(Sunday poor forecast) SATURDAY at MITCHELL at 12.00 noon, SUNDAY TRURO at 12 / SUNDAY at St Columb at 1.30 pm
According to the BBC weather forecast Sunday is supposed to be raining but the bloody BBC have got it wrong so many times they ruin outdoor events so if they are they are right you can rely on TRURO Car Boot being held at 12.00 noon going ahead as we use the Cattle Pens which is very well supported by Joe and Johanna Public and if you make the effort and give your public BARGAINS then you will take money! To sell is ‘well worth a punt’ you should target taking at least £75.00 last Sunday 7 sellers I spoke with had exceeded the over one hundred pounds mate but don’t expect to take that sort of dosh if you bring toot items! Go for it my lovers!

Newquay is our NEW location we are now at Chapel Farm which is opposite HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK. Sellers should arrive at least one hour at all locations before the start times at all locations. And now, it’s ‘thought for the day time’ Go for it Geoff! Sellers please do not smoke when you are selling, it’s bad manners and it will put your customers off and your breath and the things you are hoping to sell will probably stink! Been there done that and I have no idea where the money went that I don’t spend on fags, gave it up 15 years ago. You could do the same if you want to add years to your life yer know. Take care, give it up man I mean have the odd spliff or two but you do not need those 2 deadly poisons of tobacco and nicotine in your systems do yer though. I have lost many customers over the years who have had an early demise cos of fags and they were lovely-lovely people (sniff-sniff) and I really miss them but truth to tell is that I really do miss their money ffs! Bless up man! Live de life. Give it up my men and my women friends we want to talk to you-not about you? Nearly forgot to say do not let anyone nick-nick off you my bird because if you are not alert you could lose out, know wot I mean! Geoff xx

Here is a lovely email from Chris who is probably not aware of my bent sense of humour but I would love any of you sellers who may have had a similar experience at Mitchell to tell me ‘wot append’ then I can let you know but I think this is a big wind-up my bird!

Act One;

The incoming email;
From: >
Sent: 15 June 2019 17:35
To:

Subject: Strange goings on with the car at Mitchell parking field

Hi, this is an odd request, but I would be grateful if you have any information regarding this phenomenon…

A while ago I was parked by your team right over on the far left of the parking field, about three quarters of the way back parallel to the A3076. I had trouble locking
and then opening my car after the boot fair with my remote key.

I thought the battery was going but had no problem anywhere else since so forgot all about it.

Today, I was parked in the same area again, and it happened again. Are you aware of any other motorists who experience difficulties in that particular area please? I’m sure there must be a mast or other strong signal in that vicinity which blocks my key signal?

Would love to be able to be able to solve this mystery.

Many thanks,

Chris

PS: It’s a BMW if that helps?

Act 2;

Geoff Says reply;

Hello Chris,

Thank you so much for your email with strange goings on at Mitchell.

I must admit that I have not received any similar comment or requests for information neither am I aware of any ‘mast with a strong signal’ however I will put your email onto ‘Geoff Says’ to ascertain if any other sellers have had any similar ‘out of body experiences’

Respectfully, I am taking your email in a very light-hearted way because this could be a wind-up? Did you leave your car radio on during the sale because that seriously runs down car batteries and car the keys just give up, sod it like! By the way I have known a few people who have had trouble with BMW’s but that’s another story!

Let’s see if I can get any feedback from my ‘stranger than fiction’ sellers who may have experienced similar to Chris at Mitchell Car Boot Sale on SATURDAY 15th of June 2019 please rest assured that I will not disclose your email address otherwise you could have a few nutters expressing worthless ideas that amount to nothing the dear of them.

