Now then, being in The Life Guards (senior regiment of the British Army) in 1956 I should be a royalist, my barracks were in Windsor a quarter of a mile from the Windsor Castle. On my second year I was asked if I would like to go to the Famous Smith’s Lawn where Polo was played and I would be working in the Royal enclosure and paid extra for doing the work which was to be on standby in this huge Marquee turned into a changing-room for the Polo Players. It was all happening there in front of me the Queen with super brat Prince Charles and little biatch Princess Ann and the (now deed) Duke of Edinburgh who was playing in the Polo match and all their guests in the Royal Enclosure plus the hundreds of suporters and members of the watching public, now then this is true! I know nothing about Polo so I was watching the match for the first time outside the Marquee when one of the players and his horse barged into Prince Phillip knocking him off his horse to the ground. All the other players grouped around Phillip he eventually got up to his feet and headed to the Marquee where guess who was in charge, me ffs!
Hope Camel trips on her gown fs.
You do not have to agree with my thoughts if we do not agree then we are equal.
TRURO Easter Monday; history!
Today SUNDAY the 26th of March our Car Boot Sale at Truro was well supported all of our customers were aware of the new signs “BEWARE PICKPOCKETS” so the event was aware to be aware. A good crowd of sellers were trading well to be seen by the amount of boxes carrier bags trolleys all loaded up for their new homes as seen by hundreds of satisfied buyers making their way to load up the car, and then? back for more!! So all in all a nice pleasant day Marge, Ann, Posh Pat, have’nt seen Rita for ages the dear of her. As soon as the Car Boot at Truro starts I go the Marguerite catering to buy a bacon roll which I share with the dogs. The bacon rolls are the best ever, they have a full menu with very fair prices and the cafe is imaculately presented by mother and daughter. We have been together since 1989 their catering is superb, thank you, seems like a nice pair? Gone have the days dears! Now then, thank you all for coming to our sale today we are looking forward to starting at MITCHELL on Easter Saturday and at PENRYN CAMPUS at 2.00 pm same day the 8th of April.
Today we had 13 really late sellers? Why? Because they forgot to put their effing clocks forward didn’t they thou with some cheeky b’stard of a husband tried to blame his wife ‘she forgot to tell me’ ffs! What a nervey nurd WTF!
Mothering Sunday!! 19th March;
Now then look ye ere my birds, it’s Mothering Sunday at TRURO really happy events with everyone doing their own thing man, we have been doing this for over 32 years without incident yet today we have been targeted by shmookow ‘PICKPOCKETS’ who stole a purse and another pocket to be picked was deprived of £30 quids. So now we have reached the depths of scum-ness but may I hasten to add that ‘scum-ness’ does not include our thousands of loyal regulars whom we all know and appreciate their total loyalty; Summary; If you are smart enough to catch one of these scums may I have the priveledge of being the first to kick them smartly in the bollix for bringing humanity into disrepute, may the crutch of your trousers rot so severely that your goolies turn you into a skunkified mess (like your brain-mash) and full-on with the new COVID blessing for you “oh and by the way we know the group of people who are the stealers they are not from around these parts so, who did the PICKPOCK-ETING we just need a genuine witness!! Watch out there is a thief about! Did you see anything? Well it’s a bit late now, aint it though ?? Amen. x
We had treated ourselves to a brand new pair of bright coloured yellow cases, we are sick of looking forever for our black cases on the carousel after long journeys sod the expense, so all we gotta do is look for these ‘bright yellow’ cases. We depart from Newquay Airport to Gatwick from there we board a plane that takes 6 hours roughly air flight to BARBADOS and man when you get there you are met with heat from the blazing sun! A coach the takes you direct to BRITANNIA the cruise liner of P & O where we will spend the next two weeks. We search for our room number 720 with BALCONY which is fitted out with two confortable fall asleep chairs and a table sufficiently comfortable for a bottle of rum and coke but SMOKING is not allowed on the ship apart in the SUNRISE Bar which is part open air so I have permission to go seek where I may be able to have the odd smoke which I use to give relief for my severe leg pains. I had mixed enough with 20% cannabis the rest being farmers blend to last me the fortnight’s holiday. The bar was amazing everybody happy either smoking killer fags or a dash of weed with a variety of pints of beers or lagers or you hit the spirits trail. So for the whole two weeks I was totally content to spend a couple of hours with like-minded people listening to the holiday happiness atmosphere, not an ounce of stress tension, just happy people! Sorry for some old lady who was crying in one of the lifts having proved positive for Covid was told she would be put off the ship at the first opportunity! Poor soul!
