Meet the original Mr Dick Head!

WOW! Look at these pictures to see the amazing difference between the bronze figurine I bought for seventy quids at Newquay Car Boot. My mate Nigel ‘rose to the challenge’ and has given ZELDA a brilliant new look by touching her up on several occasions and filling in the cracks and bruises then 13 coats of GOLD paint!
She is now my new secretary until Lou forces me to sell on eBay (some hope)! Any offers??

It’s sort of good being back home where it’s bloody freezing with not much is happening but to think it will be Easter in a few weeks then we had all better get on our knees and pray for an early change in the weather over the next four weeks.
They are such a miserable lot out there in St Kitts and when I compare the happy atmospheres at our Car Boot Sales to being served in some of the shops by miserable and indifferent assistants I think I will have to send a posse of our people to cheer the buggers up. The security staff at the customs are even worse they are impolite ignorant and offensively rude as we all have to go through the rituals and humiliations of having to take our belts and shoes off besides body scans, bag searches ‘no liquids’ sold to us 2 minutes earlier, the only conversations they have is between themselves. I know it’s got to be done but the workers make it abundantly obvious they are unhappy about their jobs, their lives and the bloody TOURISTS! I hate these ritualistic behaviours but I have to admit they have the same attitudes towards their own Kittitians kith & kin. So why do we go there?
Because the weather is unbelievably hot, hot, hot, the beaches are beautiful the views are spectacular so who gives a toss if the locals don’t like us! It isn’t because we are Brits they hate the Americans (loud and gobby) so why are they like it?
Because they live in a very unhappy country, they all have money worries, they have tourism as the only main industry; unemployment is sky high; the corrupt Prime Minister Denzel Douglas (see google reports) and his equally corrupt Barrister at Law Dr Henry Browne(arrested DUI charges swept under the carpet) are blamed for millions and multi millions of EC & US Dollars missing but invested into properties owned by the PM and the same PM has just introduced VAT at 20% to their people who seriously could not afford the cost of living before this rise.

Add all this to the intense heat that has to be tolerated all of the time by the populations whose main concerns are to stay out of the sun to protect their delicate skins also intense heat makes you moody, moody and then some more! I know! My Lou got a bit overheated a couple of times which I find is a good time to ‘wind her up’ BINGO does she get SHIDDY?

But we have some very good friends who are even worse off with no adult member of the families earning regular incomes so we have obvious loyalties to help them out where possible!
And then you get back to the UK and the BA staffs has been civil and happy towards their passengers even the customs officers smile and are polite then you go into the Airport which is so British and organised and peaceful and reasonably happy. The only real Q in the Airport is at McDonalds where the 99p Burgers are selling like ‘hot burgers’ to holiday-makers returning after eating ‘all that foreign crap’ WELCOME HOME!

Marge, I have missed you my lover and all our fellow carbooters and friends buyers and sellers alike. Love to all. XX

On Sunday Lou and I drove around the island which takes about 2 hours but SUNDAY is the day of the LORD here, there are so many churches that are full to bursting point of the local populations! “I can see you Lord” is chanted in high voice from up to 400 chapels-n-churches, the crowds of worshippers get really dressed up for the occasions as they get all togged up in their 1960s 70s and 80s clothing lovingly folded away for the next week! This is when they are happy praising their God for whatever but it is the preachers who shout their messages into booming mikes and of couse ‘I am the sinner man of all sinners’ because I think they spout a load of absolute Tosh!Then to cap it all you go into the Supermarket and the church services are belting out their messages of faith and good hope! WALOC!

At the South Peninsula of St Kitts is a stunningly beautiful part of the island where in 1999 we first met KING of the Chalawa family who offered me a smoke of the very locally grown weed to which I gratefully accepted (its good for my back pains)
The ships that arrive with all the American holiday makers are met by eager taxi drivers who bring the gullible tourists to Turtle Beach to be descended on by sellers offering cheap and worthless local crafts. Better still why not have a beach massage of Aloe Vera (not that Vera)where some 18 stone Masseuce slaps on this greasy slimey green muck all over the white bodies of the elderly man yankies hoping for eternal life and a cheap thrill taking all of 6 minutes and #20 US dollars later!

The Reggae Beach Bar & Restaurant is still in mourning at the loss of WILBUR a vastly and unpleasant fat hairy pig of giant proportions who would walk and crap the beach areas around the assembled beach beds and tables. Adored by the visiting tourists as they tuck into their lunch knowing that what you leave on your plate WILBUR will eat! Not any more, Hah! ‘Thank you dear Lord’ Alleluia!!

According to Rachel who supervised Truro on Sunday 50 sellers turned up to sell at the first Car Boot Sale of the year well supported by about 500 eager buyers who spent well.

Towards the end of the sale Rachel went to collect the directional signs which we place around Truro. Whilst she was away the caterers left and locked up the main gates locking in 8 sellers who were most displeased! One of ‘the irate prisoners’ phoned me and whilst I appreciated the problem his rudeness did not help!

Eventually Rachel returned and opened the gates and we apologise for any inconvenience caused but it would be unfair to blame the caterers entirely so we accept responsibility for the incident, sorry!! So very sorry!
However!
The irate man who phoned ranted and ranted for about 5 minutes and after calling me an effing twat I was able to interupt ‘Sir, I am 4500 miles away and YOU are paying for this call’ Hah!