Kind regards,

Geoff

Major Gossip, you must read this;
Updated 10/0/2019

“The Weasel”
A regular seller who sells mainly tools often arrives at our locations in particular Truro Cattle Market normally he is in a know-all grumpy old sod of a rude mood, wherever I park him with his white knacked out clapped out old van he complains that I could have parked him in a better place (“it does not matter where tf you are parked maid if you have the bargains the buyers will find you believe me”) He’s never happy unless he’s sucking miserable the cantankerous sod that he is so he is FFS. Anyway’s today I learned some major gossip about this man who is apparently known to other sellers and regular auction buyers as ‘the Weasel’ ffs, I was reliably informed by my ‘in the know informant who should remain anonymous’ (Jim Slyps) that this is what happened;

The ‘Weasel’ was at the famous Martin Rowe Auctions one fine day in May where he was trying to make bids on various boxes of mixed stuffs mainly those including loads of tools and the like. The Auction started and soon Weasel was raising his hand to bid but the Auctioneer totally ignored the Weasel’s efforts to bid even though his arms were reaching high up into the sky but the dear Auctioneer from his Pulpit of the bids seemed to be
deliberately sending the Weasel to Coventry preferring to take other bids from the floor ignoring ‘the Weasel’ completely and totally blanking him out so to speak ffs! ‘Weasel’ was more than furious seething stamping his feet almost spitting blood ffs “Why the fcuk am I being ignored” so he waited right to the bitter end of the auction complaining to all and sundry or those folks who could be bothered to listen to his uttering and mutterings that ‘he had bought nothing, nowt, frig all, pissing folk all, zilcho Caputo zero and other offensive languages like FFS “cos the Auctioneer was ignoring me” (more tears) ffs!

So determined was ‘Weasel’ to find out why TF he was being ignored FFS! He went to complain to the highest level of the Auction House the Auctioneers Office and the Auctioneer himself, God no less! He was invited into the office and was politely asked to ‘look at the TV screen’ where they had been filming him since he had arrived at the auction. They showed him parts of the film as he watched himself taking various items mainly tools out of some of the boxes of lots and putting the ‘now stolen’ items into the boxes that he was intending to bid on the cheeky sod not just one box but more than several boxes ffs! Bingo! Got yer-yer B’stard!! That is a premeditated criminal act by intending to steal items from several boxes depriving items owned by someone entirely unrelated to the boxes that he wanted to bid on, tut-tut, I mean that’s king selfish and more than a tad devious the B’stard so he is fs.
I am also reliably informed that other buyers knew ‘the Weasel’ (how he got the nick-name I do not know but he does have the look of distant relative of a weasel really when you squint a bit ffs so you will have to use your imagination stare at the picture and imagine it has a man face, it certainly does when I’m stoned man ffs, back to the story) Anyway, he were doing this dishonest act for some time and loads of people knew all about his scam so hopefully it was one of they who shopped him, but I mean ‘brainless or what?’ because just imagine you are the Weasel;

“Now then you ‘first you engage brain” cos if I had been doing what he were a doing and suddenly the Auctioneer is totally blanking me I would have said to myself hello-hello, summits up ere mate, it must be my aftershave ffs, pause, think, there’s something’s definitely wrong I mean look they’re pigging ignoring me every time I try to bid, why TF? I reckon they must of frigging twigged me mate ffs (panic-stricken) help! They king know what I am up to, games up mate fs, which is the quickest exit ffs, let’s skid-addle and walk away having not spent a penny quickly with tightly-squezzed-butt-cheeks and in jerky movements like all Weasel’s do ffs so let’s FRO the pigging now FFS! Then I would have gone home jet washed my butt cheeks change my underwear make a cup of coffee, good god that was a fluking close one, phew!! Someone knocking at the door OMG FFS!!!

I jest! But it is quite obvious to those of us who have really common-sense that all Auction Houses would have very good close-circuit systems recording their popular weekly sales. I am told by sauces in the know that‘The weasel’ was barred from Martin Rowe Auction house, he was very lucky they didn’t involve the Police! Result or what, r-soles like the Weasel should be publicly shamed for their stupidity and dishonest activities with a smart kick in the balls as a quiet bit of justice, metaphorically speaking so to speak, but some people would even get a kick out of that ffs!

We salute Martin Rowe Auctioneers who have always had a great reputation over the thirty odd years we have known them. Result or what! I mean, how tf can any-one personage in life earn the nick-name of ‘the Weasel’ ffs! Oh, and by the way this man’s action harms our good name and our reputation at CBC cos all the auction people know that ‘the Weasel’ sells his ill-gotten gains at Truro Falmouth also including Rosudgeon and Hayle!

