THURSDAY at PAR MARKET at 9.00am & NEWQUAY CIRCUS FIELDS at 12.00 noon
Sellers should arrive to sell at least one hour before selling times; Sellers should remember to bring SELLABLE items and not a load of CRAP and then to complain ‘this Car Boot is no good I have taken NO MONEY!! Newquay is thriving with holiday-makers who will only buy genuine BARGAINS and NOT any old toot!! Friday at Falmouth at 12.30 pm this day is subject to weather which according to the BBC is going to be heavy rain however we all know how the BBC can cock-up the Cornwall weather forecasting, don’t we!! Be secure with your possessions and ensure nothing is stolen from you. Mobile phones, purses and wallets are a target for thieves or anything from your stall, if they steal the toilet rolls from our portaloos they will steal anything my lovers!!

One of our regular collectors of CDs music over many years was selling at The New Mitchell and he noticed amongst the collection being sold at the next stall a CD set NOW 4 and the asking price was ONE POUND!!!
Believing it to be a bargain the buyer could not wait to get home to check the actual value and to his amazement it was close to £400.00 FFS! Now if I had that sort of luck I would have sold it on eBay and sent the missus on holiday to give me some respite but no the buyer is keeping the set for his own private collection, I bet he sells it within 10 days.
Well done to him and to the New Mitchell for it’s constant bargains discovered every week.

Mitchell is a NO DOGS location at 12.00 noon Saturdays and Wednesdays,

Money, money, money!!

It is common knowledge that the fewer the sellers we get then the more money you will take on your stall (providing we can get the buyers required) so if you come to any of our Car Boot Sales and there are only say 15-20 sellers don’t do what a few “chicken sellers” did on Wednesday and drive off. There were 12 sellers plus two of our team members who had FREE stalls the sellers were also given a £3.00 off voucher for the following week. Once they had set up their stalls they were eagerly supported by some 220 plus very keen buyers and I can tell you the absolute honest truth that the sellers took well in excess of £1300.00 between them which is astounding.
I know the two members of our team took £180.00 and gave some genuine bargain to the buying public but the other stalls all traded well. If you were disappointed with the low turnout it will improve over the next few weeks especially now that the schools are breaking up but I anticipate up to 100 stalls at The New Mitchell on Wednesdays in the next weeks and during the school holidays and from our crowd last Wednesday 5 of them were virgin boot sellers.

Par Market on Thursday had around 30 sellers who traded well until the rain at 11.30 stopped play. This location is the cleanest of our group of venues because it is hard standing and the grounds are kept in immaculate condition plus fantastic toilet facilities but remember the site is owned by Par Markets and they do not allow us to sell NEW GOODS which is totally fair, I do not wish our customers to compete with the Market Traders and by the way ‘new goods’ includes plants and any type of foods.

Rain affected Thursday at Newquay for a lot of sellers which was not helped by my stupidity by not updating the website and my mobile message for which I apologise. People had seen the weather in their own areas which was fogging rain but did not realize that when I started Newquay at 12.00 noon the sun came out (it always does wherever I am) and the buyers came out and they spent money much to the amusement and financial benefit of our lovely sellers. One of our regular regulars had her first customer of the day who spent £180.00 and I know of one or two more that took over £300.00 on the day but more important for the buyers are the absolute BARGAINS that I see walking past me with our laden buyers returning to the car with their pile of purchases. So if my information was not updated and it affected your day then please ask me for forgiveness and I will give you a £3.00 off voucher (you hope) in repentance and for forgiveness for my foolish ways?

It is amazing the amount of people do not and cannot work out my abbreviations so here is another SFA! And it is not short fat arse!

Friday at Falmouth just over 50 stalls one seller well known for being a tight fisted sod took £300.00 but as he arrived he told our rent collector Tammii “I am a friend of Geoff’s and he gave me a FREE voucher to sell here today and I appear to have lost it” ‘that is £8.00 please, Geoff does not have friends and he doesn’t give out FREE stalls either’ says our Tammii, correct on both points. I know he reads this so Jason improve your ways and by the way do not wind up my mates Posh Anne or Mr Fook with your bogus deals FFS or I will start printing some home truths about you over the past twenty years Jason, know wot I mean, nudge-nudge, dark alleys, wink-wink, say no more Jason yer bugger.

Thank you to Tammii, but I have not forgiven her for knowing full well that I have been limping with what the doctor call ‘a policeman’s foot’ which is very painful! As I was walking away from the gate she noticed a large stone just where I was just about to walk and she deliberately called me to distract me and I tripped arse over tit over the frigging stone which bloody hurt much to the amusement of Tammii who was incontrollable with laughter almost emptying her blad in public. Oh and by the way she’s nick-named PAM (and she hates it) but plays that type of trick on her best mates FFS! Guns or knives Tammii, guns or knives?