It is no secret that the majority of the population of St Kitts has at some time in their lives been involved with either growing or selling Cannabis and one of the CHALAWA sons has just come out of prison for the following reason.
Several months ago unemployed Bignell aged 23 was stopped and searched by the police and a small quantity of the weed enough for about 3 smokes was found in his pockets. He was arrested put in the overnight cell and bailed to appear before the courts.
Several months went by he had heard nothing about about the charges and was stupid enough to get onto a bus with a bag full of high smelling cannabis. As he went to the back seats he passed an off duty policeman who smelt the weed and quietly instructed the driver to go straight to the Police Station. The copper got out of the bus returning with other officers who arrested Bignall. He was duly charged and sentenced to 2 months in prison good behaviour and he was out in one month.

In the early years of knowing this family I went with one of the sons on a ‘Cannabis run’ and was stunned about the distribution of newly grown weed which is given free to members of the family who in exchange give quantities of home grown vegetables, baking and other foods. A sack full of cannabis can yield several boxes of foods for entire families and believe me they need the food because there are no real jobs unemployment is high with NO benefits!

Sorry the blogs are infrequent due to a crap internet service.

Weather is fine but TOO hot!

Got the water sorted, Lou has been to her YOGA today and tells me there were nine ladies and only one man who stood in front of Lou!
When they started doing the exercises they all had to do a SUPERMAN position which is standing on one leg with the other one in the air.

Apparently the man fully exposed himself as he stood in this daft position while my Lou had to endure the scene!
Nine women and one man? What a prick!!
Be good!
Geoff

Day 6
Went to Basseterre the Capital of St Kitts for a look around the shops and we reckon up to 20% shops have closed down over the last two years due to the world recessions. The town looks unloved and to see a smiling face is a rare occurence, over the years we have come here the kids coming from schools were polite but this time they dont even look at the tourists. That is up to them but as tourism is their main industry they should awaken to the fact that they are the future of this country and you need the $ US Dollars and British pounds for your country to survive.

We dont mind the rain but it absolutely chucked it down yesterday from 6.00 am followed by heavy showers at two hour intervals, bit like Cornwall really but this rain is warm and everything and everywhere dries up completely in no time at all.

We arrived back at the apartment only to find the water supply to the house and several others had ceased completely and we were assured by Hyacinth who is the housekeeper this could take some time for the water board to find out the problem! No flushing loos, no bath water, no washing up nothing!
About 3 months ago I saw an advert on eBay for a five day room only stay (2 persons) at the alleged 5 star Marriot Hotel for the bargain starting price of 100 quids. The normal price would be in the region of 600 plus VAT so we were chuffed that no-one else had bidded and we were duly sent the voucher! Bingo! Guess where we are going whilst they sort out the ‘no water’ problem? The MARRIOT of course! The faciliies are superb with 3 swimming pools, an international Golf Course (not our cup of tea) and Lou will be able to take part in the YOGA free sessions supervised by the professional instructors. I tried this years ago and got kicked out for not taking it serious enough plus I thought it was a load of crap but her indoors is happy and likes her YOGA which give me some ME TIME!

Life is good, there are no mosquito’s here because the climate with its rain and offensively strong Caribbean breezes (warm) the MOSSIES prefer to wait at PORT ZANTE to pick on the new arrivals from the cruises, nearly all Americans! Hah!

Today’s diary will include going to the BUSH to meet up with our friend of 17 years CHALAWA and to pick up Toshiba to meet up ith her 3 kids and her miserable sod of a husband and watch his face when I give them Teddy Bears bought at one of our boot sales for 50p each! Love from Lou to all especially Marge, Rita, Orli, Kim and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all not forgetting Lady Lynn! XX
ps; More on the Ann Summers-Marge story later my lovers*

Its Wednesday at 8.00am and Cornwall’s time is 4 hours ahead of here but do not think we are in the raging sun and heat here because the showers followed us from home. After almost 24 hours travel we arrived very late on Saturday night crashed out to be woken up by an absolute downpour of heavy but warm rain which lasted about 20 minutes followed by brilliant sunshine which dried up everywhere within minutes. We are staying at an apartment known as Bayhill house is has spectacular views of the Caribbean and Atlantic Oceans but then so do all the other houses villas and hotels. St Kitts is a beautiful country but full of miserable and offensively rude ladies who work in the supermarkets and filling stations and they deem it right to be indifferent towards all tourists and most of the locals. These gum chewing lovelies (whilst serving foods)need lessons in good manners but their rudeness and ignorance is so over the top its hilarious! Similar staff with the same attitude meet you in arrivals lounge at the Airport and whilst we Brits take it all in our stride the Americans complain to no avail! So why do we come here? We have friends who live on this Island that we met in 1993 they a Rastafarian family whose lives are are as complex as a soap opera but this time we have delayed seeing them so we can relax before becoming embroiled in lives. No doubt they will use our hire car to carry them and their kids and goats and produce to all parts of the island but this is a struggling country and our family of father five sons and two daughters have not been lucky in finding permanant work hence another 2 sons have emigrated to the USA in short the same recession that has hit the UK is even worse here! We bring ‘pressies for the kids’ bought at the Car Boots which are really appreciated but they are not allowed cuddly toys because as one father told me if they have enough love for a cuddly toy they can give me the love instead! So we have brought a couple of teddy bears for the two under 5s so that should go down well!! Enjoy your day.

More later.

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