stall on their behalf right next door to them, please give generously. Now then, who is to blame none other than Oli and Graham FFS! Anyway I showed my impatience by yellow carding Oliver with a warning to ‘be more careful! Guess what? I kid you not, the same bliddy day they complained someone thieving b’stard stole an item from their stall whilst they both were allegedly ‘keeping an eye open’ which eye FFS? I cannot wait to see their wives cos I am sure they won’t have the balls to admit ‘we had something taken from our stall today dear’ but I’ll tell em, revenge time for their continued rudeness to me if nigh my birds! A lady came to tell me some woman had stolen an item from her mother’s stall and mother followed the lady and said ‘excuse me you have not paid for the item you took off my stall please pay NOW’ which the lady paid without a word of apology. The price of the stolen item was 50p she was not complaining but merely pointing out that adults would stoop that low to steal something to the value of 50p? My advice to you is to have a good hard look at your stall and think to yourself “what is worth stealing from my stall” if the reply is ‘fig all’ that is exactly why you’re selling it but don’t let the bastards steal it FFS! Apart from all that hassle it was a brilliant day, we were praised for the way our teams run the sales (thank-you) Lou and I want it to go on record that this year’s teams have been the absolute best ever, ever. Having said that several were with us last year like Alice and her brother Oli. Amelia who is in charge of Lanhydrock and Gae with her catering team are all worthy of the compliments we get for good service and lots of praise for the food on sale in our Car Boots Catering trailers. I am lucky to be surrounded by lovely women some are gay some are AC/DC and some are straight, I have always had lovely relationships with my lesbian friends (nothing physical you understand) this year is no exception but I seriously miss Kelly Miles who worked at the Car Boots for many years, her was lovely (still is) with a great friendly personality she was so popular with customers and beautiful to boot, she could score with the most beautiful women and convert straight and married women into ‘trying it out’ Go gay, the taste is better and it keeps the populations down!! Rant coming up! Lots of people in my early theatre years thought I was too good to be true and as gay as a nine bob note which could not be further from the truth (I only help them out when they are busy) * I just adore women of all ages apart from the those who are like ‘in the change’ so to speak which is more or less the whole of Cornwall’s 45 plus ladies who seem to take a turn for the worse after about three o’clock every Wednesdays. Darlings it isn’t we men’s fault dears FFS! But my lovelies you can and you certainly do have us men by the balls when you get your funny turns with yer bloody hot flushes and yer effing headaches and yer stamping yer feet sessions and yer no sex rules and everyone has to shut TFU and it gets worse when according to your claim that you are absolutely right about absolutely everything you have to say FFS and also according to you it’s all our fault FFS. WALOBs! I mean yer never hear us men moaning on and on and on do yer? You are supposed to enjoy going through all the different stages in your life my lovelies like we men are constantly maturing you ladies is getting ready for granification dears, but you don’t hear us men moaning and groaning on FFS do yer? So don’t go keep blaming us men cos you is off colour and in one of yer moods and when we men walk into the room where you are and we take one look at your face and we think to ourselves ‘Now wot the fuck have I done wrong this time? Don’t blame us my lovers, blame your mother or the bleeden kids! By the way, despite all we still love you dears all we ask is that you shut TFU now and again and listen to us men who are wiser so to speak, but we do worship the grounds that are coming to you my sweetie. XX Talking about kids you will remember that kid Wilf who had his bike stolen from the Car Boot at Newquay, well he is a bit of a gem of a kid and only three year old, he has a super dad who has a brilliant sense of humour. As they were leaving the sale yesterday daddy wound the window down and said to Wilf who was sitting in the front seat (with seat belt on) “Tell Geoff what his name is” Wilf looked me straight in the eyes and said “effing Geoff” the dear of him! But his two words were overheard by Alice, Jojo and several other staff and daddy was so chuffed with Wilf’s little party joke which I thought was very rude from a kid of three to an old aged pensioner FFS, rude but hilarious according to my entire team, I am now going to be known of ‘effing Geoff’ by them all for the rest of the season! Thanks’ Wilf, I don’t suppose daddy would lend you to help us park cars next week please. Wilf could be the round-a-bout!! He may need his crash helmet though! Ask his gran cos I am certain it was her who came up with my new nickname in the first place FFS. Do not sell FAKES! Lou was doing the rounds at Newquay yesterday and on one of the stall she noticed a full display of new fake Shirts & Tee Shirts with famous names including Ralph Lauren selling for real in the town centre shops for £40.00 plus but today fake copies available at fifteen quids or two for £25.00 The seller firstly denied the stock were fakes saying “I sell these up country” however he was asked by Louise to close his stall down and we would give him a refund. The sellers were decent guys no doubt but if we were to allow them to sell knowing their stocks were fake Trading Standards would throw the book at us for allowing our customers to be sold fake goods. We have had the problem in previous years where holiday-makers have bought new Tee Shirts to take home as a gift only to find they have bought fake goods, if it looks too good to be true, then it aint true!! Finally, what a great Sunday at all three locations, Lou did Truro and Lanhydrock which were both well supported by sellers and buyers and BARGAINS galore, whilst I really lost the plot at Penryn when a Polish couple who were caught buying whilst the sellers were setting up! “We don’t speak English” (well WTF are you doing here then) does not really work with me nor does acting stupid in front of a few hundred people who knew the rules but these two opened the barriers ahead of the start time and started buying. Apart from that it was a good day at Penryn with well over 100 sellers and the whole crowd enjoyed great weather for the first sunny and dry day on a Sunday in 6 weeks! Geoff X

