Tunisia 2011
On Dec. 17, a young fruit seller set himself on fire in front of the Sidi Bouzid regional council in central Tunisia.

Exactly four weeks later Mohamed Bouazizi’s act of desperation toppled the repressive regime that had ruled for 23 years.

Mohamed dropped out before high school to help support his family of eight. His uncle had bought a small farm in R’gueb, near Sidi Bouzid, but the farm was one of those shut down due to corrupt land appropriations in the region.
So Mohamed was forced to return to Sidi Bouzid to try to earn a living selling fruit and vegetables in the street.

Street vending is illegal in Tunisia, and city authorities regularly confiscated Mohamed’s small wheelbarrow of fruit. But Mohamed had no other option to try to make a living, and he bought his merchandise by getting into debt. It was a vicious circle.
That Friday morning, he had contracted roughly $200 in debt for his goods. Police spotted him, confiscated his cart and reportedly slapped him in the face in the process.

Mohamed was desperate and angry. So he went to regional government headquarters to try to plead his case with the governor.
Nobody would listen to him and he was thrown out. Mohamed, enraged, bought two bottles of paint thinner and set himself alight in front of the building. He was rushed to hospital, but died Jan. 4.
Local protests erupted as soon as Mohamed was taken away.

The national police chief was dispatched to Sidi Bouzid that night. The following day a peaceful march was organized in memory of Mohamed, but police shot tear gas to disperse the crowd. Over the next two weeks, sporadic protests continued.

But it was when Mohamed succumbed to his injuries that protests began to spread. Fed by Twitter and Facebook, crowds of young people began to march in Tunis and in some of Tunisia’s wealthy coastal enclaves. After three days of compromises by Ben Ali and increasing numbers on the street, the president flew off to Paris.

Star Wire services

Tunisia Part 3

Suddenly the hotel has guests not many about 40 all of them Muslims arrived during the day but ‘no Brits’ who are obviously aware of the ‘NO DRINKS here’ rules so we can study and learn how the MUSLIM live their lives as families but to start with these are the well off people in the community, staying at the Russelior Hotel is very expensive for them and there’s Lou and me getting it for less than half price and we had the whole lot to ourselves for three days! Watching them as families the kids are not as well behaved as ours and certainly don’t have very good manners in public but that’s them probably showing off, however Mother is the most important person in their lives but Daddy does seem to ‘Lord it’ over the family, Mum and the kids arrive at their tables first then he arrives a few minutes later sits down and is on his pigging mobile for more or less the whole of their mealtime, bloody bad manners ignorant sods.
The men pray up to 5 times a day the women 4 times are not allowed to pray with the men. I quite liked the cuddly grandma’s which shows I am getting old and retarded.
After a hot sauna I tried to get into the changing room and as I opened the door a near naked man was sprawled out with his back to me and kneeling up and down praying to Allah or Mecca or Ladbrokes on one of the hotel towels, frightened the bloody life out of me, I thought he was offering me his body or he was dead to start with! Respectfully I shut the door and waited outside, Lou came out of her changing room and asked ‘why are your standing there’ you will get cold “Because I just nearly fell over some bloke doing his Hail Mary’s” I said just the man opened the door wearing one of the hotel’s white dressing gowns heading towards the hot steam room. Now I am a stickler for things being equal in life but I put the Muslim men as having to learn Western ways and give their wives and ‘Mummy’ to your children more of a say in their lives! Did you know the men are allowed to marry up to 4 women at a time and he stays with them whenever he wants like a merry-go-round and the women don’t mind so he could visit all four in one evening, nice work if you can get I mused suddenly I want to become Muslim! I have been married 4 times (so far) but that was over a period of over 50 years, I have an ambition to be had up for child support and adultery with two other women at the age of 92 providing everything stands up for itself! I can just imagine plucking up the courage to say to my missus “I am now Muslim and these are my other 3 wives and tonight it’s your turn to sleep with me, you lucky lady” she would say and you can G F Y!