Mealtimes on the ship there are 14 different food outlets the plentiful food is amazing from all over the world and the Catering staff do an absolutely brilliant job with their food creations and massive displays of food glorious food. Never heard of one complaint about the food nor any discent from the most adequately trained team of staff totalling over 2000 ladies and gentlemen from all over the world. We are now in day two of our holiday at sea for the day heading for our first Island Aruba but before that Lou has booked a series of Hydrotherapy/Sauna/steam bath/bubbly jacuzzi/pool for just the two of us where you can get jet washed to every part of your body and if you do it right you could have a smile of yer face forever, climatic my dears! There is one jet wash of four extreme firemens hose jets that pummel your body and yer goolies to perfection dears and I noticed my Lou went back every day, I could not cope ffs!
ARUBA. What a stunning Island presented to the world in all its glory with only the best World Wide shops including Cartier/ YSL/ Hillfiger/Kate Spode etc! I had told Lou to visit all the jewellers and if there is anything you want just buy it and I will settle up later knowing full well that she would not want to spend the money indeed my money cos I aint got nowt mate! Lovely happy warm atmosphere as the countless hundreds of cruisers meet in the shopping centres. Nice friendly people with a few of them waving torches at Britania which announced our departure with two large blasts from the ship, a nice touch how many of the other islands will follow this idea in appreciation of the trade from you visiting tourists dears. Lou and I chose a beautiful bungalow set up in them there hills as our dream home, onwards and upwards to Antigua!
ANTIGUA. wonderful entrance into the quayside brilliantly parked up by the captains team of engineers who create great pictures as we arrive watching all the fantastic scenery and housing developements. we breakfasted well leaving the ship around 10.00 am it is a glorious day the sun is beating down suddenly we are confronted by eleventy billion taxi drivers offering island tours tours to the beach, round the island ony $20 $10 even as low as whatever but they are s0 persistent it amounts to abuse when people try to say no politely which pisses me off ffs! We decided to go for a walk and rested up on a bench where a taxi driver had stalked us. He offered his services taxi here taxi there taxi freaking everywhere ‘but no thank you I am resting my legs’ he then accused me of being rude, whether or not I told him to walk away with jerky movements ffs!! We decided that the pavements and holes in the roads are dangerous, not much to see! A beautiful Island spoilt by first impressions, the uncontrolled offensiveness of the vying taxi drivers play a big part in offending thousands of people with their ‘in your face’ bartering for your dosh in a most impolite way bud, Antigua should get to grips with how the TAXI businesses are operated and should show control and concerns about how the valuable Tourist Industry is operated. We decided not to chose a dream home here.
A day at sea then GRANADA stunning entrance to this beautiful Island but again with poor road and pavements, Lou bough a bag of 100 nutmegs to give as individual gifts to anyone at home, now how is that for tightfistedness or what “Oh do have a nutmeg darling” I went in search for some duty free fags to bring back for my mate Nigel, now then Lou and I gave up almost 20 years so we were stunned to read on the packets theat “There are over 70 Chemicals that can cause CANCER in tobacco and nicotine ffs!” Now that’s criminal and of me not reading the packet before buying. I don’t wish Nigel any harm apart from that part of his brain healing up before you sign your own early call to an early death mate.
Early Morning arrival to St LUCIA just a lovely to look at seeing all parts of the entire islands from a distance to arrival for cruisers to descend to buy their duty frees and presents or post cards for those three at home Annie Grannie and Aunt Fannie the dear of them. We just like to stretch the legs and watch the world go by. Tomorrow we are going to arrive at St Kitts & Nevis many of our readers will remember around 20 years ago we started going to St Kitts after a friendship began with a family of Rastafarians who had a story to tell. During a violent hurricane storm a Holiday Park and other serious damage to St Kitts it was decided by the Government to completely close down the Peninsula. Chalawa a father of 6 decided to move his entire family to the Peninsula where he had a part-time job.
