GREAT DAY yesterday but FREEZING bloody cold but the 70 brave sellers were able to sell to almost 2000 men women and the kids BARGAINS GALORE! Today we are at Truro at 1.30pm so if you are selling WRAP UP well bring some bargains and look after your stocks! There could be some fake £20.00 notes so watch your taking and if you are unsure send the £20.00 to me for change!!
It’s April Fools Day and I am determined to catch her indoors out to get even with the Tesco’s shirt ordeal she put me through?
Go wake up Grannie and say ‘”It’s April Fools Day Geoff Says he wants to see you, come on we are going to the bootee”
I do not apologise for my picture! it’s fun” Do you recognise anyone? I think row 15 seats 7 & 8 could be Marge & Rita and two rows further up taking up two seats is Lady Lynn.

Today made life worth living with lovely warm sunshine plenty of happy faces and I was so chuffed to see some of the old gits that I seriously thought would not make it through the bloody rotten winter we have just kicked into touch. A great atmosphere returns to the famous MITCHELL and 70 sellers took realistic takings three that I spoke with had gone over the £100 quid’s. But you always get one moaning Minnie who said that 50p was too much to charge admission as she clutched to armfuls of BARGAINS ‘so I am thinking of charging for PARKING instead at two quid a car’ and was told to ‘piss off’ These Cornish can be so course at times!
If you were there thank you for your support and if you were not we missed your money!

GERMAN Binoculars!
Ok so I got it wrong the man who bought these World War 11 bino’s for a fiver made £1600 plus quid’s but here is some absolute SOUND ADVICE!!

NEVER ever have an auction finish time at 3.00 pm on a SATURDAY afternoon and it is a proven fact that you will make MORE MONEY selling on eBay for TEN DAYS starting on a THURSDAY and finishing on a SUNDAY evening. Think about it my lovers, buyers have 2 weekends to decide and when the auction finishes there are NO SHOPS OPEN and women (I love them all) need to spend, spend, spend!
So men after teatime give the Missus 20/30 quid and say ‘here darling treat yourself to something on eBay I am off to the pub to see the girlfriend’ You could come unstuck with this attitude that’s why I have been married four times my lovelies. (I just like wedding cake)

Here is a joke sent to Pope-ette Marge from a Catholic;
To honour TWO living Pope’s Benedict & Francis the new name for Vatican will be FRANKIE & BENNY’S…..? I still don’t get the joke?

Take Care but get some fresh air with exercise tomorrow and Bank Holiday Monday at Truro at 1.30 pm could be very busy and you could get some BARGAINS and bring Mother! Come on you ‘fine weather friends’ move your butts!
ITS NEWQUAY on TUESDAY & THURSDAY!!

AND, and DO NOT FORGET the clocks go backwards or forward tomorrow!

4 pictures:

MASSIVE ORIGINAL GERMAN U BOAT BINOCULARS 8X60 BLC SERIAL NUMBER 2160784 ZEISS

eBay Item number:

221205162837

One of the most regular dealers missed this absolute BARGAIN sold at CARN BREA Car Boot Sales last week for only FIVE POUNDS and I believe the selling price will be close to £2000.00 (that’s TWO grand to you and me) as there is one full day to go to the end of the eBay listing. GOOD LUCK to the seller who has been totally fair to the buyer with an honest description of the World War 11 binoculars!!

What about that Two thousand quid’s my lovers that’ll teach you to keep your eyes open for these stunning BARGAINS only available at Car Boot Sales and ‘well done’ to Carn Brea with what amounts to the ‘bargain of the year’ so far! My betting is that either MABE of MITCHELL will beat CARN BREA!!
Great Story!
PS; If I knew the buyer I would not tell you who it was but I hope someone from Cornwall wins these bino’s for their historical value.

Fridays; Still trying to get work done on the hard standing Car Park at Falmouth Rugby Club however we will go ahead GOOD FRIDAY at 12.30 pm
Market Traders welcome but NO LARGE VANS please!
Saturdays; Truro at 9.00 am MITCHELL at 1.00 pm the grounds look good to go;
Wadebridge starts Saturday 6th April at NEW TIME of 3.00 pm but we must watch the grounds are not disturbed for the ROYAL CORNWALL SHOW in June *more to follow.
SUNDAYS we hope to start next week SUNDAY 7th April at MABE Ground conditions look favourable.
Sundays & Monday at Truro Cattle Market at 1.30pm sellers Q from 12.00 noon!
It’s going to be bloody cold so please wrap up well and make sure your kids bring plenty of pocket money and their jackets! WRAP UP!!

