FIRST Car Boot of this year throughout West Cornwall;

Sorry for delay with this blog which goes on a bit but thank you to all of the lovers who appreciate Geoff Says because it is rude up front and truthful and most of the time I don’t GAF because I am in the safety of my man cave. It is 2.00 am I woke up with severe cramp in my legs so a rum & coke a spliff of a smoke followed by another, some peaceful music it’s pissing down outside who cares! Now then, Saturday at Mitchell Car Boot was going fine the weather was indifferent with a heavy shower that lasted 30 seconds some panic stricken sellers frantically cover their selling items, one stall I noticed as soon as the shower started blokie jumped in his car leaving his missus to deal with the rain and cover the stock whilst he is sitting in the dry the miserable b’stard. That is no way to treat someone you are supposed to love ffs!

One of our really good regular sellers well known for his pickled onions we shall call him Tony, he was selling at his stall when some ugly looking thug thinking he was being funny in front of his fat-bloke mates as they walked past Tony’s stall by coughing loudly followed by shouting the word COVID which they found hilarious but Tony was not amused! What makes pricks like these jerks think they are being funny during this dreadful pandemic is beyond me, may the crutch of their trouser rot and may they fall through and break their pucking necks ffs, metaphorically speaking of course! Schmooks!

Now then, I received a message written on an old piece of cardboard, it seems one of our sellers sold a complete tea service to a dear lady customer but when the seller got home she found the lid of the tea-pot from the now incomplete tea service so on this piece of cardboard the seller asked me to write on this blog that she is so sorry and she has the teapot lid which her will bring next week! Isn’t that nice, a tad trivial a tad boring but a nice gesture of me to even write such drivel darling, or is this some sort of wind-up fs? Anyway the dear lady customer we shall call Beryl was so pleased with her purchase of the tea set her showed it to her husband oo said “Yer silly old moo it’s got not king lid you stupid old nambat ffs” Anyway, a row developed and the teaset minus the pigging lid fell off the table smashing into pieces ffs, so the moral of this story is’do not bring the lid ffs!!

Then what about this, two sets of keys were found only one claimed so if you have lost keys give us a message to return them to you. After seeing Truro Car Boot well on it’s way Lou and I went to St Columb Major which was busier than Truro but only just. A man bought some items at a stall and absent-mindedly left his wallet on the stall and rushed to the stall where the stall holder said “Oh, I’ve just handed it to the health and safety person who was at my stall at the time he introduced himself and showed me his health and safety card” Now this sounds a very unlikely story we, that is our teams are all responsible for health and safety but we would never have authorised any person/s to take a lost wallet away. The Health & Safety personnel would not under any circumstances poke their nose or interfere into any part of our operational business. The owner of the wallet and myself did not believe the sellers story we believed that the wallet had not left the man’s stall. The amount in the wallet was around £80.00 but all of his cards and his driving licence were in the wallet. He and his wife walked back to their car, Louise had taken the mans phone number and called him but the wallet had not either been handed in to the owner nor ourselves on his behalf. I did think of calling the Police but the owner had gone. My thoughts are that the old man seller lied about the Health & Safety story and that the old git took the wallet straight home depriving the rightful owner of his dosh who really should have not been so stupid to forget and leave his wallet in the first place. The absolute majority of people who attend our sales are honest but we still get the odd story of some slimy b’stard stooping low enough to nicking from a Car Boot sellers stall. Car Boots Cornwall are the only Car Boot Sales operating in the West of Cornwall and we thank all of our customers for their continued support so let’s turn the clock back to our first Car Boot this year;

Yo yo Yo! It was so nice to at last get our first really good Car Boot Sale that we started at TRURO yesterday the 12th of July after spending weeks away due to the Corona Virus. Now then, let’s start with the queue of buyers where our first 20/30 buyers are mainly dealers they had queued respectfully taking into account the virus safe-distancing conditions, everything was going well with the first two lines of buyers going into the sale, suddenly there was ‘ charge of the light brigade ffs with a rush from the back of the queue created by ‘you have guessed already’ the Polish no less as they allegedly rushed to the front of the queue infuriating other buyers who had queued respectfully! Now then my Polish friends where is your ‘social distancing’ fs? it it very im’POLE’ite to push in ffs someone wanted to call the POLE-ice, or was it all the Poles fault? from standing at the front of the ensuing crowd where I could see them charging to be in the Car Boot so badly (its has been over 4 months man ffs) I reckon there were more Cornish Poles than deed Poles themselves. With a bit of shouting from my Rottweiler wife the ‘social distancing’ appeal was obeyed.  Respectfully, I love the Polish people (and my wife) they have much more respect for me than some of you lot who I’ve known for yonks ffs! Apart from that the atmosphere was really pleasant especially amongst my die-hard regulars with everybody “especially the dear lady dealers who were really happy with smiling faces (unless it was wind) happy chat, no name calling, no bitching, no cat-calling, no new rumours, no miserable faces, no oh I cant stand that bitch” I mean seriously wtf was going on ffs, today was like peace at last, or was there someone really missing from bygone days, I ponder, who could it be I wonder? I can be so the real bitch 4 at times dears!

