Dear Prime Minister,

The quickest way to upset the Scots is by you going to Scotland because they hate you and your bloody ‘effing Tories’ party. I reckon the NO votes will win by 53/47 and the next Deputy Prime Minister will be Nigel Forage and you will be the lost leader.
Stay away from Scotland Davy boy surely there is a war somewhere you can poke your nose into and spend billions of our tax payers money like we still are in Iraq?

If it’s good enough for Andy Murray it’s good enough for Scotland to stay in the UK
X
So Andy changed his mind at the last minute? LOSER!!!

Mitchell today all calm and then……

As we approach the end of season there is no reason for us to make decisions to close any of our Car Boot Sales whilst we are having such good weather. Today’s weather was ideal a bit chilly so that will keep the holidaymakers off the beach and the sale was well supported by eager buyers. A boy of 8 lost his mum and dad, he was so distressed he kept giving us the wrong information, eventually we found out his parents were selling so he was eagerly reunited with father who refused to pay us either a ransom nor a reward! The last girl that was lost was at Newquay and she told us her mum had purple hair, when mum turned up she has mousy brown hair, her daughter was no pleasure to look after and enjoyed being ‘the lost child’ so I couldn’t wait to get rid of the spoilt little madam she recognised me the following week and tried to trip me up as a joke. Amazingly funny for the little moo-face!

I always reckon that over 98% of the sellers are clean living people and they are honest and trustworthy and would not mislead the public by knowingly selling fake jewellery and fake Louis Footon handbags which are apparently worth fortunes. (also I cannot spell his name proper like)

Anyway there I was standing at my car when two young ladies introduced themselves as TRADING STANDARDS officers who had observed two stalls selling questionable jewellery and Footon fake bags and other items. They took several items away from the two stalls which will be examined and analysed to check their authenticity of not.
If you sell any items that you know or believe them to be fake it is certain that eventually you will get caught but what pisses me off is that these ‘fake sellers’ who sell their crap to the tourists and holidaymakers and locals claiming them to be the genuine item. Mr & Mrs Joe Public buy these items in the belief they have bought ‘the genuine article’ so when I see TRADING STANDARDS officers at our locations I know they are helping CARBOOTSCORNWALL to keep all fake stocks away from our locations. Let’s face it if the bag is say a grand to buy direct from Footon and the fakes are say fifty quid at Mitchell Car Boot then Mr Footon will be justifiably pissed off!

Don’t sell fakes at CARBOOTSCORNWALL cos Trading Standards could well feel your collar and it is a horrible experience in front of all the other Car Boot sellers and buyers because they firstly ‘close your stall down’ then they methodically go through every item you are selling then they carry away the items they believe to be fake in clear plastic bags so your humiliation is complete and it makes you SHUDDER with embarrassment and it happened today at Mitchell at 3.00pm. Bottom line; DON’T SELL FAKES!

To:

Dear Sir

My family and I sold at your car boot sale last Saturday at Mitchell for the first time.
We were impressed by the facilities and the nicely cut grass. We also had a fair amount of interest in our clothes etc.
However at the end of the day I had a disappointing experience which I am not complaining about but thought it might be helpful to pass this scam on to you to share with other innocent people.

I sold a mint pair of boots priced at £5 to a woman who surprisingly didn’t barter or try them on strangely as I was expecting. She gave me a £10 note and I foolishly put it in my bag and said aloud immediately that she would need £5 change. When I brought out a £5 note the classic situation occurred and she said oh but I gave you a £20 note. I was so upset but did have the presence of mind to say that I hadn’t got her £20 note in my bag as I knew I only took one mauve note for my cat carrier that day. She insisted that she gave me a £20 note and a spiel about how honest she was etc. Well I immediately knew I had been scammed and felt so foolish but annoyed that I had lost £10 out of my takings. This was an expensive lesson to learn which I did already know about but fell for this routine.