A great crowd at TRURO on Sunday made up for the dreadful Saturday when only 9 sellers showed when we started at 9.00am 4 more turned up later but 2 had decided to go home and come back tomorrow! That was not a good decision they should have stayed and done both because over 300 of our loyal public well supported the sellers who enjoyed fantastic takings. It was a ‘FREE’ day for all concerned but the winner was the very cold and miserable sodding weather. Sunday was different very cold strong winds bit like Chernobel over 70 sellers braved up and took good takings. One stall at the front of the Car Boot 2 gorgeous lady sellers took the highest takings at TRURO selling a great variety of new ladies clothes and bikinis all great names and a stunning selection of quality clothing the majority were size 12s !
I watched the stall from the beginning as crowds selected clothes and were given very good prices and I wondered how many of these bargain purchases would end up on eBay. My missus was the other end of the sale so missed the initial rush however the stall almost sold out and the 2 ladies had thoroughly enjoyed their experience and gave scores of our customers great-great BARGAINS. Thank you to all of our sellers and buyers for your support.

My demand for you to BRING MOTHER has paid off over the past two weeks when we had compliments from several Mother’s who had never been to a boot sale before, well at least not that they could remember? So now we will take it a stage further…BRING GRANDAD….come on you old bugger we are taking you out for a walk, Geoff Says! “And who the fook is Geoff” say Grandad.
Ok so we will settle for Grandma but bring them out for the exercise and fresh air and we need their fifty pees please!

Calling Orlie; Where is you my lovely Marge is getting all the attention?

When I was about ten years old I was sent every week to buy from the butchers shop a pound of horsemeat for the dog and I used to hate buying it because of the offensive smell especially if it was boiled up and left in the pan for a few days. It stank to high heaven and when the dog came anywhere near its breath was horrific to say nothing of its farts. I used to run from the kitchen with my hand over my gob and nose to avoid the stench but still ‘the dog has to be fed’ we could not afford tinned dog food as it was too expensive so it had to be horsemeat. (I’d of sooner have got rid of the dog)

Several years later I was in The Life Guards doing my National Service in Windsor, during training we were not allowed out of barracks until our training was completed 8 weeks later. The rest of the lads agreed we would have a meal in Guildford once we had completed all the training to make us fully fledged recruits. On the night of the celebration we trouped off to a new Indian restaurant and took our turn to order. I ordered a steak medium to well done with vegetables & chips. When the meal arrived I instantly recognised the smell of horsemeat and told the waiter that I refused to eat it because it was most definitely not steak. The attitude from the waiter was he got stroppy threatening to call the Police. I, in the meantime was getting well bollocked by my mates being told ‘you should have eaten the meal Wiles, look you haven’t even cut the meat Wiles’? I sliced a piece of the meat off and put in a serviette and the plate was taken away. Shortly after the Police arrived got the manager’s story and came to our table. The officer asked me to prove I could have paid for the meal, I told him the meal was advertised as steak and was in fact horsemeat. The waiter in the meantime had fetched a piece of steak that he claimed I had refused to eat which was entirely different to the piece I had kept in the serviette. Even the officer recognised the smell of horsemeat and said the matter was a civil matter but he had seen the evidence he needed as to why I refused to pay! Gobsmacked by the proceedings my mates said “Right that’s it Wiles lets go somewhere else” and without paying we all got up, walked out and went to the Chinese! But we did pay for our drinks!

We are lucky enough to have a grass field site next door and the farmer has put 2 really good looking horses to graze but they do sod all else! They look over fences for hours on end or stare at a blade of grass looking gormless and lonely and unloved. There is no ‘let’s run around the field to get some exercise’ or ‘let’s play chase me’ or lets watch the traffic or ‘leapfrog? Nowt! They just stand and stand in their sublime stupidity and misery with pissed off faces and soaking wet skin under a soaking wet heavy blanket with sodding wet feet to say nothing about their drenched under carriages and private parts but no-one cares. My missus says they are garden furniture, the pity is that the posers who own most of this living ‘garden furniture’ hardly ever come to see their horses, why? If you know anyone who poses in their put on posh voices “I’ve got my own horse” ask them why they leave them in fields all day, and why they don’t go to see them and talk to them and groom them and exercise them and why not bring a treat like a couple of carrots or some mints and while you are at it clean up the piles of horse shit and put it in your school satchels and take it to your grannies for her roses? Or why not get yer riding gear on and your posing high visibility tops and your hat and take your horse for a ride around the roads or down town and hold up the traffic? Horses have feelings you know, I think??