Time for another quiet toke ‘you know what I’m saying, peace and love to all but the chosen few and you my lovers are amongst them, now then, lets get serious!
I will do all I can to provide safe Car Boot Sales taking into consideration the dreadful Covid 19 Corona virus which has killed so many people throughout the world. This has been a very difficult time for business people in our local communities with some closing down ruined through no fault of their own, the end of their dreams! Rise up, rise up, go for it again my lovers. Turn the other cheek, work hard, stop the crying and go for it all again, I did.

Before Lou and I came to Cornwall I was General Manager of Pontins in Brean Sands in Somerset. I was asked if I would like to go to Bracklesham Bay to supervise the closing down of the holiday camp. I declined the offer saying that as I was a single parent to my 10 year old son I wanted to stay at Brean Sands for his education. The bosses accepted my reasoning until one day two of Pontin’s executives arrived and asked if they could use my office for a meeting. I agreed, one of them using my desk spoke “Mr Wiles we have come here to sack you” I asked for their reasoning “We have lost confidence in you” I replied, “That is not a sackable offence” They argued I argued. I took them to court and won £40,000.00 plus legal costs, they didn’t argue at the court because the press were waiting outside for the gossip on Pontins. Up yours PONTINS! Hah, we got out of Somerset and came to dear old Cornwall where we built Car Boots Cornwall in 1989 with millions of visitors over the 31 years. But it hasn’t all been plain sailing has it, sadly this year has been seriously affected by the virus, many other important Car Boot Sales in particular with Rosudgeon Hayle and Pendine deciding not to provide Car Boot Sales this year which I think is a shame because it affects the lives of their regular sellers and buyers and the catering traders who rely on their regular car boot locations for an income to be able to support themselves and their families.

Mums Dads & kids!

I spoke with one youngish mum our Amelia who has two young daughters her said her had thoroughly enjoyed having her children home for the 3/4 months, she hoped it would last longer, her daughters are lucky to have had home schooling cos mum is a teacher, her and her mum and dad Johanna and Paul are important members of our Car Boots teams! Compliments to all of Cornwall’s mums and dads with their children over the shut-down it must have been blue murder in some houses, I have met some of ‘Cornwall’s out of control kids’ in my younger days we were all called ‘little bleeders’ which has now been upgraded to ‘little b’stards’ just imagine being locked in with them for 4 months ffs, I mean that is heroic my lovelies, but then no use moaning is it oo ad them in the first place dears? I admire immensely the courage that parents and their kids have shown during the pandemic closures! Kids should not return to school until all parents and teachers are totally happy. Today’s children are the future of this country and it would be wildly stupid to rush them back to school in the middle of an out of control PANDEMIC. Parents, the decision is yours. I know that some kids can be a pain in the arse at times and I bet you were as well cos I know I was in my younger days. Love them and love yourself and make sure you are all protected from the dreaded virus. Take care, be well be strong ffs x

Here is Geoff Says remedies of how to deal with the virus it is rude and outspoken and is snot suitable for children but I should let them read it anyway mums there is no swearing just abbreviations dears with the above warning”

Preamble! Corona Virus; July 24th

Way back in January Lou and I learned on CNN & MSNBC USA broadcasts all about the virus and the seriousness of the problem that could affect millions of lives throughout the world. We both took it seriously! The billionaire Bill Gates warned two years ago of a World Wide pandemic but world leader paid little notice of the warnings as the virus prepared for it’s onslaught to disrupt everybody’s lives for months on end with still many more months to come. Slowly, world leaders got the message when it was too late to create total lock-down because the virus had travelled at alarming speed causing hospitals to fill to capacity with the poor unsuspecting patients unaware that they could be spending the end of their lives with others despite the hard work of the wonderful doctors and nurses of the NHS to prevent deaths. GO NHS! How many times have we watched the unfolding of this dreadful story that we are all part of? You see on the news channels of the deaths of innocent people and we hear the pain and suffering of the parents and relatives and you end up yourself in tears at the distress of these poor people and you wonder wtf is going happen to me and the future for me my life my family, but my lovers we are all in this together so we have to be strong be strong my lovers cos we are lucky here in blessed Cornwall where we must practice social distancing for the sake of each other living in a caring world hoping for the future control of the Corona-virus pandemic. Be strong!

