Now here’s a little story to tell it is a must about a young man who was caught speeding by one of these SPEED CAMERAS that you see all over Cornwall. He sped past the one on the main road to Helston and as he passed it he could see the camera FLASH which meant he was BOOKED and he was furious! He goes home tells his mate about the sodding camera and he comes up with the idea ‘let’s get my double barrelled shot-gun and you drive very slowly past the camera and I will open both barrels at the effing camera and blow the frigging think to bits” Not so young man the camera is British made you silly sod and it survived to catch hundreds of other speeders ever since! And guess what, he still got the ticket!! Hah! Now then, this is the story told to me by a friend of a friend so whether there is any truth or not I do not know but I do know that the picture reveals double barrels were shot at the camera. The identity of the speeding gunman is not known but this a Cornish folk story that hopefully will be exaggerated over the next few years, only a complete nutter would come from Cornwall to come up with such a stupid idea like ‘shooting up’ a speed camera!

Truthfully, shortly after we moved I had to put my car in for servicing for the day I hired a Honda car that was so comfortable that I sped past a camera without realizing my speed less than a quarter of a mile from our house. The summons duly arrived and they offered me two choices, the first to pay the fine of £100.00 and get three points on my licence or the second choice was to go on a one day educational driving and awareness course which you pay the £100.00 fee and your three point will be suspended for three years and if you do not reoffend the points are forgotten. I opted for the course arriving at the offices in Carn Brae and I was stunned to recognise three other Car Booters also on the course. Did it work for me? Yes, and I have not offended since.

I have often told you about how nervous Lou is as a passenger which at times makes her a bit of a know-all and a pain in the arse to chauffeur around. A few weeks ago she absolutely assured me whilst going through Truro ‘that speed Camera has just caught you’ and for a second time she told me exactly the same at Longdowns. Now then, you will have seen our new contract hire Citroen van which Lou proudly got insured to use for one of her house clearances. On her first journey ever in this brand new vehicle her got caught speeding on the main road A 30 up to the windmills roundabout going in BOTH directions my lovers which have caused me great deal of self smug satisfaction. Oh dear, oh dear how can one who is so perfect in every way get such an OWN GOAL sorry TWO own goals. Both ways no less! And she called the cameras all the bastards under the sun; I think I will hide my starting pistols…. I love you my darling wife but TWO nay TWICE in the same day and no I will not say ‘I was driving your honour’ GOTCHA!! Wait till Mummy finds out. Could be 6 points to christen your ever so clean licence since the late 80s perhaps it’s time for an anger management course my lover nothing has made you easier teasier!! Hah!! X
This should bond our marriage superbly…….