On Sunday it was a horrible rainy day at Truro but the sale was held inside the cattle pens so all the sellers were happy and thousands and thousands of BARGAINS were sold for bargain prices. Outside the entrance I noticed a lady puffing away on her cigarette she said ‘just getting my fix before I go into the boot sale’ I said “That is terrible and naughty, you are a beautiful young lady you don’t need cigarettes darling they can kill you” ‘I know’ she said ‘I must give it up’ which she probably says every day. Lou and I are ex-smokers and we know how difficult it is to give up cigarettes so it is all very well (and a bit two faced) if we lecture people “give it up” however there are good reasons we will give the advice.

When we used to smoke 40 cigarettes a day, everything around us stunk to high heaven of stale tobacco including yer bedroom, yer bedding, your pillows and yer sheets and yer duvets, the furniture, the family car, yer clothing in fact your whole house has this thin decoration of invisible brown smoke and worse still your breath your hands and your body stinks to high heaven but you get so used to smelling like a pub ask tray you do not realize how offensive it is for other people to encounter, the only good thing about being ‘the smoking stinkers’ was to put your family and friends off coming to visit you cos you stink FFS! It worked for me anyway! Result!!

I see people every day going for a sly fag but you have got to think of your health cos if you don’t GAF why should I or anyone else! You have but one life, be good to your heart, be good to your body, be good to your wife and be good to your girlfriends but if you abuse your lungs my lovers you will DIE and it will be a premature death like so many of our customers we have known over many years.

So after 12 years Lou is much healthier she never craves for a cigarette or a smoke at all whereas I bend the rules just a little bit by not smoking tobacco or nicotine, but enjoying the odd spliff or two or three mixed with 100% Natural Ingredients Farmers Blend fake tobacco (eBay) totally in the privacy of my shed which is outside our ‘non-smoking’ house.
So do I feel better for not smoking fags ‘Yes I do’ but it was a hell of a fight to give it up, it got so bad that I used to sly smoke everywhere lying to Lou that I had given it up until she caught me red handed having a sly fag whilst I having a shower FFS! She crept into the bathroom ripped the curtain open and frightened the sodding living daylights out of me seeing the shock of her furious Psycho face nearly killed me FFS and she were livid. I tried to ‘palm’ it off by joking ‘If you had of been here 5 minutes ago I was having a w*** as well’ It was as though I had been caught with the Crown Jules but I had them safely covered with both hands as she ranted. Not amused was she! Hilarious fun for me.

Anyway I smoked for about six months more then one day I decided today’s the day! If I don’t buy any I can’t smoke them and I never bought a packet of fags since, but in the 50s and 60s when I started smoking you could by 5 Weights cigarettes for about twenty pee and cough your bleeding heart up every puff. When I was 16 I was in hospital with a kidney infection and they put next to a really nice man in the next bed but the nurses told me he was dying of cancer. He was jaundiced as well and the day before he died he gave me six outers of Gold Flake cigarettes 60 packets of fags all for me! I had just witnessed him dying yet I smoked all of those fags without thinking about my own death, but in those days everyone smoked in the hospitals so who cared.
Don’t smoke my lovers I would sooner be talking to you-than about you?

I get great pleasure when some of the readers of my unpleasant rants come up and say how much they enjoy reading Geoff Says and my comments on life and things that I like to bitch about and they are not offended. Very occasionally someone says ‘you write a load of crap that really winds some people up Geoff’ “That my lovers is the reason I write such confrontational crap trap because it winds the odd few up’ and most of they don’t like me cos I run the Car Boot Sales my way, the proper way, for the majority not the minority but for the people and whichever party wins this sodding lengthy boring election rest assured that Car Boots Cornwall will still be doing more for the local COMMUNITY than any other organisation here in Cornwall and that is a fact of life enjoyed and appreciated by millions of people over 26 years. That speaks for itself, don’t it my bird?

Take a look at these two pictures? Any resemblances?
Geoff

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