The sting in the tale sadly is that the person who did this to me was a member of staff on the field supervising us all.
When I returned I sat down and totted up our sales and and listed the large items we had sold and we were £10 down.
What a pity this person hadn’t felt able to at least meet me halfway with this disagreement but they obviously were quite comfortable with the situation they had manipulated expertly well.
I hope you will feel able to share this situation with your public and warn them to be vigilant and aware at all times.
I went to the Rosudgeon boot sale yesterday feeling nervous but equipped to give change and kept all the notes in front of the buyer until the change was given and we had a lovely day.

Yours faithfully

J.E.Edwards (Mrs)
Sent from my iPad

From:

To:
CC:

Subject: RE: Warning
Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2014 17:53:58 +0100

Dear Mrs Edwards,

I am extremely concerned at your email which I received today and I must point out that the person you claim ‘scammed you’ was in fact the Co-Owner of Car Boots Cornwall and is my wife Louise Camden Wiles and it would seem you have many facts wrong in your accusation.

Louise assisted with the parking of the 200 plus sellers cars and before she left Mitchell to go to run our Car Boot Sale at The Royal Cornwall Showground-Wadebridge, she looked at a few of the stalls including you stall where she bought your ecco boots. The time was 1.30 and she left Mitchell for WADEBRIDGE at 1.35 pm however you claim incorrectly that the incident you refer to happened at ‘the end of the day’ when in fact the sale finished around 3.30 pm and she had been at Wadebridge just before 2.00 pm so in fact your information is totally incorrect.

Louise advised me that she bought the boots for the FIVE pounds you asked for and did not barter with you because she thought your asking price was totally fair and she paid you with a TWENTY pound note which was in fact folded when she handed it to you and you offered her change for a TEN pound note. ‘classic situation indeed’
When my wife asserted the fact she gave you a £20.00 note you denied having taken one all day. She assured you she had handed you a £20.00 and it was folded. When you checked your notes in front of my wife you found the folded £20.00 which she had given you. You apologised for your mistake and gave her her correct change.

Your email is extremely libellous and I feel absolutely no obligation to warn any of the public to be aware and vigilant of such a scam that did not happen. We pride ourselves with our reputation of complete honesty and I am furious with your accusations against Louise who is a totally honest person and has handled many thousands of pounds on behalf of CARBOOTSCORNWALL since we were established in 1989 and with TEN locations for Car Boot Sales this is without doubt the only accusation concerning alleged dishonesty of any of my team members and is grossly offensive.

I would ask the you withdraw your libellous accusation with an immediate apology please.

I will treat your comment about Rosudgeon with the contempt it deserves!

Geoff Camden Wiles

www.carbootscornwall.co.uk

Saturday at Mitchell

Most customers know of Java Palava who specialize on serving delicious coffee to our customers and their regular appearances at Mitchell and Newquay are certainly a hit with many regulars. Shortly after the start at Mitchell a very irate man came to report the lady at the Java Palava stall for being very rude to him.

It seems JP were busy with serving customers with some taking a sit down break to enjoy their coffee when this man walked up to the stall with a large bag of dog shit and dumped it into the JP bin provided strictly for JP customers. Maria the co-owner saw red demanding that the man take the package of poo out of the catering bin immediately.
He then claimed he was entitled to put the dog shit into the bin as the bin did not have a lid on it which is a total load of bull shit, the bin was in the catering area for catering disposables and the lid was besides the bin
Maria asked him again to remove the bag of poo again he was reluctant so Marie lifted the bag out of the bin put the lid on the bin and said to the man “This is your dog shit take it away” which comments were supported by JPs customers.

In his complaint to me he claimed that he was a qualified chef and in his training if a bin did not have a lid on it then you can put anything you want into the bin which is a total load of bollocks, try explaining that one to the Environmental Health department who would have the power to close down establishments who would allow dog poo to be placed inside their catering and waste bins.

Full compliments to JP in particular Maria who knew her rights but isn’t it a lack of common sense to even contemplate putting dog shit into bins where people are relaxing enjoying drinks and snacks.
Firstly engage brain, if your dog has a crap it is your responsibility to pick up the poo and take it home with you because farmers do not want bags of poo littering the countryside and for the complainant take it home and put it into your wife’s kitchen bin and watch her reaction and the reason you should take it home is because you brought it with you ‘inside the dog’ so it’s your property.

