And now for something completely different, but I would warn readers that this is only for the hardened members of the our Car Boot Community to read on;

Summary; You all know we have had ‘DOG WARS’ because one of our Landlords had said “as the surrounding farms to his equestrian centre were farming sheep and cattle there must be NO DOGS at the NEW MITCHELL’ location. I believe his polite request is absolutely fair and I ask all dog owners to support this ruling please. On the first Car Boot almost everyone had taken note of the Landlords ‘no dog’s policy’ and 98% of dog owners had listened to his request but it has to go on record we had NO COMPLAINTS about any dog poo?

You will also know about the OLD MITCHELL Landlord tried to open his grounds as opposition to our new venue which miserably failed and the OLD MITCHELL was closed by 1.00 pm without any customers. Ha-ha!
However the NEW MITCHELL was the stunning success we had hoped for with lots of sellers and buyers and a fantastic community atmosphere prevailed, despite the ridiculous threats of violence and road blocks being organised against us for the following Saturday by a loud mouth person working for the Old Mitchell Landlord. In absolute fairness I do not believe Landlord Leggo was behind the threats but to have a member of his team making unauthorised threats with inappropriate language ‘next week we are going to block off this ******* lay-by and you won’t get none customers’ against a female member of my team beggar’s belief. If you had real BALLS you should have come and said it to me?

You can well imagine that life gets bit of a stressful at times cos you never know what story is going to unfold which we take in our stride, we more or less turn the other cheek with a happy attitude BRING IT ON!

We always look forward to Sundays at TRURO which is so easy to run and it would be a relaxing day compared to the previous week, what could possibly go wrong FFS? About 70 sellers arrived well supported by eager buyers with a total of 1500 men women and their kids at the sale.
About an hour had passed from the start of the sale, I was sitting in one of the admin offices when Lou came and said “You will never guess what! A woman has just undone her jeans and dropped them below her bum and squatted and had a poo right next to one of our sellers stalls”
‘She’s what’? “She has had a crap in the middle of the Car Boot taken a dump, emptied her bowels more or less do you want to know any more dear” asked Lou knowing full well that I am most queasy about dealing with someone else’s poo problems. ‘Ok Lou deal with it and I will be out in a couple of minutes’

She borrowed a watering can from one of the sellers filling it with water and bleach by courtesy of the Café she took it back to the ‘runny poo pile’ to wash it away from the stall. Oh yes, that really did happen, by the time I got into the field the gossip was amazing as I tried to find out who and where the woman was. She had left the field but not before she had gone into the ladies toilets had a similar ‘poo’ but had missed the loo and done a frigging somersault judging the state of the Loo, apparently it was dripping from the ceiling.
The ‘mess’ was eventually cleaned up by one of our team. (I am not allowed in the Ladies Loo TG) I later found out that the woman was a care in the community person who was with her alleged carer father and one other person. They had both witnessed what she had done yet neither of them as carers had the decency or the courtesy to deal with the problem the 30 ish year old daughter had created, they left the scene loaded her into the car and disappeared!

I do know the carer father and his daughter of old, he exercises no control over her at all, when she goes around the Car Boot with him she steals items from one stall and put the stolen items on someone else’s stall, outrageous behaviour-but very funny. However it is in the interest of Public Health and Safety of our customer’s men women and their children that I will have to prevent this ever happening again so there will be no welcome at any of our location with this type of out of control (bowels) behaviour!

Lou and I chatted about the incident and I could not recall a similar incident until we both remembered at the same time FALMOUTH Rugby Club. Several years ago on a very bleak Friday we were both sitting in the car contemplating cancelling the Car Boot as only 6 stalls had shown up with minutes to go before the start time. What happened next makes we want to vomit every time I think about this incident?

A large white Van pulled into the Tregenver Road entrance and parked on the edge of the pitch. Out jumped Fat Bloke Mr Arse-Wipe and in full view of both of us he walked onto the ‘hallowed turf’ dropped his kegs and leaning on his van he shat and shat and shat like a freeking great horse dolloping on the grass! He must have shat for a frigging week FFS! I jumped out of the car and ran across the ‘hallowed turf’ shouting like someone ‘wrong in the head’ WTF are you doing you dirty ******* bustard how dare you have a crap on the hollowed turf and in front of my missus!
He pulled up his ‘bum wipe’ track suit trousers and I pushed him back into his cab which absolutely stank to high heaven, I took his registration number and told him to FOOK Off!

After he had gone I got a sheet of block board to cover his pile of crap and as I dropped the board splat went the shat all over the place almost pebble dashing myself and the pitch and it stunk to high heaven just like his frigging cab yuck frigging YUCK! That is the absolute truth and we went through all that shit and at the end of the day we hadn’t earned a sodding penny.
I have nearly made myself sick writing this but I did warn you it this was only for the hardened ones amongst you.

Footnote;
As I was trying to get to sleep on Sunday night Lou shouted “That woman had obviously been eating quite a lot of sweetcorn” ‘What women and what sweetcorn Lou, I am trying to get to sleep FFS’? “The woman who had a crap at Truro today”
‘OMG that is disgusting’ GO TO SLEEP FFS!! YUCK! I shut my eyes tried to get to sleep and all I can see is a fields full of poo and floating sweetcorn! OMG!
Thanks Lou, nice one.

Goodnight.

Ps; Why not let one of your kids read this to Grandma my lovers.

Geoff
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