This item has been re-written including house rules dear!

A Mitchell seller arrives to sell items his car full of bargains plus his ageing Jaguar which he also wanted to sell. Now then, he stuck a couple of notices on the car and waited for the horn to start the sale. Not only did he sell all of his displayed items he also sold his car and he paid the grandly sum of £8.00 to sell the lot taking home well over a couple of grand. For him it was a well-planned and a good day’s work which lasted for less than two hours. Well done young man. We encourage all sellers who are wanting to sell vehicles to come to our boot sales with the vehicle you are hoping to sell loaded up with your selling items but make sure your car doesn’t stink of fag ash or stale farts (its Grandma again ffs) in other words clean the inside and outside right! Now then, you should have at least two large presentable signs with the year of the vehicle showing how much you are wanting for the car. Don’t ffs say ‘make me an offer’ because you could get seriously pissed off saying ‘make me an offer’ at a Car Boot Sale because they are all well experienced to offer you a pound! For a car! Yup, cos that’s what’ll appen fs! Now stick the signs to your windscreens with cellotaph onto the windows of the car you are now ready to sell, go for it, your stall is set up let’s wait for the horn! You will have to pay £8.00 for the stall and I hope you sell all your unwants and the car and we wish you luck! Bit of dosh back of the car, know what I mean sport, but be careful we often get the fuzz and Trading Standards on site, and they don’t come to sell nor buy mate! Oh, and by the way, we know someone who has been caught by the Inland Revenue for selling on eBay under various bogus and family names (now that’s stupid fs) but not declaring the incomes tut-tut, who dropped then in it? It was the Inland Revenue fraud squad mate weren’t it. Now then, the chances are that you won’t go to prison but you will be fined very heavily and they the IR are very determined to get their money their bleedn dosh mate so that is seriously when the pressure in on my lover and you think you cannot sleep at nights through the worry but bollocks to that attitude stand-up be a man and say ‘fcuk me gently, I am in the shit and it’s my fault for being a greedy sod so let’s STF up and do a deal to pay. You then start to realize that they are probably very nice people just doing their jobs the barsts that they are so they are ffs, go the Inland Revenue!

Message to the Rev; I don’t suppose you could help with the disclosure of Donald-liar- Trump’s tax forms could you I would love to see him sent to prison for tax evasion for the whole of his life and more FFS! Their tax system in America is totally cocked up but I bet we have a copy of them somewhere, Trump is such a fking liar he is probably the World’s leading verbal diarrhoea President in telling lies to the American people having told over 11,000 lies to those ‘gullible’ yanks in the first two years of his verbal diarrhoeal Presidency so says the figures provided from the New York Times no less. The British Inland Revenue could become World famous if they could come up with his tax details proving he is a worthless berk, result or what? Search those cyber files my lovelies get the Russians and China to help, Go Inland revenue FFS!! If there are 10 Americans that I detest then Donald Duck the truth TRUMP is all of them, may he be blessed with permanent lockjaw and uncontrollable bouts of the shit’s cos that’s all he talks man, crap! Yer know what I’m saying man total crap ffs! Sorry, back to your car then;

Please note the rules of the game;
Now then, if you sell a vehicle at any of our Car Boot Sales, we will accept no responsibility for any vehicles sold at our locations; howsoever advertised whether the vehicle is either owned by you or stolen for you or by you or whatever if it’s the wreck of the week or whatever-whatever I don’t care, but it must be taxed and roadworthy further than that I don’t really GAF cos the onus for the car is entirely upon yourselves so don’t over exaggerate its condition and don’t ffs say “it’s got almost new tyres” when the whole world can see they are as bald as an old man’s wrinkly arse ffs! One ruling you may start the car for up to 10 seconds only to prove it’s got an engine, (smog-think of your neighbours) but it must not be driven out of the selling area by the hopefully new owner. Cost is £8.00 for the selling car or a van is from £10.00 amen end of rules!
One of the main advantages is that you don’t get potential tyre-kickers who have seen your advert in the paper then they come around to your place to see the car with all the bleedn kids wasting time expecting to be invited in for a tea or a coffee, wot no biscuits mate and then they don’t buy the car ffs, another benefit is that the pigging neighbours don’t get to know all yer business do they though? FFS!

Alternatively, you could go up-market and sell your car at the Lodge & Thomas Car Auctions held at the Truro Cattle Market on Thursdays at 6.00pm (check their website for further details) Lodge and Thomas have been our Landlords for the 30 years that we have held Car Boot Sales at Truro Cattle Market. They are without doubt the best Landlords ever over the 30 plus years, we have never had cross words cos they have allowed us to run our Car Boot Sales without interference and they have trusted us with the care of the Cattle Market during their absence, go Lodge & Thomas!