Updated; 10th August;
So you think it is safe to go back into the water and nothing could be as bad as Saturday Bloody Saturday and with trepidation our team were ready for anything that could happen so with a group hug (the best part of the day for me) all over we got ready for the onslaught of the British public attending the Car Boot Sale at Newquay our Premier location. We parked up over 170 sellers giving them all plenty of space and the lady who we received complaints about drinking ‘plenty of cider ‘at her stall was parked well in view so we could monitor if the complaints were justified or not! The sellers were parked and started setting up their stalls and great queues of buyers were forming. About five minutes before the start time 3 late sellers arrived and I do not know the details as to what exactly happened but some big bloke we shall call Mr Thicko stood in the way of the late sellers refusing to move preventing the cars coming into the selling fields. Arlin was called to diffuse the situation but still Mr Thicko refused to move ending up actually punching one of the waiting cars! Eventually I went to speak to the fat sod to advise if you want to come into the Car Boot behave or you will be disallowed entry!

The horn starts the sale and within 15 minutes there are crowds in every lane and I get told the Mr Thicko was ‘having a go and threatening one of our sellers’ a man we have known for years and would not say ‘BOO’ to a goose! He is so polite he stands to attention when his wife tells him what to do and if you have seen his wife (day off for a hair-do estimate) you would understand what I am saying! Anyway Thicko is getting really nasty and polite Arlin is saying “Move away from this man’s stall” but fat Thicko is having none of it! As a precaution I take a picture of Thicko and despite Arlin’s effort to get Thicko to move he refuses so Arlin says I will have no alternative than to call the Police! Thicko then starts threatening Arlin who keeps his cool but I could see the whites of Arlin’s eyes which is a warning that he is getting thoroughly pissed off with Thicko.

Arlin is a school teacher who does a few days with us he is a cool calm and collected person but he also is security in one of Newquay’s night Clubs so potentially he can handle himself in a crisis but this Pillock is now threatening Arlin and the stallholder and he is sizing me up as the weakest link! (if he hits me I shall bleed all over his girlie pink shirt) We are concerned for the safety of the stall holder so I decide to call and brief the Police about this man’s aggressive character and behaviour and we are insisting he leaves the Car Boot Sale NOW!! Let me explain Thicko is about 18 stone and this entire incident is unfolding in front of his 12 year old son who is humiliated by his father’s aggravation and aggressiveness. Eventually Arlin convinces Thicko to walk towards the main gate away from the stall holder who is almost in tears and shaking uncontrollably! “Pull yourself together man” says I “you will have a wobbler if you don’t control yourself, you have one heart don’t let the Pillock know he has got through to you”

Thicko then tries to get Joey from the fruit and veg stall involved but our Joey is so Cornish Thicko couldn’t understand a bloody word Joey was saying so Thicko exits the gate just as the Police arrive! As Arlin walks toward the Policewoman to give his side of the story Thicko sticks his leg out deliberately trying to trip Arlin up as Arlin nearly falls into the arms of the Police lady who I have to admit was gorgeous (but then I didn’t have my glasses on so I could have been wrong)
Anyway Arlin gives our side of the story then Thicko falls out with the Policewoman taking her number saying he is going to go to the police station to report her for not doing her job properly!! He then comes to me to ask for a receipt for his 50p admission and starts laying the law down about reporting me to the Inland Revenue because he is a Tax Inspector.

By the way it is a criminal offence to impersonate and claim to be an Inland Revenue Inspector, the Police have Thicko’s car registration number. Now then I am not trying to tell the Police how to do their job but I do not think this man was an Income Tax Inspector so why don’t they arrest him for his impersonation and put the bugger in prison and throw the bloody key away! The knob!
Now then, I do not know what job he does but he must be a right arsehole as a working colleague. Then another police car arrives and eventually Thicko departs the Circus Fields having wasted over an hour with his aggressiveness and nasty personality! We never have trouble at our boot sales but this guy had a face like a burst boil and he seriously reminded me of that ‘fat brat’ baby who weighed in at 13 pound eight ounces known as the fattest babe ever who was born yesterday! Just one thing though, I reckon the baby had more intelligence!

Next we had a girl of ten who had lost her Mummy so I bought her an Ice Cream to shut her up then she found her mum then she came back with one of her sisters saying she had lost her mum again obviously looking for another Ice Cream then some poor little girl broke her arm and was taken to hospital and then and only then we noticed the Cider lady with her six pack of cider gently slurping away on the last can GOTCHA and BARRED over and out! Apart from that we had a lovely day but the punch line of old FATSO Mr Thicko was that Arlin was so annoyed he had missed three FAG BREAKS which added three days to his life! Oh and try reading this when you have had a few fags and a 6 pack of Cider! KEN DODDS DADS DOGS DIED DEAD! My lovers! Lovely tourists here today from all parts of the country!
Geoff