It seems that wives are not allowed to appear attractive to any other man than ‘her man’ and from what I could see the women are achieving that aim. When it came to the Spa Bath the only Muslim couple we saw was blokie wearing hideous oversized flowery shorts she was skinny and nearly 6 feet tall wearing a head to toe shiny black leotard but we could not see her face as she glided into the plunge pool alongside ‘her man’ who I thought was an ugly sod but I couldn’t make my mind up about her. Anyway SPA etiquette is that you give way and exit the bath ‘fart and depart’ to give the others their time alone. They soon got out of the plunge pool into the Spa pool and I was staggered that her leotard covered every inch of her entire body including her head! Like a mermaid she slid into the spa bath and swam under water most of the time I found it all a bit too horny so went for a cold shower to cool off. Wow!
Lou just takes it all in her stride, she has a brilliant sense of humour and shares my stupidity most of the time and is happy ‘people watching’ and seeing strange happenings but if she sees me getting over excited she tries to send me out of the room to calm down Geoffrey, the silly moo. There is a retiring area in the spa bath with beds doubles and singles for you to lie out and relax, several of the double beds have pull-around curtains where Muslims can enjoy complete privacy (and probably a bit on slap & tickle or even a quick shag) which is where our couple ended up. I tried the curtain idea when we had the whole bloody place all to ourselves but her indoors opened the curtains saying‘Stop it, someone might come’ it certainly won’t be me I thought that’s for sure, but I mean how do you snog on when your bird is dressed up like that? And readers why not take a thought about those special women of all sizes in your lives dressed up in a head to toe SKIN TIGHT leotards tantalising you with the no zips NO ENTRY outfit? It would be a vast improvement in some cases, I suppose! Wonder if I can get one in headache blue or sneeze yellow for her indoors? Do they do extra large? I can just see Lou’s mum in one, no it’s better not to imagine any further I am making myself feel sick. Maybe they do them in men’s sizes; I would give it a whirl providing there was enough ballroom?

Now, I have nothing against Muslims apart from the men that treat their women like slaves and they think themselves the dogs bollocks and superior to their women, what a load of bull women worldwide could all say no sex from now on until you show me genuine love and respects. God even I could not agree to a commitment like that!

Bottom line is Tunisia is not a happy country with the present government unacceptable to the people and the riots caused by the much respected market trader who burned himself to death! Unemployment is at an all time high and the average hourly rate in Tunisia is less than ONE BRITISH pound and yet they have all got mobiles? It is a shame that the people of this country have massive unemployment which explains the desperations by shop traders. We stayed at the hotel for most of the time had a brilliant holiday we rested up and looked forward to coming home, we had both bonded well in the winter, despite all the things I write about Lou, all true with a little bit of exaggeration (but not the snoring) We are dedicated to each other and good mates, life is sweet what could shatter the peace and love between Lou and me what could go wrong to disturb the great new found love in our relationship, who will be the first to cock up the peace? Bet it’s me. **

Tunisia has the weather the Brits love they go to an entirely different part of the country so I cannot judge any other part than La Hammamet. If only the country was to operate as smoothly as Tunis Airport (smoke-smogged) which was a fantastic experience both ways, shame about the bit in the middle. Now the confession, we went to the departures lounge and I left Lou to read her book whilst I had a walk around and then I espied a BAR firstly I thought it was a mirage but with real beer taps, I practised gulping it down whilst the man took forever to fill the glass, in less than half a minute it was gone and suffering from a guilt complex I ordered the second pint then met up with Lou and gave her the glass! “No thanks” says her “I have waited this long I will wait till I get home” Cheers Darling, I don’t half love you. Creep!

The one third full plane on the return journey back to Gatwick spelt disaster for the airline but even worse Tunisia is the biggest loser. Once again the green-green grass of home beckons at Newquay and waiting with Lou’s car was Mother in Law; we say our thanks for looking after things and goodbyes as she took her 3.30 broom flight to Cheshire! He took the car; first one home puts the kettle on! We is going home, thank goodness we have a car boot tomorrow, back to reality and the real world and Cornwall!

Part 4; ** the homecoming and near divorce! Monday 12.00 noon

Here is a quick rant about all the fuss that has been made concerning the election of a new POPE! The climax of it all is when a pair of maroon car boot curtains open to reveal yet another boring old fart who is older than me and not as fit. No disrespects to the Vatican or Catholics but I mean why dont they move with the times and why was there no women included?