ST KITTS & NEVIS
We had planned to hire a car which Lou would drive around the island to try to seek out our friend Chalawa and any of his family. The island is beautiful the people seemed happy and content it is 14 years since we were last here some of the major roads are in very good condition but other need at the very least repairing fs! The last time we saw Chalawa was at his Cannabis Plantation at the Peninsula where he had acres and acres of the best looking weed in the world man growing quietly and happily in the open air of the Caribbean my man. He had giant 2 agressive guard dogs, I was the first white man they had seen which amused Chalawa as they tried to mount and probably fucking eat me ” Chalawa get the monster dogs off me ffs” My first contact was with son number 5 KING Javell Leader, whilst Lou and I were sitting on the beach he rode on his cycle across the field when he threw something white on the grass as he walked to say hello. We had a fantastic conversation with him as he invited us to see his quarters on the beach, we got into the conversation of Cannabis and I asked him “was it a spliff that you threw on the grass over there” he agreed. He told me about his father Chalawa who had carried 5 children on his back for miles to move to the Peninsula. He produced 2 five foot large round Containers washed up by the hurricane which were now full of wonderful smelling Lion Herb Cannabis grown on my fathers lands. I asked to meet with Chalawa but King he say “My Daddy he dont mix with white man” So I replied well he is fucking well going to meet me ffs! King says my father swears just like you. There is a good reason to meet we can swear at each other but he is not going to get away with refusing to speak to me because I am white, what a ferking nerve ffs.
A year later we were walking through the woods near the beach when Lou said ‘King is over there with his dog’ I went across to say hello and the man turned around he was the spitting image of King so here was his father Chalawa face to face ffs! I asked, Are you Chalawa? He say, yeah man King told me all about you, can Lou and I come to see you please? He say, I will sort it out with King! The next day we meet up with King we have to hide the car well away from the entrance area to the concealed plantation, we leave the road going throuh hundreds of trees and bushes then a steady incline covering at least quarter of a mile eventually arriving puffed out to fcuk in a vast open field where from every angle all you see is the weed man, the aroma is amazing my man so lets sit down and take it all in ffs, it’s FREE Utopia I do believe! King is stunned that Lou and I are in the company of the Great Chalawa who takes a liking to Lou and asks her if she wants to learn all about growing the weed stuff man. A careful friendship is formed, we get to know the entire family over several years who smoke the weed that Chalawa and his sons have grown and sell to make a living which is the way they feed themselves, nice work if you can get it. So you can take it that most of the time some or all of them are completely in a world of spliffism which is very contageous just sitting under the green parachute where the weed is drying out in the Caribbean heat my man, you just breathe in the atmosphere and you start to say something and you forget wtf you were gonna say in the first place and your mind just wanders off in all sorts of directions my man and it’s stupifyingly great fun especially if you wash down the feelings with Caribbean rum my man called Rum & Toke mate and then a couple more my lovers let’s go for bust when your head is spinning around and your eyes are showing blurred visions as you try to roll the next spliff when your fingers play stupid spilling weed everywhere but in the tab man ffs. My man Chalawa tells me he as been growing weed forever, he has been in prison for a plantation the army raided belonging to Chalawa he broke out of prison ffs and went on the run to the mountains and within 8 weeks he had grown new Cannabis plants to sell. The family saw that he was well fed whilst on the run bringing provisions for him and taking away the grown weed to sell. After a year he returned to prison to serve the remainder of his sentence! Chalawa was the hardest man I have ever met he was frightened of no-one and he had a superb man-figure which he proudly showed off most of the time my lady, to touch him was like stroking a seasoned ebony carved tree according to someone I know, solid muscle all over ffs!
When we left the Britania to tour St Kitts we had about 8 hours on our journey with various stops to remember our previous years on the islands homeland which is enough time we drove to the Peninsula to a shack Lion Cafe where I could ask about King and Chalawa, we walked in with memories flooding back I walked towards their photo gallery to see if I know anyone on the board, a lady sitting in the bar who is the owner says ” I Know that Gentleman” Bingo it’s Chalawa’s sister and Kings Aunt Angela Powell from Upper Monkey Hill, St Peters’s Parish Church, St Kitts West Indies.