Geoff Says;
I reserve the rights to ‘free speech’ and I have probably exaggerated this story a tad more than a tad, however several people have identified 3 different weasel’s whilst others say it’s a load of boll-ox, that also could be true ffs but I have enjoyed bringing the ‘gossip to the people’ So, if you have an outrageous bit of gossip then tell me in the complete confidence and knowledge that I cannot be trusted not to repeat the gossip with non-de-plume unidentifiable names like ‘weasel’ ffs.

TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS Car Boot Sales at NEWQUAY Chapel Farm both at 12 noon
NEW LOCATION at Newquay at Chapel Farm opposite the famous HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK. Enjoy your life. X The rest of this week; FRIDAY at Falmouth Rugby Club at 12.30 pm/Saturday at MITCHELL at 12.00 noon/SUNDAY at TRURO at (new time) 12.00 noon also at St COLUMB MAJOR at 1.30 pm…….. Now remember this; Pack your car up properly so that your selling items ‘do not crash onto your feet’ as you open your car boot to start unloading dears, it happens almost daily and who gets the blame? You do! It was probably his fault who will blame her but it’s not a very good start for anyone is it now. Pack your car up safely and the last items that to pack are your tables dear because that’s the first thing you will need when you arrive! Bring some change and buyers bring some carrier bags for your bargain purchases and plenty of dosh please! PS; If you are selling opened cans of paint please ensure the lids are on, it looks hilarious when someone arrives with a redecorated boot in various colours and they expect me to do something about it fs! Watch out, no petty stealing from the stalls, right! Happiness is being positive about your day and to be caring for those closest to you but not that bleeden close cos they could pick your pockets not just at car boots but everywhere fs. Here is a good one, love your neighbours despite the fact they can be a total pain in yer piles at times so they can, come and tell me about them but firstly remember and admit you are half of the problem so you are fs! Come and tell me all about your ‘lovely neighbours’ and I will pass the anonymous details in Geoff Says, make it spicy and as horny as you like but if they are the best in the world then sleep in silence with a contented smile across your faces you smug lot of lucky people, Happiness is! Love your support thank you. Geoff X

Gossips;
On Saturday 4th May at Mitchell a seller brought all his selling items in his 12-year-old Jaguar which he also wanted to sell. Now then, not only did he sell all of his displayed items he also sold his car and he paid the grandly sum of £8.00 to sell the lot taking home well over two grands. For him it was a well-planned and a good day’s work which lasted for less than two hours. Well done young man. We encourage all sellers who are wanting to sell vehicles to come to our boot sales with the vehicle you are hoping to sell loaded up with your selling items but make sure your car doesn’t stink of fag ash or stale farts in other words clean the inside and outside right! Now then, you should have at least two presentable adverts to stick either to your windscreens with a drawing pin or sellotape on the windows of the car you are now ready to sell, you will have to pay only £8.00 for the stall and the car and we wish you luck! Bit of dosh back of the car, know what I mean sport but be careful we often get the fuzz and Trading Standards on site, and they don’t come to sell nor buy mate! Oh, and by the way, we know someone who has been caught by the Inland Revenue for selling on eBay under various names but not declaring the incomes tut-tut.

Please note; if you sell a vehicle at any of our Car Boot Sales, we will accept no responsibility for any vehicles sold at our locations howsoever advertised whether the vehicle is either owned or stolen by you or it’s a wreck or whatever I don’t GAF cos the onus for the car is entirely on yourselves so don’t over exaggerate its condition and don’t ffs say “it’s got almost new tyres” when the whole world can see they are as bald as an old man’s wrinkly bum ffs! Cost is £8.00 for the selling car or a van is from £10.00 amen! One of the main advantages is that you don’t get potential tyre-kickers who have seen your advert in the paper and then they come around to your place with all the bleedn kids wasting time expecting to be invited in for a tea or a coffee, wot no biscuits and then they don’t buy the car ffs, another benefit is that the pigging neighbours don’t get to know all yer business do they though? FFS! Alternatively, you could go up-market and sell your car at the Lodge & Thomas Car Auctions held at the Truro Cattle Market on Thursdays at 6.00pm (check their website for further details) Lodge and Thomas have been our Landlords for the 30 years that we have held Car Boot Sales at Truro Cattle Market. They are without doubt the best Landlords ever over the 30 years and we have never had cross words cos they have allowed us to run our Car Boot Sales without interference and they have trusted us with the care of the Cattle Market during their absence.
Have you read the’weasel story’? If you know some red hot gossip tell me and I promise I will not identify you, for instance ‘what’s Marge up to these days’? X