Woman is GOD retire the old farts and lets have Bishop-ettes and a POPE-ETT for a change. I recommend Marge who I am sure would sublet some of the larger churches for our indoor car boots.
The new Pope has called himself FRANCIS isn’t that a woman’s name?

Tunisia; Part 2
11 pictures; Updated 12.00 noon 14th March
Next morning at five she starts her bloody snoring followed by another vicious attack of sneezing where she almost head butted me out of the bed, sod it I will go for a jog through the gardens then to the Spa to do some weights and go back to collect her for breakfast. I tell her about why I went out so early but she did not remember a thing, could it be she is sobering up completely we must buy some drink today (she went home sober a couple of weeks ago and the dog bit her) we don’t drink a lot Lou spills most of hers. I know if I get my hands on a pint I will drink it alone so I can hear it going down!
After the fullest of breakfasts we to go to Hammamet town centre by taxi and were dropped outside the 900 year old walled city and got caught by a brilliant con! As we got out of the taxi I made arrangements for the same driver to pick us up two hours later when to my surprise a man came up shook hands and said in very good English “Do you remember me? I am Moonie and I spoke with you at your hotel yesterday I am one of the Chefs and it’s my day off so if you like I will show you around the walled city” It was quite possible he did speak to me but I did not recognise him and I could not imagine him and his size working in a hotel as a chef (forewarned is forearmed) however we went along with his idea when he suggested we should look at the way in which handmade carpets were made in this country and are exported all over the world. We followed him as he guided us around this old city starting with a visit to his cousin’s shop (he says) and the cousin treated us like bloody idiots pointing out lookee shoes your size and look at the cigarettes galore, ‘you buy no’ NO!

We left cousins shop with Moonie who was constantly on the phone organising the STING! In other words this man was on a commission and he had brought Lou and me to this carpet shop, so if we bought anything he would get a slice of the action in commission. We were ushered into the shop where an even bigger conman we shall call Mr Ican Tossoff said to me ‘sit down and watch me sell your lovely wife one of our finest carpets which we can deliver to your home address and you can pay by credit card’ Me thinks, Game on, go for it! But before you start Lou does not go for bullshit and she aint lovely, you have more chance of the Queen giving you a lap dance than my wife buying a carpet with a credit card, ‘A’ she hasn’t got one and ‘B’ she aint having mine! Hot drinks arrived tasting like bush tea I swear there was a dash of weed added, great idea let’s get them stoned then they will buy? He tried all the smarmy sales patter and compliments galore, we admit some of the carpets were beautiful however the prices were outrageous as two men were ushered in to show us the rolled out carpets and piles of small mats and rugs that we could buy from our Car Boot Sales any day of the week for next to nowt. The two men built a pile about three feet high but I could see Mr Ican Tossoff getting well flustered as he realized my Lou was a NO SALE customer. To add insult to injury he started getting offensive about the UK mainly because he had lived in Birmingham and could not convince the ‘Brummies’ to buy his crappy and very expensive carpets. What really chuffed me was that Lou had read an article on the Internet about this carpet shop where it advised people ‘not to buy unless you are absolutely certain’ because once you have paid by credit card for the item to be delivered to your home back in the UK and you have actually seen the carpet wrapped and addressed for delivery (see carpet picture) the item is sometimes changed when your back is turned, that’s if they post it at all. So you buy it, you get home you open it up and say ‘that’s not the one we ordered’ Hah, tough you have been conned!! Suddenly we were dropped like a pair of whore’s drawers, Mr Ican Tossoff & the alleged chef got nowt, with clenched cheeks we got back into the taxi heading for the hotel and the Loo!
We checked with reception and ‘No’ they did not have anyone working in the hotel called Moonie. We asked almost whispering ‘could we have some more loo rolls please’ at various times over the next hour three different staff knocked on the door three different times to hand us more loo rolls “now the whole bleeding hotel knows we have got the squits, bloody marvellous” By the time we leave this hotel there will be teeth marks on the toilet seats! And God we could murder a pint! Apart from sore bums, no drink, no smoke but plenty of sex (daydreaming again) we are having a great time, I think?