The news is very sad Angela tells me that Chalawa has Dementia and is in his last days of his life but King is fine and on his day off! She tells me he became a totally broken man after the government stole his farmland moving him and his animals goats and cows to a remote area, the government rounded up hundreds of Chalawa’s animals and shot them! The Prime Minister the Honourable Denzil LIAR Douglas then sold Chalawa’s Legally owned land with his totally corrupt Barister at Law, Henry Wanker Browne aiding and abetting fiddling away millions of dollars the rightful owners Chalawa’s sons and daughters are going without yet the CURRUPT DUO of Denzil & Henry who also robbed myself of land in St Kitts. I feel so sick about Chalawa he really looked the epitomy of good health, no-one gets over Dementia so I am reminded about my mother in law Julia who is still in there with the Care Home my lovers she talks absolute rubbish but she comes alive when I visit, picture somewhere? To conclude the Chalawa story there should be a government enquiry into the dealings that robbed the Chalawa family of their land stolen and sold for MILLIONS my birds. But the whole story is available for the right price and well worthy of a book? Geoff
Our analysis of the P & O Cruise-ship Britania holiday has to be ten out of ten, the holiday was amazing the food was great not an ounce of stress apart from the welcome to some of the islands from some almost offensive taxi-drivers selling trips to wherever then crowding little boats with their gullible passengers looking like stand up and wobbling sardines ffs! I think it is a nice gesture for islanders to do some show of appreciation for us parting with our dosh like waving your national flags. All residents we met and spoke to on all islands were very polite and helpful they like the Brits my bird and ‘der weed aintbad my man ffs!! Take the missus on a cruise my lovers it reinvigorates your partnership for the next years or missus you book it on the quiet just for the two of you wtf, you deserve it, the gentle lulling of the ship as it gently rocks you to sleep is very very horny my man, so take the vibes and gels with you at whatever age you are ffs! The next time could me the last time, I mean, what a way to die, as she is shouting geroff ffs and you cannot hear a furking word as your dick deflates, amen! Live and love your lives and be loyal to your partner FFS!!
Geoff
X
Now then, At the start of all this I mentioned that Lou and I had bought two bright yellow suitcases because we were sick of looking for our drab black cases so this is what happens to the cases which was a complete and total fcuk up. From Gatwick our cases get to the ship which are outside your chosen balcony which was most complimentary. One criticism of P & O is that they bombard you from all angles about what is on and on and it gets a bit boring so bollox I am sick of reading, I refuse, no more leaflets enough already! We were all packed up and ready to go so all we had to do was put our cases outside our balcony door and they would collected and the next time you see them is at Gatwick, but but but the yellow cases should have been put out overnight to be picked up and we now have to walk through the ship trailing these posing effing cases that should be on their way to be loaded on the Gatwick flight ffs! I am stoned I don’t really GAF, I am sweating buckets! We eventually get the cases to more or less where they are supposed to be but we still have to get them to the plane, we have been directed to a large meeting theatre to await our departure from the ship and then this happened! My Lou went to the person who was directing our departure from the ship explaining our situation about our cases and asking if there is anyway we can get them picked up and taken for us to de plane man you know what I’m saying Yo all? Next thing this thoroughly nice polite gentleman came and said that if we wait till the end then they will do all they can for us ffs! The man returns he gets someone to pull the cases, we are checked that we are who we iz ffs then we get shown to this furking great limouzine man the chauffeur he say “This is from P & O to the airport with your cases complimentary my man, as we made our way to the limo people were saying who tf are they ffs. We saw the cases go onto the plane and when we arrived at Gatwick guess furking what ffs! No furking yellow cases ffs!! We watch the carousoul go round and around with fcuk all on it they turn the frigging lights off so we walk to a VIP area and there standing like two yellow pillockx are our dear cases! We were not amused, actually I was cos I feel it in my bones that my missus blames me for the whole problem which is probably accurate, thast’s a woman’s job my man to keep a good man down and we love it allegedly! I cannot praise P & O highly enough for their brilliant holiday to the Caribbean and so many people have said to me “I would love to go but you have to dress up for it” which is absolutely baloney! From the Britannia Cruise of say 4-5000 guests we saw about 75 pairs of people who actually had quality dress suits and gowns but the rest of us were mainly in casual holiday clothes looking like it’s all been bought at our Car Boot Sales!
