Do not be too quick to gloat about HEARTLANDS!

July 2019

Okay, now let me tell you the truth firstly about NEWQUAY where we moved to our brand-new location at Chapel Farm in May. On our first week there were only 12 sellers of whom we charged £5.00 to sell and of course all buyers came in for free of entry charges. The prophets of doom (some of the dumbest pre-dick-tors known to man) declared Newquay is finished, gone, caput FRO forever, that Geoff is such a wanker (true, but at 80 who TF cares ffs). The following week there were 17 sellers so again we let them sell for a fiver and again free to buyers.
Last week there were over 50 sellers, today the 23rd July there were 75 sellers and loads of buyers particularly from HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK who were happy to pay the entrance-parking fee to be able to buy some stunning BARGAINS so the ‘prophets of doom’ were wrong again because I absolutely assure you that we will achieve well over 100 sellers before mid-August at NEWQUAY and if I am wrong come and tell me, likewise if you are one of the ‘sad prediction freaks or freakesses’ and you have got it wrong then do have the balls to come and tell me and I will give you a FREE STALL for last Tuesday & Thursday at Newquay and a kick in the nuts if that is the way you dress?

It is 3.00 am in the early morning I am having a couple quieter smokes a drink some Enigma music and life is beautiful all of the time. My misses and her mum with Dementia snore so loudly I can hear them in my man-cave and de man-cave is outside de bleedn house man ffs! Because I have severe cramp night-time’s I don’t sleep well but I certainly enjoy myself the pain has stopped, I will read this in the morning and not remember WTF I have written ffs!
Now then, at HEARTLANDS telling you the absolute truth there were 13 sellers for the first ever Car Boot Sales and we charged them a fiver to sell, we also GAVE them a FREE stall for this Wednesday 10th July 12.00 noon at HEARTLANDS in appreciation of their support. The doom and gloom merchants were at it again predicting that Heartlands was a flop, no it was not! Quite a lot of buyers supported the few sellers and all 13 of them sold and covered their expenses handsomely. Now then, the ‘doomers’ gave it their all predicting total failure and lack of support for the new boot sale! What an absolute load of boll ox some people do talk at times so here is my advice!

Firstly, engage brain! We are not in opposition to Rosudgeon. We are ‘in-it to win-it’ we do not mind how long it takes to establish a really good Car Boot Sale at Heartlands, in Pool-Redruth and do not forget Heartlands is going to be an all year- round Car Boot Sale. So, and I address this question to my spies Ann the posh and Anne the not so posh and the fellow gloomers bloomers and gloaters;

“When Hayle, Rosudgeon, Bude and Lanhydropped, and Withiel and all of the other field Car Boots including the potential flood *wet field locations then they are totally closed down and as dead as a bandy do-do’s ding-donger for at least 6 months of the year so then where the hell will some of the die-hard Car Boot sellers and buyers want to go? They won’t want to stay at home and vegetate like old farts do especially the ones who ‘want to live forever and do sod all about it’ get some forking exercise get off yer fat arse get the car keys have a slash and take her or him indoors outdoors in the fresh air of the autumn and winter seasons and come to HEARTLANDS of course you utter nutters, because TRURO and Heartlands are the only Car Boot Sales worthwhile enjoying during the ‘winter months’ I have a favourite motto ‘Softly, softly catchee monkey’ success will follow my bird! To the knockers of our Car Boots Cornwall we have 6 locations we are bigger we are the professionals and better than the rest and we have more sellers than all of the other lot put together! And, and we have had over One Million four hundred and sixty- six thousand hits on our website more than any visits to any BOOT SALE in the entire UK so to the knockers piss up your kilts ffs! I don’t care I quite like knockers really?

There is one bloke I have nick-named toss-pot who almost breaks his neck to try to wind me up about Rosudgeon this or Hayle that he goes on and on and on and it pisses him off that his bickering against my Car Boots Cornwall does not get through to be so my picture is dedicated to him who will remain anonymous, here is a clue he has got rattling false teeth he knows who he is the bandy looking nerd!!

*Wet field locations* Be very careful if you are parked up at Lanhydropped especially when it has been raining because you could get ‘mud-bogged-down’ and spend ages before you get home! I believe it is part of a flood-plain which will hopefully sink out to oblivion and beyond. The complaints about Lanhydropped we hear are the stalls are full of crap with too many white van man traders and last week my spies tell me there was a fight between several sellers and buyers and there was a fight at Withiel where someone apparently took out a cleaver (according to gossip) of sorts and was prepared to use it against someone who had aggravated him and the police men and ladies were involved.