One final thought before we start considering once again to BAN dogs in the selling area is this; Most dog owner exercise their dog either in their own gardens or on their regular walks where the dogs can empty their bladders and bowels so when they arrive at our boot sales they don’t crap everywhere.

Now then, the other dog owners we shall call the ‘lazy sods’ they get up late they rush to get to the Car Boot they rush their dogs into the car and the first bit of grass the effing dogs see is at my Car Boot Sales and the next thing is they want to crap everywhere because it’s the first time in the day the dog gets chance to empty its bowels FFS !

So if you see a dog defecate on my grounds you will also see one hell of a ‘lazy sod’ owner who does not ‘walk the pigging dog’ and from the state and size of some of the owners they need the exercise as well the fat B’stards.

From:
To:
Subject: mitchell carboot rudeness of staff
Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2014 08:53:50 -0700

The following message has been sent via the website:

Name: maslen
Email:
Subject: mitchell carboot rudeness of staff
Telephone: 01872261492
Message: went to mitchell carboot today 5/9/14 asked for disabled parking told to go a certain way, seen a space near the entrance , so proceeded there only to be stopped and told …. you will go where i f..king tell you my husband showed his disability parking permit, and the boy said again you will go where i f..king tell you to park, his name was SAM MOONEY , If this is how your staff treat people, im highly disgusted, i want something done about this boy, we demanded to speak to his boss but got told tough by him(SAM), we demanded our money which we got , now please do something , we could have been a holiday makers , what a example that would have been.for cornwall.

IP Logged As: 146.90.133.30

To:

Cc: louise

Madam,

I am appalled by your email in which you clearly have not stated the truth.

Our parking staff are instructed to park all vehicles in correct rotation and to complete each row of parking cars before starting another row. You husband did not like the way he was being directed and drove his car at Sam in complete arrogance refusing to park where he was being directed, he then started a torrent of abuse towards Sam which is unacceptable.

Two other customers and their family witnessed your husbands threatening actions and grossly offensive language and they came to me to report the entire incident in fact they had concern for the safety of SAM because you Madam started in the same offensive way as you husband with shouting and effing and blinding at SAM.

I understand that he swore at yourselves which I cannot defend however with the apparent verbal abuse towards him the witnesses agreed that he was well provoked by yourselves whilst trying to continue his car parking duties.

You then texted to advise “No one else was near all the other staff was at payment gate” and then telephoned me to demand that I sack SAM. As I was driving I refused to discuss the matter until later, you then phoned my wife to make the same demand that we sack him. We have taken note of your car registration number and I am advising you that you are not welcome at any of our Car Boot Sales in future, we cannot have our team members treated with such disrespect as witnessed by neutral customers.

It seems your aggravation was caused by your demanding special parking because you had a blue disabled pass. These passes do not have any authority on private land. Our motto is ‘you are out in the country to get some exercise and fresh air’ the only exercise you both got was to disgrace yourselves with a tirade of verbal abuse towards a 19 year old who was doing his work in a diligent manner till you arrived!

Geoff Camden Wiles
Director
CARBOOTSCORNWALL

It has been a fantastic season from early June when a complete team change took place. What a delight to work in such a happy atmosphere with very positive young people who are mainly going back to College University or 6th form in the next few days. We hope to see you next year. (well at least some of you)

Good luck with your studies.

Many thanks to you all sincerely,

Geoff & Louise

XX

16 pictures click on each picture;

Before coming to live in Cornwall I was the Operations General Manager at Pontins in Somerset Burnham on Sea it was a very quiet respected area and at the end of the summer holidays Burnham would quietly return to the peace and quiet of a retirement resort with lovely coastal surroundings. In the years I knew Burnham I never heard of any aggro whatsoever so I was totally gobsmacked when my mate Paul who runs Taunton Car Boots told me of an incident that got completely out of control involving the Police.