Ps; It has been a pleasure for Tammii to work with us? She is just great and then some more, we have the best team EVER whom we will feature shortly on our new FACEBOOK which Tammii and her mate Kirstie and others will contribute, love em all!!
XX

I do not easily get wound up over people but there is one woman whom I shall refer to as Griselda and who has caused me complications on a major scale just by the fact that she has been a complete ‘pain in the arse’ since we clapped eyes on her some 10 years ago! Griselda is Canadian she is short fat and dumpy probably in her late 60s and very thick skinned, she does not talk to other sellers because she thinks she is ‘a cut above’ them all and she has always got some worthless negative complaint or comment to make and she spends little whilst she soaks up the atmosphere created by the real people. We also know of an American lady who is from very a wealthy family back in the US of A but she is such an embarrassment to her family that they told her to ‘sod off to England’ and they pay her monthly to make sure she bloody stay here, I believe Grizelda is probably here under the same circumstances.

At the Old Mitchell many years ago we had two decent old farts who were twin brothers, they collected the buyer’s admission money and they both were really popular lads called Roger and Paul. They were so easy going it would not be easy to wind them up because they were high and happy on life (no weed involved?) and basically they couldn’t GAF about anything that would worry them, but when Griselda arrives to pay her admission money it was like a red rag to a bull, particularly with Roger. She would stop her car in the gateway holding up all the other sellers and buyers traffic whilst she gets out to open her boot to get her bloody handbag to pay the admission charge in the hope that Roger would give her a ‘freebie’ just to move her on and prevent a queue of traffic FFS!

Her next move is to drive up to the very front of the sale and park almost with the boot sellers with little or no respect for our parking staff who wanted her to park elsewhere. Wherever I saw her she had somehow or other got to the front of the Q of the parking or in our Emergency Services area and you could watch her winding in and out of the traffic just to get to the front where she would meet me telling her I want you to park over there, she moves to where I want her parked 5 minutes later she has moved again. This all sounds a bit teasy but when this fat faced old biddy does it 3 or 4 times a week over the years it slowly pisses you off.

Eventually Roger’s bubble was burst as his face turned like a Balesha beacon as I watched Grizelda arrive and start going through her weekly routine of stopping her car etc. I could see the holdup of the traffic and pondered ‘could she be another Leggo spy girlfriend’ sent to wind us up with the traffic chaos? Anyway I bollocked her without one swear word and in no uncertain terms laid down that she has her money at the ready like all of the other buyers otherwise ‘you are BARRED’!

Now let’s wind this forward to last Thursday at Newquay where this dreaded woman arrives well after the queue of the buyers had started yet every week she is at the head of the queue pushing in front of almost everyone to be the ‘first fatty’ past the post when the horn goes off to start the effing sale’ I had watched this for long enough, the dear old regulars get absolutely pissed off with Grizelda pushing in, but they were being well-mannered and pleasant and not being confrontational with the old battle-axe so they decide to have a go at me FFS!

But what they didn’t realize was that I could see how ‘wound up’ they all were getting so before I started the sale at which fat-faced Grizelda was at the front of the Q almost standing on my feet I said to her (get off my fricking toes FFS) (not true) “Each week you push your way to the front of the Q and, and if you do it again you is BARRED!!
You have had a PUBLIC WARNING” the people in the front of the Q were chuffed to mint balls that she had been found out with her ‘I am more important that the others and I should be at the front of the Q’ attitude. Now, those people at the front of the queue know I do not mess around and I say it like it is which is normally enough however fat-faced dumpy Grizelda then had the bloody nerve to complain to my missus about me!
Louise deliberated, then Grizelda got her full fortune told to her by my Lou in pounds shillings and pence as to where she stands and “whatever Geoff Says he is the BOSS and I wouldn’t antagonise him nor his customers otherwise you are OUT and he don’t mean maybe, oh and by the way stop pushing into the front of the Q, Is that quite clear, dear?

Her excuse, I don’t like being in that Q because there are Poles there. ‘No Grizelda thems are barriers and bollards you silly moo’ I suppose she means Polish people from Poland. I can cope with the Polish a bloody sight better than Canadian women, I only know one of them and I hate them both FFS!!

Consultation;
Throughout the years of our lives we meet up with all sorts of people some are lovely, some are adorable, some are horrible and some are a complete pain in the arse like Grizelda and the ones who are the pain in the arse are normally the ‘me, me, me, me first’ variety who really think ‘they are all that and then some more’ and they really think ‘their poo don’t pong’!