We decide to try to find a chemist and get a good walk along the main promenade only to be touted time and again for us to take a horse & carriage ride comprising of 2 very scrawny ponies and the driver and his co-pilot and his heavy carriage! We see 2 men offering suckers to ‘have your pictures taken with 2 buzzards on your head’ These beautiful birds of prey had been incapacitated so they would never fly again, then a kid of 5 started begging me to buy ‘the lovely lady’ some flowers. Should have gone to Specsavers!
Oh, and just for good measure the trader with the skinny camel leaves it on the beach overnight with no food and its front legs tied up with rope so it is restricted in walking, now then well you might snigger because I did especially when some kid was annoying the camel like fuck by making it run faster than its legs could move (very very funny, I have got to admit I pissed myself laughing) however NO animal in the world deserves to be left on a beach where there is NO FOOD no Water all day and night times however we did notice that at one of the derelict buildings another two camels were in a grassed area which was balding they must be the reserves if the beach were to get busy. The trouble is with Camels they are so ugly and they munch all the time how do you know if they are eating or just breaking in false teeth for the local dentists?
FEED THEM you callous Muslim people the Brits don’t like to see animals starving! I did think about getting a pair of scissors and freeing the bloody camel but it would have probably kicked me smartly in the balls in total appreciation!
Its official Tunisia is cruel to animals-animal rights people please note! Now then, we did notice that the sheep farmers seem to personally farm their animals staying in the fields all day and night times with them, weird? Or is it that they are worried the sheep will be stolen or is it something even more sinister similar to the rumours we hear about the Welsh farmers and their sheep? What’s the equivalent to ‘Taffy the Tunisian’?

As we had rushed out the house a day earlier than expected (because Lou cocked up) I did not have enough pills on the card for the holiday period so we found a small chemist shop and was really surprised to be able to buy the pills without question or prescription. Before your minds go wandering off there is sod all wrong with me the pills were Viagra! That’s not true but it’s funny, if only my lovelies if only! However to ask about medicine for having ‘the runs’ was a complete farce they could not understand what the hell I was asking about so I had the opportunity to mime our problem by getting on the shop chair to demonstrate our which they though hilarious but still could not get the message till some bright clown (Lou) said the magic word LAXATIVE which we bought only to realize it would make our problem even worse! She is too clever for her own good sometimes I should have made her take the whole bleeding packet. We cross over the road to the main shops side and will count how many times we get touted and the first one to twenty pays for tonight’s drinks ‘orange juice on the rocks’ Within minutes Lou had reached her 20 but the men saw me as much more of a challenge and got rude about being British simply because I refused to look at the ‘toot and tatt’ offered on their stalls therefore spending no money! One man called me something similar to Meester Warren-Aerosol which I thought was funny and asked him the meaning which he didn’t understand, nutter. Nearly all of the traders that bothered Lou and me were men average age 35 years, collectively they could ruin any trade that Tunisia has from the tourist industry which the country needs to survive, their aggressive and offensive attitudes towards customers of all nationalities is totally unacceptable ‘some people are frightened by their intrusions at being followed to try to sell rubbish and they feel at risk by the touting tactics’.
It certainly worked on us we decided to stay in the hotel grounds which is one world away from the world outside. We had brought a pack of cards to relieve the boredom and took over the entire reception to play 9 car brag where both of us had to write a forfeit for the loser who has counted up to 100 by the end of the game. Of course Geoff lost as always (she cheats if I have forgotten my glasses) and I was gob-smacked at my forfeit as I opened her piece of paper to read ‘The loser must ride on the Camel’ which was identical to my forfeit for her! Has she cheated, did she see what I had wrote? We have a binding agreement and are always sworn to do the forfeit whatever however I begged her on this occasion to let me do ANYTHING but ride on a frigging Camel “No Lou, you can’t do this to me think of my bad back” had no effect ‘You are doing it Wiles you lost and that is final’ I could not believe it that after breakfast her says “We might as well get it over with I am so looking forward to this” ‘Well I am bloody not’ were wasted words as we trundled across broken glass and the filthy beach to the man and his sodding camel as they walked towards us. “Ok Wiles go for it” said Lou, I plucked up the courage to squirm and say ‘How much please for me for a ride on your poxy camel’ I look into the face of this ugly camel who returned the look that said ‘you aint getting on me you fat bastard’ the man agreed ‘you too heavy’ urging Lou “You fine lady you right size”
I gave the man a twenty dinar tip to persuade her further but it was a NO DEAL situation, Lou bitched and then demanded ‘when we get home I have another forfeit for you to do and I want a promise NOW that you will do it or else’ Great fun really when you consider we both had the hotel squits if either of us had got on the camel we could have redecorated the entire camel and its owner and the pigging beach. He was a nice bloke and had all colours of teeth in his smiling gob, one more colour and he would have a complete snooker set!