A man buys a music system at the local Burnham on Sea Car Boot Sale from a seller for ten pounds the buyer asks “Does it work” The seller assures the buyer ‘Yes it works’ buyer goes straight home tries out the system and it does not work! Without delay he returns to the stall says the music system is useless and demands his money back. Paul my mate and the boss of Taunton Car Boots was walking in the bossy way he walks (I’m in charge)towards the stall when he notices the two men had started fighting and ‘were rolling about in the grass punching and kicking each other’ with tables and stocks a ’crashing. Paul stands on a chair and starts shouting to the fighting men “Stop the fighting or I shall call the Police” but do they listen to Paul my mate? Oh no, so the Police arrive and it was all a load of old handbags and hot air really but the buyer did have complete right on his side. Paul my mate was overcome with anxiety coming over with a hot sweat when he realised he had handled the situation so different to the way I trained him. One day he hopes to become the boss of Car Boots Cornwall, God protect my lot from Paul and his partner Chris for they know not what a rough lot our crowd are especially the over 80s including Marge Posh Anne and our Rosie.

Once the seller had said ‘Yes it works’ that is a guarantee to the buyer that the seller can be trusted to keep his word and if you return with the not-working item which the buyer did then he WAS entitled to a refund, but to have to resort to a punch up over the dispute is gross stupidity. Recently a man sold 2 laptops at MABE claiming they worked one buyer paid nearly £200.00 for his that did not work that was 5 weeks ago, I am waiting for this seller to return as he had promised refunds if the laptops were faulty but tells the buyers a completely different story on the phone. There is little I can do in the passing of time but rest assured this seller will not be allowed to sell at CBC again, the point I do not understand is ‘why would any person in their right mind take the gamble of buying a second hand laptop at a Car Boot for a couple of hundred pounds when you can buy them brand new for a few quid more and you will get a guarantee for at least a year’ you nutters!!

Lou often brings home gossip from Par, Long Rock and Wadebridge and one man we call Gobby (behind his back) who often talks the hind legs off a donkey’s ass asking Lou if she remembered his woman. Without waiting for Lou to reply Gobby tells her, “Well I caught her ‘shagging around’ so I told her to bugger off” Reading between the lines a few weeks later he is missing her and missing his nookies so he finds out that she has got herself a nice little place so they patch up their differences and he agrees to redecorate the place for her and he spends loads of money doing up the flat with her telling him ‘once it is all finished you can move in, but don’t tell anyone yet’

Somewhere in Hayle!
As an early Sunday morning surprise he decides to go and collect her to take her around the Car Boot Sales starting at Hayle. He arrives at the flat at six in the morning and notices the front door is open when a man walks out whilst putting his jacket on saying “I will leave the door open for you mate” and off he goes.
Gobby walks into the sitting room noticing two empty wine bottles and two wine glasses on the coffee table so he then creeps upstairs and there laying on the bed is his missus bollock naked! ‘And who TF was that man who just walked out this place’ “Oh he has slept on the settee all night” she lies. “Oh yes so how does that explain you are stripped fooking naked you slag” He then makes the most ridiculous statement to Lou which had her in an instant ranting at the bloke as he tells her “After a sodding great row and me accusing her of shagging around again I threw her down the stairs” he bragged.
What a bloody hero! I am not sure there is any truth to this story but Lou certainly wrapped him up in a very few sentences but what stupidity to relate this story to another woman and expect her to understand his justification for ‘throwing a woman down the stairs’ I could never contemplate that, anyway we live in a bungalow!
Before you strike out count to ten then do it again and again FFS! In fairness it is not the men who are the only offenders women also beat up their husbands.