Grizelda should really take a hard look at herself and realize she has probably been a spoiled brat in Canada in her younger years and probably living in a fantasy world completely of her own and totally wrapped up in herself at the cost and ignorance to all others so it is right that she should think that everyone in the room doesn’t quite like her or that the whole world is against she.
Get wise woman, be like all the other lovely people around you and try to be on the same wave length as everyone else and try to treat everyone as your equals and realize every person in this world is the most important person in their own world, but we are all equals so please take your turn and DON’T PUSH IN FFS!

DO NOT FEED THE SEAGULLS!

The Seagulls problem is worse this year than previous years and you will have heard that they attacked and killed a Yorkshire terrier last week. We are using STARTER PISTOLS at our location which certainly frightens the birds away but they always return. These land Seagulls are becoming a serious problem at all outdoor public events and I believe there should be serious consideration for a major culling in the UK because of all the damage they are doing to our buildings in town centres. There is nothing worse than walking through Falmouth when these sky shiters pebble dash you and your clothing. A couple of years ago I went to Treliske and at my appointment I thought the doctor was cross-eyed because he kept looking over my left shoulder whilst filling in the medical card. He stands up, gets a wadge of tissues and handing them to me he says “Excuse me sir, you’ve got shit on your shoulder” ‘I beg your pardon’??

If you see Big Steve the Rockman please warn him about the dog killing Seagulls also tell him to keep an eye on his dear miniature yapping crapping BRUNO mutt of a rat faced miniature street accident dog cos it would be tragic and dreadful to see Bruno heading towards the skies yap-yapping and probably pap-papping and crap-crapping as it is clutched in a seagulls claws up up and away FFS to become a feast for all the Seagull Family. Tragic and dreadful but bloody hilarious Steve my lover. I can see Hyacinth shedding a tear of laughter as she sympathises with Steve, peace at last! Missing you already Bruno, the dear of him!!

Newquay View Resort! View, what view?

On three occasions over recent months we have been asked to operate Car Boot Sales at this caravan camp on Trevelgue Road and we have twice visited to decide if there be any possibility that Car Boots Cornwall would be interested and on each occasion we have respectively declined the offer. Our reasoning’s are quite simple in that there is nothing nice about the location and to drag our Car Boot Community up Trevelgue Road to a non-event type venue with a road that narrows into a country lane is in our opinion a totally unsuitable place for our traffic and thousands of Car Boot attendances. So we respectfully declined the offer. We learned from our experience at PORTH which has a superb location compared to NVR! We lasted one season and when we closed that one down some idiot demanded that we go open a Car Boot at the Aircraft Museum FFS!

On Tuesday our Car Boot Sale at Newquay Circus Fields was in full swing when about 6 giggling male and female uniformed staff from ‘the resort’ armed with leaflets which they started to distribute the leaflets to our sellers which is at worst very bad manners and at the very worst bloody ignorant! Why? Because I get the huge crowd and they have the nerve to tout my customers to go to some crumby boot sale somewhere else on the SAME DAY that I have three Car Boot Sales. No way!

Louise was straight up to the leaflet people telling them they would need Geoff’s permission to be free to distribute. I spoke with the woman leader of the pack who told me ‘The Boot Sale is a one off and we are only doing it for charity’ so I allowed them to give more leaflets out, however the pack leader had lied to me because it was the Newquay View Resort making their own effort to run Car Boot Sales so let’s go and pinch some of Geoff’s customers shall we FFS!

I spend fortunes getting a business up and running for the Car Boot Community of Cornwall and the Newquay Resort View (which view does not exist in my opinion) have the effing nerve to not only try to nick my sellers but they give an incentive of a FREE stall so how TF does that help the charity? When asked about the charity they said ‘Oh we will probably give a donation to local charities’ but when Louise telephoned to tell the management ‘Do not come to any more of our sales to distribute leaflets because you will not be welcome’ she also asked “What charity is the Car Boot for”?
The man at the other end of the phone said ‘the Charity is for Dogs’ for what??

Now, as you know I am not a ‘lover of dogs’ (I like them but do not love them-I was born to love women not dogs FFS!) But to organise a Car Boot Sale and call it ‘a charity’ when it is not ‘a charity’ borders on stupidity especially when you are not registered as an official CHARITY where the charity Commission investigate the proposed charity and authorise or refuse the application to trade as a charity. NVR have not registered as a ‘Charity for dogs’ charity at all.

As most of you know before I came to Cornwall I was General Manager of Pontins in Somerset, Brean Sands and many years before that was at Butlins on Entertainments Management at Filey and Skegness so it is fair to assume I know quite a lot about Holiday Parks and Caravan Parks.