Ps; We are so impressed we have booked another trip for 18 days in the Meditteranian. Do your know what me ansum I am so stoned me spelling is all fcuked up. Geoff XX To be edited!
STOP this fking WAR which seriously has got fcuk all to do with us ffs!
WAKE UP Politicians ffs!
GET PUTIN ‘now and out’ ffs! Hello, I am Geoff Says, I started writing this in August so I am not sorry if the delay has upset you, I accept full responsibility for any offence I have caused to you my dear reader, I deem it as a great honour, Enjoy!!
Peace and love to you in particular.
Geoff. X
TALK PEACE NOW in the interest of the whole world, please, please please for the millions upon millions of my fellow human beens, this is not what we were born for ffs we deserve peace in our own world, do it NOW ffs!!
So its, Good bye Boris (or is it) it is so good that there has been such an election to replace him with Miss- dis-Trust a die-hard Tory (in other words, another Thatch but worse ffs) (Guess what She gone!) but what will he the ex-pm be famous for apart from ignoring the public and treating the job like an eccentric prig. He could have been a real hero to have had the balls to demand to see another prig ‘PUTIN’ to end this frigging war of which our ‘Mr & Mrs Joe Public’ the entire BRITISH PEOPLE and the rest of our freeking world are being held at ransom by this Turd Putin ffs, and and and ffs we are all paying the price and will do for months maybe years to come bringing misery to homes where there were once happiness, but now it’s all ‘doom and gloom’ and it aint your faults my lovers!!
I mean the President of Ukraine seems a decent enough bloke but he must know by now that Putin will eventually win because of his nuclear threats and the vastness of his army and his crap ability to accept and keep on forcefully recruiting thousands of young untrained Russian troups who will die into the history of his rotten campaign to prove his fact that he has got us all by the balls, but no-one, furking no-one has the bigger balls to take the bastard out ffs. Seriously, and secretly, I reckon there must be a price on his head ffs there must be a plan in countries whose peoples have suffered enough and will suffer more unless, unless what? Unless someone with BIG BALLS takes him for a walk to the end of the misery he has caused on this planet, FFFFFSake!!!
So after a couple more smokes this is my plan!! Stoned lovers!!
Unless Puke-up uses the ‘poisenous chemicals’ that he has used on so many Russians who were actually really nice people, but Mr Putin alias Bum-Hole-Schmells put them to death with his nerve chemical gas so he earns the title as a mashed up turd of the first degree, worse than Ena Sharples and Hilter ffs! And now, the very latest is that Puke-in has had a crawl-up-arse meeting with that Che bloke of CHINA asking him to get involved with the Ukraine War ffs, Chairman Che, he say “nonotforme,ffs!” Say Che, wonderful reply from Che-Che now then my lover ChooChoo just get your ‘human rights’ sorted out in your beautiful country and then we can start towards peace throughout the World when we could all start to begin our lives again and freedom for all your people as well, please ffs, so why not start today to release all the people who have been in your prisons without reason, your policies ‘just lock them up’ is a total load of bollocks, with the greatest respect sir or Mr Che please, or I could and I should and I will put a curse on your personal limpy-dick and swelling bolax problem and COVID sir?!!
