Peace perfect peace, had lovely breakfast, Lou believes it or not has gone to the hottest beach on record to do what ffs pigging YOGA wtf! Her is gonna come back ooking burnt to a bleeding cinder, mad dogs and Geordie Woman go out in the midday sun so they say but her is great fun has a brilliant brain cannot spell nor add up for toffee ffs! Anyway, this is about me and my observation, the lady who was going ooking berserk with offensive ooking language yesterday was at the outside lounge as they call it, I call a bar is a bar, anyway she shouted an invitation to some other blokey “Do you want me to come on over” at which my darling out spoke audibly said loudly enough for the dragon to hear “No don’t ffs!” I cringe sometimes, she is so outspoken but after 30 odd years together it is what it is.

 Portugal is hot to trot today but trying to get a couple of benches at the pool is a nightmare with some people expecting the same beds for the whole pigging week anyways Lou got up  at 6.00 her was determined to get two large mugs of coffee and was able to nab 2 benches in the shade to start with where the rest of the 70 plus benches all had hotel towels draped over the meaning right at this minute there are 7 people using the pigging benches, doesn’t that piss you orf darlings the selfishness of some foolkers dears! The people are quite nice really but being avid watchers of the pool activities, we watched two old biddies’ ladies taking a quiet slash in the pool, no worries, mate, swimming away with a trail of yellow piss as they move away pretending nowt had happened! I mean I’ve done it as a kid but as an adult, that’ll be a no then! We complained at one hotel where there was a bar in the pool and the abuse, the uncaring management were totally aware but almost disowned and would have liked to bar ME as they were totally aware that there blokie customers were topping up with pints of larger and releasing by the pint golden lines of the yellow stuff emitting from their fat guts into their swim cossies and out into the blue waters of the pool through their ugly winkles ffs! So how is that fare for everybody’s health ffs!! swallowing some strange fookers urine the dirty old shag nasty turds, so they are!! Right now, then the gossip, last night the fooking women who fooking swore at her fooking blokie telling him that he was a fooking count. So, guess what, we go into the restaurant the lady in charge of reception says follow me, she had an adorable bum, so why not, and fcuk me gently please out of 160 seats she sits us on the next pigging table to us ffs, I being stoned and   pretty ignorant as to who the fc is there or not but I get back from selecting my crib right, I goes to sit down right, the wife my Lou’s face is full of thunder right, which forced me into politely saying to her “Now, what the fook have I done wrong ffs” She says nothing but directs her shifty eyes at me to the couple at the next table and they are going at it large already! She seems to have eaten but he the poor sod has not eaten his chosen meal. He is sitting side saddle of his chair with his head in his hands, and she is telling him as quietly as her gob would allow “You’s can fook off to the fooking bar, fook off louder but get out of my sight and the man crumpled and forlorn gets up from his chair and fooked off to the fooking bar as directed by his fooking lady friend. We try to get on with our meal wanting to laugh ourselves stupid but the ‘nasty woman ‘goes into her next act by squalling her fooking eyes out with sound affects ffs, don’t look to us for sympathy, her gets on her mobile furiously texting then her gets up and noisily departs the scene followed by the eyes of some of the parents who were seriously offended by language nights before! Today at lunch lovely food Detective Lou told me that the woman walking right behind me, and she is gonna take a picture of her so smile and shut tfu now!! She focuses the picture on the bleach blonde bad built butch bitch as was walks past me so now I am going to produce them so we can at least thank her for all the fooking new words I have learned. Now then, the Manager did wrong by ignoring the offensive shall we call her a lady-woman but in my Pontins days as General Manager I had similar situations arise, I would have the culprits into my office and politely go through the details and decide that they would be ejected from the Pontins complex without refund if they re-offend again and that they would be escorted to the station by security! You are warned “Say Geoff” and he fooking means it.

Lou said yesterday that this is the best ever holiday and I absolutely agree Portugal is a lovely country, Albefeuro is a credit to the entire country we are close to the main roads which traffic is plentiful and full of courteous motorists with shiny posh cars, there are these new scooters allowed on the main roads that bomb along up to 25 mile an hour and again motorists slow up in respect to the drivers of these battery operated scooters which are apparently banned in the UK, maybe I am wrong about that, I don’t GAF cos I most certainly will not be buying one soon although my Lou would like to ‘give it a try’ but I never argue with crazy the dear of her!     Geoff X