Let’s go to the bar for a nightcap was a farce, here we are just the two of us in this beautifully decorated and presented bar with magnificent furnishings and stunning lighting large enough for two hundred people and we, that’s Lou and me, are standing at the bar asking for “oranges & lemons drinks please”! (Reminds me of my gay days) With two barmen and sod all to do (I wonder why) and the world’s crappiest music creating the world’s worst atmosphere, it was decision time, let’s fuck off to bed! As we walked out of the bar ‘hat your service’ was still on duty I said “see you in the morning” and of course he replied “hat your service sir” That man is getting on my tits I thought whilst preparing for bed, had a wash cleaned my teeth a touch of aftershave, tidy up my hair, how can she resist me? I go into the bedroom and there she is the love of my life, I bounce into the bed she nearly bounces out “Hat your service” I said “And you can GFY” said her. Later I fell asleep pissed out of my mind on belching orange & lemon juices and I just wanna go home……..

More pictures will be added today before 6.00 pm

Part 3 FRIDAY at 12.00 ish!

Copyrights; Car Boots Cornwall-Geoff Says

What a shocking day yesterday at Truro with 29 brave sellers braving the blinding winds and rains and I thank them for their efforts to sell in such conditions but even braver were the buyers almost 600 in all even though there was so few stalls the buyers bought well. It was certainly good takings for all one recording £235.00 another took only thirty five quid and said it was better than a kick in the bum so he was happy. One lady did however complain telling me ‘It’s a load of rubbish they are selling’ “But I saw you last week and you bought loads of rubbish then” I told her. ‘Yea, but this week its crap’ Balls darling balls. Probably the icicle on her nose made her grumpy cos it was bloody freezing.

One of the sellers a man we will call Mr Plonka argued with me as soon as he arrived, he shouted to another seller “how much do you want for that drill mate” I told him the rules which he disputed still telling the other seller “keep if for me for when he has gone” to which the other seller agreed. Now, I have not barred anyone for ages but the rules are; No buying, no selling, no reserving, until the horn goes off; reason is there are hundreds of people who have paid to Q and it is them that the sale is for and therefore it is them who get the bargains. Once explained that way they both conceded to obey the rules but I am pretty sure two fingers were offered in my direction and the transaction took place after I had walked away.
You all know the lovely sisters Rachel & Becky who work with us, at the end of the sale Rachel told Plonka to hurry up with closing his stall down as he was last to leave he started to challenge her rights and got even more uptight when she told him he could not leave rubbish he demanded to see someone in higher authority. By this time Lou and I had gone and he was a lucky sod I wasn’t there, isn’t it amazing it’s always the short arses named Mr Plonka who push their luck but I have a yellow card waiting for this young man. The BARGAINS are for the BUYERS mate! It is our way or don’t bother coming!

Thank you for your support on Sunday what with Mothering Sunday and the Rugby I was surprised at the turnout of buyers. I hope to give firm start dates at the end of this week and leaflets early next week. Take care and be good to yourself and thank you for the compliments about the Tunisia story it gets funnier believe me!!
Kenny Ball sadly has passed away. During My years as General Manager of the famous Hofbrauhaus in Newcastle Kenny and his Jazz Band made several appearances bringing many thousands to their great lively shows, he became a good friend during the 70s and 80s and I certainly spent many happy times with Kenny and the band whose popularity always guaranteed full houses. Thank you Kenny & the boys. X

Let’s all go to Tunisia shall we?