On a scale of one to ten for this alleged resort view to successfully run a profitable weekly Car Boot Sale I would give them a 15% chance but my advice would be to give up your efforts and lies about Car Boot Sales and concentrate on your holiday parks comforts for your assumed holiday guests with some first class Entertainments and less emphasis on your slot machines and make it a happier place to be than it was on our visits. The people staying in the caravans on Income Support and Housing benefit, granted our visit was during the winter months but the residents described it as an awful place to live, not a place you could call home with too much discipline and ‘no go areas’! By the way the NVR is really just the initials of Newquay View Resort but I have renamed it NVR = No View Really!

To show I have no hard feelings their Car Boot Sale is on Sunday at midnight.
Ps; they tried one last week and NOBODY turned up. Result NIL!
PS; and this week it pissed on their fireworks again the only Car Boot to go ahead on Sunday was of course Truro Cattle Market at 12.00 noon under cover my lover supported by hundreds who braved the piss poor weather with a couldn’t GAF attitude !

Starting up a new Car Boot Sale is not easy, we have had 5 that have failed but if you do the job properly and you have the right locations and you have a moving Car Boot Community of say 500,000 repeat customers that is a huge benefit for us to expand into various areas saving fuel costs and bringing the Sales nearer to the locals.
As an operator you must be prepared to invest up to £5000.00 on a prestigious location like the New Mitchell with all the signs and fencings and new gates presented to our public with pride from the Landlords and Car Boots Cornwall.
Bottom line! we are unlikely to stand aside whilst another organisation tries to take our business away, we believe in fair opposition like Hayle and Rosudgeon who would not stoop to bringing in a team of people to attract our customers to their Car Boot Sales and I would certainly not do the same to them. It is our customers and the best publicity they give us is ‘word of mouth’ if they like us they tell others if they don’t like us then they are a tiny minority, I can cope with that. Oh and just one final thought for the past 5 years we have not spent a penny advertising our Car Boot Sales in either the Packet or the dreaded West Briton, we don’t need to our treasured customers do it all for us for FREE!!

If you are a tourist with your caravan and family we highly recommend the ‘Carnon Downs
Caravan Park’ an immaculate setting and close to Truro City or if you looking for somewhere with lots of facilities and a full Entertainment programme and a fantastic swimming pool go to HENDRA Holidays in Newquay, a great fun location.

Today’s picture, ‘after a good St Kitts spliff or two pictures like this come into my mind but it’s good to daydream at times my lovers! X

We will be giving out NEW coloured tickets when you pay to sell and there are 5 (five) colours to collect. Once you have the 5 different colours hand them to us and we will give you £5.00 off the next time you sell at any of our locations.

Friday at Falmouth 10/07/15

Several people who decided to be involved with selling at Falmouth had most definitely got out of the wrong side of the bed today and brought their grumpiness with them and it seems Louise and myself were the target of their moans and groans basically about sod-all! Kirsty one of our new team members was asked by a lady ‘if I can go in early because I can help with the Catering’ which was not the truth so Kirstie unwittingly let the woman in early! Several of the old farts who were queuing to sell witnessed the lady drive in to set-up her stall and created merry hell by bollicking Kirstie in her panic suggested ‘Go and see Geoff’ which sparked off a line of these old farts coming up to me to complain.
I listened to their complaints but they still wanted to ramble on and on and on until I reached for my pocket and hand them a £3.00 off voucher saying ‘I am sorry you have been upset here is a £3.00 off voucher for your next visit’ it was like giving dummies to babies as they quietly accepted my generous ‘peace’ settlement and they trouped back to their cars smug and happy. Only trouble was the loud mouthed buggers told other sellers in the queue of cars which cost me another 8 vouchers, such is my generosity and my personal charm but what worries me is that these old farts were getting so agitated and wound up by the situation and all of my complainants were men!

Now look, you have but one life and one heart and you have to look after both, don’t let things agitate you so much that you get carried away and you start ranting and frothing at yer gob and talking a whole load of old shite FFS because you could easily spend the last minutes of your life ranting and pissing off other folkers if you do not take control. Calm down FFS, don’t get up-tight over sod-all my lovers because you could have a stroke or a heart attack and whilst we wish you ‘good health and happiness’ we would miss you and your dosh as well so ‘calm down’ yer bugger!

And, and if you do all the aforementioned and get some bloody exercise and fresh air into your smoke filled lungs and yer stop frigging smoking (weed is permitted) as well then you might become more attractive to the opposite sex, like the wife for instance or the girlfriend or in the rare instance because women are so perfect, the hen pecked husband, that’s you!

Cherry Wars! A new Madam Polish?