Tell you what Presidantity Che, why not invite Tosser PUTIN and yourself with me to my mancave here in the depths of Cornwall for a few drinks and a couple of Carribean (home grown) real weed spliffs mate, then a couple more then we can all three of us can go out in my man Nigel’s boat, take stoner Puking-up take him out into the depth of the deepness man amid the raging seas (stoned and out of it man’ yer know wot I’m saying ffs) way out over there to the bottom of the sea of seas mates into the shark ridden and infested waters mates, I mean really fking right into the depth man of the ocean cos it could now be the total end of bollocks chops Putin forever ffs cos he is also so stoned and out of it to fcuk man ffs! So now Mr Chee it’s time for some action just you and me (boat driver Nigel will elp for a few quids extra (know what I mean sport) so now then-now then, we two men and Nige can pick up ‘dead dog puke puke-in’ and put him “PUT-IN” into the sea then we can both fcuk off cos we don’t want they there sharks to effing reject the bastard and av to take him back do we Mr Chee? So, now then we can fcuk off back home, war over with my new friend, ‘he’s the one with the slitty almond eyes’ ffs but he’s really good looking man from a couple of miles away! Did you like my play on words PUTIN -PUT-IN ffs?
Geoff Says rant; I Mean this war, Puke-ins war, I mean it’s affecting all of my beloved fellow Cornwalls human beans cos;
The furking fuel have gone up, all foods av really gone up, clothing av gone up, school uniforms av gone up ffs, rates av gone up, mortgages av gone up, sex toys av gone up (according to our Marge) Batteries fer yer vibes av gone up, yer pigging blood preasures for defo av gone up, yer fricking electricity and Gas av gone up so how tf are we all going to pay ffs, well my lovers if you cannot pay then DON’T figging pay ffs, you can Quote; Geoff Says (who talks a load of bowl-ax anyway) I mean, they are hardly going to send us all into mixed prisons are they? Not mixed? Oh no (wot a shame) so my fellows, my kith and kin so to speak, if we cannot pay their bs demanding bills they can all GAFTs dears? so don’t let it all upset you my lovers, (I wish some of you were my lovers, part time vacancy arises at times ffs) (dirty old sod stoned and out of it) but listen, Mostly it’s important, that you do not neglect your own health nor the health of your family because your health is your wealth my birds therefore first and foremost you have got to eat properly, cut out the crisps, lovely that they are, but they are bliddy full of too much salt to weigh the packets heavier my lovers, so instead of eating a salt mine over a pigging year (that’s where the weight is put on my mates) so, you gotta eat lots of fruit and vegetables and puke pasta salads and stuffs ffs, you must take lots of excercise empty your bowels daily, and most importantly try having a good old row with the neighbours followed by a daily shag the ‘in-out business’ (sex darlings, sex) I mean open all the windows and scream and scream “fcuk me fcuk me harder harder just to annoy the neighbours and when it’s ‘coming’ to the climatic point you can wake up and it’s all been a frigging dream ffs!! But, wtf is going on there then at least once a day, I mean that’s fer free aint it, but hershe (the ones we all love) emphatically says “Ooh, (wimpish voice) I cannot be bothered with all that freeking stuffing, so NO that’s not for me ffs” (end of wimpish voice now masculine) Wtf are you on about darling he says under his breath! Sod it, I’ll have to go it alone again, ffs!!
Geoff Says Christmas message! Bah Humbug ffs!
I mean, everybody’s going crazy spending loads of money buying christmas presents on the old credit card my old mates ffs. My motto is enjoy Christmas but don’t partake in it apart for using the reason to eat eat and then eat some more and get fecking sicking and puking up all over the New Year’s parties, great fun ffs!
If you have not bought your Christmas presents my advice is to look at our last two Car Boots 11th and 18th of this month December 2022 then we is going to come back in the year of 2023 on the month of January on the 15th at Truro Cattle Market celebrating over 33 years with the best ever Landlords Lodge & Thomas! Thank you,
TRELISKE.
I have just come back from Treliske Hospital for my regular cancer check-up which I have feared because I moved my appointment time three times (leg problems) so others may take the dates at no loss to the NHS, so missing 4 appointments I was taking a real chance if anything went wrong with my throat. I have absolutely dreaded the camera being shoved up my nose which is the most offensive thing to do to someone, I can think of lots of people I could and would do that to ffs! I have woken up at nights on occasions coughing and barfing up and thinking ‘is this my last’ but then that’s the pleasure of being stoned cos in the morning when you come round to your surprise you are still fcuking ere ffs man, you know wot I’m saying matey, life’s a bonus!!