Lou and I had a one week holiday last year to discover Malta staying in a fantastic hotel The Hilton for half board and half price what a bargain! It was a great holiday the Maltesers love the English so let’s try another country. Wishing for a similar experience and to celebrate our 25 plus years together CBC celebrates 25 years soon and it was my birthday so we booked for Tunisia for the same deal. I dealt with booking the holiday through the Internet where you can seriously save big money but the big difference on this holiday was that the treat was on Lou, a very rare occasion indeed! This also meant I would have to be on my best behaviour so to achieve this I gave her all the documents weeks in advance to check out and supervise our travel arrangements and times.
She organised with Mother in Law to come for a week’s holiday and that we would see our way to the Airport which was ideal for me as I don’t like to meet her too much (still after a dowry) some of our mice and rats had overheard Lou making the plans and had started packing their cases to move out! Guess what! Mrs ‘I am so perfect’ Louise had got us travelling on the Tuesday whereas we should have been travelling on the Monday and just arriving outside in the drive outside was mother and father in law who both looked their age! I say hello to them they go into the house to chat to Lou whilst I am forced to roll up ‘I can’t cope my mum in law is here’ Seconds later Lou bursts into my office and says we have just lost the flight to Gatwick. She was panic stricken, so was I at the thought of spending a week with her mum and ….oh never mind! Within 20 minutes we were packed and in father in laws and Mother-in-laws car heading for Truro Railway Station (I am such a two faced smarmy bastard at times)

We say our goodbyes and have a fantastic train journey change at Reading for Gatwick Airport and straight to the Premier Inn where we had booked one of their special BARGAIN rooms on the Internet for nineteen quids. We did not blame each other for getting the dates wrong, nope we are going to have a nice holiday paid for and ‘jinxed’ by Lou, stupid moo!
I had kept watching the news about Tunisia, in 2010 a market trader had his worldly possessions and his livelihood taken away by the police and he was fined into the bargain! So distressed was the young man that he set himself on fire which caused riots lasting days with street protests and curfews followed by a revolution. I read that there were still unofficial protests road blocks and petitions so we decided to cancel the hire car in the interest of our own safety.
We were surprised that the 3 hour flight was only one third full loads of room to spread out! On arriving at Tunis Airport we had been told to expect an extremely modern arrivals lounge which operated in a very professional way with a very much laid back attitude to our Gatwick but it works with politeness and happy staff who unfortunately work in SMOG conditions as unlike most International Airports they allow smoking in Tunis Airport apart from that first impressions are good.
We were met by the hotels taxi a grotty old saloon that would not get past our MOTs that stank of local fags but the driver was ok waved on and recognised at the armed Police check points, he told us about the uncertainty with peace in Tunisia but assured us that we are going to the very best hotel in Tunisia!

The hotel looked absolutely stunning as 5 staff came to greet us with hot herbal tea & equally hot flannels whilst out suitcases were whisked away to our ‘free upgraded room’ WOW! Where is everyone? There is no-one else around just staff & us! We unpack and prepare for the evening meal in one of the hotel restaurants to be met by a team of 4 white gloved flunky waiters who show us to our ‘reserved table’ and give us the menu whilst someone else fills your glass with water. A bit too over the top for me but quite nice until I ask ‘Can I see the wine and drinks menu please’ “No Sir, we do not sell any alcoholic drinks in the hotel we are not licensed” and then the penny dropped of course not this is a Muslim country and they don’t do drink and who booked the hotel me of course ‘Oh shit’ and she does love her pints she could get quite nasty without her drink but she is even nastier with it and by the look of the menu we could lose some weight here as well this week!