This is a true story about a young lady who took a picture of a yellow dress she wanted to sell on eBay with a starting price of only £14.99
Within the selling period of seven day the price of the dress rocketed up to ONE HUNDRED and FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS! Look at the picture to see WHY!
I was discussing the picture with Marge over a cup of coffee, she thinks it could be the new way for her and a few others to advertise their sales on eBay especially with her sexy ‘Red Room of Pain clothes’

No Marge please dont, let’s leave all of that to the imagination? I bet the first one to step out on line will be ‘well, I just dont know’ with Lady Lynn close runner up both selling sexy underwear in large sizes. Very large!

More to follow….

2 pictures;

OLIVER is on at The Epworth Hall in Helston from Tues-Sat 9-14 April. At least 4 of our regulars are appearing in this show so go along to support this local Community Event. See picture for further details and bookings.

Geoff

The crowds flocked to our Car Boot Sale on Sunday and with nearly 2000 buyers and 90 sellers there were seriously some good bargains to be taken to the car. It was a buyers day, I was shown loads by our regulars and new customers.
Some of those BARGAINS comprising of Gold & Silver jewellery, household furniture, tools, huge selection of electrical items, gardening mowers & strimmers, pictures, ornaments, kids toys and clothes galore, books including first editions and adult boys toys!
One man spent £75.00 on a helicopter with his wife threatening ‘it had better work or else he gets it’ I wouldn’t argue with her!

Pope-ette Marge was on call arriving in her limousine white chauffeur driven clapped out old 1980s Fiat. Love her she has taken it all so seriously and is looking for a chauffeur’s hat for hubby & personal assistant Richard the go-fer?

Without doubt our Sunday Car Boot was the best & busiest in the WEST! Thank you for your support.

Geoff

4 pictures;

Last Part; Part 4 The homecoming **
We get home unpack the cases and settle down from the journey knackered ‘I think I will have a bath’ says Lou so to cap a wonderful time we spent together and to prove just how much I dearly love her I prepare her bath leaving a glass of Disaronna Italian iced liqueur and a Cadbury’s Flake for she to enjoy in her relaxing bath. What a lovely thought and what more could a woman need, what undivided attention to pleasing her indoors (wot a load of crap)? We go to bed knocked out all lovvy-dovvy but very tired so its hands above the duvet time and crash out. I was awoken by Lou’s loud snoring at four in the bloody morning tried to turn her over several times but it was no use she still snored and snored! She keeps saying ‘I have narrow nostrils which makes me snore I promise I will go see the doctor tomorrow’ but tomorrow never comes. For a peaceful life and for her to get her beauty sleep (and god knows she needs it) I leave her to snore alone, bless her? I make a coffee me and the dog is off to the office for peace and quiet. About eight I make her breakfast (still eating) then fell into a sound sleep having taken over the bedroom still KNACKED OUT!

About half an hour later I get woken up by a banging and a slamming of doors and shouting at me from Lou that I am a bloody idiot and always doing the same bloody thing time and time again! What have I done dear? “You left the bloody freezer open all night that’s the fourth time lately’ ‘But I didn’t use the freezer’ “Yes you did when you put that knob of ice into my drink last night and I don’t take bloody ice in that drink either” ‘Well that’s appreciation I don’t think, and it is not true stop exaggerating you always add a bit and then a bit more, I plead guilty to twice’ and so it goes on and on and bleeding on…. Isn’t it amazing how quickly your thoughts turn to divorce after being so dramatically in love when your partner without any considerations for your manly feelings she floors you over such a petty and trivial matter especially as no food was ruined or lost? My attitude, she should have shut the door and your gob, let’s move on and keep happy!