Now then, my next target is the bloody BBC and their poxy ill-informed forecasting the weather, today they agreed that there will be a 30% chance of rain so loads of the boring old farts looking for an excuse to prevent the missus from enjoying her car boot they say “I’m not going out if that’s what they say by the time we get there it will be pissing down” which attitude is wrong because not one jot of rain dropped at Mitchell so ‘balls to the BBC’ thank you once again for your pessimism. To cover themselves they have got to put something on so ‘let’s hedge our bets’ and give meaningless percentages that could would and does affect businesses who work outdoors for a living and while I am on about it why do we have to have to listen to drivel from the weather forecasters that go on and on ffs, why doesn’t someone just come on and say something like “Hello, this is the Bloody BBC weather briefly, today it’s going to piss down everywhere so you can all go back to bed for the rest of the week at least ffs or brilliant sunshine in Spain but it’s still pissing down here in the UK ffs!! amen! Oh’ and by the way have you noticed how hard the BBC are pushing for their candidate to replace Theresa May who although I am not a Tory but I do think her has done a brilliant job taking into consideration the amount B’stard Boris the back-stabbings that have brought Mrs May down. The BBC’s man for the job of new Prime Minister is Boris who has the full support of the management & editorial team brown-nosing Boris so they do not lose the government support when they want to deprive the elderly of the FREE TV licencing due to expire in 2020. I personally don’t care if I have got to pay for a TV licence but there are millions of elderly people who simply cannot afford to pay the BBC fee so I believe that all genuine pensioners (also severely disabled people) who are on benefits of any kind who need ‘not be means tested’ they should qualify for life free TV licences and it should be paid for by the drastic cash savings spent at the BBC to the fortunes being paid to all these alleged celebrities’
I mean you can watch TV with celebrities taking part in some programmes and you see faces of the celebs and maybe you recognise one ‘alleged celebrity ‘out of 10 so who the folk are all the others FFS! Get rid of the rigged Celebs shows cos the best celebrities are Mr & Mrs Joe public so let’s turn the clock back in time and bring back Wilfred Pickles and Have a Go Joe and Variety Bandbox and Hughie Green (yuck) and whatever happened to Workers Playtime and Children’s Favourites’ and Housewives Choice and Mrs Dales Diary and Dick Barton and the Goon Shows and Beyond our Ken and what about Listen with Mother and Family Favourites, I mean, what happened to all that lot? Biggest load of crap going, so it was ffs!
Now then, another thing about Boris is that he is so far up Donald TRUMPS butt that these two together could create catastrophic mayhem to the peace of this world we all call home. I forecast TRUMP (Bring Back OBAMA) will win the next election then is the right time to impeach the ignorant shit that he is, put him in jail Geoff Says for his criminality including serious tax evasion, his racism and having a sly shag with Stormy Daniels and putting the cost on a petty cash voucher and making ‘head office’ (the public) pay but he got caught, then there’s his over 10,000 bleedn lies that he has told to the whole WORLD and the American people. Lock him up then throw away the effing keys.
Two weeks ago, a little boy arrived at Mitchell with his mum & dad, as he had been really well behaved, he was given a special treat of £5.00 pocket-money which he put in his purse. He walked up to a stall that had a few toys picked one up one to look at it, the more than grumpy stall-holder lady said “It’s four pounds, do you want it otherwise put it down” The intimidated boy opened his purse and took out his fiver paying for the toy when his mum and dad who were a looking at another stall arrived and asked the boy if he really wanted the toy, he said no. Dad says to more than grumpy seller the boy does not want the toy can we please have a refund? The lady seller was quite adamant, ‘No we will not refund’ so the boy and his parents came to me to ask for assistance. I accompanied mum dad and the boy to the stall and I asked the seller to refund the four pounds and take the toy back to which the seller again refused. Now then, the boy is 5 years old and the law says that a child of 5 years old cannot be a customer unless under supervision therefore the seller cannot contract with a child and that his parents should be given the refund, which I explained to the seller who again refused. I explained the law to the sellers who chatted with her partner and they eventually but grudgingly agreed to refund the four pounds but it has to be said they were most pissed off that their takings were now minus the four quid vowing never to return to any of our Car Boot Sales again. Well there you go, we learn something every day don’t we so if a kid comes to your stall wanting to spend, he must be supervised by an adult and the adult must pay you on behalf of the child dears, see!

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