You have noticed we have over the past three to four weeks had stalls selling ‘cherries’ and they are some lovely especially the Kent ones which are coloured like miniature Pink Lady apples. There have been 3 independent ‘cherries’ sellers (who all know each other) in different vehicles two men and a Polish lady and they have all three worked at our locations at some time or other. The only way I can remember the lady was that she has two studs one either side of her face below her cheek bones (shit that would bloody hurt)
There are two other sellers who cover the Penzance area who had both set up their stalls to sell cherries on either side of the main road in the laybys. Further up the road some 6 miles away the Polish lady had set up her stall and was told about the other two stalls that had set up on the main road.

So annoyed was the Polish lady that she got into her camper van and drove to the man selling cherries in the first lay-by and crashed her vehicle into his stall demolishing it and upsetting the cherries everywhere. Now that is the height of fricking bad manners missus and that is no way to treat cherries yer nasty piece of work!
And then the insane Polish lady (she aint no lady) not content with crashing into the first stall low and behold and fuck me gently with a twenty foot bargepole she then drives across to the other side of the road to the second man who was minding his own business selling his cherries, and, and she is determined to doeth his stall some harm so she drives into the stall with cherries scattering bloody everywhere FFS! When I was told the story I absolutely peed myself (not quite at that stage yet) laughing!! What a biatch Lady Polish, that is no way to treat cherries!

And the lady was according to my information helping the Police with their enquiries. I will report further. By the way, anyone want to buy a few boxes of bruised cherries going cheap, know what I mean, nudge, nudge!!

As I walk around the stalls I can tell the sellers who are going to take ‘GOOD money (over £200.00) I can tell the sellers who will take ok money (£75.00 to a ton) and I can tell the sellers who will take average money (thirty to fifty quid) and I can tell the stalls that will take ‘sod-all money’ (the no-quidders) Such was the case today at Falmouth when one couple Mr & Mrs Gripe-Water (both looked as though they needed a good belch-burping) were trying to sell unbelievable crap on their stall and they were full of moans and bloody groans because they were not taking any money, anyway they were bitching about Lou and me to their neighbour who is one of Car Boots Cornwall most ardent fans “We took loads of money at Rosudgeon on Wednesday but we haven’t even covered our stall fee today so we are certainly NOT coming to any more of Geoff and Louise’s car boots anymore”

What an absolutely brilliant decision you couple of old moaners have made, but they don’t seem to have very active brain cells because ‘you confused old pair of codgers you sold all the good stuff at Rosudgeon (a rarity for Rosudgeon) on Wednesday and took good money’ (not many do you know, not at Rosudgeon anyway) and you piled all the unsold items of ‘Le Crap’ and brought it all to Falmouth and Lo and Behold the citizens of Falmouth said ‘No thanks stick it’ to your stall and the junk displayed like a mini landfill site dears so if ‘Le Crap’ fits, wear it and take your junk to sell somewhere else and by the way I wouldn’t take it to Hayle because they are parkie folkers over there who shop by their purses (that’s just the men) and they won’t buy the sort of crap and junk like what I saw on your stall today my lovelies, perhaps my best idea is to figging bin it. They left snivelling “We didn’t even cover our stall fee” shit like that happens in the real world my bird! What goes around sometimes does not always cometh around. Amen.

Anyway the original Car Booter who was tagged as ‘a land fill site’ several years ago was none other than Kim who does the occasional house clearances in Padstow and around the Wadebridge areas. That lot are not hard up at all in the rich part of Cornwall (second to Camborne) so Kim does get bargains galore and the reason we love her is that she passes on those bargains with affordable prices to our buyers who flock around her stall and it all adds to giving our Car Boot Sales a great reputation.
There are countless others who set up good stalls at great value prices. With our population of Cornwall on the rapid rise ‘we are moving into Cornwall from Europe’s brigade’ FFS (please not in Falmouth or Penryn they are both full anyway) however many more people are setting up home and come to our boot sales for all of their household requirements before going to the local stores to pay fall-whack prices. Back to Kim, she loves her Car Boots and she is extremely popular with other sellers and certainly her bargain hunting public and she is a credit to our events and so nice to her adoring customers dear of her and she is drop dead gorgeous into the bargain! (But then I am a bit short sighted)
Kim sells at Newquay on most Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12.00 noon.
Love yer Kim.
X
Update on Madam Polish (the aggressive buyer) is that she asked if she could come back to the Car Boots and I refused simply because a Manageress of Charity shop advised me she had caught Madam Polish changing prices on ladies clothing in her Charity shop. That is so naughty it’s disgusting.