Suddenly I am having conversations with myself. OK so what if I did leave the effing freezer door open saying sorry is not going to help ‘it’s half my freezer init’ but how about a bit of appreciation for the effort I made in putting the drink and the Flake there in the first place and WHO was the total dick-head who got us going a day late on our holiday! You BIATCH!
And what about the faces you women pull when you are pissed off with your old man? Thunderous and threatening part of that act is making yourselves look your real age, your peaches and cream complexions are replaced with sour skin and dead laughter lines that reappear to say nothing of the double and treble chins that hold up that ‘over acted miserable face’ Bats circle overhead! A face liked a well slapped bum appears! But we still love and adore you! I can think of so many of our lady booters who could pull these faces that accompany their bad moods, Sympathies lads, sympathies!
Come on ladies admit it! I could run a competition for the ten worst ‘face pulling ladies’ I bet Lady Lynn and Marge (the official Pope-ette) would be runners up with Lou the outright winner but then Rosie can look dead stroppy when she’s upset! (Yet we still love you all)

You know the face lad’s when you walk in the room, you take one look at her indoors face and you think ‘Oh Fuck, what have I done wrong now FFS?’ You brave up to ask ‘What’s wrong dear’. Bingo! They have got your undivided attention but reply in the most indifferent way, one word “NOTHING” (attitude woman-attitude) Then you really know you are in the shit as you back track your mind ‘WTF have I done this time FFS, what did I do, what did I say or is it the bleeding kids again? (Has she found out?) And so it goes on and frigging on! You think I will give her a cuddle but she is so terse and tense it’s like trying to cuddle a rolled up double mattress as she shuffles away with her ‘Don’t you touch me’ act!

This is when I adore women, it’s the kitchen Oscars time! Four marriages later and still I have not had enough of these ‘intimate’ kitchen sink dramas. Go for it ladies Centre Stage! Do it ‘just like mother trained you dalling’
There is only one way to deal with it LADS! Deprive them of all sexual favours; that’s it, down tools! You will have about a three per cent chance of this working (the love of your life would delight with an offer like that) so for the other ninety seven per cent of you will have to take yourselves in hand! Shall I take a picture of her and put it above the fireplace? That would keep the grand kids away from the fire! And, and I don’t want to eat any more of your yucky homemade cakes either! The last lot I threw out for the birds and the poor little bastards couldn’t take off after eating them! Hah! All these were just thoughts that I just did not have had the balls to say out loud.
I will await my time and plan for revenge which take just two days, same situation same bathroom, same wife number 4. ‘I just need a quick pee’ gave me enough time to prepare HRH for her bath time treat. This time there will be no liqueur or a Cadbury’s Flake ‘oh no’ instead I left her favourite glass with a bottle of iced ACETONE nail varnish remover by its side, I lit two of her 12” EAR wax candles with a note ‘while you are naked stick these where the sun don’t shine you ungrateful old tart’ and for good measure I balanced 3 toilet rolls on the top of the bathroom door which crashed down on her as she entered for her bath. In the meantime I fall asleep stoned out on the settee contented with my revenge! What seemed like five minutes later she burst into the room she is always waking me up, but this time to congratulate me on ‘tonight’s treat’ she thought it was very- very funny and of course the same three toilet rolls crashed down on me later before I went to bed! Ha bleeding ha! Why can’t she do something original! Quick cuddles then a truce at the moment and for the time being, however I overheard mi-Lou telling Mother on ‘the weekly call to Head Office’ the details about what GFY had done adding her usual exaggerations, I am sure I heard her mother say “Do you know Louise; you have such a wonderful man who has cared and loved you and been loyal to you for over 25 years, you are so lucky” Suddenly, I like Mother in Law. Well at least I think that is what I heard she say? The forfeit; Lou had found a gents wig in one of her house clearances and was determined to see me try it on and be photographed, the picture must be shown on CBC website in the Geoff Says column within the month to WITCH I have reluctantly agreed. Taking all into consideration when you go on seven days holiday and it feels like two bloody weeks we were chuffed to be home but we did have a great time and yes we have both lost a bit of weight our joint weight is now twenty six and a half stone-she weighs the most! Back to reality and the rotten weather! We will be away for a few days this week, Lou and I are going on Jeremy Kyle for DNA tests to find out if she really is my wife??

We are now ready to bring our experiences to CBC “Hat your Service” who by the way earned a good tip from us. A really nice man and certainly worth head hunting for that big job! On our last day for breakfast he covered our table with rose petal leaves, it was Valentine’s Day (and I had forgotten) how very romantic, he asked would he see us again next year? This is a lovely and beautiful hotel but we did not feel safe in Hammamet and with no drinks allowed here so that means we are sorry we will not come back. “Yes Sir, Hat your Service!”