WE HAVE MOVED TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS at NEWQUAY Chapel Farm Car Boot Sales at 12.0 noon
WE HAVE MOVED Tuesday & Thursday Car Boot Sales at 12.00 noon to Chapel Farm almost opposite HENDRA HOLIDAY PARK first opinions are very favorable we have a nice clean location, enjoy!! SUNDAYS at TRURO & St Columb Major at 1.30 pm// Please Note; TRURO Cattle Market will change the start time from SUNDAY 2nd of JUNE to 12.00 noon for the rest of the year however on the 2nd of June you can present any FIVE tickets to gain £5.00 off selling for the one day only at 12.00 noon!! We are no longer involved with the running of PENRYN Rugby Club due to lack of support at this venue. Please be secure with your stalls and ensure no-one steals from you especially young children. Be well and enjoy your life. Geoff X

The Weasel!
A regular seller who sells mainly tools often arrives at our locations in particular Truro Cattle Market normally he is in a know-all grumpy sod of a rude mood, wherever I park him with his white knacked out clapped out old van he complains that I could have parked him in a better place (“it does not matter where tf you are parked if you have the bargains the buyers will find you believe me”) He’s never happy unless he’s miserable the cantankerous sod that he is so he is FFS. Anyway’s today I learned some major gossip about this man who is apparently known to other sellers and regular auction buyers as ‘the weasel’ ffs, I was reliably informed by my ‘in the know informant who should remain anonymous’ (Jim Slyps) that this is what happened;

The ‘Weasel’ was at the famous Martin Rowe Auctions one fine day in May where he was trying to make bids on various boxes of mixed stuffs including loads of tools and the like. The auctioneers totally ignored the Weasel’s efforts to bid preferring to take bids from the floor ignoring ‘the Weasel’ completely and totally blanking him out so to speak ffs! ‘Weasel’ was more than furious seething stamping his feet almost spitting blood ffs so he waited right to the bitter end of the auction complaining to all and sundry or those who could be bothered to listen bitterly that ‘he had bought nothing, nowt, frig all, pissing fcuk all, zilcho caput zero FFS!! So determined was ‘Weasel’ that he went to complain to the highest level of the Auction House land the Auctioneers Office no less! He was invited into the office and was asked to ‘look at the TV screen’ where they had been filming him since he arrived at the auction. They showed him parts of the film as he watched himself taking various items out of some of the boxes of lots and putting the ‘now stolen’ items into the boxes that he was intending to bid on the cheeky sod not just one box but more than several boxes ffs! That is a premeditated criminal act by intending to steal items from several boxes probably depriving items owned by someone entirely unrelated to the boxes that he wanted to bid on, tut-tut fs. I am also reliably informed that other buyers knew ‘the Weasel’ was doing this dishonest act for some time hopefully it was one of they who shopped him, brainless he was because;
“Now then, if I had been doing what he were a doing then suddenly the Auctioneer is totally blanking me I would have said to myself it must be my aftershave something’s wrong ere mate they’ve ignoring me fcuk me I reckon they must of frigging twigged me ffs (panic-stricken) help, ffs they king know what I am up to, games up mate, where is the quickest exit ffs let’s walk away quickly with tightly squezzed butt cheeks and in jerky movements so let’s FRO the now FFS! Then I would have gone home and changed my underwear made a cup of coffee, good god that was a close one, phew!! I jest!

