The Wedding;

David Leggo the Landlord of Mitchell told me ages ago that he had agreed to allow a wedding on his land at Mitchell to life long friends so for that Saturday we could not hold our very popular weekly Car Boot on his land. I decided to transfer the Car Boot to St Columb Major 8.5 miles away according to Google it will take you 12 minutes to get to St Columb from Mitchell but with heavy traffic add a further 15 minutes. We put large signs out to advise customers of the move for the one week we put it on the website we put 1000 leaflets into sellers and buyer’s hands to advertise the move, we told people in person about the change and we put over 40 directional signs to advise and remind motorists of the change! Could we have done more FFS?

I decided to stay at Mitchell and man the gates with my man Paul nicknamed Rock On (why I do not know) to direct traffic for those who had not seen the publicity or had just bloody well forgotten but the abuse that we got was quite amazing as we stood there like ‘schmooks’ trying to point drivers to take the slip road for St Columb when they stop all traffic to find out wassup! We give them leaflets with the post code then they want to hold a conversation with us whilst other traffic is held up FFS! 2 customers with deaf aids that did not seem to be working so we have to mime to in the middle of the pigging roundabout and doing jerking movements “FO down the slip road FFS!!” One car pulled up with a couple of regulars and I told them about the move she gets a fit the giggles saying “Oh yea I already knew that” ‘So why the fuct didn’t you tell me FFS’ roars the ugly 18 stone husband who truth to tell had an enraged face like the he had built up a huge fart that was ready to explode FFS ( the twat) He drives off around the roundabout a further 3 times before he finally took the eefing slip- road into oblivion with her finger wagging at him as his unfriendly eyes ‘they kept looking away from each other FFS’ I certainly did not envy their short journey. There were other drivers who were furious and raging about the change completely losing their minds in their child seats by screeching their tyres in a rage as they take their miserable sodding faces to another part of Cornwall. I mean, WTF is everybody so miserable about FFS and why be so efin dramatic about sod-all and a slight inconvenience because we had to move the Car Boot to another location and as I pointed out ‘what about the bride and groom’ to which one disgruntled old fart said in abbreviations “I don’t’ GAF about the king bride and groom bollocks to them they can FRO” How charitable you old sod, hope your rabbit dies FFS! It has to be said clearly and precisely that the antagonism came from oh yes, you have guessed it correctly the miserably sods yesterday’s drivers MEN of course!! I mean I got called a bald-headed old twat by two different drivers FFS ‘so I put my cap on’ to save any further abuse from a certain section of our community known as the irritable and aggravated bowel syndrome school of wankers FFS!! That made Rock On laugh.

WE had both taken all the insults on the chin, we had done a good job diverting the traffic to a location that had never had a Car Boot Sale on a Saturday before but the bonus was to my great surprise there were over 100 sellers with a huge crowd of buyers, I also thank my team who had done a wonderful job, I thank all of our customer new and regulars for your continued support on a very successful day but there always has to be someone who wants to rule the roost and spoil the day, this time by a foul-mouthed bleached blonde black roots not very nice woman.
I always keep ‘an emergency space’ by the entrance into the selling fields in case Para-medics or AMBULANCES or any of the Emergency Services need immediate access. At the main gate directing large volumes of traffic at St Columb we had a very capable member of our team and an ex-policewoman whom our customers know as Cheryl, she has lively friendly attitude towards her job she has a great PR attitude towards our customers, she is conscientious and totally non-confrontational. Whilst dealing with 100s of incoming and outgoing vehicles she noticed a woman stop her car right in the middle of the flow of exiting traffic, she goes up to Cheryl demanding “I am going to park my car in that space there” Cheryl advises that the space is not for parking it is an emergency area only! “Well, I am going to park there” then she resorts to a serious and grossly offensive swearing tirade against Cheryl with liberal use of the eff word and as a final insult she calls Cheryl a fcuking CNUT!! She parks her car and on seeing me came storming up saying that she demanded to be parked in that space “Because I have got a bad shoulder” ‘Well, haven’t we all’ I replied with a suggestion of disbelief and sarcasm!!
I could tell that Cheryl had been seriously offended by this loud mouth I told the woman to ‘move immediately and go’ but not content with her former abuse but she still wanted to have another go to give Cheryl a further “Piece of my mind and sort her out” with your bad shoulder? FFS!! How very stupid! She joined the departing queue and left still raging. Cheryl later told me the details of the woman’s abuse and threats and her alleged bad shoulder. The way she was waving her arms around in her stupid childish and immature rant did not suggest there was anything wrong with her shoulder. (maybe her brain needed a ‘reality check) Other customers had seen and heard this incident with several actually complaining to me about her language, we were well rid of her!
She BARRED!!
The wedding was a great success.
Amen
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