From: Geoff Camden-Wiles ()
Sent: 02 August 2015 18:12:15
To: John ()
Cc: louise (

No, sorry we do not do this type of service all the details you want are within the website!

www.carbootscornwall.co.uk

________________________________________
Date: Sun, 2 Aug 2015 15:23:28 +0200
From: john.
To:
Subject: car boot sales

Hello Geoff,

I will be visiting Cornwall next September and I’m very interested to buy some stuff in car boot sales.

In order to organize my planning, could you please confirm the dates below of car boot sales between Fridays 11 to Friday 18 September?

Friday 11 Sept in Falmouth at 12.30pm
Saturday 12 Sept in Mitchell at 12.00pm
Sunday 13 Sept in Truro at 12.00pm
Sunday 13 Sept in Penryn at 1.30pm
Sunday 13 Sept in Lanhydrock at 3.00pm
Tuesday 15 Sept in Newquay at 12.00pm
Wednesday 16 Sept in Mitchell at 12.00pm
Thursday 17 Sept in Newquay at 12.00pm
Thursday 17 Sept in Par Market at 9.00pm

Thank you in advance for your reply.

Best regards,
John

Geoff Says,

I am not being rude to John but I do think he has a nerve asking me to reply to his request for me to sort out his Car Boot ittinery in advance of his holiday. For the record we are operating Car Boot Sales full time as we are in peak season. Don’t be a lazy sod, turn your pc on and find out what you need to know for yourself on our homepage updated daily, let your finger do the walking and not get skivvies do it for you. By the way you are interested in buying ‘some stuff’ at my car boots, not ‘white stuff’ I hope. Oh, and by the way to all of our customers please do not text us during our business hours if you phone the Ansa phone message will give you updated information. Looking at the dates above I would not predict any of them actually going ahead at all as we are subject to the British weather or did you want me to do a fecking weather forecast as well FFS! Or is this another wind-up!! Amazing funny, don’t waste MFT. X

The picture is of our adorable Kirstie who was at Par Market at our Thursday Car Boot talking to a gentleman and making a fuss of his dog (dogs allowed) A lady motorist tooted to Kirsty to move and as she drove past Kirsty she said ‘you should get your frigging fat arse out of the way’ I do not know what Kirsty’s reply was to defend herself from such rudeness but I got a complaint in an answerphone message in some broken cockney accent saying “I want you to do something about one of your staff” ending up with “And if you don’t do anything about it I will never ever come back to your boot sales ever again and NOR will anyone else” Since her threat we have had over 8000 people arrive to prove her spell did not work but to call one of my special girls ‘fat arse’ really upset sweet Kirsty because the truth hurts doesn’t it my sweet Kirsty?