Remember this extract from Dear Father save me;
I am certain that my complainant is a nice person and probably pretty who just wants to show her dog off to the world and let everybody have a stroke of the mutt faced pup. The only reason I want to have a Chihuahua calling it ‘Willie’ (whatever sex it is) is so that I could stand in the gates at all on my Car Boot Sales holding the cuddly little monster and have all ‘ladies only’ come up and fondle my little ‘Willie’ in full view of the rest of our adoring Car Boot crowd! Send in the solicitors, the man is demented FFS!! Result or what!! (And my wife is standing there and doesn’t GAF)

On Saturday at Mitchell a lovely lady regular who had read the blog suggested “If I bring my ‘pussy’ and you bring your ‘little Willie’ can we both stand in the gates and play with each other! Brilliant idea my lover and a great sense of humour, I will ask the wife if that’s ok?

To:
Subject: WEBSITE: Dear Father, save me from insanity FFS
Date: Thu, 2 Jul 2015 18:51:18 +0100
Can you please take down the blog post you have written with my email? You have no right to put my email online. If you had any decency you would have emailed personally. I acted like a civil person and wrote you. You have no right to attack me and how I raise my animals. If you do not remove your post, I will do you for slander as that is what you are doing.
From: Geoff Camden-Wiles
Sent: ‎02/‎07/‎2015
Subject: RE: WEBSITE: Dear Father, save me from insanity FFS
Madam,
your email came into my junk mail and I have not in any way divulged any information about yourself or your email address. The blog stays.
To:
Subject: RE: WEBSITE: Dear Father, save me from insanity FFS
Date: Thu, 2 Jul 2015 19:18:38 +0100
I will therefore be pursuing legal action against you as you have committed libel.
Subject: RE: WEBSITE: Dear Father, save me from insanity FFS
Date: Thu, 2 Jul 2015 19:39:57 +0100
Dear ????
I have read what my husband has had to say in his blog. He is light hearted and irreverent but in no way does he identify you personally. In order to libel you he must defame you. This is not possible if you haven’t been identified.
Our landlords have granted permission for car boot sales on the strict condition there is NO DOGS. The amount of excuses we have had from dog owners as to why their dog is special is so totally amazing it is now actually quite funny. It’s simple. No Dogs. If that means we lose you as a customer then that has to be so. We have no lee-way or say.
If you wish to get a legal opinion that is your right.
Louise Camden-Wiles
Dear Geoff Camden-Wiles,
You have committed copyright infringement by posting my email on your blog without my permission. As stated in UK law, the content of an email remains the property of the author therefore it is an offense to copy the content and post it elsewhere as you have done on your blog post. I would appreciate it if you would take the blog post containing my email down and I will say no more on this matter.
However if you decline to do this, I will be pursuing the other offenses you have committed such as Libel and Invasion of Privacy; also the copyright infringement. For this you will be liable to pay me compensation.
Regards,

Monday 6th July; over the weekend we had a mixed bag of weather with some very heavy rain thunder and lightning on Sunday so I was delighted that we were able to go ahead at all three of our sales at Truro and Penryn plus a pathetic turnout at Lanhydrock so bad we had to give FREE admission to buyers, however we noticed that Withiel also had a poor turnout obviously due to the heavy rains. We have to be careful at Lanhydrock as the grounds become marshy with the rain and we would not relish having to tow out sellers and buyers at twenty quid a time to be dragged out by a tractor,’ you can stay there for me my bird, I’m going home!

The main event of the week of Car Boot Sales is ‘The New Mitchell’ which was well supported by up to 200 sellers and about 2000 buyers and their kids but NO DOGS at all, not even our security dog Nana Moon. A sight I have rarely seen was kids and some parents walking about with no shoes on their feet in the knowledge that they won’t tread in dog poo, I saw kids doing cartwheels on the green fields and people sitting on the grass with their kids enjoying the buzz that goes with car boots so that’s what it was like with NO DOGS.
Several of our customers loved the ‘Dear Father, save me from insanity FFS’ blog that I put into Geoff Says on Thursday July the second. Within minutes of my posting the blog I received the above emails asking me to take the blog off or the write would ‘do me for slander or libel and compensation!

Now I know I am a bit outspoken in my blogs but the truth is that I ‘says it like I sees it’ and I tell the truth and I give a true indication in a fatherly way when someone is living in a world where common sense does not prevail and basically acting without firstly engaging brain and then do some serious thinking before opening gob? In the first instance the complainants email was retrieved from my junk mail and I genuinely thought ‘this is a wind up’ but I will go along with it as the email was bordering on stupidity but was funny so that is why I thought our readers would like the fact that I was getting seriously wound up or that ‘someone was taking the piss’ out of me. So I did the story without any mention of the lady nor is her email address in fact it is absolutely impossible for the writer to be identified apart from the fact that the writer is a woman.