The head waiter constantly said ‘hat your service sir’ to our polite ‘thank you’ when we ordered the meal I asked ‘Where is everyone’ here we are in a five star hotel and no other guests are in the restaurant why! “You are the only guests in the hotel for 3 days then more will come” So let’s get this right we have the whole hotel to ourselves for 3 days and about 35 staff is the food really that bad? “Yes Sir, hat your service sir”
Next morning ‘hat your service’ (6 waiters) at breakfast I asked for bacon & eggs which caused stunned silence, me and my big gob, they don’t do PIG in the Muslim countries do they so I settled for two fried eggs. Other waiters trouped out to deliver to the table a plate of cold meats & cheeses another plate of freshly made cakes & croissants, bottles of water, fresh orange juices, pot’s of coffee, Yoghurts, a plate of various homemade breads toasted 12 slices in all, pancakes with a la chocolate for Lou (still eating) and a bloody great plate full of fresh home grown fruit apples oranges figs and dates, butters and a variety of jams marmalades not to mention my fried eggs the lot for two people! That’s Crazy and the first time ever I have seen Lou leave a table so laden with food (wish I had brought a carrier bag for the midnight munchies)
The head waiter ‘hat your service’ suggested we should see the entire hotel particularly as we had it to ourselves, so the pictures included here are genuine and show no other guests apart from ourselves. Our first venture was to the Spa and leisure pool which featured weights and training rooms, Lou was in her element with sauna and steam rooms all done in the best possible tastes dears.
To walk down the steps into a spa full of bath hot water for the first time is a truly amazing experience the effect reaches all parts of your body and beyond probably better than a climax my lovers! The beautiful 3 lady team of the spa offered us the services of over 100 tiny fish where you dangle your feet into their fish tank and they nibble away at your feet biting off dead skin! Charming but not for me dear, you never know whose feet they have previously been nibbling do you? One of the delightful ladies offered me a full body massage for 30 quid overheard by Lou. Amen to that idea then!
By day three the food was getting into our systems and visits to the loo were becoming more frequent than usual to put it bluntly it was official we had the Tunisian squits! (Which is a running joke?) Are they putting laxatives into the homemade soup I wonder whatever we are both losing weight? The menu was ok but seriously rich sauces and overcooked vegetables spoiled the meal although Lou skipped the main course to over indulge on the sweets and deserts (puddings to us) I asked for cheese and biscuits which was so over laden with extra’s but the cheeses were yuck! What no Cheddar? We are so busting for a drink, dare I try to buy some and hide it under the table ‘no that would be disrespectful to their stupid traditions dear. Goodnight’
We decided to venture to see the world outside the security conscious electric main gates to the beach which was the most filthy rotten deserted beach we have ever seen and would be a disgrace to any country in the world, in the distance we could see a beach camel and its owner in no time they descended upon us with the owner demanding we ‘get on the camel’ for a ride! The ugly looking beast was snorting and snotting and dribbling all over the place (no not Lou) with the man riding the camel almost into our faces! No, no and no again we do not want to get onto the bleeding Camel.
Unusual for me I did not resort to cursing and cussing eventually the disgruntled man finally got the message and buggered off, as he departed on the left side so shortly after another man on the right arrived with two painfully thin ponies offering us ‘a ride on the beach’ with the same offensive demanding manner. The entire beach was littered with debris and rubbish from broken down catering buildings to broken glasses, builder’s rubble, roofing tiles, Tesco carrier bags, bottles and poo from the camel’s, ponies, horses and dogs and humans! From the state of the beaches and surrounding roads and closed down apartment blocks this country is unloved, where is the pride in not keeping their beaches and roads clean and tidy? Outside one of the broken down buildings there seemed a meeting of about 20 men who tried to beckon us to their gathering Lou decided ‘let’s go please I don’t feel safe’ As we were leaving the beach we watched the same man and camel approach what we assumed a single parent and her vastly overweight 11 year old daughter who reminded me of my granddaughter who at the same age was a right ‘fat little fart’ who ate up all her food and someone else’s? The man had pressurised Mother so much that it was decided little Miss Fatso would ride the camel. The beast got down on its knees as she was lifted on by mum and the man. Eventually they lodged her into place between the two humps, when the camel got up it threw her from side to side front to back as she screamed and screamed until she was sick all over her shredded wheat hair style and the camel’s front hump and a bit spare for the man! “Stop it, I want to get off” she screamed time and again! We thought it was hilarious but maybe Mother was trying to teach her a lesson, who knows-who cares! We saw them again later and the poor little moo was still sobbing! Hah bloody hah!(for the record my grand-daughter has lost weight and is quite pretty now from a distance)
We decided to head for the main road and got a real culture shock. Men appeared running from shops from the other side of the road with trays of crap jewellery and local crafts that would not sell at any of our car boot sales for 20p a time but they were so rudely persistent that we ‘lookee lookee’ or ‘have a butchers’ or ‘shoofty-shoofty’ as they followed trying to divert us into their shops. To say NO only added insult to injury, within 20 minutes we had been touted over 30 times before we fled the road to go back to the hotel and the Loo! I do not know what they were saying in their curses for us not buying but I expect it was similar to what we Brits say G F Y! My wife says it to me all the time however my name is Geoffrey and Lou abbreviates it to GFY which she thinks its funny and I think is a callous attitude. Lou = Loo, enough said! Most of the blokes seem to have beards and some sort of hair designer’s stubble and whiskers, great for the women’s complexions, no wonder they wear full face scarves. Confucius he say; “Man should never grow on your face what grows up your bum for nothing, velly velly unhygienic” Hah! I once said that to a fully bearded member of staff and it offended him so much the following day he arrived totally clean shaven see! I think there were comments about me not having much hair but I explained most of my hair has been spread on women’s headboards over the years from St Kitts to St Piran’s. Bloody foreigners they could not understand WTF I was saying.

