HAWAII Trip!
AS most of our customers would agree that we do have some really important members of our team especially our 3 young ladies known as Seren, Lauren and the one and only Connie! They are immense fun to work with and their skills in being pleasant to all of our buyers and sellers are widely appreciated by the majority of our customers who meet with them during their work, anyway they had their first day yesterday at Newquay of selling a vast amount of items given to them by sellers and buyers alike. They will have their own column to advise everyone what they are up to and to advise how their holiday and learning experiences in HAWAII plans are getting on, more to follow. Connie has told me that Nigel is looking for a new life of love in his life cos his love life at the moment is loveless and that if his wife finds out she will kill him ffs! (it’ official from Nigel, ‘she won’t)
“Back to HAWAII, can you ask the young ladies when are they going to put something on their web-blogs in appreciation of the wonderful generosity where they raised over £100.00 selling at Newquay from items donated by our customers” Geoff.X

Our other team headed by Amelia her dad Paul and her lovely mum the maker of the most wonderful-wonderful bestest ever cakes Johanna, all three of this most loyal up-market family have been with us for several years however Paul was the latest to join us from his high flying job in the banking world as a Senior Executive down to his present apprentice position with Car Boots Cornwall being tried and trained by guess of whom it’s but daughter Amelia of course! Here is a compliment, that in all of my 60 plus years in management our team at Car Boots Cornwall are without doubt the most reliable honest and trustworthy people I have ever encountered throughout the UK, period, forever and the most liked and loved by our customers, Lou with myself we totally appreciate them all, Thank you, thank you thank you, what rhymes with thank-you beginning with W W W ? X. (Good smoke my man) My god the afore mentioned family would not approve of that sort of smuttiness!

I am soo stoned in total happiness so if the following offends I will be delighted my lovelies, however, we do have one grumpy old fart known as Rock-on he does the parking of thousands of cars at Mitchell Truro and St Columb Major, on occasions he gets justifiably very pissed off ffs when he is directing cars and some effing bloke has gone the wrong eeffing way with other cars following causing chaotic parking for all ffs! Nigel also has trouble with drivers who do not follow his instructions on parking ffs cos if one goes out of line the plan can be lost and the frigging idiot who wants to park over there instead of fking here is a momentary pitfa ffs! I know how ratty some drivers can be for instance this Sunday one such driver to impress his passengers in front of Rock-on did a stupid wheelie he braked hard making serious tyre and wheel marks on the farmers land, hilarious fun, fking eediot man the pollock that he was and still is ffs! So Rock on got some serious abuse off the driver who later put in a complaint to Paul about him swearing which he admitted, he got a smart kick is the googlies, end of incident, result or what?

Then we get the occasional ‘blue pass holders’ who can be a real pain in the posterior ffs, some of whom arrive well after the sale has started demanding that they park just outside the selling field, it isn’t gonna happen dears! For the record I am a blue pass holder, I never push my luck and start arguing for even more privilege than the courtesy of my blue pass which was given to me because of my peripheral vascular disease in my legs which causes spiteful pains making walking difficult at times, so there!
It is 5.00 am, I have been in my man-cave since 4 unable to sleep so I have had a couple of smokes a large rum and coke hic so if I have made any spelling mistakes I personally don’t gaff if the truth be told. Over this third weekend of Bank Holidays we had our busiest period with lots of sellers and buyers the sellers did exceptionally well with hard selling and the buyers carried away thousands of bargains over the weekend. Our business has been down due to the cost of living crisis and this freaking war which is nothing to do with our Cornish and World wide people but everyone is suffering ffs but nowt is being done to STOP THIS Fluking WAR ffs!! WHY why Why?
“Stop Press; It has just been announced from the Kremlins that President Putin has had a new ‘ARSE Transplant’ but, with sadness we report that the new ‘arse-hole’ has rejected him ffffsss” WTF FRO Die yer B’stard is what Mildred from Wide-Open has just asked me to write see!