My next worry was ‘what am I going to tell Lou’ if I tell her the truth she won’t believe me fs and if there are further problems and how will she take it because if it were bad news my attitude is that I am 84 years old and I would not want to have another operation I have had a good life since the end of the war, let someone else have my appointment for my usual 20% please.
The Appointment!
I get my height taken I get weighed I get told sit in the corridoor where there are 4 other people in the queue before me, so I am sitting there my heart beat has risen a bit, I feel full of guilt for the missing 4 months. I start reading the notices and was stunned to learn the during the day we all expell 4 cups of mucus every day, no wonder I don’t like kissing ffs. My imagination kicks in seeing cupfuls of mucus and I feel sick, sick and I will not barf up I will just swallow it wtf. Waiting, waiting!!
The result!
A young lady came and asked ‘are you Geoff follow me please sit there’ I am Dr . This lady with the most beautiful Indian-English accent and stunningly attractive examines the back and front of my neck telling me “Thats good no bruising no bumps” Go man Geoff we are half way there man!! “Now then, which side of your nose do you use for my camera Geoff” how could I resist, I mean how tf could I say “Neither, I’m off ffs!! I gulp as the camera enters my snot box which I had especially cleaned out all the dead snots ffs especially out for this occasion I get asked to coo and count to 5 and gob versus throat stuff as the camera does it’s snoop jobby then suddenly the camera is take out from my snot box starting me off snotting bleeden cupfulls everywhere ffs asking for the box of tissues please. I say to the Dr “Wow that was stunning” my eyes are wattering, she is sitting at her desk and her says: “Well Geoff, I am pleased to tell you there are no problems this time and your next review is in four months!! I could have kissed her “Thank you so very much, you have made my day” eyes still filling up we shook hands, her hands were beautifully cold hands (memories-memories) but today a very warm heart she has given me great news to tell my Lou. I thank her so much but what an amazing credit to our NHS services she was not just because she gave me good news but because she represented what a wonderful health service we have at the Royal Treliske Hospital TRURO, Cornwall with stunning members of staff at all levels, thank you, thank you, thank you. xx Go NHS!! xx
I call Lou who is in Next (always shopping-never buys) to pick me up she walks towards me, the strains on her face brings more tears, (my god she’s ageing ffs) “what happened” herself asks “I passed, next time at Treliske in 4 months” we cuddle we cry more frigging mucus, right Says Geoff “You can take me for a large Costa” Typical woman she wants confirmation “Are you telling me the truth” How tf can I win ffs!!
Says Geoff. We love you all have the happiest time over Christmas, when you want to know what to do with your old christmas trees, I have two loved Alpacas who enjoy eating the spikes and branches from deceased trees so think of them please! By the way I only need two or three please! No more ffs!! Thank you. Geoff
LET’S SEE YOU SUNDAY Bring The Rain With You, If You Dare, I Hope To Be At TRURO So I Will See You There! Come On, Come On! Be In The Fresh Air My Lovers, Tell Someone I Love YOU, Give Them A Kiss, Or Not, Be Happy You Are Lovely Just As You Are My Dear WAALOBs FFS? Geoff
TRURO!! Whatever The Weather,We Will Be OOn,On, On Either Inside Or Out Or Both On SUNDAYS At 12.00 Noon! Last Sunday, I Kid You Not, We Had Only 26 Sellers Who Spread Themselves Out Who Were Well Supported By A Crowd Of Over 550 Buyers Eager To Buy ‘Christmas Presents’ And They Spent Well With Some Very Happy Sellers, Some Bloke Telling One Customer Buyer He Had Taken “Over £400 Quids Mate” Shut Up Man, He’s From The Inland Revenue You Utter Nutter Fffffs!!! Geoff X
To All Sellers This Sunday At TRURO At 12.00 Noon Is A Car Boot You Should Not Miss Get Some Extra Christmas Money, If You Have The BARGAINS You WILL Take Money!! Real Dosh, Know Wot I Mean My Lovers?
We Are Currently Looking For New Locations All Areas With A Realistic Rent Paid To Farmers For The Use Of Their Land For 6 Hours A Week, Give Us A Call On 078 078 078 88 Thank You. Geoff
The 18 sellers who sold at PENRYN CAMPUS took very good money especially the clothing stalls where the students and local buyers made for happy sellers selling BARGAINS for all.