It is quite obvious to those of us who have common-sense that all Auction Houses would have very good close-circuit systems recording their popular weekly sales. ‘The weasel’ was barred from Martin Rowe Auction house, he was very lucky they didn’t involve the Police! Result or what, r-soles like the weasel should be publicly shamed for their stupidity and dishonest activities with a smart kick in the balls as a quiet bit of justice, metaphorically speaking so to speak! We salute Martin Rowe Auctioneers who have always had a great reputation over the thirty odd years we have known them.

Result or what! I mean, how tf can any-one personage earn the nick-name of ‘the Weasel’ ffs! Oh, and by the way this man’s actions harms our good name and reputation at CBC cos all the auction people know that ‘the Weasel’ sells a most of the Car Boot Sales including Rosudgeon and Hayle!

Updated 01/06/2019;
A few weeks Lou asked me to take her to the MULBERRY shop in Somerset cos her wanted to look at the hand-made handbags. We walked into the store which was full mainly of handbags and other MULBERRY stuff. I am pretty impatient, I have seen the handbags, now what, shall we go? but no, she the woman I have loved for over 30 years insists on drawing my attention to a brown leather handmade which she models with a huge smile on her face, decision made! I am lead to the cashier which was the first time I learned the price, I looked at Lou ‘how dare you I was only wanting to pay up to a couple of hundred quids.I didn’t dare wipe the smile of her face so kept my trap shut. I ask for a chair whilst I get over the cashiers demand for payment of £650 pounds FFS.

Delighted she was pissed off I was, the journey home with the new handbag made me think behave yourself Geoff and then I remembered this; Many years ago I bought Lou a gift that I paid £50 for, her was pleased, I was pleased. The next weekend at the Car Boot at Truro there on one sellers stall is the identical gift that I had bought for Lou and it was only £8.00 and brand new ffs! We made a vow from that day that we would not buy any presents for each other, no cards no birthdays no anniversaries no Christmas presents nowt!

I looked at her new handbag as she sits there admiring her very own Mulberry and thought it must be fifteen years since I have bought her a present and I have just treated her to a bag costing £650.00 ffs the first present like forever and then I worked out the cost over the fifteen year and fcuk me it works out at an average of £43.00 a year which is about 12 pence a day! What a ‘bargain’ and the smile of happiness beamed across her face or was it a touch of the the belches the dear of her. Isn’t it a tad snobby to ave a bag that cost so much but I am thinking of changing my watch soon and it is not going to be cheap my darling Lou.

Our love has blossomed (until today) since the arrival of the bag which was shown to my lovely Dementia mother in law who took one look at the bag after Lou displayed it and walked out of the room without a word, but she did turn left instead of going right opening the cupboard door thinking it was her bedroom ffs! I live on the funny farm, by the way did you know we have got three Alpacas two goats 6 chickens two Chiwawas and the swallows have returned so life is beautiful all of the time, allegedly. I asked mother in law “What have you been doing all day” she says “Oh I have been milking the Alpacas and the goats” which is a blatant lie cos they are all castrated boys ffs the dear of her. I wouldn’t mind but its all in her mind which is slowing up, such a shame Dementia nice people losing their dignity and their minds, be nice to the carers please. Geoff

Quick story;

My mate Kym dearly loves his wife and as a gift to her he quietly went about buying a car for she paying the stunning price of £1500.00 (wow big spender) anyway he arrived home with the car and her reaction was “Thank-you but I don’t like the car, Kym was mostly pissed off ending up with saying ‘well if you don’t like it then sell ffs!’ He didn’t actually say ffs but it adds to the story! now then wifey back home sets about selling the car and son in law was asked ‘how much should I sell the car for?’ Cockney son in law says “you should get one and a half to sell it quickly” Hooray, wifey is delighted as her sells the car to the first person who paid in cash no less!

My mate Kym gets home after a hard days work as soon as he opens the door her says to him ‘I have sold the car the money is on the mantle-piece’ Kym goes to the mantle-piece checks the money his cheeks are getting inflamed his butt cheeks are tightening as he shouts “Who tf told you to sell it for that price ffs” her replies it was the son in law! Kym phones son in law “WTF price did you tell her indoors to sell that king car ffs” he says ‘I told her one and a half’ “There your are says wifey he told me to sell it for one and a half and that’s what I sold it for one and a half £150.00 OMG FFS WTF!