I feel so privileged to live here in Cornwall which in my honest opinion, and Lou’s, having travelled and seen a lot of the world Cornwall is the best place to live, in the whole wide world WORLD we all seem to have accepted the fate of this unjustified war, we are dealing with our lives as bestest we can but “we must be aware that a very few of our immigrants could spoil the image of our Cornwall” There have been a few incidents of stealing items from stalls and bartering in an aggressive manner with my sellers and throwing money at my sellers! I am only writing about the tiniest minority of immigrants, fine they come here for a better life I get that but, these infringements will only affect my business and it’s loyal customers. It is now totally fair that I acknowledge ‘we need immigrants’ because the majority that come to our Car Boot Sales they are brilliant spenders as they are setting up homes and businesses, it is a pleasure to watch thousand of items being carried away from our sales to a happy home! Enjoy our sales, don’t ruin it, and if you know someone who is stealing from my customers then I would like a quiet word with them, ending with FRO ffs! Another spliff time, don’t smoke tobacco it’s a killer, we have lost so many well loved people through smoking fags, we seriously miss their money ffs amen!

My darling mother in law Julia is still with us and I will publish my full update in the next few days. My two Alpacas Yo and Yo are called by their joint names because they couldn’t GAF really, they are so frocking ignorant and don’t really respond to being called at all unless they are getting fed. Tomorrow they are getting their annual shearing where all the fibre on their bodies is shave off, they have to be tied down and they scream like fcuk at the shearer men, Yo and Yo will be indignant for a couple of weeks but they get over it after a week. We gave three sacks of their fibre to a lady who lives in St Columb who is going to spin the fibre as a hobby  the dear of her! So, with our ducks 2 dogs and 6 sheep with their babies plus I love feeding all the birds and rabbits all over the whole of dis land man, yer knar wot I’m a saying man! When I have had my fill of smoke and the weed I fall into total happiness where everything in the world is beautiful with no wars, no frictions, no ginger-heads royal twots seeking revenge for Megan Markle ffs! But, my full happiness is I am very happily married to my team that Newcastle United have ended up in the top four of the Premiership. Motor Mouth Alan Shearer said the team would not achieve 4th place so WTF does he know about management when he took over as Manager of wor team he got them relegated in one fking season bonnie lads FFS yet another TWOT! = THAT WANKER OVER THERE!! Go Newcastle United for the up-coming season! Shearer shut TFU man ffs!

Sunday at TRURO the sale is well on it’s way, if buyers buy heavy items providing they have got permission from one of our team they can go into the selling field driving carefully we allow them to pick up large items they have bought. They must drive slowly and for Public Safety they are NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE up and DOWN The selling lane-aisles. Most regulars deal with this request without incident but today we had a stupid old fart who had driven into the selling field then we saw him driving out of one aisle then sod me if he drives down the next aisle which is full of adults and their children and the sellers! When Lou caught up with him he was trying to drive down yet another aisle, she stood in front of his vehicle refusing to let him drive any further but guess what, he had no reason to be in the field at all, he had bought absolutely sod all he wanted was to treat his visit as a ‘drive and buy boot sale’ stopping at any stall where he saw something he wanted to buy but he still bought nowt as he was ejected to the main car park when he decided to drive off in jerky movements vowing never to return! Great decision, old boy, sod off ski !