Part TWO is WEDNESDAY at 12.00 ish!

Copyrights; CarBootsCornwall-Geoff Says

The Government have given pay day loan sharks three months to tidy up their act or face closure in some cases. We know of people within our Car Boot Community who have gone to these rip-off money lenders and are still paying off their loans years later. I personally know what hard times are like but fortunately have never been desparate enough to go to a loan shark. I think the borrowers can use this 3 months to get out of the predicament they are with their debts by deciding to take action against the lenders. Total up how much you owe and over what period and if you think it is unreasonable and cannot pay then ask for an appointment to see your local Member of Parliament and tell them of your position and that you CANNOT pay!

The worst amongst the loan Sharks is Wonga.com who unfortunately are sponsors to my football team Newcastle United who are going no-where this year. These testicular faced models tell you how easy it to borrow money dont be persuaded my lovers. If you need a hand to get an appointment with your MP phone Cornwall Council 0300 1234 100 and say; Can you give me the name and phone number of my local MP and tell the switchboard the area you live, they will give you the MPs number so ring for an appointment time at his/her local surgery when you have the rights to speak in complete privacy to discuss the problem, dont waste time think of what you are going to say and have some evidence with you, tell him the effect it is having on your health and family life and if you feel TRAPPED and cannot cope then tell him/her. The MP will take notes and if there are enough of you do the same the rewards could mean some if not all of your debts could be written off. Do it! To be helped you have got to help yourself!

Any further problems ask Lou or myself at the sales and by the way do not be fooled by the flood of BINGO adverts offered you FREE PLAY because ther are NO HAPPY STORIES about Bingo! You never ever win when you want to so dont chase your own money. Times are getting much harder with the cutbacks in benefits and the last thing you want to do to be living on a daydream of that BIG win cos it aint going to happen.

Geoff

X

Today is officially the International Women’s Day so respects to all of our Lady customers if it was not for you my ladies we would not be here! Go on lads spoil the women in your life today, put the kettle on and they will make you a cuppa to celebrate. I made the woman of my life a rum & coke but do not tell Lou……Geoff

St Pirans Day was Tuesday 5th March did you celebrate? We did by putting the St Pirans Flag in our front garden to let everyone know we are proud to be part of the Cornwall celebrations. It is amazing how many people come to Cornwall and ask what is the Black & White flag all about? Lou & I have been here for over 25 years and would not want to live anywhere else in the world unless we win the lottery of course. Raise your glasses to St PIRAN my lovers!

WE started the Car Boot Sales on Fridays today with a miserable turnout of sellers who were given FREE stalls but they were well supported by a lot of our regulars including Marge and her family, Dave, Annie & Co but everyone asked; Where is Phylis?
I spoke to her later in the afternoon and she assures me she will be there next FRIDAY and sends her love to her friends. One lady told me ‘I bought some daffodil bulbs from Phylis last year and they are growing perfect, every time I look at them I wonder how is Phylis’

She sounds allright to me and I was shocked when she told me she has just been given an IPOD by her son so she surfs the net in her spare time and gets all the gossip from Geoff Says. We are proud of Phylis who is over 85 years old and is certainly up with all the happenings in the 21st century. Why not treat ‘Mother’ to her own laptop you can put the child lock on to make sure they do not go looking at the adult pages!
Our Phylis sends her love to everyone and asks me to tell Marge ‘I have got loads of Bubble wrap for her’

Geoff