Now then, the reason I am being rude to Kirsty is this, we had been really busy at Penryn yesterday and Jo-Jo with Kirsty and her beautiful Sister Katy and myself sat down at one of the tables for a break and the two lads from the rugby club who help us park cars came to the table and Ronnie the elder of the two lads asked Kirsty ‘why didn’t you save a chair for me’? I overheard her reply “I did suggest that to Geoff and he said no fooking way do we want them sitting with us” which was not true but I could see the funny side of her trouble making, Ronnie on the other hand was not amused. Nice one Kirsty, result, game on pet! Take a close look at the beautiful Kirsty, isn’t she lovely, right down to her fat fingers darling!! X

Yo its SUNDAY at TRURO at 12.00 noon/ PENRYN Rugby Club at 1.30 pm/LANHYDROCK at 3.00pm/ all will run, under starters orders!!!
TRURO at 12.00 noon Sellers from 10.30 am then its PENRYN at 1.30 pm sellers from 11.30 am and to finish it’s LANHYDROCK the posh at 3.00 pm….. My tips for the day for the buyers “Bring plenty of DOSH and to the sellers bring plenty of non-crap BARGAINS and to the kids there will be loads and loads of cheap toys so mither your parents till they buy you summit good as well as a burger and an ice cream and if they don’t you may scream and scream until you are SICK!! (hopefully in the family car FFS) Go 4 it!! To all the ‘FAKERS’ don’t fake it any more or TRADING STANDARDS could nab you!! NO FAKES or COPIES be like me, an original!! More like aboriginal? Enjoy your day and don’t spoil any anyone else’s my birds! Welcome to CORNWALL local bylaws apply remember the locals get all the bargains!!

There were several weather warnings today and this morning the BBC forecast all day heavy rain therefore I decided to cancel all three Car Boot Sales; TRURO, it was tipping it down with heavy blustering rain all morning and we would probably have had half a dozen determined sellers ‘that does not maketh a boot sale’ PENRYN, a similar story with all afternoon rain up to 3.00pm forecast by BBC.
It is getting closer to the Rugby season and the club would not appreciate my running a boot sale with a great possibility of cars churning up their grounds or worse still the pitches. LANHYDROCK grounds often hold the rain making it difficult to drive on soaking grass hence the decision to cancel.
Inspections were held at Penryn & Lanhydrock during the early morning when the decision was made to cancel, in TRURO the grounds would have been very busy from yesterday’s auction with farmers collecting farm machinery and plant with heavy tractors and machinery during today collecting items sold and won. There was heavy rain all morning so all in all I made the right decision!
Over 500 people clicked onto our website for the latest information and over 80 enquiries gleaned the information by phone. I am sorry for any inconvenience caused but on this occasion I listened to the BBC and made my decision from there.
Geoff

https://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/2636907

Remember you can only redeem these ticket with all five colours the week after you have collected all 5 colours!!

Saturday, Mitchell 26th July.
Stall number one; One lucky buyer inspected 2 pairs of home-made Laura Ashley curtains yesterday with the seller who had pointed out that she had paid nearly £1000.00 when new. They were in immaculate condition with a BARGAIN price of £12.00 which the buyer excitedly bought without any haggling. Louise saw them and was stunned at the good quality advising that if they were to be sold on eBay they could fetch in excess of £200.00 but the buyer was so delighted they were the exact sizes she wanted for her new home and couldn’t wait to get home to show her bargains to her husband.

Stall number two; Today’s email;
Debbie (Debbie ()
Sent: 26 July 2015 13:14:38
To:
Hi just a quick note I am a great carbooter, I sell and buy many a time, I went to Mitchell yesterday bought some curtains from a nice lady (so I thought) got home they have been on a boil wash and to my horror they are so mouldy all they are fit for is the bin .Very disappointed, lesson learnt always inspect, and never go by face value, and not everyone is as honest as you so £8 down the drain.

Debbie,
What a shame you did not check them at the stall, you should never accept buying any items from a Car Boot Sale without inspecting the goods before paying for them. I assume the sellers assured you they were in good condition but the onus is entirely upon the buyer to check every detail of their purchases. If the seller absolutely assured you ‘they were in good condition’ I would suggest you try to speak with the seller if you see her at any of our sales and ask for a refund and I will support you in endeavouring to get a ‘goodwill refund’ but your chances are slim.

