Updated; Tuesday 04.07.2014 Without apologies

Updated; Monday 03.07.2014

Tuesday at Newquay there had been early showers in all surrounding areas so we were down on buyers but up on sellers who spent well. Newquay is most definitely one of our best Car Boot Sales for getting exceptional bargains but here is a word of warning to all sellers and buyers. Over recent weeks the Police have shown interests in our Car Boots checking on stolen goods particularly outboard motors and boating equipment. It seems that any person who has something stolen and they report it to the Police the advice from them is to ‘go and have a look around the boot sales’

What a bloody cheek, we are not a haven for stolen goods we are the Community at large recycling buying and selling our own personal items and in any event if anything of value is stolen it normally leaves Cornwall and is up-country in no time at all. And as for drugs I doubt very much if they are sold at our sales although today I had a woman come up to say “there is someone over there smoking Cannabis” she was appalled when I said “lucky man, I will join him”

Next complaint was of course about 3 dogs who had crapped in the lanes and the complaint was legitimate as we covered the shit with bollards. I now want you to decide “SHOULD DOGS BE BANNED AT OUR CAR BOOT SALES” and sign one of our petition forms or better still tell me in two or three words YES ban the or NO don’t ban them!! The decision is yours. I picked up the bollards at the end loaded them into my car, on the way home the fumes from three different dogs shits released themselves in my ferking car and the stench was furk-ugly! What the hell do these tourist feed their freaking dogs for Christ’s sake?

For the benefit of our lovely holiday-makers and tourists and dog owners WELCOME but keep your freaking dogs under control. Unlike up-country here in Cornwall we use doggy poo bags not some poor buggers shoes FFS!!
Another tradition we have dear Emmits is our Car Boot Sales start on time with a 5 minute lee-way (rent boy) and when they start there are hundreds of people queueing for the start of the sale!

Unlike up county in Cornwall our sellers pay for their stalls and in a civilised way they set up their stalls. There is no buying no-selling until the horn goes off!

In Cornwall loads of our buyers rush and run in to the Car Boot Sale to try to ‘grab a bargain’ Please do not refer to them as VULTURES!

Under the rights of the St Pirran flag everyone attending our Car Boot Sales gets excited at the start of the sale getting their adrenaline flowing (better than a climax really)

My horn goes off to start the sale and they are off their attitude “lets go and BUY, BUY, BUY!” Some of them panic buy judging from some of the toot I have seen people carry away, god help Cornwall!

By the way some know-all woman (not a local) told me that I should stop sellers going early.

Respectfully, here in Cornwall we do not operate a system where we can enforce sellers to stay longer (lets lock them in) they have paid their rent they can please their bloody selves wot time they wanna go, we don’t care we got their rent who gives a shit (definitely the wrong attitude Geffers)

Chances are they are going home to spend the money they took before you arrived late Madam so my advice to you is arrive earlier “here in Cornwall “my” Car Boot Sales are like sex, all over within a couple of hours” My lovers!!

That’s why all the Cornish husbands always look so shagged out my bird. Here in Cornwall we all love honour and obey our wives, hold on that’s a load of bollox innit? Welcome to Cornwall and if you like this tell me and if you don’t I don’t GAF my lovers!

Back to local news and gossip, I am getting loads of complaints from our regulars who go to HAYLE Car Boot Sales on Sundays. It seems they have adopted our system of letting the sellers set up whilst the buyers have paid their entrance fee and are queueing at the entrance to the Car Boot waiting for the sale to start.

What seriously pisses off those buyers is that they can see the sellers selling items between themselves and there is no one to control and stop this very unfair trading. The buyers have the rights for this practice to stop immediately. Come on Hayle Rugby Club Committee if you want it running properly “I am the man” god that would upset a few at the Car Boot gossip capital of the South West, my mate Jim would have a wobbler! You WOT?

And, while I am ‘having a go’ can the parking staff at ALL Car Boot Sales in the South West please be less sodding rude and grumpy old sods and aggressive towards some of the worst drivers in the Car Boot world! MEN!!

I adore women they are all so respectful as they drive towards me obeying my every command as to where to park to sell and they are all drop dead gorgeous, well most of them well maybe perhaps a few them, must get my eyes tested I could be totally wrong all together my lovers.
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Ps; I have taken out a couple of swear words at the request of Rosie on behalf of Marge for me to cut out the swearing in these blogs, seriously they are meant to offend so if they do I do not apologise, I don’t GAF man! And, if you think I swear a lot we are still reeling from my mother in law on their last visit when she sold at Newquay!! The language was so we had to move several sellers to a quieter spot! Rosie who never ever swears (you little liar) only at her old man the long suffering Gordon FFS! I thought all GORDON’S were long suffering especially my poor long suffering Professor father in law.