On Saturday and back to Mitchell amid the comments and laughter on this matter about the woman wanting to bring a puppy-dog in a sling so that she was allowed to be the only person at the New Mitchell to break the rules of the Landlords ‘NO DOGS’ and parade and show off the little ickle puppy dog in a sling looking like a handbag and the little ickle puppy dog can’t be away from mummy’s sight for ages, do me a favour FFS! One customer asked if he could start selling animal slings, a Welshman asked if he could bring in his ‘worried looking pet lamb’ in a sling another suggested we had a ’puppy slinging contest’ as we are so close to the A30. What is wrong with people minds? No, NO, and No again FFS! Are you all mental or summit?
To calm the situation down I am making a new ruling on top of the Landlords NO DOGS policy that you may only bring your pet hamster but how you’re going to carry them in a sling that is your problem, we could have a competition for ‘the cutest ickle hammy hamster’ my lovers, the Cutest hammy gets top prize of ten quid and the fattest ickle fat pet hamster gets shot FFS!

My take on dogs is this, they are great companions and constantly your best friend but ‘they is not human they is an animal’ and as such should be treated thus, they should not be allowed to ‘eat at the table, nor sleep in the kitchen nor larder nor sleep in your beds’ cos that’s not very hygienic.
Dogs are totally dependent on you and contrary to my complainant’s belief Dogs absolutely love and adore being left at home when the family are all away and they can have hours and hours of undisturbed sleep and the freedom of the entire household with no noises from the bleeden kids or adults in fact they can’t wait till the front door slams and the car drives off! Bliss perfect bliss, suddenly I wanna be a dog!

I am certain that my complainant is a nice person and probably pretty who just wants to show her dog off to the world and let everybody have a stroke of the mutt faced pup. The only reason I want to have a Chihuahua calling it ‘Willie’ (whatever sex it is) is so that I could stand in the gates at all on my Car Boot Sales holding the cuddly little monster and have all ‘ladies only’ come up and fondle my little ‘Willie’ in full view of the rest of our adoring Car Boot crowd! Result!! Send in the solicitors, the man is demented FFS!! Result or what!! (and my wife is standing there and doesn’t GAF-FFS!)

At the bottom of our Homepage you will see a number that reflects how many times people come to our website for Car Boot information and to look at the other pages. Today’s figure has just reached nine hundred and twenty three thousand only seventy seven thousand 923,000 only 77,000 short of ONE MILLION hits which is astounding and guess what? The majority of the readers read Geoff Says and we are now getting so many compliments about my stupid outspoken loud mouth opinions that the readers love it and want more and it’s FREE FFS! All I ask please is that you send some of the stories to your friends and families so we can make that ONE MILLION hits before the end of this year and if you have a story that deserves the Geoff Says opinions and treatment send it to me and I give you a solemn promise to keep you details totally private in every way but my replies will be no holds barred fun stuff, however if you start thinking about compensation from a ‘working pensioner’ and you start proceedings against me then I reserve the right to tell the whole world who you are my lover. X

Ps; If you haven’t had tears in your eyes over this blog then I am wasting my time every time I read it I cry with laughter cos when and if my loving wife Lou reads it I am seriously in trouble! Bring it on! XX

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-33376376

Today’s email to

Hi,

I am aware that Mitchell is no dogs however was wondering if this would still apply if the dog was in a sling and not on the ground. As the reason given is that the boot sale is on farmland, surely a dog that is not on the floor is not an issue. I am a regular visitor of your car boots and frequently visit Mitchell however have recently got a young pup who I cannot leave alone so carry in a sling. She has not had her injections so I cannot put her on the ground therefore under no circumstances would she leave the dog sling that I use to carry her.
Many thanks

Geoff Says;

This is an email that I firstly thought ‘is a total wind-up’ but no the writer is most serious in her request and one of us is going balmy but I do not think it is me this time!

What part of NO do you not understand Madam? I do not care if the dog is in a sling or in a carrier bag or tucked under your arm or straddled round your neck or squashed into your purse or nestling between your butt cheeks the simple answer for all to see is NO DOGS ALLOWED and we do not mean maybe, we mean definitely!

I cannot believe that your life seems to be thrown into chaos because you have bought a widget mutt of a dog who is obviously less than three months old and you are asking for a ‘special rule’ for your pup which is disrespectful to all other dog owners and to the simple demand that NO DOGS are allowed on the farmland whether they are tip-toing onto the grass or hidden on your personage or hanging upside down from a noose under an umbrella NO DOGS means NO DOGS.

Further, I cannot believe you are unable to leave the dog (pup) in the house on its own for a couple of hours whilst you do a bit shopping or attend our Car Boot Sales, it is pure fantasy to imagine any harm would come to the animal! You are showing more care to a pup than most people show towards their screaming kids FFS!