As a gesture of goodwill I decided to allow FREE ADMISSION at Mitchell today (Saturday) but I charged the £1.00 admission at PENRYN with complaints from the very few about the charge, use your common sense moaners do you think the University gives us the use of their land for free ffs!! Perhaps the moaners would like to come one hour later than the start of the Car Boot for free, warning; all the bargains will have GONE my old birds hopefully. The actual reality of the situation is that our LANDLORDS expect and deserve up to 50% of the income of each boot sale so you moaning minnies can shut tfu and go elsewhere with your whinging dears!! Ps; Do not be rude to any members of our teams, why not have the real balls to complain to me dears! Geoff. (Abreviation-FFS friendly farmers society-TFU Tight fisted you!!)
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“May we suggest that you rely on the MET OFFICE forecasts sooner than the BBC who through their wrong forecasts this season has ruined the opportunity of our customers buyers and sellers to trade on four occasions”
MITCHELL will go on until hopefully NOVEMBER, TRURO is still on for several weeks!! With hope will PENRYN could become a great WINTER LOCATION all on an outdoor HARD STANDING clean location! Geoff. X
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PENRYN CAMPUS Car Boot Sales are well worth a visit every SATURDAY at 2.00 pm. Great University location with amazing facilities for the thousands of students for their educational futures and careers! This location could be an ALL WINTER Car Boot Sales, however we must get the support for these events at the PENRYN CAMPUS. All traders are welcome every SATURDAY at 2.00 pm. Geoff GREAT TURNOUT OF BUYERS AND SELLERS on SATURDAY last, thank you for your support. Geoff x
See Geoff Says; For your security at all locations?
“We are very concerned about the”apparent stealing” that is happening recently! A purse belonging to one of our lady sellers was taken on SUNDAY at TRURO also a seller had hung his coat inside his stall and some ‘SCUM-BAG’ stole the jacket which had the sellers car keys inside his pocket meaning he could not leave until a spare car key was brought to the Cattle Market!! I ask all sellers and buyers to be vigilant as we always advise people to watch out for their stocks and their dosh dears, carelessness leads to theft, trust ‘NO-ONE’ unfortunately is our motto, but you can trust our staff, and me ffs!! Geoff.
Blog 1.
Yo there, why not Join me for a spliff or two with a rum and coke a rest and relax dears anything to avoid the JUBILEE celebrations the dear of them all fs! The lovely Royal family are so rich and we the general public contribute millions upon millions of “PUBLIC DOSH” towards their lifestyle, yours and mine wor money my lovelies and I bet this years dosh given to them by all of us paid for with our bldn taxes fs! I double bet that-that includes the paying for the settlement for compensation to the victims of Slime-ball-blockage-shit-bag PRINCE ANDREW over his under-age sex victim, So, you, we and me got him orf the fcuking hook ffs, now howzat fairness? that’s what I call a load of blocks to our wonderful BRITISH PUBLIC another two fingers ffs we are all equal aunt we, we were all conceived in the same way were’nt we ff, I mean, I just cannot cope, there is sweet fig all to watch on the TV apart from the Jubilee omg and ffs ffs!
Blog 2.
I hate TV anyway, I makes my excuses by asking permission to retreat and head for MY MANCAVE “geffers 999” It’s toke time thank tf for that dears, lets go for it so wtf! Lou my darling first lady (my god thats OTT) tolerates my desire to become a hermit and reclusive for she ‘the one who always always know’s best and her thinks her is always pigging right all of the ficking time ffs’ Her is quite satisfied to potter around sending texts galore doing loada eBay raising thousands for some of her commission customers of which I receive not a sodding farting farthing ffs, gardening washing ironing eating crisps cooking slurping more pigging texts more pigging slurping more crisps more texts (but nobody replies ffs) but she is a total love (that’s with training her-she could or maybe) but then out of the bottom draw of her life her TV favourites is that her goes into her very own fantasy world ffs, for she is such an ardent fan and TV viewer her-she likes to watch no less than the “American Housewives” ffs (now that’s what drives me out the house ficking quick ffs)