This couple I shall call Widget and Bridget. Not getting his own way (not enough nookies) with his partner Widget decides to go Internet dating so he finds a website ‘NEEDING A SHAG in your area” he pays the fee and advertises himself looking for someone (a female) living in Cornwall. His partner Bridget (the real deal female) becomes suspicious and starts checking the pc and finds that Widget had been visiting the contacts websites of women in your area. She decides to dig further to find out who he had been in contact with. Bridget reads his introduction and sets out to trap the bastard by first replying to his advert under the name of Shirley and asking him for pictures of himself (this is honestly true) and send it to her new email address. The following day Bridget gets the email from Widget with a picture of himself and to her amazement a close up selfie of his Willy! After a couple of emails they decide to meet at a pub where they can ‘get to know each other and even more or so Widget hopes’
Back home Bridget gets ready for her alleged Yoga class and Widget tells her he is going to look at a ‘house clearance’ and off they go in their separate ways.
Widget arrives at the pub to meet up with Shirley newly laundered reeking of some cheap crap aftershave orders himself a pint and awaits his date Shirley to arrive. He settles down to his pint sinking a Viagra in readiness for ACTION!

Bridget walks into the pub straight up to Widget who is gobsmacked she says to him ‘What are you doing here’ “Oh, I just came in for a pint what are you doing here” ‘I am SHIRLEY your blind date you bastard’ and she gets his pint and tips it all over him saying “I will see you at home” By the time he gets home he is pissed out his mind Bridget however is seething.

I saw Widget the following day and he had a severely bruised face and broken glasses for she had beaten him up with her own bare hands. He ached all over and I must admit I did not have one ounce of sympathy for him because he is an ugly sod and he did not know how lucky he was as Bridget is bloody rotten gorgeous but he had treated her like shit.
Bridget is now with a new man in her life who knows how to treat a lovely woman. But, you mustn’t hit each other it’s against the law count to ten then count again. I have been beaten up by 6 women over the years and I enjoyed the reasons so much for getting beaten up in the first place so I didn’t feel any pains my lovers, just memories happy memories.

Have you ever had a nervous breakdown?
So where do we start with a nervous breakdown or is it all in the mind? Several years ago before we got involved with Car Boot Sales we ran the famous Dig & Delve in Swanpool Street a second hand shop which when we opened locals traders gave us no more than three months before we would close down, the same shop is now in its 27th year but all the local voices of doom who predicted our trading demise are no longer in business so bloody there!

Life was good in those days people would constantly arrive at the shop to sell their unwanteds and estate agents would use us to deal with house clearances so the shop was an immediate success. I used to get very frustrated within the four walls of the shop, previously I was General Manager of Pontins in Brean Sands Somerset with up to 5000 people a week and a staff of 300 and here I am in a lock up shop earning a good living but not happy.
The local’s tourists and students supported the shop and the popularity was phenomenal but I had this constant urge to get away from the shop as soon as possible. My personal popularity used to really piss Lou off because if I was in the shop the entertainment was nonstop with lots of good banter between the customers and me (but the takings went up) but Lou wishing for a peaceful life could not stand the customers standing around and basically wanted me all to herself. (I can totally understand that)
So life wasn’t too bad we had (still have) a wonderful relationship and enjoy our very reclusive time off to ourselves. On a rare occasion Lou and I decided to go to Plymouth to see EVITA. During the interval I needed some fresh air and I felt really rotten and sick and thoroughly pissed off but worse I did not feel I could cope with life and the stresses and worries of living. What brought this about I have no idea suddenly I feel worthless and that the whole world was against me. My body felt drained of feelings I had simply had enough and I wanted to opt out. I did not want to work and I could not control my mood swings I kept crying my morale was totally fuct and I just wanted to lay in bed and for the whole world to just ‘go away’
I went to my doctors who was as useless as a dog lead on King Kong’s dick. He was giving me all sorts of depressants and anti-depressants that made me even worse and out of control of myself. He tried to survey me “And how is your sex life now Mr Viles” (daft sod couldn’t pronounce his WWs) I replied ‘Mine is fine how is yours’ and I believe from there on in his dislike for Mr Viles was permanent! Result!! He sent me to painting classes when I arrived for the first time (and the pigging last) there I was with 20 other total nutters but some of them were a lot nuttier than me and I could see myself staying no more than five minutes so I politely excused myself and went back home to bed to try to sort myself out.