But then who are the world leaders ‘for all of us to look up to’ to lead us out of this crisis that has cost so many lives that could have been saved but for the ‘delaying tactics’ played by TRUMP and DORIS from number 10 all because ‘it’s election year in the USA’ even worse with Dosey Doris and the full of false promises made by our Prime Minister and with his popularity slumping already in the polls means for deffinate there will be a Labour Government in under 3 years time TTFFTFFS. Mrs May would most certainly of handled the virus in a more successful way without all the waffling from Doris. TRUMP and his disrespectful insolent handling of the crisis is ruining his chances for re-election, hopefully. If he were to get another 4 years then I hope on the first day he gets the virus then we can ignore him like the thousands of innocent American people who have died whilst on his watch ffs, the fat ugly b’stard so he is! So, I predict Biden will win the Election in less than 70 days and I reckon he will choose Kamala Harris as his vice president (he has done) who could become the first ever BLACK lady president, go Kamala she will make the difference ‘Black lives matter’ her and Biden will unite America and the rest of the World to it’s former glory with “sane people in the White House working for all of America and not ‘fiddling the dosh’ for themselves” Could there be a ‘lightening IMPEACHMENT hearing’ before the election I muse! Kick the b’stard and his rotten family out I have heard on American newscasts, America must get to grips with this egotistic sexist racialist nutter who only thinks of himself and his rotten loud mouthed family. Trump (meaning fart in English) (you have ickle heard babies trump into their nappies) could not take control of the virus for which he must take blame for many thousands of deaths of citizens through his and his governments inability to save lives? May the history books show the disgrace of Donald J. Trump ??? The J. is for Jerk!

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnkkkkkeeeerrrr!

Now then, a sense of humour for items 1-5 below is required but this is how I would have saved some of the many people who have died so needlessly from this dreaded Corona Virus;

Step 1.

So, you come home from work or shopping, you have been breathing in the air that others around you are sharing with you which could contain tiny droplets floating aimlessly in the air looking for some poor sod’s snot box (nose) to climb up or you could swallow a droplet possibly giving you the Covid 19 all from someone who has either coughed or sneezed or splattered, someone who has a snotty dribbling nose right over there somewhere. So, you arrive home you turn your engine off, you grab a hand sanitiser before leaving the car, with the hand sanitiser you walk to your front door, you wipe the letter box and the key area and your knockers if you’ve got good knockers (lucky you) you never know who has been to your house touching your knockers in your absence posting unwanted letters through your box do you? ( oof painful) you now open your front door, home at last ffs!

Step 2.

Now then, don’t worry about your shopping at this stage just go straight to your bathroom, before you do anything else you grab a tissue it’s empty your trunk time so you “blow your snotty nose both sides to empty all the snots especially the joosy green slimy ones’ to rid you of any tiny tiny droplets from someone else’s sneezy snotbox ffs” You can do this several times to the tune of the hokey-kokey ffs!! You close the right side down, and you snort down all the snots, then the left side now shake the snots away then you throw the full of snots tissues ‘oh the hokey-Kokey’ into the toilet or the bin ffs. Please snote;

No Government in the whole world would be so outspoken by suggesting to people ‘BLOW YOUR PIGGIN SNOT-BOX TO KEEP THE VIRUS OUT’ is the right and left thing to do, so blow heartily for Cornwall my lovers, there now, if they had asked me I could have saved lives WORLDWIDE ffs! But wait there’s more ffs!
3. Now then, I am not being personal because we all do it so do your business flush the chain (shut the lid ffs) (put the extractor on fs, now wash your hands for 20 odd seconds with soap then another 20 seconds to wash your face, look in the mirror to see if there are any b-heads to deal with later. Now it’s time for a relaxing cuppa coffee or a large G & T or a ‘toke of a smoke with a rum and coke’ then another.

4. Now then, the coffee and spliff break is over, now is the time to go to the car to fetch all of your shopping and put them just inside your front door ready 4 you to sanitise every item that you have bought for yourself with your sanitised wipes. If you have bought for mother or mother in law sod that, put their stuff to one side, let them do their own sodding sanitising, love you mums!

5. At last it’s bedtime, after a bath or a shower or nothing you get into your bed of comfort and relaxation aaah! You have both got your ‘snotties’ beside your bed, you sit up and in unison (or alone) you give your snotty nose the ‘best blow job of it’s life’ both channels left and right you shut the left side down then snot to the right, oh the hokey-kokey ending chances of any tiny little droplets and the bastard Corona-Virus entering your system ffs, am I mentally disturbed no man it’s de weed! You show and compare each others contents of the snot tissues but before you throw the tissues you both have a good old hearty cough retching adding the phlem to the snots, tomorrows porridge ffs mmm lovely-jubbly!!
Then, if you are lucky, you can make your own little droplets between the two of you, but seriously no snogging after wot you two have just been barfing and snotting up fs, or just for ease lets ave a bit of personal attention ffs why not go into the bathroom to quietly take yourself in hand or just let the good vibrations take over, know wot I mean, sorted!! It’s good to daydream isn’t it? What a dirty old sod and a daydreamer ffs!!

Goodnight my lovers,

I have some missed you all and your money X

Finally, several of our darling readers of my Blogs have said on numerous occasions “Geoff, You should write a book” I can and I should but I am looking for an up-front advance as my book relies a lot on Geoff Says on holidays and our Car Boot Sales. So yes, I am at least half way with a book so find me a good publisher with an up-front payment and I will reveal all with rudeness frank opinions but with love and a harmless rotten sense of humour but if you analyse me you will find that I speak the truth with a fair amount of exaggeration, white lies, crudity and a bloody good laugh? Love you!

Geoff.
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