I received an email regarding Truro Cattle Market that a stall that was selling items that were unmarked in price so the customer asked ‘how much’ which was ‘too much’ so customer politely says ‘no thank you’ to which the sellers start speaking offensively to the customer because they had not bought the item.
— Name —
Sarah Campbell
–
Subject —
Rude Sellers
07869731111
— Comment or Message —
Hey Geoff,
Just back from Sunday car boot at cattle market and wanted to ask if you could remind your sellers they are not helping their sales by being rude to buyers.
Particularly obnoxious ‘charity’ sellers today, misheard what I offered for an item…. They were only young girls, but very sarcastic and rude. Heard them muttering about me as I put the item down and decided i no longer wanted to buy it due to their attitudes. Its not how sellers should be behaving towards their customers. Anyway, i went past later and they still had the item…serves them right, I bet its not the only sale they lost by not being nice to us buyers.
Sarah, thank you for your email and your permission for other sellers and buyers to be aware of, next time you are selling let me know and I will arrange a free stall for you. Geoff X
Now then, Truro once again, about 25 years ago a similar event happened where a regular customer of ours was most offended by the swearing and cussing from one very rude seller, buyer goes back to the stall and asks for an apology but the sellers refuses, the buyer lost the plot by hooking his leg around the leg of the sellers table loaded up to the hilt when ‘lo and behold’ great fun, such a huge crash from all the sellers items as the offended buyer walked off content with revenge ffs, he was barred for six months and the seller never came back!
MITCHELL Saturday!
End of sale at Mitchell, Landlord calls tells me he has checked the field and found a section of his grounds where the sheep move into after our Car Boot Sale where several unsold items had been left but worse the area was littered with broken glass ffs! The law says that this amounts to FLY TIPPING which is a criminal offence! My rules say NO RUBBISH nor unsold items to be left on any of our Car Boot locations!! PERIOD!! These rules are well known to sellers so if you see any sellers who looks as though they are gonna leave unsold shit items please let one of our team know! Please!!
Car Boot history!
Truro Car Boot sales back in the early 90s were at 8.00 am. Queues started overnight the rules from the Cornwall Council were that “no entry of sellers before 6.00 am No Entry for buyers before 7.00 am” In those days rightly so there was ‘no admission fees for the buyers’ so you can imagine that Truro for free parking and free entry would be very popular for buyers who in them there day were not the classy as our current buyers so fights and arguments were not infrequent ffs! We would have sellers who offered their own idea of “home made cakes and sandwiches “which to say the least were hideous and to my mind life threatening” so it was my decision to tell the bakers and sandwich making people that I will not allow them to sell after all of their efforts. I explained that today I am expecting a Cornwall Council health and Safety inspection who have the right to your names and addresses and it is likely that they will want to visit your homes to see if your kitchen was suitable to prepare food for Public Consumption. Years ago we had an old lady who used to sell pickles and pasties, I had to ask her to keep her stall tidy and give it a wash down on two occasions, and her didn’t smell that good neither ffs, Her used to trade well however, we had a Public Health visit who pickled up the name and address of the dear lady for a home visit! Without surprise we never saw the pickle-pasty lady again! The pasties were revolting, bite once spit-oot ffs!! Result!!
I would like to thank all of the thousands of our customers buyers and sellers alike for their loyalty to Car Boots Cornwall since 1989 it has been a pleasure providing our sales especially during COVID where all of our customers acted totally co-operative with the restrictions. We heard of NO CASES of COVID were related to any of our Car Boot events.
It’s my 4th and final smoke of the day I feel good my leg pains have relaxed ably atributed to my relazed feelings, it’s de weed my man, its de weed man, but am I happy you bet, I am looking out of my window at a seagull who has adopted this house as home sitting on our shed roof being dive bombed by beautiful Swallows, one of our ducks is broody preparing to sit on her eggs for fking 35 days, god my arse would be so painful I would have to do a runner duck ffs!!
Be good and honest to each other ‘let your love show through’ start with a bottle of wine (each) have a shower together that’s if you can get inside the cubicle together the size you 2 are ffs, no pigging room for a Bustopher Jones (blow jobbie) neither pet! Now for a loving shag or is it a take yourself in hand jobby and play ‘how far can I shoot this lot’ or just be the normal git that you are and go to fking bed grumpy as fcuk and bollocks to everything and the planet be happily stoned and out of pain thank tf4tffs! Enjoy your life be nice to each other, if you are in the middle of an arguement say ‘I am so sorry dear it was all my fault’ then it’s kiss and make up time aint it though, not tonight dear I am tired. Bollocks, so am I ffs, goodnight dearest X Shut tf up and go to sleep, aint life wonderful though ffs! written under the influence of happiness and a dash of weed, yer know what I’ma saying buds and budesses. XX