The owners of Pauls Promotions Car Boot Sales in Taunton recently conducted a survey on FACEBOOK asking for customers opinions SHOULD DOGS be BANNED from Car Boot Sales and the result was that 10,000 people voted to say an emphatic NO DOGS ten thousand times! So dear Paul has now the permission and mandate of a HUGE majority to say NO DOGS allowed and that is his ruling from this day onwards. I do not need too much tempting to create the same ruling to all of Car Boots Cornwall 10 locations.

On Tuesday at Newquay Louise was talking to a seller before the Car Boot started and I had to shout to Lou “Look behind you, there is a dog having a crap” sure enough the lady who Lou was talking to was the owner of the dog and you have guessed already that she did not have a poo bag to clear up the runny mess so muggins Car Boots Cornwall had to provide one” We had a holiday family whose dog crapped in the car park last week and we asked the mother to use a ‘poo bag’ but she did not have one so Lou gave her one from our stock and the woman had the nerve to ask ”Could I have a few of those bags we are here for two weeks and I didn’t bring any with me” FFS!

Let’s get to the reality of this situation, we are running Community Car Boot Sales not Cruft’s nor a local dog show. Our priority is for the Health and Safety of our many thousands of weekly customers. We have BANNED-BARRED dogs from The New Mitchell site Trethvas Farm and the business goes from strength to strength and we are repeatedly praised for our decision to exclude ALL DOGS, that is the current position and that is how it stays! Amen!

“Dogs could die in HOT CARS but they certainly won’t (cos they is banned) at The New Mitchell on Saturdays at 12.00 noon also on WEDNESDAYS at 12.00 noon”

You will all know that we start each Car Boot Sale by blasting a horn at the advertised start times and as soon as the HORN goes off the rushing and running into the sale from hundreds of buyers is a sight worth seeing but then you get the moaners who can’t run complaining “Look at them just like vultures” ‘no they are not they are looking for BARGAINS’ but the stupidity is they don’t know where TF they are running to or where TF the bargains are as they frantically look for something to ‘shove on eBay’ within the next couple of hours or so! But from my experience of watching buyers in a rush-run they are quite often the losers. It seems it is always the quiet ‘take your time’ buyers who are the winners.

Our Marge and Rita and Sylvia and Betty are the perfect example as they go quietly in different directions from stall to stall looking for collectables or just something for the house or the family. Over the years these lovely ladies along with hundreds and thousands of other similar buyers have bought some amazing and stunning bargains and being nice to all concerned and not bartering too heavy and paying reasonable and realistic prices for their purchases. These customers are the backbone to the success of Car Boot Sales which make it such an attraction to our annual holiday makers who come annually to Cornwall and who spend lots of money at our sales.

Market Traders are well received and display great bargains for whoever wants to buy them but some of these traders arrive, set up their stall, serve a few customers take a couple hundred quids and drive off leaving girt great gaps in the sellers lines which is hugely disrespectful to the genuine car boot sellers. Much to the dismay of a couple of traders who were seriously pissed off as I have introduced a minimum 2 hour stay period but the majority were delighted with the new ruling.

Big Steve the Rock Man actually complimented me on the idea saying I was a ‘gent for looking after us pensioners. What utter sarcasm! Anyway a customer asked me if Steve was gay. He certainly is not he is always advertising for a lady up to 90 years of age who likes a bit of his rock now and then (and then again) but she must ‘have her own tractor’ FFS! The reason the person asked me is because Steve has signs on his windscreen STEVE and BRUNO. No my lover, Bruno is his pigging yapping crapping papping stupid mutt of a male excuse for a miniature pedigree dog. The dammed thing was under Steve’s table yesterday yapping away resulting in yet more complaints from Hyacinth Bouquet who told me ‘Steve has got a water pistol which he shoots at Bruno when he barks and it stops him straight away’ “No it doesn’t the bloody thing is still yapping, he should try sand, that works”

My mate Chalawa from St Kitts has ‘somewhere in the bush’ a Cannabis Plantation where he employs 3 ‘banned’ Pit Bull dogs that are big and ugly bastards required at all times ‘don’t effing bark’ to protect The Herb from intruders and monkeys. These dogs were gruesome buggers and you could see the war wounds on their faces but when all three take a liking to a ‘white man’ it is not a pleasant experience I can assure you. Chalawa and his sons laugh as I plead with them ‘take the ugly bastards off me please Chalawa FFS, he say “They like you man, dem never tasted white meat before man” one more puff on his giant spliff it seems I am seriously ‘on my own and I dare not poop my pants in case that turns the hounds on even more FFS!! Anyway the way he trains them ‘don’t effing bark’ is to throw sand in their eyes and they soon shut up. So would I, it would be like the pepper sprays the Police use only 10 times worse getting all that gritty sand off your eyeballs FFS!

Life is a beach-and then you marry one?