There were a man at Newquay today waiting to talk to me and he didn’t look in a happy mood. As I walked towards him I notice he was wearing a navy blue boiler suit which had loads of white and seagull shite looking splodges on it so I am looking around to see where the seagulls were cos I were thinking he had been pebble dashed by a brigade of those sodding squealing sky shitting seagulls fed by the tourists at our public event FFS. But no, he wanted to complain that a dog had crapped in front of one of the stalls and people were treading it into their shoes.

On the way to investigate (where is the effing dog and its effing owners) two young mother complain to me that they had pushed their pushchairs through the mess which was sticking to the wheels. I mean WTF do these tourists from up-country feed their dogs I get used to seeing turds of all shapes and sizes (No! I am not talking about our customers FFS) but this lot looked like curried old gits haemorrhoid’s and it was still moving FFS and here am I faced with a ‘crap of a lifetime runny pile of shite’ problem, shall I just go home?
I do the usual by sticking bollards over the dog dung and tell Mr boiler suit the outcome of his observation and thanked him. But, how is it that everybody tells me after to dog have done its business? To all customers’ sellers or buyers alike please be more observant and tell me or Dog-Poo Warden Alice or any member of our staff if a dog dumps in front of you. By the way my observations of the man in the boiler suit, it seems he is a decorator who uses his boiler suit as a colour chart or he is very careless where he puts his brushes and rollers or he could have fallen into all of his pots of paint pissed out of his mind, who cares but it wasn’t the seagulls who splattered him I am reliably informed. Must get my eyes tested.
Those young mums will have had to wash their pushchairs when they got home and I do apologise to them. Are we getting closer to banning all dogs from the SELLING FIELDS where they will be restricted to the car park only, I think so but I would like your opinions please. I may use your email in part of Geoff Says but I will not disclose your address, which is a promise. Thanks for the emails.
Geoff
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