Two weeks ago a man bought a model boat for £20.00 and the seller advised it was ‘complete’ in every way however there were parts missing after the buyer had checked the box and it’s contents and asked for a refund which was refused. The buyer advised “I will go to see Geoff” and I accompanied the buyer to the sellers stall where the seller gave a ‘no holds’ immediate refund and put the item back on sale with a promise to tell any other potential buyer that the boxed model boat was ‘as seen and incomplete’ If a new buyer had bought it he would have a very limited chance of a refund once the seller had stated ‘it was incomplete’

Similarly, if you sell electrical items and claim that they work and they do not Trading Standards would be on the side of the buyer for a refund. One seller who had a load of electrical items on his stall not only assured buyers the ‘items were in working order’ but he gave buyers a business card with his name, address and mobile number in case there was a problem. Brilliant idea!
As a precaution you can always take the car registration number of sellers but in any event if you are not sure then ‘do not buy it’ or you will be unhappy like Debbie who probably ‘bought in haste and repented in leisure’

Tuesday 21st July, Newquay!

The early sellers at our Car Boot Sales pay extra to set up comprise mainly of Market Traders and some disabled sellers. Regulars know that I will not allow any buying nor selling until the start of the sale therefore I do not allow buyers in until the start of the sale at 12.00 noon.

I had been away from the entrance of the selling field for a while at Mitchell and when I returned one of our very special-special sellers a good lady (who has fought some amazing battles with her health and is loved and admired by hundreds of our buyers and sellers) told me “There is a nasty man with a Cockatoo on his arm who I have just told you are not allowed in before 12.00 and he told me ‘you mind your own f—ing business’ now I didn’t deserve that because I was very polite to him”
‘Let me get this right, there is a man with a Cockatoo on his arm? What a real one or a Tattoo? No a real one? And he told you to fluck off? Yes! Where is he? He is in the Queue! I walk out to the Q and sure enough there is a man with a Cockatoo on his arm standing with his wife trying to drum up some interest in his daft looking Cockatoo which is in a white dress and some sort of stupid hat.
I walked up to him and said “I understand you were rude and swore at one of my special customers, we don’t allow that sort of language to which he and his mouth almighty wife denied swearing which I did not believe!

He then got really stroppy asking me who TF I thought I was and ‘how would I like to be put into hospital’ and ‘you’re going to need an ambulance’ FFS and it’s only 11.30 in the pigging morning and there is this short arsed little twat with a frigging Cockatoo on his arm threatening me! I then let him have my opinion as to what a pathetic man he was and what an exhibitionist he was with a stupid bird on his arm and I felt sorry for the animal! More threats, then before I walked away I said “Right, I do not want you nor your wife nor your stupid bird in the Car Boot distracting and disrupting our sales for our customers”

He then followed me with more threats and we came face to face, what an ugly B’stard of a face and his breath stank like a cancerous ash tray and he had the worst set of teeth I have ever seen on a man, one more colour and he would have the full snooker set FFS! Anyway I marked his card once more telling him “Go away, we do not need you here, you are now BARRED but he still wanted more and it must have looked stupid with this idiots arm stretched out to hold the pigging bird and trying to take a swipe at me with the other hand!

I thought ‘shall I just smack the bird off his arm then it would fly off and he would have to frigging chase it but it couldn’t cos it had the stupid dress on FFS! But no, as a gentleman I decided to walk away! But he had not had enough, he charged up behind me and was just about to slug me when (drum roll) to the rescue comes Joey (potatoes) and Pedro (cherries) Martin (dog slings) to defend me from this nasty little cretinous little squirt of a man and his poxy Parrot! They three took over by telling the man to go away and I think one of Joey’s two word expressions ending up with ‘off’ but I didn’t help matters much by me telling Cockatoo armpits ‘just walk away with jerky movements yer twat’ FFS and I couldn’t GAF about his threats.

I was so upset I told the whole crowd “the Car Boot is off” and they all told me to eff of as well!! Whatever, it was a bloody good laugh witnessed by a lots of people who enjoyed the sideshow.
What he didn’t know is that I have a ‘black belt’ to hold my trousers up and a yellow belt in all sports, but is there really any need to threaten to ‘put someone in hospital’ and ‘you will need an ambulance’ because I objected to his rudeness to one of our treasured customers.

At first when the lady said to me ‘there is a man with a Cock or two’ I replied ‘make your mind up darling, has he one cock or two cocks’ but being the daughter of a preacher man she was not amused and told me to ‘go wash your mouth out with soap and water’ but I don’t think she really understood my alleged joke till her old man (very old) explained the double entente!
So what the hell are we running Car Boot Sales or a figging zoo with all the problems we get with dogs bleeding Seagulls and now a Cockatoo and its only day one of the school holidays FFS!