Lou had been an absolute gem (still is) looking after me and our shop but when she told me the Dig & Delve gossip that ‘she and I had broken up and that she had got the shop in settlement’ I was deeply pissed off, this was like a WAKE UP call to sort myself out. The voodoo doctor and his medicines tried over several weeks have not worked so it is now up to me to get myself right because Lou does not deserve this shit.

Within six weeks I had completely turned myself around, I bought a couple of sets of weights got loads of exercise stopped smoking we became closet vegetarians and over the next few years I/we built up Car Boots Cornwall with 10 locations, sod it!

Seriously you can control the effects of a nervous breakdown with sheer determination and a supportive partner for I know of another couple who over many years the wife has been going through serious bouts of depression and at times is a right miserable old sod but she is so loved by her husband. She knows he loves her but she is neglectful in returning his love so she can’t be bothered (arsed) but she does love him.
She certainly can nag on a bit, I don’t know if she is a mother-in-law but she could compete well with mine who can fire up just like her daughter-my wife has been trained!
I have heard them both having a right old ding dong battle (hilarious in the public arena) The only thing going for him is that he wears a hearing aid and when she goes on her rants he pulls the plug out of his ears saying ‘yes dear’ every few minutes.

They have 2 Jack Russell dogs who seem to carry the same depression around with them with their slouched shoulders and hidden tails and their really couldn’t GAF attitude. Imagine that, being seriously depressed also having two manic depressant dogs to cheer you up but the punch line to this is that the dogs actually sleep in the same bed as this couple so they all get (and deserve) each other twenty four pigging hours a day FFS! The dogs don’t understand WTF she is saying to them and he has unplugged her so you’re now on your own baby!

Recently she went to hospital for one of those ‘women operations’ and her depressions seriously set in whilst staying at home convalescing. Seeing the husband at the Car Boots on his own I always ask “Where she is and how she is” he tells me she is so depressed it is difficult to get her to come out. I sent a message “You telI her that I want to see her” Two days later she appears looking absolutely knackered but pleased to be back, apparently she had read one of my Geoff Says ranting’s telling people to get up off there fat arses and get out there and get some exercise and some good old Cornish fresh air and STOP feeling sorry for your bloody self! As she reads she says to herself’ that’s me’

Before she had left the sale the colour had come back to her cheeks the bags under her eyes looked as though they were receding (from a distance) and her old man looked a bit happier (unless it was indigestion) but he can be a miserable old sod at times as well.
So yes you can control depression by having something else to occupy your minds like the car boots where you can relax without pressures and hopefully the friendly atmosphere will take you away from your worries and concerns then you can go back home after being out in the fresh Cornish air, you have had some exercise so have a cup of coffee and fall asleep in your armchair and wake up still a miserable old git, bit like me really!
But remember this; you die if you worry, you die if you don’t, so why worry in the first place FFS and if it’s worry about debt, if you aint got the money you cannot spend it. Been there done that. Move on!!

This is dedicated to my anonymous couple whom I try to council and analyse their problem, I think he should smarten himself up, have a proper shave, take a couple of Viagra’s put on some aftershave and a nice clean shirt not forgetting to ‘wash down below’ whilst she is upstairs putting on her makeup fish net tights and corselet. When she comes downstairs don’t take the piss just tell her she looks lovely and you still love her (just don’t put your figging glasses on FFS) and you love her to bits and spend an hour making wild passionate love with each other by having a good old fashioned Cornish style shag (make her do all the bloody work) Whilst all this is going on your depressions will disappear so make it last FFS!
I admire them both and wish them total happiness so get it together you 2 coz you really need and deserve each other so start off with taking the dogs for a long walk to the beaches. Now where can I get one of those deaf aid things?
Oh, and by the way kick the dogs out of the bedroom and STOP bleeding smoking dears!

Remember the man known as golden balls who bought an awful picture from MABE for 50p and it was sold by David Lay. I was wrong in my previous article as he actually got £640.00 for the painting. His lover showed me a gold bracelet she bought herself for under a pound, she cleaned it up and its value must be close to £100.00 What a BARGAIN!